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Characters: Kaine, May Parker, and Peter Parker
Date: After this thread
Location: Kaine's suite (FI-3D)
Situation: Upon learning that Peter apparently has a daughter AND she's here, Kaine figures he should introduce the two before they find out on their own.
Warnings/Rating: None (will update as needed)

Kaine was still having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that Peter had a daughter. Well, and a son, but the daughter was right in front of his face, and therefore harder to ignore. She seemed just as new to the turtle as he was, and judging by the way she talked, he as the first Spider she'd come across. While there was the other little Spider-Man swinging around to introduce her to eventually, there was someone he figured she should meet now.

Her father, who was currently crashing at his place. Her father, who was roughly the same as Aracely, the same age as her. Better rip that band-aid off hard before one of them does something stupid.

Kaine swung over to the window of his suite that he purposefully left open and slid inside, moving over so Spider-Girl could do the same. It was almost funny, how someone who tried so hard to get away from Spiders wound up with so many of them in his house.

"Look, just... don't freak out, okay?" Yes, it was a pipe dream, but a guy could hope. Exiting his bedroom, he yelled downstairs "Hey, you still up? Can we talk in the living room for a second?"

With that he pulled off his mask and made his way downstairs.

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May, in comparison, was wondering exactly what Kaine was talking about. She was willing to trust him- he couldn't be that much different, after all, if his penchant for being too cryptic for words still intact- but having something to show her back at his suite? What could he have hiding?

"Why would I freak out? We already got that out of the way, didn't we?"

Either way, she was about to find out, so she slipped in right after him, following him to the door.

She paused at the doorway the moment he shouted to someone who was apparently downstairs.

"Hey, wait a second, who were you yelling to?"

It wasn't setting her spider-sense off, but she had a definite feeling that something weird was going on, even as she followed him downstairs, keeping her mask on.

Peter was up. Mostly just because he spent so much of the day just hanging around the suite, poking around on the network with Kaine's console, taking naps where he could, made him antsy through the night. He was still so used to doing night patrols every night, and a big part of him just wanted to get right back into it. It would help him not think about stupid things he shouldn't think about, like how badly he'd like to see people from home again.

So he was up and pacing the suite a little when he heard Kaine call out. He had, of course, known that Kaine went out to do pretty much exactly what Peter wanted to do at the moment. But he definitely hadn't expected an early return. What time was it, anyway?

"Uh-- Yeah, I'm up. And I'm already in the living room."

He was also pretty confused. What would Kaine need to talk about? Had he seen something out there that Peter should know about? Had he learned something about the turtle, or the Emperor, or- what??

Well, he was up and in the living room. That was one hurdle down, anyway. Kaine didn't even glance behind him as he rounded the second floor to the staircase leading to the first.

"You'll see," he said as he motioned for May to stay there a minute.

Kaine then began to come down the final flight of stairs to attempt to prep Peter. Which was stupid, really, because no amount of preparation can really prepare you to meet your daughter from an alternate dimension, a kid the same age as you... or if there was, Kaine certainly didn't know what it was.

He cleared his throat at the base of the steps in hopes of getting Peter to stop pacing.

"All right, so remember how we've figured out the whole alternate timelines thing?"

He looked back up the stairs.

"There's someone I think you should meet."

That was your cue, May. Take it.

Edited 2013-11-08 22:24 (UTC)

May comes down the stairs slowly, still in full costume. There was someone down there with him, and she wasn't just going to pull her mask off for some random stranger, even if Kaine had taken his off earlier.

Even if Kaine's words did imply... something. What, exactly, she guessed she was going to find out.

Coming downstairs and into the living room to a guy who had to be around her age- he looked a bit familiar, did she know him from school or something?- wasn't exactly what she wasn't what she was expecting. She didn't know what she was expecting, but it definitely wasn't this.

"Okay, nice to meet you I guess?"

She glanced over at Kaine, with a shrug. This was it?

Peter had just nodded at Kaine's words. He made it abundantly clear that whatever he was going to be looking at - who ever he was going to meet or whatever - it had something to do with the alternate timelines thing. Fair enough.

So when someone came in wearing a costume that's very similar to his own, it shouldn't have been so shocking. But it was still enough of a surprise to leave Peter with wide eyes. In moments he'd found the differences at least, which told him that this probably wasn't another alternate universe clone of him. But... still...

"Uh-- Yeah." He quickly ran a hand back through his hair, offering a weak, confused smile. "Nice to meet you, too."

Peter looked over at Kaine as well. An explanation would've been helpful right then.

Kaine really shouldn't have been so surprised. Peter never seemed to get a clue unless it smacked into him, and hell he hounded Ben for five years before he had to announce exactly who he was... he can only assume this willful ignorance ran down into the next generation.

Looks like he had to spell it out for them both.

"Peter Parker, meet May Parker." He paused for effect. "Your daughter."

If that didn't get him the reaction he was hoping for, nothing would.

"What!?"

Oh, god. This is worse than the time she accidentally traveled back to the past, early in her costumed career. At least then she was able to actually recognize her dad as a teenager, if only because his taste in clothing never changed (and the fact that someone had shouted 'Parker!' even before she saw him).

This one at least looked like a normal teenager. Which probably was why she didn't immediately recognize him, but if anything, that made it worse.

There was no way he could be older than her.

His response was basically simultaneous with May's. ...Just a bit more on the shocked, panicky side. "What?!?"

And that was really the only coherent thought running through his mind. He had a daughter. Well, more accurately speaking, the older alternate timeline him that Kaine knew had a daughter. After all, he was well aware of what had happened to himself. Which meant that somewhere in this alternate future, he'd gotten his life together enough that he felt comfortable settling down and having a family. In a way, that was a good thing. But still... to actually meet his daughter...

"I... So Future Me That I Could've Been... He actually... Seriously??"

Much better. He could barely contain his grin when the two kids freaked out at the sight of each other. You know what they saw about payback and all that...

He knows he should feel bad, that they're just kids and it's got to be weird meeting your younger father/daughter of the same age, but he's had a less than normal upbringing (that's an understatement) and quite frankly, he can't relate. He honest to god could not understand what it would feel like to be either of them right now.

"Well you see, Parker, when a man and woman love each other very much..."

Sorry, it was there.

Was this really a version of the same man who was so serious and downright dire about everything all the time? It was weird enough that this Kaine had an actual sense of humor, but did he really have to take it out on them?

"Eugh, oh, God, Kaine, please I do not need that mental ima-" Being grossed out stalls out as what the teenaged version of her dad had to say finally processed through her mind.

"Wait, that you 'could've been'?"

She pulls her mask off as she asks the question. There really was no point in wearing it right now, with Kaine's revelation.

"Dude, you totally do not have to try to give me 'the talk', I promise I've already heard it."

The anxiety of the moment set off his mouth into jokey-babble mode, and he felt like he needed to start pacing again. Or-- he could bolt. Get onto a wall and start climbing away so his brain could have a quiet moment to internally vent to his heart's content.

But man. He had so many questions. Where to start?!

Not that he needed to wonder on that for too long, since May apparently had a question of her own. ...One that Peter actually didn't really feel was particularly important in light of the current situation.

"Uh- Yeah, long story, it's an alternate timeline thing that we can totally get into later, but first- I mean- Okay- If I'm- If alternate me is your dad, who's your mom??" Because that was a much more important question to ask.

"Sorry, would you prefer the 'when an insane professor is obsessed with a dead girl...' version?"

One some level he knows he shouldn't be pushing buttons like this, but they were there. When one is born from a test tube then nearly murdered by his creator shortly after, one doesn't exactly grow up with warm fuzzy family feelings... or that icky feeling you get at the thought of your parents having sex (though, to be fair, the thought of the Jackal having sex was pretty horrifying).

Then Peter asks about May's mother. It was a question he'd had since meeting her as well. Process of elimination came up with an obvious choice, but if there was something he'd learned about Peter, obvious was rarely the correct choice. Kaine turned his head to look at May.

"I'm not sure want to hear that one right now either, thanks." She wants to find out more about Kaine, actually learn it from him, but not right now. Not when a teenaged version of her dad is asking who her mom is.

She's not sure whether she should even say anything, but Kaine already bust the door down on that, with introducing her like that right off the bat. It's not the sort of thing that leaves room for denial afterwards. She doesn't know if he's even met his universe's Mary Jane yet, but then again, May grew up on her mother's story of how they met.

"Do the words 'face it, tiger, you just hit the jackpot' ring any bells?" There's no way- as far as she's concerned- that he hasn't heard them if he's met her. Not from the way her mom's told it to her again and again. Some things have to be consistent across time and space into other dimensions, right?

Peter gives Kaine a strange look at that. "What does that-- You know what. I don't know what that means, and I don't want to know what that means."

And then his attention is back on May, his brain back on full panicky alert about the fact that he's talking to his daughter. His eyes widen slightly at her hint, and his heart all but lurches in his chest. The corner of his lip quirks slightly upward into a half-smile.

"You... Mary Jane? MJ is your mom?? We actually get married and have a kid??" A big part of him is actually thrilled at the idea. Another part of him is just... depressed. He and MJ had actually always wanted to run off and get married at some point. Now they'd never get to. But at least some version of them did.

Really, Peter? You know he wasn't conceived the normal way, right?

Not like May, at any rate. Who, now that he looked at her, did resemble Mary Jane. It made sense that it was Mary Jane... how many years had she spent with him even after he ditched her at the altar? Even Kaine could tell that wasn't normal.

Peter, though, seemed surprised. It was sort of fun watching the two freak each other out like some sort of emotional tennis match.

"Two. I have a baby brother." Her grin as she says it is on the nervous side. She might as well tell him that.

There's plenty of other things she's wondering about- for instance, why is he in Kaine's suite?- but there's a much more pressing question to ask. "How old are you, exactly?"

It's important.

"Wow. Wow." He doesn't even know what else he can say. He and MJ get to have children. Two of them!! Him and MJ!! It was one of those things that they used to talk about in complete hypotheticals, half-jokingly, when they felt particularly mushy. "I'm sorry, I just-- Wow."

And now that his most pressing question was out of the way, it seems only fair that he answer hers. He's not sure how this information is relevant, but... "Oh, uh... I just turned sixteen."

He then turns to look over at Kaine. "Wait-- How is the fact that Other Older Me has kids not in the Top Three Things to Share with Me??"

Oh now it's going to get good. Would it be bad to want popcorn when he watched his "family" implode? ...He never did claim to be a good person.

At Peter's questions, he merely shrugged his shoulders. Thanks to his talk with May earlier, he knew exactly where their timelines diverged, but he felt like he should keep that sort of information to himself. The kids didn't have to know just how much he did (...which, admittedly, is not much more than them, but still).

"Mainly because 'Other Older You' barely has the capacity to take care of himself, let alone two children. Where I'm from, Parker never married Mary Jane Watston--the moron stood her up at the altar... And somehow they were still engaged for like 7 years after that." How, he still has no idea. "Last I heard he was dating someone named Carlie Cooper."

Edited (...okay really done now) 2013-11-16 02:19 (UTC)

She doesn't know what to react to first, and she looks wildly back and forth between Kaine and the really young version of her dad.

"You just turned sixteen!?" Oh God. "I'm older than you!"

Talk about Parker luck. How can he be younger than her? If he still got his spider-powers when he was fifteen it means she's been doing it longer than him!

"And- How can he not be with my mom?" She's never even heard of anyone named Carlie Cooper.

Peter's eyes widen, first at May-- "You're what now?!" -- and then at Kaine. "I-- He left her at the altar?!?"

This is getting to be too much. Peter buries his face in his hands to muffle the confused groan that escaped him. The weirdness factor of the situation was growing with each passing second, and Kaine's complete nonchalant attitude is doing nothing to help on any level.

"This is getting-- We need a pause button, and we need to hit it right now."

Nope, didn't need popcorn for that to be enjoyable; their looks of horror and confusion were great on their own.

"Because your father's an idiot!" No offense, Peter. "How the hell should I know?!"

Kaine looked over at Peter.

"There's no pause button in life."

"Kaine, I get it, you're really enjoying watching us suffer,"'For better or worse it's something she's already aware of; the Kaine in her world seemed to like watching people end up giving themselves or others a hard time, even if he didn't go out of his way to cause it anymore. "But don't you think you could maybe try to find it in you to be a bit more helpful, if not supportive?"

She looks over at Peter- there is really way she can keep thinking of him as 'younger version of Dad' over and over again. That's just asking for a headache with alternate dimensions involved. It's like with the one that was with that evil version of Reed Richards. She can't afford to keep thinking of them as the same person.

"I'm nearly seventeen." A couple months short of it, but it's definitely older than barely sixteen.

From between his fingers, Peter gives Kaine such a look at that "pause button" comment. It's somewhere between "Really, dude?" and "Stop being unhelpful, you totally know what I mean." Which probably stems from the fact that Peter's feeling a bit torn over knowing some possible reasons he and MJ could've split up (since it had already happened to them several times before) and is really not feeling up to sharing them with the class. It's weird to have all that bubbling under the surface.

"I just need a pause on this conversation because I don't know about you guys? But I'm totally getting information overload." He pulls in a deep breath, does his best to get it together, then lowers his hands slightly from his face as he lets that breath go. Alternate You marries MJ and has kids. Your Alternate Daughter - who is apparently older than you - is currently standing right here in front of you, brought to you by your Alternate Clone. What do you do? Besides freak out all over yourself.

...And that's when a new thought strikes him. One that he'd overlooked in the midst of all the new information he's been given. "..So you have... powers?"

...Wait, they honestly expected him to be helpful in all of this? He thought bringing them together was him being helpful, because this was going to happen sooner rather than later, and he figured it should be here, in private, rather than out there, where anyone could see. That was pretty much the full extent of his usefulness. He knew next to nothing about either Parker, and certainly nothing that could be considered "useful" right now.

May had said that she knew her version of him, and though he had believed her, her statement proved it. In response, he just sort of shrugged.

"Well you're both clearly upset, so would you like me to bring you a hot beverage?" Yes, he watches sitcoms. Then, a bit more seriously, he adds. "I don't know what you want me to do here. Want me to join the freakout party? Fine. 'Aaaah this is weird!'" Kaine says the last sentence completely deadpan. He really had no idea what these kids wanted from him right now.

"Fine, I get it, rather than try to empathize you'd rather watch." Jerk. She doesn't say it outloud, but it's definitely implied.

And as for Peter's question...

"I'm wearing webs, aren't I?"

Of course, to nail her point in, she somersaults and sticks the landing- on the ceiling, before she answers.

His eyes widen at May's somersault. Not that it should've been all that surprising - as May had pointed out, she is wearing webs - but he can't help himself. "So you... inherited them? From me-- From Older Me? Your dad?"

God, that's so weird to say out loud.

Peter lets out another breath as he turns to Kaine again. "Is it weird that a hot beverage would be totally appreciated right now? Not that I think it'll help much. But."

Kaine growled in frustration. The fun had worn off and now he was so done with the two of them already.

"I just don't know what you want from me, all right?!"

Teenagers.

He wasn't used to expressing his emotions like the two of them were. Yes, he was about as freaked out as the two of them were, but he would process this on his own, in private, in his own way. He didn't need nor want help or company. And then Peter gives him something to do. Even though he had meant it as a joke, it was looking more and more like a valid suggestion every second.

"I'll go figure out how to use the kettle. Don't kill each other."

And with that he heads into the kitchen, still in earshot but at least neither of them will be asking for his opinion every four seconds anymore... hopefully.

"If anything like that happens, you'll be the first to know!" She calls after Kaine. Not that it won't. It's her job to stop that sort of thing from happening, not start it.

...Does Kaine even know how to use anything in a kitchen? She can't even remember if she's seen the version from her universe even eat, much less cook or make anything.

But that's a distraction from the real craziness going on. Focus, girl!

"Yeah. I had no idea until I was fifteen that he was Spider-man. He had retired years ago." It's leaving out that she found out listening in on her parents arguing, and she's definitely omitting why he retired. This Peter might be the original Spider-man for his dimension, but there's no way she's going to tell him that an adult version of him- her dad- lost his leg and decided to give up crime fighting because of it. He's already found out enough, why give him something to dread about a future?

In the back of Peter's mind, he's really hoping Kaine has some kind of hot chocolate on hand. Or maybe coffee would suit this moment better. It would also probably be a really good time to start drinking heavily, but that's also probably not a good idea.

... Anyway. Back to the situation at hand.

"You started at fifteen, too?" He feels like he should probably be saying something about how she's too young, but-- she's older than him. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. "That's... Wow. So you've only been superheroing for like, a year or so?"

"They kicked in during a basketball game." Even though she left the team because it'd be unfair to play against others who didn't have powers- as much as it killed her to give up her favorite sport and a chance for an athletic scholarship- she still savored the memory of slam dunking it so hard she shattered the glass, and she couldn't help the small smile on her face. "We won."

"It's almost two years, at this point." And what a last couple of years they've been!

Ow. Older and more experienced. And an athlete to boot! Next to his own sort-of daughter, Peter was starting to feel like a total amateur. It was getting clearer and clearer to him why the Ultimates didn't think he was ready. It stung a little, of course. But it wasn't like there was much Peter could do about any of it.

"You've been at this longer than I have, then." And longer than he ever will, really. "Did I- uh, your dad train you up or something?"

Uhoh. She knew he was younger than her, but she didn't think he was that young! How could she have more experience than him? And by how much?

"He didn't want to let me wear my webs unless I did. Have you ever seen seen the other side of five AM?" Pre-dawn training isn't fun. Of course, that's not the only practice she's gotten. Her uncle Phil and the Ladyhawks helped her train, not to mention the occasional moment with the Avengers. And the short period of time she was getting trained by Elektra, too.

"...How long have you been at this?"

"I've been up and out until then, but I'm pretty sure that's not what you mean." And the 'training' he'd received from the Ultimates had all only happened at night. Peter had made it pretty clear with SHIELD that he valued his education.

"Me? I, uh. It's been about a year."

"Only a year? That's..." May trails off. She has no idea what his world's like, but there's no way he's got enough experience to compare against her own.

Even if her dad did repeatedly stress the importance that she train, she has a very strong feeling it's not because he did the same when he was younger. At least, not as much as her because of having an overprotective retired-superhero as a parent.

"Have you ever been interested in waking up before then? I was trained by the best."

Her dad also probably didn't have her train that early to someday pay it back in kind to a younger alternate universe version of himself, but she should, since she's responsible for him since he's a version of her dad and he's younger than her, right?

Okay, teapots were pretty straightforward. Water + Teapot + Heat = hot water. It was the next step, the making a beverage out of hot water that was the hard part. Kaine scavenged through the cabinets for anything he could add to make it beverage tasting, eventually finding a tub of hot chocolate mix. They were kids, they probably preferred that to tea anyway. And didn't Peter say something about hot chocolate anyway?

Speaking of, the pair of Parker's hadn't killed themselves yet, and he catches the tail end of their conversation about training.

"I'm going to be putting a gym in that room over there." He motioned with his head as he dug through the cabinets for mugs. "I have no idea what this place has to offer yet, though, but you're welcome to use it."

Aha! Kaine pulled out three mugs and took the screaming kettle off the stove. "But if you break anything, you replace it."

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