tushanshu_logs | [closed] This blood on my teeth is far beyond dry

"You shouldn't. I always thought you were one of the smartest ones of us, so you should know better than to trust a guy like me." His tone is matter of fact, and strangely reminiscent of the way he would've once given advice on the best way to cushion a fall or tie a bandage.

"I'm not asking you to trust me, but I am asking you to think. If our goal had been to completely destroy humanity, don't you think we would've done it? Nobody suspects a couple of refugee brats. We could've easily brought down wall Rose without ever joining the 104th."

"How you chose to do it doesn't matter!" Armin nearly shouts, and realizes he's beginning to lose his head. He bites his cheek and takes a deep, rattling breath to try and calm himself, "It may have taken you five years, but you still tried to breach Wall Rose. The only thing that stopped you was Eren's sudden transformation. Isn't that right? If you were successful, humanity would surely have been doomed. The result is exactly the same."

Eren's sudden transformation had certainly halted their attack on the wall. It was a spanner in the works, but it had been the kind of spanner they could've used.

"It matters. You are the one who figured out Annie was inside of the female titan because of the way she killed." It had been that moment that very much solidified Armin as one of their most dangerous opponents in Reiner's mind. All that time, it had been so easy to consider either Eren with his crazy determination or Mikasa with her larger than life skills as their most dangerous foes, but in reality it had been Armin all along. "Being attacked by Annie or being attacked by a regular titan... the end result would've been the same, right? But the reason mattered."

"So your plan had holes that I spotted! How does that change anything?"

He grits his teeth and wills his tears to not fall. His pitchfork shakes in his grip.

"Yes, you lived among us! We laughed, and shared bread, and shed blood! Together! Do you want me to show weakness by letting those times to cloud my thoughts? When you picked me up when I fell? When Annie so carefully pulled back my hood?"

Armin stomps his foot and takes a step forward, lifting his pitchfork like he actually means to attack, but then just stands there and trembles in fury. He can't. He can't.

"No! Those times only make you all the more cruel! I told you of everything I had lost, my family, my home, all of your doing, and you sat there and gave me false compassion! How could you? How could you possibly live with yourself, lying to everyone, who had suffered because of you?"

"You are a monster, and I won't have you deceive me again!"

Reiner doesn't react when Armin takes a step forward, raising his pitchfork. Despite the weapon, he is not a threat. The pitchfork is too unwieldy to make for a proper weapon, and Reiner's hand to hand skills had always vastly outmatched Armin's.

No, it's not the weapon that has him reacting.

Armin's words though strike in a way no weapon could. His jaw tightens, one hand curling into a fist, but it is those last words that finally have him truly reacting. He's moving before he even realizes it, taking a step forward, gesturing with one hand. His voice is harsh and raw, just a few shades short of a shout.

"Do you think I need you to tell me that? Do you think I don't realize what sort of a monster I am?!" A monster that cannot even live with itself, if the way he forgets himself just to escape the guilt is any indication. But he knows that doesn't make him worthy of understanding or even of pity; all he deserves is everything Armin is giving him.

"I'm even more monstrous than you think." Because even now there is so much more he knows, so many things he could tell Armin about the titans, about humanity's true enemy, but he isn't. Because even monsters have their duties, and while he cannot even be certain he is doing what is right, he is a warrior. And warriors carry out their duty to the bitter end.

"But I am not the only monster here." For a long moment he stares at Armin, before glancing away. "There's three of us, and two of you." Even without calling him by name, he knows Armin should be able to figure out that means Bertolt is here. Only another monster would ally itself with monsters, after all. "You don't have to trust in my words. Expect to be deceived if you want, but even you should be able to see that any direct confrontation between us is going to be in our advantage."

Edited 2014-01-30 01:45 (UTC)

Three? Armin drops his stance a little in sheer surprise, which could be a fatal mistake, but now he suddenly has to rethink... No-- Bertholt? All three of them? That's it. It was over. There was no way they could put up any sort of concentrated fight against three coordinated Shifters...

For a moment he's caught between the whirlwind of emotions he's built up, and the tactician inside of himself, screaming at him to be rational for two seconds and listen to whatever Reiner has to say, because at this point even the slightest chance that he might be telling the truth could keep he and Eren alive.

He bites his lip so hard that a tear of blood wells up from it. He takes that step back again, both physically and emotionally.

"...What do you want to say."

Edited (EDIT ALL THE THINGS) 2014-01-30 04:28 (UTC)

It certainly would've been a fatal mistake had Reiner been interested in killing him. For that moment of shock, Armin's stance is so open and unguarded, Reiner almost feels like Shadis is going to just materialise to yell at him for it.

"Like I said, you don't have to believe that we have no intention of killing anyone here. If it makes you feel better, distrust us completely. But even so, you should be able to understand that fighting here is going to be disadvantage for you." Talking about this is easier. Armin can't get under his skin like this. "Now I don't expect you to just attack us out of nowhere, I know you are smarter than that, but Eren is a problem. He's always been too driven and headstrong." Despite being their enemy, Reiner can't help the somewhat fond, brotherly tone that creeps into his voice at that comment. He had always liked Eren. He had liked too many people. "If he attacks us, it might end very badly for him."

And for them, considering how they are trying to hiding their abilities.

You think I don't know this? He wants to spit in disgust. Armin would always put Eren's safety at the top of his priorities. Hearing Reiner telling him to do so almost makes him want to launch a counter-attack out of pure spite.

"As if you have any right to say that. I'm not an idiot; I wasn't going to take advantage of Annie being here," he had her bluffed entirely, until Reiner showed up, "and even less so you. I know what would happen if a full scale Titan battle were to unfold in Keeliai. And I would never let Eren come to harm."

"What do you think you're accomplishing here? Does this satisfy you somehow? Do you think you're protecting us?"

"I'm trying to accomplish the same thing I've always tried to do. I just want to go home." And beyond that, it's not Armin and Eren that need his protection, not anymore. The circle of people he can allow himself to care about has shrunk down again to the only two people that can understand him. He can't make the mistakes he made before again. He can't become unreliable again. Bertolt and Annie are depending on him.

Reiner had promised to bring them home, after all.

"Think of me what you want. Just keep Eren from doing anything stupid and we won't bother you."

"Then go! Stop destroying walls! Stop killing people!" Stop making me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I stand up to you as an enemy. "Just go. I never want to see your face again, unless it's your bloody head rolling at my feet."

To defeat a monster, you must become one. The kindness inside him was hardening. He wanted to tear something apart, with his hands or with his words.

"...You have nothing to worry about, I would never let him near you."

"I deserve that. I can't die yet though, sorry." He sounds like he genuinely regrets that.

Rubbing the back of his neck for a moment, Reiner gives the situation a moment's thought. This is it, this is as much as he is going to get from this conversation, and honestly all he wanted out of it. It is a shaky ceasefire, but it should do well enough to guard them.

"Then this is it, I guess. We won't see each other again." Despite the fact that Armin is holding his pitchfork, Reiner starts forward anyway. Home is that way, and it still seems weird to think Armin could actually physically hurt him. When he passes by the shorter blond, his hand shoots out on impulse, practically without thinking, ruffling Armin's hair. "I know this won't mean anything to you but... it wasn't all a lie. Take care of Eren."

Armin makes a horrible, strangled sound of misery as Reiner dares to touch him. He wants so badly to jam his pitchfork behind his knee, trip him, and jam the sharp end of his tool into his thick neck, finishing this forever... But he knows it isn't possible. He just can't. He isn't strong enough. Instead, he has to stand there and bear the humiliation and fury and overpowering despair of still feeling comfort from having that large, warm hand touch his head.

"Go!" he chokes instead, swinging at Reiner ineffectually. Tears well in his eyes and a few slip past unbidden, and he wishes he were a Titan, hiding within a mountain of flesh.

Reiner jerks his hand back, jaw tightening. He shouldn't have touched him. He was still allowing those three years to cloud his judgement, giving birth to impulses he really couldn't indulge in anymore. Bertolt and Annie should be his only concern now. Nothing matters but them and getting them home.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he stubbornly keeps walking, not looking back, eyes strictly on the road in front of him. This would be the last time they'd meet. It'd be easier like that. For both of them.

[closed] This blood on my teeth is far beyond dry

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