tushanshu_logs | Cause all the Walls of Dreaming Were Torn Wide Open (Nov Catch All)

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Cause all the Walls of Dreaming Were Torn Wide Open (Nov Catch All)

Characters: Valdis and open
Date: Month of November 2015 (2016 in game)
Location: Various
Situation: Due to Asruld’s attack, Valdis has lost her memories, however, this might not be an entirely horrible thing.
Warnings/Rating: In Starters if needed

The highs of last month have vanished, quite literally in fact. She doesn’t know this place anymore, nor the people in it. It was frustrating, not remembering people that apparently knew her, not recognizing places that she had apparently been before. But she was determined to look on the bright side of things, at least she had a name. Didn’t she? Even that was confusing. But, she was here now, so she might as well make the best of it. New memories and new places could be fun, even if you couldn’t remember where you came from or who you were.

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She watched Anton leave, momentary anxiety causing her stomach to twist, but it quickly faded. This place wasn’t dangerous either, the tall man wouldn’t have left her there if it was, of that much she was certain. She smiled softly at the woman.

“This place is lovely, isn’t it?” she asked, trying to squash her nervousness, “It’s kind of exciting being in a new city and on another world. The last part is a bit hard to believe, but somehow I just know that things aren’t like this at home, so it must be true.” She giggled, “The turtle part though, now that I’m not sure I believe.”

If Raine had any doubts about what the veracity of what had happened, those few moments alone would have assuaged them. She blinked at Valdis, trying to reconcile the images in her mind.

Had she ever heard Valdis giggle?

"The architecture of the Guild building is quite impressive," Raine agreed after a moment, returning the smile with a small one of her own. "It seemed a little grand for such utility at first, but I'm fond of it. As for the turtle, you should ask Anton to take you to the edge if you doubt it, or there are a number of people here who have the capability of flight. I'm sure some of them would be happy to take you above and show you Tu Vishan from the sky."

The woman seemed fine, physically. That wasn't surprising; Valdis's regeneration had always been impressive. "How are you feeling?" Raine asked after another moment or two.

She watched the woman, wondering exactly what was going on and why the woman seemed confused. People here had the capability of flight? They could prove to her that they really were on the back of a giant turtle? That sounded really fun and her eyes lit up.

"I'd like that," she replied, imagining people with wings. She looked back at Raine, the woman's question drawing her back to reality and her smile faded a bit.

"I feel fine?" she replied, her gaze shifting to the ground, "I mean, other than not knowing...I mean, remembering things that I should remember. I couldn't even remember my name, but Anton did, so that helped."

"Pepper would likely be willing to take you," Raine said thoughtfully. "Or perhaps Skulduggery." It would be something to come back to, certainly, since what was at hand now was ensuring her health and seeing if anything could be done for her. But then Valdis was elaborating on the extent of her memory loss, and Raine cast her gaze briefly downward.

She did know something of that feeling. "It's difficult," Raine said, quiet. "Not remembering." A little expression of sympathy, but something. Then, because healing helped better than emotions, she moved on as well as she could, coming back to briskness. "Anton cares very much for you. He'll look out for you. Now. Are you conscious of any magical power? Either your own, or anything you can sense in the world around you?"

Yes, she could tell that Anton cared, it was more a feeling than anything else though. Meira gave Raine a skeptical look, a small furrow appearing on her brow as she frowned. Magical power? Was she supposed to have magic?

"No?" she replied, her voice rising with uncertainty, "But then, I'm not sure what it would feel like if I did."

She didn't feel any different, but she wasn't sure how she had felt before she had forgotten herself.

"Am I...supposed to have magic?"

It would be pretty cool if she did, but she was pretty sure that she would have noticed something like that. Maybe.

Edited (muse) 2015-11-06 01:17 (UTC)

"I've seen you accomplish things that I wouldn't have said could be done without magic," Raine said after a moment, her phrasing curiously precise. "However, I'll admit I'm not exceptionally familiar with what senses you might have regarding it. If you do begin to feel anything unusual, as far as you're concerned, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know."

This was incredibly surreal.

She shook herself, and focused. "With your permission, I'd like to scan you in detail," she said. "Magically, that is. It's minimally invasive, but I'd like to touch you for maximum accuracy."

Talking to people who knew her better than she knew herself was weird and she wasn't entirely certain if she liked it. It was as if everyone else knew secrets that she should know, but didn't. And this magic business, she wasn't quite sure what to think of that.

"Flying people, giant turtles, I suppose that magical scans shouldn't surprise me." She bit her lip, "That's fine."

"All right. Just breathe, and don't worry about it." Raine made an effort to gentle her tone, seeing as Valdis -- no, Meira for now, she supposed -- was so genuinely out of her depths. She reached out, set her fingertips to Meira's temples, and concentrated. White light spun briefly beneath her, and pale life-green at her fingertips, and she closed her eyes to sort through the data thus gathered.

It told her nothing about Valdis in terms of strength or weakness that she didn't already know. There truly was no physical wound remaining, the woman herself was fine. The Void... Raine's sense for it had never been particularly detailed, but now it felt even farther off, and her mana itself was... even. Calmer, perhaps.

It was a few minutes before Raine drew back, frowning slightly. "I can't sense anything outright wrong," she said. "You feel about as you should. Some small differences, on a surface level, but you're not injured, and there's nothing wrong with your mana, at the most shifted. There's one thing I can try, but I don't know if it will work in this instance."

Meira did her best not to move as the light spun below Raine and soft green light lit up at the woman's hand. Her eyes widened, but she said nothing, waiting patiently for Raine to finish. She tipped her head slightly when the woman frowned, and her own worry rose as the woman informed her that she couldn't find anything wrong.

"Then, why have I forgotten everything?" she asked, "And what"s Mana?"

Raine paused, then went for the question she could answer first. She drew a different radiance to her fingers this time, something softer, white, and held her hand out to Meira. "Mana is the source of life," she explained. "At least, so far as my world is concerned, but I sense it here in the same way I did there. All living things contain it, and it is both integral and unique to each being it dwells in. If something goes wrong in your mana, it can often have catastrophic results, but... yours seems fine, as I said. Only perhaps a little shifted."

If Meira touched her, the light would feel warm, full of a sense of life. After a moment, Raine pulled it away, dropped her hand to her side. "I don't know why you've forgotten," she admitted. "I would say that a great trauma, whether physical or mental, can often lead to anomalous memory issues, but that's the only theory I currently have."

"The source of life?"

Meira stared at the light on Raine's fingertips, slowly reaching out. Her eyes flicked up to meet Raine's and when the woman didn't object, she touched her fingers to the light. It was surprisingly warm and it felt alive. The light brightened slightly and then it faded as Raine dropped her hand.

Meira's eyes moved back up to Raine's, "So there's nothing you can do?"

She was calmer now than when she had first realized that she couldn't remember anything, but the idea that she might not be able to regain her memories was disturbing.

Raine nodded, patiently letting Meira examine her raw mana just for the moment. She wasn't sure she'd have extended this same offer to Valdis, and as much as this woman was not Valdis right now, not really, she also might be again. It was simultaneously a caution and a sobering reminder of how much memories made a person.

In a moment Raine sighed. "As I said, there's one thing I can try, but I can't guarantee anything." She paused, pressed her lips together. She did not want to air this at all, let alone with Valdis, but it might do Meira some good to know Raine could sympathize...

"Sometimes memories don't return," she said finally, meeting Meira's gaze evenly. "Only fragments of mine did. You should be aware now that you may not regain what you've lost." It was a stark thing, said like that. Raine's eyes softened, and she tilted her head a little to one side. "However, as your amnesia appears to have been induced by a combination of physical and magical trauma, rather than mental or emotional, and you're in more or less perfect condition otherwise, there is every chance your memories will return on their own. Right now, it's impossible to say, but I'd like to continue to monitor you."

Meira looked down at the ground, thinking about how the Mana had felt and trying to be positive. Even if her memories didn't return, she could make new ones. It wouldn't be the same for those around her, wouldn't be the same to relearn things. Then more of what the healer was saying registered.

"Trauma?" She asked, her forehead creasing as her eyes narrowed in confusion, "You mean, someone did this to me?"

The rest of what Raine said was completely lost as she grabbed onto than one point. It made sense, in hindsight. You didn't just wake up having forgotten your life without some sort of stimulus. But it was disturbing.

Edited 2015-11-10 02:29 (UTC)

Raine paused, then, and shuttered her own personal feelings away. "An interesting conclusion," she said, a little more thoughtfully.

She didn't think she'd implied that. It also said that Anton had explained less than she thought he would have, but never mind that. If Meira asked, she was entitled to her answers; it would not sit well with Raine, to keep answers about her past from her. "But you're correct, as it happens," Raine added in a moment. "I wasn't present, so anything I can tell you is secondhand, but you were involved in a fight, and, as I understand, knocked unconscious by your opponent. There was a great deal of volatile magic at the time; unfortunately, anything might have happened. The cause of the fight is no longer a threat, if you were worried."

She studied Meira a little longer. "I wonder," she said. "That you leapt to that conclusion straight away may be promising. Perhaps you retain something subconsciously."

A fight, wild magic, it might have sounded exciting, but for the fact that it had resulted in all her memories disappearing. She was fine, the healer couldn't find any reason for the memory loss, but if magic was involved then it might not leave any trace.

"The memories aren't...gone forever, right?" she asked, "I mean, if I know things subconsciously, then they'll come back?"

She hesitated.

"I don't suppose that people simply telling me who I am would do anything...if I don't have the memories for myself..."

“As I said, it’s impossible to be sure,” Raine said patiently. “You may recover everything, or only ever fragments. I wouldn’t rule a full recovery out, especially as unfamiliar magic was involved and you do have a phenomenal capacity for self-regeneration, but I can’t be sure of anything.”

She hesitated, but ultimately didn’t go into her own experience. She herself retained impressions, and there were moments where she knew she had knowledge about Tethe’alla but no idea where it had come from. And despite the resolution of the source of her trauma, not much more wanted to surface.

But all this would hardly matter to Meira.

“I don’t want to give you false hope,” she said levelly. “That’s all.” She shook her head. “It’s possible that if you hear of things from others, you’ll find some measure of familiarity in them. It’s ultimately up to you whether you feel it best to be told or to try to remember everything for yourself. I would also pay attention to your dreams, if you have any.”

It didn't seem that the healer could tell her much about why her memories were gone, but the woman was kind and trying to be reassuring, so Meira smiled as if she was indeed reassured. When the woman mentioned dreams, however, she did perk up.

"Yes," she replied happily, "I had dreams before I woke up, they were nice dreams."

She sighed, "Kind of strange though."

Raine wished she'd been able to offer better, in any case. But the dreams were a better topic, and potentially a more helpful one besides. "I'll understand if you don't wish to talk about them, but you may find that there's something helpful therein, whether an actual memory or something symbolic." Strange. Dreams strange enough to stand out could be promising, especially if these were dreams Meira had while she was recovering from whatever injuries had caused the amnesia in the first place. "Strange how, if I may?"

Memories resurfacing in dreams, fractured, but more comprehensible than the feelings she had about this place, because she had images to go with the feelings.

"I don't mind talking about them," she replied, tipping her head as she tried to recall details. "There was a man, he had white hair and a wonderful smile that reached his eyes." She sighed, smiling softly, "We were dancing and he wasn't really very good at it, but I didn't mind."

Her smile faltered, "Then he faded into black mist and I thought that it was going to envelope me too, but a bright light chased it away. I heard a voice say my name...and then I woke up."

"Your name," Raine repeated, thoughtful. "I take it that name was Meira, rather than Valdis?" Just as a point of clarification.

There was one obvious answer to the man with white hair. Not Bakura, obviously; his smiles were rarely unfettered. Nor Duke, who was most commonly a grave, deliberate sort of person. But someone who had meant something to Valdis. Of course, it was also conceivable that the man she dreamt of was from her past in her world... Raine pressed her lips together for a moment, debating whether to bring up the name or not.

"This man," she said at length. "Did he wear red? Specifically, a red coat?"

She looked at Raine, one eyebrow raised. There was that strange name again, the one that didn't fit properly, the one that felt wrong. It took her a few moments to decide what to say, despite the fact that she knew the answer. "He said Meira, I didn't see who spoke, but he chased away the darkness."

She took a deep breath, "And yes, the man I danced with was wearing a red coat. Does that mean something?"

"I see," she said neutrally, and stopped there. Raine was silent for a few moments, noticeably longer than the average pause in a conversation. To explain Dante, or not to explain?

She let out her breath, and let her shoulders drop, and met Meira's gaze straight. "It means he matches the description of someone I knew," she said. "The man you mention is most likely one who was here before, that's all. This supports the hypothesis that pieces of your memories will return in your dreams."

Someone that Raine knew, that must mean she had known him too. She remembered feeling happy when they had been dancing, but she had no way of knowing why and she could tell that Raine was uncomfortable with the subject for some reason. Much as she wanted to press, she didn't want to upset the woman.

"Well, that's good," she replied finally, her smile returning, though it didn't seem as real as her previous one, "I probably shouldn't spend all my time sleeping though." An attempt to lighten the mood a bit.

While she might have explained, Raine was equally happy not to have to, especially given that the man in question was Dante. "No," she said, smiling a little in return, "likely not. Still, it won't hurt to pay attention to your dreams. If you notice any anomalies, please let me know."

She'd prefer to have advance warning for any possible breakdowns, magical or otherwise.

She nodded, still smiling, "I will."

Then she looked around, her smile fading and a moment later, her gaze returned to Raine.

"How do I get back to the Hotel?" She should have paid attention when Anton was bringing her here, but everything had been so fascinating.

Cause all the Walls of Dreaming Were Torn Wide Open (Nov Catch All)

Raine | The Healer’s Guild | CW: None

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