Perhaps Enjolras ought to have been more careful, but, as he was wont to do when he had something on his mind, and a glass in front of him, sometimes his thoughts spilled out, before he might properly arrange them. This was why, he thought, hiding a sigh at the expression on Joly's face, that he preferred to think on paper first, where possible.
Condemnation was one of those things which he hated to cast upon anyone, and that was why the thought of it applied to the others horrified him so much, perhaps. It was not out of wishing that to be the case, but instead a deep fear that it was. It would almost be better, he thought dimly, if all of the others were illusions put here to maintain the point that he had erred. He could not like the possibility, but there was a certain, horrible sense of justice in it.
Or, it was possible too, that Joly was right. There was enough logic in what he said, and it was true that self obsession surely played a role just now. Self obsession had played a role in his life here for a long time, and there was no denying that side of things. It stung to admit that to himself, but then, better than he deny it now.
"I do not mean that this should be a hierarchy of any sort." He answered, the words a little tired, but in a general sense, and not out of reaction to Joly's words. "The way you put it, it does seem that way. A monarchist to one's own soul though." And a tiny smile crossed his lips, briefly at that.
"But it begs the question, and position of the soul. Is it the soul that should lead man, or his self determination. I do wish that Grantaire were still among us, and Prouvaire. I do not doubt they would have things to say on THAT." And he was back to distanced language when it came to referring to Jehan now. As he had only been so briefly while the man had been among them.
Anyone being light in their approach to Enjolras now may well have been appreciated, but it seemed unlikely they could help so much. A slightly more realistic touch was needed, which was how he found himself nodding at Joly's points.
"Then I am not able to believe it now, and I do all of you disservice by pretending. That is...I cannot feel it yet, ridiculous as that sounds. Not the emotion of mourning itself. That is only right, and proper, but...I've nowhere to direct or apply it just yet. I disagree with one point in your diagnosis if I may say so all the same. Disordered though it is, I do not think I've quite reached lunacy. Self absorption...probably, I do admit."
He'd caught himself veering toward it upon more than one occasion after all, and there was no point in lying about that, so much.
"When I can manage it again, separating emotion from the facts, you have given me much to think about, and work through, and I do think you right. I've only...well, to properly absorb it, which I think must take more time, or some direction to discover. All the same, thank you for that. I do appreciate your honesty, much more than an attempt at balm."
And there was the blink, so perhaps changing the subject was for the best now.
"Marius was terrified, from what I hear, and tried to bar Mademoiselle Courfeyrac from leaving their quarters when he saw what it was she meant to wear."
no subject
Condemnation was one of those things which he hated to cast upon anyone, and that was why the thought of it applied to the others horrified him so much, perhaps. It was not out of wishing that to be the case, but instead a deep fear that it was. It would almost be better, he thought dimly, if all of the others were illusions put here to maintain the point that he had erred. He could not like the possibility, but there was a certain, horrible sense of justice in it.
Or, it was possible too, that Joly was right. There was enough logic in what he said, and it was true that self obsession surely played a role just now. Self obsession had played a role in his life here for a long time, and there was no denying that side of things. It stung to admit that to himself, but then, better than he deny it now.
"I do not mean that this should be a hierarchy of any sort." He answered, the words a little tired, but in a general sense, and not out of reaction to Joly's words. "The way you put it, it does seem that way. A monarchist to one's own soul though." And a tiny smile crossed his lips, briefly at that.
"But it begs the question, and position of the soul. Is it the soul that should lead man, or his self determination. I do wish that Grantaire were still among us, and Prouvaire. I do not doubt they would have things to say on THAT." And he was back to distanced language when it came to referring to Jehan now. As he had only been so briefly while the man had been among them.
Anyone being light in their approach to Enjolras now may well have been appreciated, but it seemed unlikely they could help so much. A slightly more realistic touch was needed, which was how he found himself nodding at Joly's points.
"Then I am not able to believe it now, and I do all of you disservice by pretending. That is...I cannot feel it yet, ridiculous as that sounds. Not the emotion of mourning itself. That is only right, and proper, but...I've nowhere to direct or apply it just yet. I disagree with one point in your diagnosis if I may say so all the same. Disordered though it is, I do not think I've quite reached lunacy. Self absorption...probably, I do admit."
He'd caught himself veering toward it upon more than one occasion after all, and there was no point in lying about that, so much.
"When I can manage it again, separating emotion from the facts, you have given me much to think about, and work through, and I do think you right. I've only...well, to properly absorb it, which I think must take more time, or some direction to discover. All the same, thank you for that. I do appreciate your honesty, much more than an attempt at balm."
And there was the blink, so perhaps changing the subject was for the best now.
"Marius was terrified, from what I hear, and tried to bar Mademoiselle Courfeyrac from leaving their quarters when he saw what it was she meant to wear."