tushanshu_logs | And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

Entry tags:

And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

Characters:Valdis and open
Date: April 2017
Location: Various
Situation: Various
Warnings/Rating: In Headers

March hadn’t been the greatest of months. Her discovery of Milyn’s affiliation with the cultists had led to a less than pleasant confrontation with the Foreigners regarding the matter. She would have been lying if she told people she wasn’t surprised by some of the venom contained within certain conversations. But it was all part of the plan, at least, until Milyn had been murdered by the Snakes.

Even then, it took several days before she realized what the odd feeling in the pit of her stomach was. Guilt. The moment she realized it, Valdis fled Keeliai and disappeared into the mountains. While she wandered, she discovered a shrine, a mural depicting the turtle's shell and an eight pointed star. The peace radiating from within the small cave reminded her of the serenity of the turtle's head before Malicant's taint destroyed it. She lingered for days, meditating and finding a sense of peace. She was loathe to leave the place, but it was a discovery that she had to share with some of the others. Perhaps it could even help them awaken Tu Vishan.

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They were all leaving.

He'd noticed it months ago, with people he wasn't as close to. Sansa. Xion. Tonks had been more recent. No one he depended upon, really, but people he'd enjoyed talking with. Familiar faces he didn't see anymore.

And then it had been Skulduggery, and Erskine wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about that. Skulduggery had tried to kill him. If it weren't for Anton, he might have. Why should Erskine care if the skeleton was gone, then? Except that Skulduggery was still his brother, despite everything that had happened, despite all of the bad blood between them. Skulduggery was family.

And then it was Valdis.

The dojo was nearly empty, save for a few kedan practicing well away from him and the few employees milling around. It had been a while since Erskine had pushed himself so hard in his training. He wasn't at war anymore. He was a Dead Man, and he would never stop being a soldier, but he wasn't inundated by violence these days the way he had been before, for centuries. As a result he could feel his muscles burning as he slammed a fist into the punching bag in front of him, hard enough to kill a man if it had been in the throat. It would have been. You learned to fight dirty when you spent over two hundred years at war.

The bag swung back on its chain and then forward again, and Erskine caught it in both gloved hands, breathing hard. What if it's Anton next? He leaned forward and let his forehead rest against the bag, eyes shut tight and jaw clenched.

How was he going to survive if everyone he cared about was gone?

Anton had told her where to find him, and she could feel his pain as she neared the Dojo. Sadness. Not as sharp as hers had been when she had lost Dante, but comparable. She hadn't thought of what people would think when she ran, that they might think she had returned to her world, but in hindsight she had left without a word to anyone. She walked to the door and pushed it open, the tang of sweat touching her nose.

The few kedan stopped what they were doing to look at her, their eyes wide, but she ignored them, letting the door slide shut behind her. Valdis didn't approach him, her green eyes settling on the ground, ashamed that she had hurt Erskine so badly. Finally, she moved across the floor, her toenails clicking on the hardwood floor. She reached out tentatively with her nose, thinking to poke him in the back, but that was likely a good way to get punched, so she stopped a few feet away and yipped to grab his attention.

The clicks on the floor barely registered, at first. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, trying to clear some of the anxiety and sadness the way he'd been taught after Mevolent. Truth be told, he'd never been very good at meditation, or reflection. Corrival's old saying, 'put one foot in front of the other and don't stop moving,' had always been more Erskine's speed. Then again, maybe that was what had got him into this whole mess in the first place.

Skulduggery had come back, a few days ago. It was a welcome turn of events to be sure, but Valdis was still gone. Skulduggery could vanish again just as easily as he had before. So could Anton.

It was the yip that finally broke him out of that internal feedback loop; he didn't turn right away, but his thoughts broke off in mid-stream and his eyes opened. For a moment he was almost afraid to turn, to see if he was imagining things. He wouldn't put it past his own mind to play so cruel a trick on him.

Valdis?

He didn't move, but she knew he had heard because she could feel his emotions shifting, whirling around like a small storm. His voice in her head caused her tail to wave slowly and she reached out with her cold nose to poke his back.

I'm here.

That storm of emotions turned quickly to a flood of relief as he heard Valdis's voice sound in his mind. Still he didn't turn, instead letting his forehead touch the punching bag one more time and his eyes close, this time with relief and a silent note of thanks to whomever might be listening. Valdis was back. Skulduggery was back. Maybe... maybe everything wasn't falling apart after all.

When he did turn he managed to suppress the grin that was threatening to overtake his face. Mostly. One of the corners of his mouth turned upward ever so slightly, and the dark circles under his eyes did nothing to detract from the look of happiness--and mischief--in them.

"Look, I know this is probably a rude thing to say to a lady, but... you might want to look at shaving. Things seem to have gotten out of hand since you've been gone."

Valdis cocked her head, flicking one ear back and then forward again. She shook, all the way from her head to her tail, letting the thick, shiny fur ripple with the movement.

Well, she purred, amused, At least I don't reek of sweat and cleaning supplies. That's quite the odd combination you know.

"I do not reek," Erskine replied archly, cocking an eyebrow at the giant wolf. "Just because you could smell the whiskey on someone's breath from half a mile away with that nose doesn't mean that I reek. I think I still happen to smell quite acceptable, thank you."

(In his defense, despite the cleaning smells that do seem to cling to him, Ravel does usually smell quite lovely. Just maybe not quite as lovely at the moment.)

Of course most of that attitude right there was for show, and a second later he grins at the wolf. "Does this mean you're going to put up a fight if I try to hug you?"

You still reek.

Valdis giggled, flattening her ears and showing her teeth in a wolfy grin as her tail waved from side to side.

But I suppose I can hold my breath if you insist on a hug.

"Oh good. Less dog breath to worry about."

Probably a good thing Valdis wasn't in her human form at the moment and therefore couldn't hit him. Erskine was pretty sure she wouldn't try to bite him.

Pretty sure.

It was an interesting prospect, trying to hug a wolf the size of a horse. Thankfully it meant he didn't have to kneel down at all, but instead of wrapping his arms around her, Erskine more or less just leaned against the wolf's side. For a moment it was just that--a friendly sort of lean--and then he kind of melted against Valdis, the relief winning out.

You might need a bath after this. I am a bit sweaty.

She growled at his dog statement, but it wasn't even halfhearted. Erskine didn't really hug her, he just seemed to melt against her side as if all his strength, or perhaps it was tension, flowed out of him. She could feel his relief and shifted her weight slightly into him to keep him upright instead of moving away from the pressure.

A bit? she laughed, I'm not sure where I would take a bath, so you'd better not sweat on me too much.

"We'll throw you in a lake somewhere," Erskine muttered against the wolf's side, grinning. "Or hose you down like washing a car. It'll be fine."

Despite the joking he didn't stay there much longer, leaning against Valdis. After perhaps another minute he moved back, smiling as he tinkered with the gloves on his hands. He'd had a pretty good workout up until this point anyway. With Valdis back and his mind completely switching gears there wasn't much point in sticking around the dojo any longer--at least, once they were done talking.

"Did you... go home?" he asked, slightly hesitant.

She huffed at his joking, relieved that he actually seemed noticeably happy to see her. It was nice, having people who cared if you vanished, or were injured. People who smiled when they saw you, or enjoyed spending time with you. She had been so lucky to have this second chance at life. She turned her head when he moved back, nuzzling his arm with her muzzle, but she pulled away when he asked his question.

Yes? She answered, also hesitant, That was the first place I went.

Erskine smiled at the nudge on his arm, though the smile melted into a look of confusion at Valdis's answer. What?

It took him a moment to figure out that they weren't talking about the same thing, although he still wasn't entirely sure what she was talking about. Or that he wasn't just mistaking her completely. "When you left?" he prompted her. "You went back to your world?"

She didn't understand his confusion, why would he think she wouldn't go to the Hotel first? It only made sense to check in on Anton and him and she hadn't known he wouldn't be there. It all made sense when he asked his other questions.

Of course not, She scoffed, That world is not my home. My home is here, with you.

Still working on stripping the gloves from his hands, Erskine smiled down at the floor at Valdis's answer. "Good to hear it," he said, without looking up at her. Not that it would make a whole lot of difference if they ended up disappearing without getting the choice, but if there was so much as a whiff of a choice, Erskine didn't intend to leave Keeliai. Ever.

"Wait." He looked up suddenly, eyebrows furrowed. "You didn't get sent back? So... where have you been?"

No.

She tipped her head.

I've been in the mountains.

She didn't feel the need to tell him about the shrine. He wasn't here then, he wouldn't know the feeling at the Turtle's head, it held no meaning to him. It seemed to have no meaning for so many people these days.

She'd been in this world the whole bloody time?

"But... I tried to call you," he continued, somewhat lamely. He probably should have known she wasn't gone, but he wasn't entirely sure how. He hadn't been able to raise her on the radio. She hadn't been in the Hotel. How could he have known? "Why didn't you...?"

Well, she'd run away, obviously.

"Are you okay?"

Erskine...I didn't bring my radio.

Valdis hadn't expected she would need it and she couldn't handle the small item while in hound form. She dropped her head in guilt. Erskine must have been stressed if he had thought she had left forever.

I feel better for the moment.

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And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

Erskine | April 5th | The Jade Dojo | CW: feels

probable spoilers for Skulduggery Pleasant through book 8

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