tushanshu_logs | Tomorrow morning when we wake

Entry tags:

Tomorrow morning when we wake

Characters: Pepper Potts, Marie Kreutz, Yami no Bakura and you!
Date: Throughout January
Location: Sky Sector, KPD Headquarters, and around Keeliai
Situation: Pepper is hanging out with friends and helping with storm recovery, enjoying the start of the new year
Warnings/Rating: None yet

A. Jade Dojo | Early January | Bakura

So they're still trying to figure out what exactly they are to each other and how this whole 'relationship' thing works, but Pepper is content with that situation. She'd worked with Tony to make a customized senet board for Bakura's birthday, but she'd left the pieces uncarved so he could make them himself and perhaps show her how to carve as well. Plus, she didn't really remember how to play, and Bakura had already proven to be an adept teacher. She stayed after the dojo closed, as had started to become habit, and wandered back towards his apartment.

B. House Spicy Iron Dragon | During the storm | Marie

Well, the weather is terrible. Pepper has seen the remnants of hurricanes that have petered out in New York, and a few really bad storms, but this definitely takes the cake. She probably won't admit it, but it makes her a bit uncomfortable. Between the weird weather and not being able to go outside much because of it, she needs something to do with her hands when she's not working. Marie had done some baking before she left, and Pepper asked if her returned housemate would be willing to spend time in the kitchen. It would be fun, and tasty, and hopefully give them time to get to know each other better.

C. Healer's Guild | Early January | Raine

As with Valdis' Shadow test, Pepper had been alerted to Raine's (albeit with a lot less urgency by Vee this time). She can't help but wonder what Raine saw - if it had the same sort of bone-rattling effect on her. Each test was different, wholly individualized, and Pepper is nothing if not curious. Raine might appreciate the comparison as a scientist and a mage, too. As has become something of a habit, Pepper brings treats along with her when she arrives at Raine's office, and knocks gently.

D. Around Keeliai | After the storm | Open

In the aftermath of the storm, there's a lot of repair work that needs doing, and once again Pepper's suit is perfect for the task. She can be seen wherever the worst damage is, pulling apart structures so waterlogged they would become rotten before too long, or helping with new construction. She keeps the faceplate open most of the time, even though the kedan have largely gotten used to the armor by now. Even though there's a lot of work to be done, she remains chipper and does whatever she can to help.

E. KPD Headquarters | Throughout the month | Open

Pepper continues to work diligently, though her schedule remains a bit erratic. She likes taking a variety of shifts. The early part of the month is fairly quiet, but she's preparing reports with Valdis and Gene to give to the Council as part of the push for laws and policies that has arisen.

After the storm passes, things get busier. In the wake of any disaster, there was potential for crime. When she wasn't out helping with repairs herself, Pepper was organizing patrols and doing logistics for aid parties, coordinating with other groups in the city like the Healer's Guild and the Council so they weren't reinventing the wheel.

F. Midnight Hotel | Beginning of January | Valdis

Pepper is still a bit worried about Valdis. Although she seems to have gotten her head on straight again in terms of immediate fallout from the failed Shadow test (and the fact that she survived was impressive), it must have left a mark. Pepper had passed, and it left a mark. Cookies in hand, she goes to see Valdis at the Hotel, sporting a smile but not trying to hide the fact that she's here for a specific purpose when she knocks.

(OOC: Feel free to make your own starter or let me know if you want something specific!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Valdis is in the reading room, which has been filled with books, though most of them were different from the ones that had been in Anton's. She had started at the begining of this particular one. She hadn't read it in far too long and after what happened in the Shadow Realm, well, she probably needed a bit of God right now. The human interpretations, however, were left a bit wanting.

Valdis is a well-known face around the Hotel, so it's easy enough to find her when she's not in her room by asking around. She seems engrossed in a book, and for the first time that Pepper has seen in a while, it's not one on kedanese law.

Pepper waves as she approaches, hoping she doesn't startle Valdis. "Hey! Mind if I join you? I brought snacks," she says, holding up the bag of treats.

Valdis doesn't look up from the Bible as Pepper approaches, but she knows the girl is there long before she says anything. Being familiar with a soul tends to be useful.

"I don't mind," she replied, her eyes staying on the page, "Checking up on me?"

Got it in one. Pepper slides into a chair across from Valdis and puts the bag on the table, opening it up so the cookies are accessible.

"Maybe a little," she admits, since she's been caught. "I, uh, heard about your Shadow test. I kind of felt it, actually, but mostly Vee told me what happened. Since I've been through it I figure if you, you know, wanted to talk about it at all, I know what it's like. Sort of."

"I failed," Valdis replied, her tone flat, "I'm supposed to be dead."

And she was still slightly disappointed that she wasn't, but at least the Void had backed off. Though her dreams had started becoming strange. The fact that she was even dreaming was also strange.

"Well. Dead or soulless," Pepper returned with far too much ease. "But you're kind of hard to kill. I'm not totally surprised you're still here."

She was very glad, in fact. Enough friends have gone home, and Valdis genuinely dying (again-ish) was not something she would like to deal with.

"It's just-- it's not easy, even when you do pass," she added more quietly, looking at her hands. Valdis probably knew that, but she felt it bore saying. "It might've been the hardest thing I've ever done."

The hardest thing...yeah, that sounded about right and Valdis had failed, Pepper hadn't.

"What did you see?"

Valdis hardly remembered the ordeal, mostly just that the Void had intervened in some way, for good or for bad.

There was a short pause before Pepper spoke. "Back home, there was a villain we faced called Whiplash. He attacked my dad and almost killed him," she said softly. "That's what I saw: Whiplash attacking my dad. Only-- only he succeeded this time."

Her voice was starting to tremble. Even knowing it had been an illusion didn't erase the horror of seeing her father murdered.

"He's-- he's all I have back home. The only family." Tony and Gene and Rhodey were family of a different kind, but her father was special. "I wanted to kill Whiplash, I wanted to use my father's gun and tear him apart and then burn the world for taking dad away. I almost did-- I got about this close to pulling the trigger." Pepper took a shaky breath, trying to calm herself. "I could have. I could have done it. But I remembered-- I remembered that isn't who I am. I'm supposed to stop people like Whiplash, not become one of them. Killing him wouldn't bring my dad back. God, it felt so real, I forgot it was a test. But I didn't shoot him. I put the gun down, and I picked up my dad's handcuffs and arrested him instead and then it was just-- over."

The test had ended, but it took time to recover from the incident. It took time to become settled with the fact that she could commit heinous acts if pushed far enough. She had the capacity for it, but she would never choose it.

Valdis listened, her eyes not rising from the book, though she processed every word the girl said. Finally, when Pepper was done speaking, Valdis closed the book and set it down, lifting her eyes to look at Pepper.

"I'm sorry, Pepper." She said, her voice soft, understanding. She didn't reach out or move, but she let Pepper's pain wash over her, feeling it as strongly as the girl felt it. "I wouldn't have blamed you for killing him, test or not, but I'm glad you didn't. You aren't a killer."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm not," she said a little numbly, nodding. Then she sighed and reached to extract a cookie from the bag and broke off a small piece of it. "But the point is, I could be. I have it in me to do that. I know that if I were pushed far enough-- if enough bad happened-- I could be worse than Gene. I'd be a lot better at being a supervillain than him, and I know it." Pepper's voice was stronger now, surer. "I don't like it, and I wish it weren't true, but wishing and denying would have gotten me killed there. I had to face it, as much as it totally sucks."

Valdis still didn't move, watching, feeling, listening. Everything Pepper said was true. The girl wasn't broken enough to fail as Gene had, she wasn't like Tony either, thank god for that. But everyone was capable of killing, it was good that Pepper had chosen to not walk down that path.

She sighed, "I think my problem was that I didn't...want to win. Not really. I was feeling so broken and desperate, that any outcome would have been fine. Except of course the one I ended up with."

The problem with being as strong as she was, with not being broken, was that Pepper would retain those qualities on the other side of things. It was sobering to know that, but critically important. It wasn't a lesson she could ever let herself forget.

A lot of conflicting reactions arose as she listened to Valdis. Shock, anger, sadness, one right after the other. Perhaps it shouldn't have been that surprising, and the redhead swallowed her knee-jerk reaction of outrage.

"Okay, one: you're not allowed to die while I have anything to say about it," Pepper began, managing to keep her tone soft. "Two: it's not about winning. It's about knowing who you are, all of who you are, and not trying to pretend you're anything else." She took a deep breath. "And three: why do you want to find your ka in the first place? You've got more than enough power of your own."

"You don't get to say anything about it, Pepper," Valdis replied, her tone cold, "But it seems that death isn't an option for me anyway, so I suppose you don't have to worry about it."

The girl was angry, understandably so, but Valdis deeply resented the concept of anyone controlling anything that had to do with her. She wanted to take control of her own life again. Because it was hers. But she pushed it aside after a moment longer. Pepper was just concerned and it was coming off as something she didn't mean.

"Power," she scoffed, "Yes, I'm powerful. Physically. Mentally...but where does my power come from, Pepper? Originally it might have been my own, but it has been twisted and corrupted by the Void. And what does the Void want to do?"

Pepper folded her arms across her chest. "Friends don't let other friends get killed. Not if there's a single thing they can do about it," she returned evenly, and without heat.

Valdis and everyone else would be taken from her eventually, and whether she remembered it or not, it was still a theft. The least she can do is her absolute best to keep them safe and sound while they're here together. And if Valdis came to hate Pepper for trying to save her someday, like the anger that Bakura had had for Solomon when he first came out of the coma, so be it.

"I was asking that question seriously, and I'm just trying to help; you don't need to talk to me like that," Pepper started, resolutely refusing to allow herself to feel offended, difficult though it was. This was rough, and she didn't blame Valdis for being upset. "It wants your soul, right? See, okay, that makes sense for wanting to find your ka, that helps. You want what you had back." She sincerely hoped this wasn't a bad conversation to be having where that thing could hear her. Another thought occurred to her, trailing on the last. Shadow tests were not about power - they were about knowing oneself through and through. "And who you were," she added quietly. "Right?"

"And I was answering seriously."

Valdis sighed, her anger deflating somewhat. Pepper might have been trying to help, but there were things she simply couldn't share, even if she probably should.

"What I want is a way to fight back," Valdis replied, "I'm tired of just letting it attack me."

She picked the book back up, tracing her fingers along the golden lettering.

"But, according to Bakura, I can't connect with it until I know all parts of myself, until I accept all parts of myself. How can I accept someone I don't even know?"

It was difficult not to make another snappish comment back at that; Pepper was young and far less experienced than Valdis in most things, but she didn't like being spoken to like a child. But that wasn't the central issue at hand, so the teen set it aside.

Valdis must be talking about Meira, the woman Pepper had met about a year ago. "Well... I guess a good start would be accepting that she exists, and not just on, like, a cognitive level. She's not gone, she's just... buried. What does it feel like when you remember what happened with losing your memories last year?"

The idea was a simple one, but everything was far more complicated than that.

"What does it feel like?" Valdis repeated, looking up at Pepper with a tucked chin, "It was like being a blank slate. I was her, but I didn't have any of her memories, or any of my memories for that matter. I felt so lost. I would have been helpless if not for Raine and Anton. I don't like that feeling."

"Hm."

Not an ideal place to start, maybe. Pepper considered that for a moment. What Valdis had experienced of Meira was limited in terms of understanding her past, and therefore had limited use in that regard.

But... "I don't think anyone does. But we all are sometimes, and-- that's not a bad thing. It's important to lean on people who care about you." Isn't that what a pack was supposed to do? "What about when you were drawing?"

"Pepper," Valdis sighed, "Leaning on others is difficult for me, every time I feel safe enough to do so, they leave." Dante. Wan. Anton. "It hurts."

She closed her eyes, trying to think back to the drawing and not about everyone she had lost.

"The drawings. I don't know." She sighed again, "I don't even know what I was drawing half the time and I haven't looked at any of them since I got my memories back."

Pepper blinked at Valdis for a moment before speaking. "You know you're not alone in feeling like that, right?"

Her words were soft, worried almost. It seemed to her that Valdis considered vulnerability a bad thing - and perhaps when faced with the Void, it was bad - and that might be part of the problem.

"Well, they were all really good," she said, quietly encouraging. "Maybe we could look at them together sometime, if you feel like it." Her mouth thinned to a line, wondering how to phrase what needed to be said in a way that wouldn't be too upsetting or rile the Void. "That thing thinks emotions make you weak, that they hurt you. And yeah, it's sort of right: if you feel, you feel the good things and the bad things. You feel the best and the totally, absolute worst. But that's just part of being who you are; things hurt because you care. Things hurt because you love. Things hurt because people do stupid things sometimes, because they're people. And hurting is important. Needing help is important. If you want to be able to fight this thing, you need to be willing to fight for what hurts and what you hate about feeling emotion as much as you're willing to fight for what's amazing."

Valdis stared at Pepper, uncertainty in her eyes, but that was a better feeling than anger. The girl was right. Emotion was more than just joy and the good feelings. Why hadn't she realized that? Why hadn't anyone else approached it like this? Why was this coming from a young girl with so little life experience compared to her own?

"Jeg forventet aldri visdom fra en som er så ung." She replied, looking down.

"The drawings are in my room, if you want to look at them."

Pepper wasn't quite sure what to make of the way Valdis was looking at her, but it seemed like what she had said had finally gotten through to her. Maybe they hadn't figured it all out, but that was a good first step.

She had no idea what Valdis said, only that it reminded her of the moments after she had hit Bakura and they ended up sitting shoulder to shoulder on the veranda.

"Sure," Pepper said with a nod, smiling again. "The one you drew of my in my armor is back in my room, and I love it. I'd love to see the rest of them."

Valdis put the bible down and slowly unfurled herself from the chair, stretching as she stood up to loosen her muscles. The she picked the book back up and headed to the door, leading the girl up to her room. Valdis dropped the bible on her bed on her way to her dresser. She opened a drawer and dug through it, reaching the very bottom where a closed and somewhat rumpled sketchbook lay hidden.

She pulled it out tentatively, still not certain she wanted to know what Meira had drawn, or if she would even recognize the faces within the book. She turned around and held it out to Pepper.

"Here."

Pepper followed Valdis at half a pace further away than she usually does, thinking that Valdis might want a little space. When they get to her room, Pepper took the offered notebook carefully, for all that it appeared to be ill-cared for.

She flipped through the pages slowly. "You actually captured Anton smiling," Pepper said fondly, brushing her fingertips along the edge of the sketch. There was one picture in particular she had wondered about - the man in bloodied armor. "You said this was your brother."

"He didn't smile often," Valdis replied, sitting down on her bed, not even bothering to look, "But when he did...it made me happy to see him smile. Not that I ever gave him much reason to..."

She frowned, "My brother?" She repeated, "I don't have a brother."

F

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