No, I... [Words are failing him. He's losing, he's losing the one chance he had left. A frustrated scream builds in his throat. Stark's not understanding. Stark's not understanding because he doesn't want to understand, he's not listening because he's already decided that Gene's guilty. Stark's appointed himself judge, jury, and executioner, and he's just looking for reasons to hurt him now. His voice is weak.] That's not...I'm trying to tell you why I did it. I was acting like a wounded animal because I was a wounded animal, I...
[It's no use. They're too far apart. They can't cross this chasm between them, not with words alone. Then he has an idea. One stupid idea that's liable to get him a repulsor somewhere vital, but it's the only idea he has left.]
Telling you why isn't working, [he says, his voice broken,] so I'll just have to show you instead. [And there's a pulse from the crimson ring, treating Tony to his very own private show.]
----
This ring is your destiny, Temujin. [He loves his mother. It's just the two of them against the rest of the world and that's okay with him. Destiny is a word for the future.]
--
[And now she's dead at Zhang's hand, and Gene's tempted to gloss over this part, but he doesn't. He provides a helpful highlight reel of what Zhang's done to him, how it turned him bitter, how it turned him cruel. And how the thought of one day reclaiming his mother's ring from the man's corpse keeps him going, keeps him obsessed with destiny, that future word.]
--
[He's fifteen years old and watching TV, and he sees the Makluan ring on Howard Stark's hand. His heart skips a beat. Could it be? It looked just like the one Zhang had stolen, only green instead of purple. The thought of asking for it flits through his head before he decides it's stupid; rich men don't give up their prizes. White men don't give up the artifacts that were never theirs. It's a story told in every museum. No. If he wants it, he'll have to take it, like he's had to fight for everything in his life. And he begins formulating a plan.]
--
[Disaster. Stark hadn't had the ring on him, and Zhang had caught Gene and taken the ring back, beaten him soundly, and thrown him into the dungeon. He lay curled up on the stone, his shoulders shaking, trying not to cry loud enough for Stark to hear in his adjacent cell. He's a failure, and he'll never be good for anything.]
--
[At first, when he meets Tony, it's simple manipulation. He'd hardened his heart to thoughts of friendship - who would want to befriend him, worthless child that he was? But he's starved for friendship, starved for affection, and it doesn't take long for him to genuinely appreciate his friends too. There's always that voice in the back of his head, that toxic thing telling him that it isn't real. He knows that it is, and it scares him.]
--
[The idiots went off looking for a ring without him and he has to troubleshoot from afar. At least, when they're not hanging up on him. His heart's in his throat as he tries to piece together the temple's puzzle from what Rhodes is telling him over the shaky mobile phone connection, and when he figures it out and saves his friends - his friends - he has to collapse on his bed as the adrenaline drains out of him. He'd come too close to losing them, even though he knows he eventually will.]
--
[He feels love for the first time since he was six.
It takes months for him to realize that's what it is, and by then it's too late.]
--
That's what I was trying to tell you on the plane. I'm Iron Man. [Shock. Shock/hurt/pain/fear/sadness/anger/hurt/pain/shock/sadness/despair/despair/despair.
They all knew. They all knew, and they never told you. Stupid child. They were never your friends. They were working against you the whole time. You don't deserve friends. He's not sure whose voice that is in his head. Maybe it's his own.
But still he shoves Pepper out of the way of the dragon and takes the hit himself. He half-hopes it'll kill him.
Not noble, Tony. An act of desperation.]
--
[It's several hours before he comes to his senses, and he nearly howls with how much he's burned and lost in the depths of his anger and despair. He wants to go back, but he can't. He can never go back to them again. The only way to go now is forward. For better or worse, the die is cast.
And maybe...maybe once he has all ten...maybe he can build those bridges again.]
--
[He goes back to Stark twice, because he has no choice. One of the only people who's ever given him a kind word now can barely stand to look at him. Monster. He takes the word and makes armor of it in their time apart, because if he doesn't, he'll crumple and wither.
Monster? Very well. Let's see how much of a monster I can be.]
--
[It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It wasn't supposed to go this way!
All that talk of destiny, all the claims of how he could be a great ruler and bring peace to the world when he was old enough...all of it had been a lie. A lie he'd bought into, and brought the world to the brink of destruction. Even when he's trying to fix his mistakes all he gets is unkindness and misunderstanding.
He's worthless. He's been a pawn this whole time, dancing to the Makluans' tune.
Still he fights. He's left alone, and he fights. He tries to take on the Overlord in a suicidal rush, and even gets a few hits in.
The electric shock that he thinks kills him is almost welcome. At least he won't have to live with himself anymore.]
----
[Gene's collapsed to his knees again, actually weeping now. The drawback to doing that was that he had to relive the memories too, most of which he'd rather forget.]
Now do you see? [he asks, his voice hoarse.] I'm not asking you to absolve me. I know it was wrong. I know I don't deserve forgiveness. I just want you to know why.
how's this then?
[It's no use. They're too far apart. They can't cross this chasm between them, not with words alone. Then he has an idea. One stupid idea that's liable to get him a repulsor somewhere vital, but it's the only idea he has left.]
Telling you why isn't working, [he says, his voice broken,] so I'll just have to show you instead. [And there's a pulse from the crimson ring, treating Tony to his very own private show.]
----
This ring is your destiny, Temujin. [He loves his mother. It's just the two of them against the rest of the world and that's okay with him. Destiny is a word for the future.]
--
[And now she's dead at Zhang's hand, and Gene's tempted to gloss over this part, but he doesn't. He provides a helpful highlight reel of what Zhang's done to him, how it turned him bitter, how it turned him cruel. And how the thought of one day reclaiming his mother's ring from the man's corpse keeps him going, keeps him obsessed with destiny, that future word.]
--
[He's fifteen years old and watching TV, and he sees the Makluan ring on Howard Stark's hand. His heart skips a beat. Could it be? It looked just like the one Zhang had stolen, only green instead of purple. The thought of asking for it flits through his head before he decides it's stupid; rich men don't give up their prizes. White men don't give up the artifacts that were never theirs. It's a story told in every museum. No. If he wants it, he'll have to take it, like he's had to fight for everything in his life. And he begins formulating a plan.]
--
[Disaster. Stark hadn't had the ring on him, and Zhang had caught Gene and taken the ring back, beaten him soundly, and thrown him into the dungeon. He lay curled up on the stone, his shoulders shaking, trying not to cry loud enough for Stark to hear in his adjacent cell. He's a failure, and he'll never be good for anything.]
--
[At first, when he meets Tony, it's simple manipulation. He'd hardened his heart to thoughts of friendship - who would want to befriend him, worthless child that he was? But he's starved for friendship, starved for affection, and it doesn't take long for him to genuinely appreciate his friends too. There's always that voice in the back of his head, that toxic thing telling him that it isn't real. He knows that it is, and it scares him.]
--
[The idiots went off looking for a ring without him and he has to troubleshoot from afar. At least, when they're not hanging up on him. His heart's in his throat as he tries to piece together the temple's puzzle from what Rhodes is telling him over the shaky mobile phone connection, and when he figures it out and saves his friends - his friends - he has to collapse on his bed as the adrenaline drains out of him. He'd come too close to losing them, even though he knows he eventually will.]
--
[He feels love for the first time since he was six.
It takes months for him to realize that's what it is, and by then it's too late.]
--
That's what I was trying to tell you on the plane. I'm Iron Man. [Shock. Shock/hurt/pain/fear/sadness/anger/hurt/pain/shock/sadness/despair/despair/despair.
Anger.
Despair/anger/despair/anger/despair/anger/madness.
They all knew. They all knew, and they never told you. Stupid child. They were never your friends. They were working against you the whole time. You don't deserve friends. He's not sure whose voice that is in his head. Maybe it's his own.
But still he shoves Pepper out of the way of the dragon and takes the hit himself. He half-hopes it'll kill him.
Not noble, Tony. An act of desperation.]
--
[It's several hours before he comes to his senses, and he nearly howls with how much he's burned and lost in the depths of his anger and despair. He wants to go back, but he can't. He can never go back to them again. The only way to go now is forward. For better or worse, the die is cast.
And maybe...maybe once he has all ten...maybe he can build those bridges again.]
--
[He goes back to Stark twice, because he has no choice. One of the only people who's ever given him a kind word now can barely stand to look at him. Monster. He takes the word and makes armor of it in their time apart, because if he doesn't, he'll crumple and wither.
Monster? Very well. Let's see how much of a monster I can be.]
--
[It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It wasn't supposed to go this way!
All that talk of destiny, all the claims of how he could be a great ruler and bring peace to the world when he was old enough...all of it had been a lie. A lie he'd bought into, and brought the world to the brink of destruction. Even when he's trying to fix his mistakes all he gets is unkindness and misunderstanding.
He's worthless. He's been a pawn this whole time, dancing to the Makluans' tune.
Still he fights. He's left alone, and he fights. He tries to take on the Overlord in a suicidal rush, and even gets a few hits in.
The electric shock that he thinks kills him is almost welcome. At least he won't have to live with himself anymore.]
----
[Gene's collapsed to his knees again, actually weeping now. The drawback to doing that was that he had to relive the memories too, most of which he'd rather forget.]
Now do you see? [he asks, his voice hoarse.] I'm not asking you to absolve me. I know it was wrong. I know I don't deserve forgiveness. I just want you to know why.