Downfallen...Fallen...Falling...

[redlightgreenlight]

Characters: Valdis and Open (With some Specific Starters)
Date: Month of September
Location: Around Keeliai
Situation: Various
Warnings/Rating: Various


August had seen her mostly recovered from losing Anton, or at least, as recovered as she could be. Her Cultist task force hadn't been successful in taking down the group and she saw that as a bitter failure. The riot had undercut the KPD's reputation with the kedan. They had failed to prevent the attack and they had failed to contain the riot. But Valdis wasn't certain that it was possible to contain such a thing. Out of control emotions, especially those caused by a drug...how could her forces combat that?

Things were changing, perhaps too quickly. The Kedan were scrambling to catch up, they didn't seem to know how to rule themselves and while she couldn't blame them for that, something had to be done and soon. At least Tu Vishan had finally awakened. Wan would have been so happy. Finally, the foreigners hard work had paid off in a way that helped people. Valdis suspected that they would never be properly thanked for defeating Malicant, but at this point, as long as the demon stayed dead, she was certain that things would be ok.

As for her hunt, well, she had more plans to put into action, but she wasn't the only one, of that, she was certain.

Comments

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene had been spending quite a bit of time at the turtle's head as late; he'd missed the calming effect. And it helped to soothe his overburdened mind. He had too many thoughts on too many subjects - the government, the police, this Marie woman - and one specter that kept looming in the back of his mind.

Zhang.

Even now that his stepfather was banished physically into Yogthulu's realm, the mental ghosts weren't that easy to shake off. Especially not with the sinking feeling Gene felt in the pit of his stomach every time he thought about it, despite Tony and Pepper's assurances. There was still that darkness, that anger, that monstrousness inside him, and he was sure it would never go away. It had been planted in him like a seed when he was young, watered by hate and grandiosity, and now it was a weed that wouldn't stay plucked.

Mother, I'm sorry. I got vengeance and did worse than kill him, but it's solved nothing. It's made things worse.

Visiting the shrine in the backyard helped with that, sometimes. And when that wasn't enough, he came to the turtle's head, and stared out over the water.

As he approached, he felt the calm descend upon him, and he welcomed it. A silhouette on the shell's edge was familiar; Valdis. They hadn't spoken in a while, not aside from official business, anyway.

She probably didn't want to talk here, but it was nice to be near someone. He sat down, not too far away but enough to give her plenty of space, crossed his legs, and breathed.

[redlightgreenlight]

She felt his approach. Felt his worry, his fear, his anger and his calm. The Turtle's head could give peace, for a time, but even Tu Vishan's power couldn't banish the conflict entirely, it was too ingrained in their beings. Gene's soul was familiar now, not as familiar as Pepper's or Raine's, but familiar enough to be comforting.

"If you need to talk..." she trailed off, eyes still closed, still deep in thought despite her offer. But she could listen and offer advice without judgement if that was what he needed.

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene was a little startled when she spoke. He hadn't expected her to acknowledge him. Not with her sword on her lap, or her eyes closed like that.

"If you'd like to listen," he said. He knew she dealt with demons of her own. Literally. Hence the mauling a while ago.

[redlightgreenlight]

"I can listen," she replied, "That's what friends do, isnt' it?"

He eyes opened and while she didn't offer him a smile, when she looked at him, her eyes were soft, understanding.

"You feel very conflicted."

[wrathfulkhan]

Friends. They were friends, weren't they. He hadn't been thinking about his friends in a while. Sleep, eat, work, lie awake at night.

Gene had killed before; why did this shake him up so?

"What do you think is a fate worse than death?"

[redlightgreenlight]

The unusual question prompted an arched brow.

"Being alive, but losing everything that make you who you are. Personality, memories, the ability to feel. Succumbing to the darkness until it is all that exists and being completely, and utterly alone."

[wrathfulkhan]

Oh.

"...and what would you think about being trapped in the realm of a demon for eternity? One who judges souls by their purity, and would find you impure?"

By now, Valdis had probably figured out this was not a hypothetical.

[redlightgreenlight]

"I think you can imagine my answer to that."

She had once been that demon, a reaper of impure souls. Emotionless, ruthless, deadly. She sighed.

"What is this really about, Gene?"

[wrathfulkhan]

"My stepfather was here when people were showing up for those few weeks. He killed my mother when I was young, hurt the people I care about now.

"I sentenced him to such a fate. I was imprisoned in that realm, once, but I escaped. He will not."

He sighed. "I thought revenge would bring me peace. It had been my driving goal since I was six years old. But it hasn't. And I did this in front of Tony and Pepper. They've told me I'm not the monster I once was, but...love blinds people. I thought I had changed. I haven't. I'm still that monster. I always will be."

[redlightgreenlight]

That was quite a bit of information and most of it didn't sit well with her. But only because she couldn't quite condemn what he had done, it seemed that they both still had something to learn.

"A monster doesn't regret their actions," Valdis said quietly, "Usually for one of two reasons: One, they believe so strongly that they were in the right, that that idea they might have been wrong doesn't even enter their mind. Or two, they simply don't care."

She paused a moment, allowing it to sink in.

"Your demons may not be as...physical as mine are, but they are just as real and you can't let them get to you. They only want to tear you down and to tear you apart. To make you forget yourself, to turn you into the monster you believe you are, because how could you be anything else?"

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene laughed, a bitter sound. "I don't think I regret it. I think what I regret is that they saw me do it. That they know the ugliness is still there. That even after all this time, I haven't changed. Still the same bastard monster I've always been." He put a particular ugly twist on the word bastard, as though it was a slur he was used to.

But he listened to the next thing she had to say, and maybe it was Tu Vishan's influence, but he didn't dismiss it like he would have usually done.

"I can't get him out of my head, Valdis," he said, something broken in his voice. "He's been there all my life, and I can't get him out."

[redlightgreenlight]

She listened, watching him closely, withdrawing her senses to give him as much privacy as she could.

"I know what that feels like," Valdis replied, "You know I do."

His pain was evident in his voice, his demeanor, his emotions and she couldn't take it away, only feel it with him.

[wrathfulkhan]

He nodded slowly. To have something sibilantly whispering in your ear, the devil on both shoulders; she knows that. And he's had a devil on his shoulder he'd known was there, and another one egging him on, cloaked in destiny.

He couldn't bring himself to hate his mother. So he hated Zhang all the more.

He was born broken. He's figured that out. That's his birthright.

"I used to be able to keep it quiet, but...even running myself ragged, I can't anymore. And being here's the only thing that helps for any length of time."

[redlightgreenlight]

"In some ways, we are so alike, you and I," she sighed, staring back out over the water and falling into silence. She let it stretch out, achingly long, trying to decide what to say.

"It's trying to kill me, you know," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene couldn't really deny her assertion. He wasn't sure he wanted to. Or could.

They'd lapsed into silence, until she spoke again. He let that sink in for a moment, considering.

"That means you're winning."

[redlightgreenlight]

She laughed, but the sound was bitter and joyless, "I can barely sleep. Eating is almost out of the question and I clean up blood every few mornings."

She falls silent again, but only for a moment.

"But yes. I am winning, which means that you can too."

[wrathfulkhan]

"That sounds like me. Without the blood." His diet had become spare - enough to keep him going, and little else. Sleep was nearly impossible, even with Tony curled up next to him. And going to the roof to look at the stars and be alone with his thoughts didn't always work.

"Depends on which one you feed, huh?" he said, remembering what she'd told him.

[redlightgreenlight]

"Well, I'm glad you don't have the blood at least."

She looks at him, one brow raised at the comment. That conversation had been so long ago...

She smiles, "Well, I never said feeding the good wolf was easy."

[wrathfulkhan]

Valdis shouldn't be so surprised. Gene thought about that conversation often.

"No," he agreed. "It isn't. And I've fed the bad wolf more times than I care to count lately. I've been distracting myself from that. Because he won't leave." He shakes his head. "I think I was born like this. Monstrous."

[redlightgreenlight]

"Feeding the good wolf doesn't mean that the bad wolf is going to go away and just because you've fed the bad wolf more often recently, doesn't mean that the good wolf is going to leave either. It's a lifelong struggle."

[wrathfulkhan]

"I don't think I have much of a good wolf to speak of, really," he said. He'd been raised without a conscience. How could that not drown the good wolf as a pup?

[redlightgreenlight]

"Oh, please," Valdis snorted, "Quit moping around. You have people here who love you, who want to help you and support you.

I've seen monsters, Gene. I've been one. But I made a choice to never be one again. You can make that same choice, starting now, if you feel the need."

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene sighed and smiled ruefully. "I guess we have that in common. We've both been monsters, haven't we?"

Then he looked at her, really looked at her. She'd lost so many people - Dante, Anton...

"You have people here who support you, too," he said, his voice quiet. "I'm one of them."

[redlightgreenlight]

"I appreciate that," Valdis replied, smiling, "I'm going to need it..."

There was a very long pause during which several different emotions flickered behind her eyes until she finally looked away.

"Gene...if I lose..."

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene was silent for a moment.

"If you lose, then I'll stop you," he said, sounding matter-of-fact. "But I have something to ask of you, too.

"Skul, before he...left. We had an agreement. If I were to lose myself in my anger again, he would stop me. I want you to be that person now. Will you?"