He stiffened, alarm prickling down his spine even here with the unnatural tranquility blanketing all his emotions. But how could he not feel alarmed by Rey speaking of that instance? Even if he had started it. But somehow he hadn't expected she would pick up on it - he should have, he realized now, as if she were ever the type to back down.

"You're right," Kylo said, his voice just as terse as hers, "we weren't ourselves."

And that should be it. That should be all there was to it. Case closed.

But it wasn't. He had been trying to tell himself all along that it had been nothing but chemicals, and yet here they were.

He regarded Rey from the corner of his eyes, though he pretended to be watching the sea. "But you were more yourself on that day than you ever are when you play at being a Jedi. You could be so much more, Rey. The freedom you could know..." Yes, better to speak of Light and Dark than speak of the headiness of their kisses, or how he still woke up craving more.