January catch-all for Jackie

[jinzhong]

Characters: Jackie Ma and YOU!
Date: Throughout January
Location: Throughout Keeliai
Situation: Jackie's beginning to wish he'd stayed in the Dreaming.
Warnings/Rating: Depression, probably?

Returning to Keeliai and finding out that a year had gone by in their absence had been a shock, and not a good one. Jackie was already mourning the loss of his powers - and the fact that he'd just been used as a puppet by Malicant hadn't done him any favors. He still feels the sting of realizing he'd only been a pawn, and that sting had turned into heartbreak when he found out that the hatchlings had left.

So Raine had convinced him to return, but now he was back where he'd started. No home, no job, no hatchling, and no powers. Plus the addition of the guilt from being used as Malicant's puppet had worn heavily on him.

So he had nothing to do but to fall back in with the gangs. And the biggest, baddest gang around was the Snakes.

He didn't want to be a part of the Foreigners anymore, but he didn't really have a choice. Now he's straddling the line between Foreigner and Snake, not enough of either to fit in anywhere.

Which is where you come in. (Ask if you need a specific starter!)

starter one;
Jackie's been wandering around with the Snakes, and occasionally getting into skirmishes with the other, smaller gangs. If you want to ask the Foreigner why he's wearing Snake insignia and probably looking like he's been on the wrong end of a fight, here's your chance.

starter two;
Jackie probably needs to swing round the clinic to get the worst of his scrapes treated. He's in and out reasonably often, avoiding Raine, because she probably won't approve of his new profession.

starter three;
Jackie's sitting in the lobby of the Hotel, slumped over in his chair and doing his level best to ignore everyone. He may or may not be mildly drunk, depending on the day and how badly he's been doing.

Comments

[jinzhong]

Jackie shakes his head. "See, I tried doing that. What Rio'era would do or say, but...I dunno. It kind of made it hurt worse, you know? Just constantly being reminded that they aren't here and we can't protect them."

He sighs. "I'm glad it's helpin' you, though."

[solo_patria]

"I can see where that would, actually." Enjolras can think of a few friends from home, and some others are too painful by far to mention. "It probably depends on...a lot of things. I do wish we had been able to see them once before...I'd imagine they are quite grown up." His smile is a little wistful at the thought.

"But, ah, that is hardly helping you." He ducks his head a bit. "I apologize. Has anything helped you to distract yourself besides your ah...new employment?" Diplomatic phrasing, that.

[jinzhong]

Jackie doesn't like to think about home. Not anymore. Especially not after his discussion with Malicant. He knows what it said are lies, but the words still stick in his head, words that made too much sense for comfort.

"Not really. But I haven't really been trying. Just...you know...living. One day at a time."

[solo_patria]

Enjolras knows the feeling of that. He was under that influence for a damned long time. Weirdly, seeing Malicant again is what broke that control, for him.

"Living. I think sometimes it's the bravest thing we can keep on doing, when things get so insane."

[jinzhong]

"Heh." Jackie leans back in his chair. "Never really thought of it that way before. Never thought of just living as brave. Back where I come from, you either live and live hard, or you don't." He shakes his head. He'd been in the former category until, abruptly, the latter. "Even when stuff gets crazy. You do what you gotta do to survive. It's not brave. It's just. Living."

[solo_patria]

"It is like that for many at home." Enjolras nods. "But the idea that they do not give up or in is...well, it takes a degree of strength I am not certain I could find. Sometimes, all it takes is being able to say to whatever force or power you believe in, or to the world, I suppose, if you do not, that you are going to stand tall against the adversity and tell it...tell it to go and fuck itself, I think you would say, because it is not going to win."

Here, Enjolras smiles a little. "You do what you have to do, yes, but there is a lot to be said for the fact you haven't given up and died just yet, or done anything to end your life on your own. It may be living, but there is nothing 'just' about it."

[jinzhong]

Enjolras' use of the expletive startles a laugh out of Jackie, who hasn't had much cause to laugh in what feels like years.

"I guess you're right, huh," he says, smiling a little. "But I've never really been one for giving up. Or the other thing." Hell no. In Old Prosperity if you died like that it was an accident, or drugs, or something - nobody took their own life on purpose. There was enough violence present in that project already.

[solo_patria]

That seems to happen when Enjolras ventures to trot those out, he's starting to notice. It's kind of bemusing how easy making things like that happen really IS, when you get down to it.

"Giving up...no. I do not think i much like it either. Or anything else...I can see WHY it might happen, but I've never really thought it a solution either, somehow." In his case, he doesn't quite count seeking his death during the rebellion in the same way. That had something else attached, even though he expected to die.

[jinzhong]

"Totally not a solution. And..." He shrugs, folding his hands. "I dunno, I got told this is as good as my second chance. I figure I should make use of it. Right? Live as much as I can 'til I stop living for good this time."

An astute listener would note the 'this time'.

[solo_patria]

"This time?" Enjolras picked up on that, yes, and smiled a bit. "I know what that is like. And you know, perhaps it IS like that. I never though of it in those terms, exactly, but...it seems to make a good deal of sense. And I suppose it would ensure that one sees much."

[jinzhong]

Jackie smirks, and the smirk is bitter and painful. "Didn't exactly show up here under the best of circumstances, you know?"

He sighs. "Thanks, man."

[solo_patria]

"I can understand that, certainly." Perhaps not so much as that. Enjolras's final moment of life was the most glorious he had ever had up to the point, as much as he had wondered if he was ready for what came next. Still...

"Death hurts more than I had imagined." he muses, nodding. "Particularly if you weren't ready to go. That must be difficult to bear, even now. And please, anything that I can do."

[jinzhong]

Yeah, Jackie was tortured for hours and disemboweled before left to serve as bait for his best friend. Not exactly a noble end.

"It still hurts, man, it fucking sucks," he says, nodding, and thinking about home and Wei and the rest of it hurts even more. "But it's good to know I got friends here, too, you know?"

[solo_patria]

Yeah, definitely a pretty horrible way to go. Enjolras hasn't heard of many worse from people who actually speak freely about that sort of thing. It would horrify him if he knew, particularly as torture was just the sort of end that made him hope his friends either escaped or died before entering custody. The bait part....would make that worse if he knew. All he can do is look sympathetic now.

"I do know what you mean, yes. I'm glad to have met the people I did here. It...has gotten me through quite a lot, knowing there are always people here for me, yes."

[jinzhong]

Unfortunately - even though it would probably do Jackie a power of good to talk about it - he's not gonna. But he'll take that sympathetic look.

"Yeah. Better than being alone." He nods, looking haunted. "I guess we gotta stick closer to each other, right?"

[solo_patria]

Enjolras can understand that, the idea of not wanting to discuss horrible things like that. When Malicant kidnapped Enjolras and the others...things had happened that he probably should mention to someone some day but had had to shove back down instead.

"I think that is a perfect indication that we need to, yes." There is a pause as Enjolras smiles, gently, really, at Jackie. "After all, whatever higher power bored government official who handled housing back then decided that for us, didn't they? There had to be a reason."

[jinzhong]

Enjolras's smile makes Jackie smile a little back in turn. "I guess you're right. You're not my suitemate anymore, but you're still stuck with me, I guess. If. You know. If ya don't mind."

[solo_patria]

"Oh, you are not getting away easily, no. Stuck with each other then. I can think of far worse fates than you."