tushanshu_logs | And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

Entry tags:

And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

Characters:Valdis and open
Date: April 2017
Location: Various
Situation: Various
Warnings/Rating: In Headers

March hadn’t been the greatest of months. Her discovery of Milyn’s affiliation with the cultists had led to a less than pleasant confrontation with the Foreigners regarding the matter. She would have been lying if she told people she wasn’t surprised by some of the venom contained within certain conversations. But it was all part of the plan, at least, until Milyn had been murdered by the Snakes.

Even then, it took several days before she realized what the odd feeling in the pit of her stomach was. Guilt. The moment she realized it, Valdis fled Keeliai and disappeared into the mountains. While she wandered, she discovered a shrine, a mural depicting the turtle's shell and an eight pointed star. The peace radiating from within the small cave reminded her of the serenity of the turtle's head before Malicant's taint destroyed it. She lingered for days, meditating and finding a sense of peace. She was loathe to leave the place, but it was a discovery that she had to share with some of the others. Perhaps it could even help them awaken Tu Vishan.

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Solomon heard the rustle and lifted his eyebrow. "Some would say so. Look, your soul is framed by the presence of the Void. Even if it isn't what's holding the pieces together, it's still a vital connection. If you're deliberately holding it back, then you're holding back what I can see as well. That defeats the purpose of trying to see anything."

A low growl formed deep in her throat, but her eyes flitted to the next room, where she knew Raine was, and she swallowed it.

Fine.

Slowly, she released her hold on the darkness. It trickled out to surround the shimmer of her soul, sometimes obscuring it, other times twisting away. Darker shadows moved around within the darkness, the intermittent flash of bright red indicating that the Void was aware of Solomon's presence, but it said nothing.

Almost at once the shadows highlighted what was already here, and that made it clearer to Solomon's sight than when he'd just been looking into 'light'; even fractured light. The movements were stronger, easier to catch the eye.

He wondered if the Void would, or could, try to stop him from seeing anything. Or if it already was; he could see the movement, but it looked ... murky.

"How did the Void come to be attached to you?" he asked. He didn't recall having heard all the details to that story; he knew it wasn't something inherent in Valdis, but that was it. Knowing that would help him see that far back, to the point where the Void became a problem.

If he saw anything interesting, he seemed to be keeping it to himself, so Valdis laid her head on her paws again, her eyes still on Solomon.

I don't know, she replied, And it won't tell me.

A low, amused hiss would sound from the midst of the darkness, audible only to Solomon.

Of course we would not tell. But you...you wish to see?

"I'll see on my own, thank you," Solomon said, a bit absent and without quite realising that he was the only recipient of those words. "I rather doubt anything you'd show me would be even close to objective."

But just raising the subject had made some of the images clearer, especially around those fractured edges. it seemed as though he could see the way they fit together, even though they were still ragged; almost as if their edges both reached for each other and yet repelled one another.

He didn't notice the shadows growing deeper.

Valdis flicked an ear when Solomon spoke out loud, confused for an instant, then her eyes flickered red. The Void must be speaking to Solomon and deliberately cutting her out. She growled softly, but refrained from yanking it back.

***

The darkness swirled around, slowly growing darker and darker, until it obscured the light of Valdis' soul. Then it vanished completely.

The once cracked and marred surface of Valdis' soul appeared smooth, complete and bright. The light filled everything, no shadows seemed to exist. Faint voices could be heard, one pleading and panicked and the other deep, almost amused. then a third voice, louder than the other two, almost sounding kind.

The girl's voice grew higher and the surface of the soul began to shiver with fear. A pinprick of darkness appeared, long shapeless tendrils of black began to bleed into the light. The pinprick grew larger and a bright, blood-red eyes glowed in the shadows. A gigantic hound walked into the light, toward the shimmering orb, leaving black paw prints in its wake.

It didn't even look in Solomon's direction as it stopped before the soul. Its tail flicked once and then it opened its jaws, biting down on the orb. The muscles powering those jaws strained until cracks began to form in the surface of the orb. Then the jaws clacked shut, shattering the light like glass and the girl's scream cut off.

Now everything was dark and the only light rose from the broken pieces of Meira's soul, floating around in front of the Hound. A piece floated past his nose and he snapped it up, swallowing it in the next moment. The hound began to laugh, low and eerie in the silence. The laughter became louder, as if echoed by other voices. A gust of wind, or perhaps a wave rippled through the shadows and black coils began to move, small red eyes searching through the dark. The shining pieces of soul began to flicker out of existence, until only darkness remained.

In the next moment, the cracked, glowing orb that was Valdis' soul was back, the darkness swirling lazily around it.

The vision was abrupt enough that Solomon suspected it was something the Void was facilitating. That hadn't been what he wanted, though he had asked Valdis to set it loose--one thing led to another, he supposed. He'd have to confirm anything they saw later, while the Void was restrained.

Those were quick thoughts before the light in the memory made him draw back in surprise at its clarify. He managed not to break his gaze, though he hadn't expected the way the vision enveloped the space around him--something he should have suspected, given how much space souls could take up. Solomon's head jerked at the movement to his side, but he still managed not to completely break his gaze on the centre--though he kept a way eye on the wolf, in case it came toward him. That was ... rather unnerving, given its size and the fact he could see it.

When the wolf bore down on the orb it made Solomon flinch and inhale sharply, the sharp pain of teeth digging into his back, as though he was feeling the bite himself. He held himself upright and rigid, gaze locked on the vision in front of him not because it forced him but because he didn't dare risk it breaking; but his hands gripped the armchair and his jaw was clenched. Scath oozed out around him, a luminescent blue mist reacting to the shadows in the memory of a soul that wasn't his, wrapping around him like a blanket.

A tremor ran through him as the orb shattered, and his heart stopped no longer than to seem like a skip; but he felt it, that dyingness, more distantly than he might have without his ka's presence.

Then the darkness faded into some semblance of reality lit blue by Scath's mist, and Solomon released a gasping breath and leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his shaking hands together, and wincing at the sharp pain behind his eyes. "Ow."

Valdis opened one eye when the familiar blue-ish glow of Solomon's ka began to coalesce around him. She flattened her ears, her head lifting from her paws, something must be happening. Nothing felt out of the ordinary, but that couldn't be right, his ka wouldn't have appeared like this unless something was wrong.

He didn't speak, but she could see him tense, his knuckles white, his jaw clenched, but whether it was fear, anger, or some other emotion, she didn't know. It was disconcerting to suddenly be unable to feel.

Valdis recognized the exact moment when Solomon returned to his own senses, because he relaxed somewhat, he began to breath again and his heart rate slowed.

What happened?

Solomon held up a hand to indicate to give him a minute, but he felt his fingers trembling, and curled them in. Scath's presence curled around him, reassuring and invigorating, so that after a moment Solomon straightened up again.

"The Void showed me something." Obviously, he wasn't going to completely trust it. "There was a wolf--it shattered your soul." He frowned. "It ate part of it."

That was not particularly reassuring. Even with the cracks showing between the Void's shadow and Valdis's light, he couldn't see enough detail to confirm that there was anything gone. At least, couldn't tell yet.

She fell silent, watching him with one brow raised, not sure if she should be concerned for him or not. Whatever he had seen, whatever he had felt, it had rattled his calm enough that there were physical symptoms. Her ears flattened against her skull when he spoke.

It ate part of it?

That would explain why the cracks in her soul hadn't healed, she was incomplete...

Do you have a reason to doubt what the Void showed you?

"Only that it's a manipulator," said Solomon, "and not a benevolent one. It might use the truth, but it lies too often to trust in either direction."

In this case, the harm the truth could do might be its only goal. On the other hand, if the Void thought the truth would be harmful, it wouldn't have kept it from Valdis.

"I should be able to confirm there's something missing," Solomon added. "The gap would be easier to find with the Void's shadows behind it, but since it insists on interfering you'll probably have to hold it back." But when he looked back at her soul his temples throbbed painfully, and he winced, his hand automatically lifting as if to shield his eyes. "Though possibly not right now, in either of our cases."

Her head tipped. The Void was a horrible creature and Solomon's analysis of it was correct, and the whole thing was deeply disturbing. She felt fine, but Solomon was obviously out of sorts.

Very well.

She lurched to her feet and shook herself.

We shall try again another time.

Next time Solomon would be better prepared, too.

"Please excuse me if I don't see you to the door," Solomon said dryly, inclining his head toward it. Even that made his head pound. "I'll contact you."

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And Although I Wasn't Losing my Mind

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