She betrayed him to the Joker. He still tried to shield her from the bomb blast that killed him.
[He closes his eyes briefly.]
I found her prior to him. She was still alive.
[And if he hadn't stopped-- if he'd just kept looking for Jason-- God, the boy's body was still warm, the blood still bright. If he'd been just a little faster. A minute? Two? Mere seconds? If he'd had the foresight to start CPR-- the brain isn't dead until it's been four to six minutes without oxygen, if he'd been able to get Jason's heart restarted there might have been a chance--
But no. He panicked. The sight of Jason lying there had broken him more completely than Bane could have hoped to accomplish. All of his training, all of his smarts and his skills had amounted to nothing. Nothing but a man who held his son and said his name over and over like a prayer to some deaf god.
He has so many regrets about that day. But all he had to do was live with them. Compared to Jason, he got off easy.
Not a day has gone by where he doesn't wish it had been him. Sometimes he dreams about that, too -- enduring the same brutal beating that was the precursor to Jason's death. If he could have traded their places he'd have sold his soul to do it, and done so gladly. But the world is never that simple, or kind. The world keeps spinning even when the people you love are dead and buried in the ground. No matter the loneliness or the abandonment or the guilt or the pain or the shame you feel, the world spins on.
Even here.
He pushes those thoughts out of his mind. God knows they've never lead him down any path save misery. Instead, he looks back at Stephanie. One of the things that made her such an effective Robin was her boundless passion. Stephanie... she inhabits the moment she's in so completely. It's been a shortcoming often enough in the time he's known her. It's one of the things that gets her into trouble.
But it's also one of the reasons he's talking to her now.
They all do what they do because they care. Bruce has spent years building himself up into something great and untouchable, but the fact of the matter is he knelt in the wreckage of Gotham after the quake and sobbed. He's strongest when he knows eyes are on him. It's when he's alone that he surrenders to his emotions, and those emotions have always ran hot.
But he puts on the cowl not because he enjoys it (though some part of him does. Some part of him relishes fighting back against the crime that took his parents) but because of the people he can help. The lives he can save. The children who won't have to grow up alone, the husbands that can go home to their wives. He does it because he cares, because he always has and despite his best efforts, always will.
Dick is the same. But unlike Bruce, he wears his compassion on his sleeve. Tim, Stephanie, Jason-- one of Jason's shortcomings wasn't that he didn't care enough, it was that he cared too much. Jason saw himself in the weak and the downtrodden and that made him rattlesnake mean when backed into corners.
But Stephanie... maybe she understands more than he's given her credit for. Than he's ever given her credit for. It's a hard pill to swallow, and bitter besides, but maybe he was wrong about her.
Maybe he wanted to be wrong.]
If you want to speak with him, I won't stop you.
[It's not quite the same thing as answering her. But it's the best he's got.]
no subject
[He closes his eyes briefly.]
I found her prior to him. She was still alive.
[And if he hadn't stopped-- if he'd just kept looking for Jason-- God, the boy's body was still warm, the blood still bright. If he'd been just a little faster. A minute? Two? Mere seconds? If he'd had the foresight to start CPR-- the brain isn't dead until it's been four to six minutes without oxygen, if he'd been able to get Jason's heart restarted there might have been a chance--
But no. He panicked. The sight of Jason lying there had broken him more completely than Bane could have hoped to accomplish. All of his training, all of his smarts and his skills had amounted to nothing. Nothing but a man who held his son and said his name over and over like a prayer to some deaf god.
He has so many regrets about that day. But all he had to do was live with them. Compared to Jason, he got off easy.
Not a day has gone by where he doesn't wish it had been him. Sometimes he dreams about that, too -- enduring the same brutal beating that was the precursor to Jason's death. If he could have traded their places he'd have sold his soul to do it, and done so gladly. But the world is never that simple, or kind. The world keeps spinning even when the people you love are dead and buried in the ground. No matter the loneliness or the abandonment or the guilt or the pain or the shame you feel, the world spins on.
Even here.
He pushes those thoughts out of his mind. God knows they've never lead him down any path save misery. Instead, he looks back at Stephanie. One of the things that made her such an effective Robin was her boundless passion. Stephanie... she inhabits the moment she's in so completely. It's been a shortcoming often enough in the time he's known her. It's one of the things that gets her into trouble.
But it's also one of the reasons he's talking to her now.
They all do what they do because they care. Bruce has spent years building himself up into something great and untouchable, but the fact of the matter is he knelt in the wreckage of Gotham after the quake and sobbed. He's strongest when he knows eyes are on him. It's when he's alone that he surrenders to his emotions, and those emotions have always ran hot.
But he puts on the cowl not because he enjoys it (though some part of him does. Some part of him relishes fighting back against the crime that took his parents) but because of the people he can help. The lives he can save. The children who won't have to grow up alone, the husbands that can go home to their wives. He does it because he cares, because he always has and despite his best efforts, always will.
Dick is the same. But unlike Bruce, he wears his compassion on his sleeve. Tim, Stephanie, Jason-- one of Jason's shortcomings wasn't that he didn't care enough, it was that he cared too much. Jason saw himself in the weak and the downtrodden and that made him rattlesnake mean when backed into corners.
But Stephanie... maybe she understands more than he's given her credit for. Than he's ever given her credit for. It's a hard pill to swallow, and bitter besides, but maybe he was wrong about her.
Maybe he wanted to be wrong.]
If you want to speak with him, I won't stop you.
[It's not quite the same thing as answering her. But it's the best he's got.]