tushanshu_logs | And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

Entry tags:

And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

Characters:Valdis and open
Date: April 2017
Location: Various
Situation: Various
Warnings/Rating: In Headers

March hadn’t been the greatest of months. Her discovery of Milyn’s affiliation with the cultists had led to a less than pleasant confrontation with the Foreigners regarding the matter. She would have been lying if she told people she wasn’t surprised by some of the venom contained within certain conversations. But it was all part of the plan, at least, until Milyn had been murdered by the Snakes.

Even then, it took several days before she realized what the odd feeling in the pit of her stomach was. Guilt. The moment she realized it, Valdis fled Keeliai and disappeared into the mountains. While she wandered, she discovered a shrine, a mural depicting the turtle's shell and an eight pointed star. The peace radiating from within the small cave reminded her of the serenity of the turtle's head before Malicant's taint destroyed it. She lingered for days, meditating and finding a sense of peace. She was loathe to leave the place, but it was a discovery that she had to share with some of the others. Perhaps it could even help them awaken Tu Vishan.

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After having invested considerable time with Raine, as a convenience and familiar presence, Solomon ... did not actually quite feel that he was anywhere near an expert. He could see more if he tried, yes, but he suspected by this point that the fact he didn't instinctively see more whenever he looked at any random person was a result of his mind trying to keep its sanity.

The news that Valdis had fled the city had prompted him to speed up the process, anyway; he felt he had enough of a handle to be working with, at least, and figure out the next step. Valdis, it seemed, was not quite done being emotionally unbalanced, and that forced Solomon's hand.

It was practically an occasion to be marked, the fact that Solomon was the one who invited her to the apartment, smiling brightly as he opened the door before she could knock. "Oh, you're back. I did hear it, but I wasn't entirely sure you'd still be here by today."

As surprised as she had been to receive the invitation to Solomon and Raine's apartment, Valdis took the unexpected development in stride. The door opened before she had a chance to announce her arrival and Solomon's smug greeting grated on her nerves immediately. A low growl rumbled deep in her throat, and her lips pulled back from her teeth to add an irritated display, which of course he couldn't see. She would have to hope that the growl got her point across.

Did you invite me here to simply insult me, or did you actually have something of import to discuss.

Solomon didn't jump. He'd been blind for long enough that he'd managed to squash most instincts related to surprise. But he did balk, just a little, and wasn't quite as smug as before when he said, "Well, it wasn't to congratulate you on your fur-coat, anyway."

He stood away from the door, shaking his head with wry amusement. Well played, Valdis. "Come in. I want to try the next step in stabilising your connection to the Void. But you'll have to stick to the living-room; Raine's presiding and you won't fit in my office like that."

Why not? She teased, amused that for once she had thrown him off guard, It is a very nice fur coat.

Valdis squeezed through the door and headed into the living room, finding a place among the furniture to lay down. She wondered about the wisdom of having Raine with them for such experimentation, but she wasn't entirely sure what Solomon had planned. She sighed, twitching an ear as she waited for Solomon to settle.

"I wouldn't know," said Solomon archly. "I don't go groping at young women unseen." Notable: not a 'lady'.

He closed the door and followed her into the living-room. There he paused, raising a hand to send out a shadow to find her, so he could sit in an armchair at least passingly close by--if not too close to be enshrouded by her soul. It wasn't too difficult; she was self-contained, in here. Comfort and the size of a metaphysical area covered were, he'd found, connected.

"I've been practising soul-seeing on Raine," he said without much in the way of lead-in. "If you're ready, I want to try it on you."

A fair point, she mused, her tone teasing, I'd have to take off your hand if you tried and Raine wouldn't like that.

She still remembered the pain from Raine's spell and he probably tasted bad anyway. She took a breath and sent the Void into the darkness, minimizing its influence as best she could.

You don't know me as well as you know Raine, she replied, But you are welcome to try.

Hopefully they would have at least some success.

"Obviously not. Hence, why I practised on Raine." There were times when stating the obvious was fun. Other times ... it was just silly.

Solomon took a few slow breaths, not the sort as if he was trying to gear himself up, but more preparatory, as a lead-in for what he was about to do. It stilled his mind. He'd found that though his brain translated things through his eyes, just trying to focus his sight didn't do much. There wasn't any sight to focus.

But when he was calm, and receptive, he could see a little more. Provided he could be as receptive toward Valdis as he could toward Raine. That part may be a little bit difficult.

"I might need to ask you some questions," he said, and unlike usually his tone was even and neutral. Not even carefully, pointedly neutral; just neutral. "It's easier when there's a connection."

In her opinion, he needed to practice on people that he didn't know well, Raine would have been easier for him, hence he needed to practice on other people. She sighed in annoyance as he prepared himself. An ear flicked at his statement. Valdis might have been amused by the idea of a 'connection' between herself and Solomon Wreath, but upon further thought, it made some amount of sense. After all, she had to have physical contact with her target in order to walk inside their soul.

Very well she replied, her tone as neutral as his.

That's what Valdis was there for. Solomon did believe in challenges; he didn't believe in recklnessness. Not unless absolutely necessary. A completely new use of his ability, which any idea how his magic might react? Get a feel for it first--then jump in the deep end.

The shifts in Valdis's soul, for all that she was the only one of her kind in Keeliai, wasn't all that different to most others' with emotions. There was a density to her being which Solomon hypothesised was due to her age, but a good deal of that density was due to the Void; what he'd determined was her actual being was a good deal less so, analogous to someone a few centuries old (as determined by looking at Skulduggery and Ravel).

Those were notes Solomon had already made.

Telling what exactly someone was feeling was much harder. Especially when they weren't, he'd found, on good terms. Raine had not been difficult for him to see through; Valdis was, not that Solomon was surprised.

"What are you feeling right now?" he asked, nearly idly, and watching the movement of her soul's surface.

The silence dragged on, but Valdis said nothing to break it, letting him sit and analyze and look, or do...whatever he was doing. She lay her head on her paws, closing her eyes and sighed softly, trying to relax. One eye opened when he asked his question.

Amused.

The silver surface of her soul rippled momentarily and then fell still again. She yawned, stretching out on hind leg and tucking her chin over her paws once more.

Solomon grunted. "Somehow I'm not surprised."

There was a particular turn in a soul which he'd identified as humour, but it tended to show differently based on a lot of other aspects of said soul--unlike things like anger.

He heard the yawn and said dryly, "Please, don't let me bore you."

But he didn't shift his gaze. Having identified the outer shell of the humour, sorting past other variations of emotions he'd already learned. Valdis was still, and that made it easier; there was movement in the depths of her being. There had been for Raine, too, but Raine's soul had all but opened up for him. Valdis wasn't trying, but she wasn't resisting either.

Still, there was something ... murky about it.

"Are you holding the Void back, perchance? I need you to stop doing that."

A low chuff was her only response to his words, her amusement rising until he asked her to stop holding on to the Void.

Are you insane?

She had no idea what the Void would do. It had spoken to Solomon and now Solomon was looking at her soul. She lifted her head, pulling her leg back to her belly and shifted herself upright to look at him through narrowed eyes.

Solomon heard the rustle and lifted his eyebrow. "Some would say so. Look, your soul is framed by the presence of the Void. Even if it isn't what's holding the pieces together, it's still a vital connection. If you're deliberately holding it back, then you're holding back what I can see as well. That defeats the purpose of trying to see anything."

A low growl formed deep in her throat, but her eyes flitted to the next room, where she knew Raine was, and she swallowed it.

Fine.

Slowly, she released her hold on the darkness. It trickled out to surround the shimmer of her soul, sometimes obscuring it, other times twisting away. Darker shadows moved around within the darkness, the intermittent flash of bright red indicating that the Void was aware of Solomon's presence, but it said nothing.

Almost at once the shadows highlighted what was already here, and that made it clearer to Solomon's sight than when he'd just been looking into 'light'; even fractured light. The movements were stronger, easier to catch the eye.

He wondered if the Void would, or could, try to stop him from seeing anything. Or if it already was; he could see the movement, but it looked ... murky.

"How did the Void come to be attached to you?" he asked. He didn't recall having heard all the details to that story; he knew it wasn't something inherent in Valdis, but that was it. Knowing that would help him see that far back, to the point where the Void became a problem.

If he saw anything interesting, he seemed to be keeping it to himself, so Valdis laid her head on her paws again, her eyes still on Solomon.

I don't know, she replied, And it won't tell me.

A low, amused hiss would sound from the midst of the darkness, audible only to Solomon.

Of course we would not tell. But you...you wish to see?

"I'll see on my own, thank you," Solomon said, a bit absent and without quite realising that he was the only recipient of those words. "I rather doubt anything you'd show me would be even close to objective."

But just raising the subject had made some of the images clearer, especially around those fractured edges. it seemed as though he could see the way they fit together, even though they were still ragged; almost as if their edges both reached for each other and yet repelled one another.

He didn't notice the shadows growing deeper.

Valdis flicked an ear when Solomon spoke out loud, confused for an instant, then her eyes flickered red. The Void must be speaking to Solomon and deliberately cutting her out. She growled softly, but refrained from yanking it back.

***

The darkness swirled around, slowly growing darker and darker, until it obscured the light of Valdis' soul. Then it vanished completely.

The once cracked and marred surface of Valdis' soul appeared smooth, complete and bright. The light filled everything, no shadows seemed to exist. Faint voices could be heard, one pleading and panicked and the other deep, almost amused. then a third voice, louder than the other two, almost sounding kind.

The girl's voice grew higher and the surface of the soul began to shiver with fear. A pinprick of darkness appeared, long shapeless tendrils of black began to bleed into the light. The pinprick grew larger and a bright, blood-red eyes glowed in the shadows. A gigantic hound walked into the light, toward the shimmering orb, leaving black paw prints in its wake.

It didn't even look in Solomon's direction as it stopped before the soul. Its tail flicked once and then it opened its jaws, biting down on the orb. The muscles powering those jaws strained until cracks began to form in the surface of the orb. Then the jaws clacked shut, shattering the light like glass and the girl's scream cut off.

Now everything was dark and the only light rose from the broken pieces of Meira's soul, floating around in front of the Hound. A piece floated past his nose and he snapped it up, swallowing it in the next moment. The hound began to laugh, low and eerie in the silence. The laughter became louder, as if echoed by other voices. A gust of wind, or perhaps a wave rippled through the shadows and black coils began to move, small red eyes searching through the dark. The shining pieces of soul began to flicker out of existence, until only darkness remained.

In the next moment, the cracked, glowing orb that was Valdis' soul was back, the darkness swirling lazily around it.

The vision was abrupt enough that Solomon suspected it was something the Void was facilitating. That hadn't been what he wanted, though he had asked Valdis to set it loose--one thing led to another, he supposed. He'd have to confirm anything they saw later, while the Void was restrained.

Those were quick thoughts before the light in the memory made him draw back in surprise at its clarify. He managed not to break his gaze, though he hadn't expected the way the vision enveloped the space around him--something he should have suspected, given how much space souls could take up. Solomon's head jerked at the movement to his side, but he still managed not to completely break his gaze on the centre--though he kept a way eye on the wolf, in case it came toward him. That was ... rather unnerving, given its size and the fact he could see it.

When the wolf bore down on the orb it made Solomon flinch and inhale sharply, the sharp pain of teeth digging into his back, as though he was feeling the bite himself. He held himself upright and rigid, gaze locked on the vision in front of him not because it forced him but because he didn't dare risk it breaking; but his hands gripped the armchair and his jaw was clenched. Scath oozed out around him, a luminescent blue mist reacting to the shadows in the memory of a soul that wasn't his, wrapping around him like a blanket.

A tremor ran through him as the orb shattered, and his heart stopped no longer than to seem like a skip; but he felt it, that dyingness, more distantly than he might have without his ka's presence.

Then the darkness faded into some semblance of reality lit blue by Scath's mist, and Solomon released a gasping breath and leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his shaking hands together, and wincing at the sharp pain behind his eyes. "Ow."

Valdis opened one eye when the familiar blue-ish glow of Solomon's ka began to coalesce around him. She flattened her ears, her head lifting from her paws, something must be happening. Nothing felt out of the ordinary, but that couldn't be right, his ka wouldn't have appeared like this unless something was wrong.

He didn't speak, but she could see him tense, his knuckles white, his jaw clenched, but whether it was fear, anger, or some other emotion, she didn't know. It was disconcerting to suddenly be unable to feel.

Valdis recognized the exact moment when Solomon returned to his own senses, because he relaxed somewhat, he began to breath again and his heart rate slowed.

What happened?

Solomon held up a hand to indicate to give him a minute, but he felt his fingers trembling, and curled them in. Scath's presence curled around him, reassuring and invigorating, so that after a moment Solomon straightened up again.

"The Void showed me something." Obviously, he wasn't going to completely trust it. "There was a wolf--it shattered your soul." He frowned. "It ate part of it."

That was not particularly reassuring. Even with the cracks showing between the Void's shadow and Valdis's light, he couldn't see enough detail to confirm that there was anything gone. At least, couldn't tell yet.

She fell silent, watching him with one brow raised, not sure if she should be concerned for him or not. Whatever he had seen, whatever he had felt, it had rattled his calm enough that there were physical symptoms. Her ears flattened against her skull when he spoke.

It ate part of it?

That would explain why the cracks in her soul hadn't healed, she was incomplete...

Do you have a reason to doubt what the Void showed you?

"Only that it's a manipulator," said Solomon, "and not a benevolent one. It might use the truth, but it lies too often to trust in either direction."

In this case, the harm the truth could do might be its only goal. On the other hand, if the Void thought the truth would be harmful, it wouldn't have kept it from Valdis.

"I should be able to confirm there's something missing," Solomon added. "The gap would be easier to find with the Void's shadows behind it, but since it insists on interfering you'll probably have to hold it back." But when he looked back at her soul his temples throbbed painfully, and he winced, his hand automatically lifting as if to shield his eyes. "Though possibly not right now, in either of our cases."

Her head tipped. The Void was a horrible creature and Solomon's analysis of it was correct, and the whole thing was deeply disturbing. She felt fine, but Solomon was obviously out of sorts.

Very well.

She lurched to her feet and shook herself.

We shall try again another time.

Next time Solomon would be better prepared, too.

"Please excuse me if I don't see you to the door," Solomon said dryly, inclining his head toward it. Even that made his head pound. "I'll contact you."

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And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

Solomon & Raine | After April 5th | Sol's Apartment | CW: Death stuff, possible trauma

Possible Trauma?

PROBABLE trauma?

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