there will be time to murder and create; closed

[wrathfulkhan]

Characters: Gene Khan, Tony Stark; Milyn, possibly, later.
Date: February 4th
Location: Midnight Hotel; later, Milyn's clinic
Situation: Time to return home and face FULL-LIFE CONSEQUENCES. But first...
Warnings/Rating: Talk of long-since-committed murder. Definite sappy gay bullshit. Probably boys yelling. I don't know?

And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

When Tony returns to their shared room, he will find all of Gene's meager belongings carefully packed into a bag - as though he's preparing to leave, or is ready for being told to leave - and Gene himself sitting at the table, the rings on their string sitting before him, his head bowed in an attitude of contemplation.

"I need to talk to you," he says, looking up when Tony enters, his voice slightly hoarse, his face carefully blank.

Comments

[highprofilerichkid]

Tony actually looks a little relieved when Gene says that. "Me too," he replies quietly.

He moves to the table and sits down. "And I'm sorry I made you go home. We should have talked about it first. I shouldn't have... it was the wrong time to do it."

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene shrugs, a little brusquely. "It is what it is. It's over now." He'd rather not dwell on it. Because if he does, he'll totally fall apart, and he doesn't need that right now.

"I figured I owed you that much."

[highprofilerichkid]

"But that's what I mean, Gene— I made you feel like you had to go, and... that's not what I wanted. That isn't why I wanted to do it."

Tony looks down. "I don't want you to punish yourself for me. I was mad at you, but that doesn't mean I want to hurt you."

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene laughs a little uncertainly. "Isn't that what it means, to be angry with someone? That they hurt you, and now you want them to hurt, too?"

That isn't sarcasm - he's genuinely asking. Even with Skul's tutelage, he's never learned the right way to deal with anger...or what exactly anger is.

[highprofilerichkid]

Tony looks up again, frowning. "No! I think... that's what I used to think, too. But every time you've hurt me, trying to hurt you back didn't fix anything anything. It's never made me feel better. I just need to know that you know why I was mad, and that you'll keep trying to do better."

He lets out a slow, heavy breath. "And... I think you've proved that. What you did, you did before I got here. It was still a really awful thing to do, but you weren't breaking any of the promises you made to me. Mostly I'm mad that you didn't tell me sooner." Tony pauses here, trying to find the right words.

"...But you did tell me. And that's... that's what's important. I'm glad I heard about it from you and not someone else. That's how I know you really do want to get better. That's why I still trust you, even if I am kind of pissed at you."

His voice drops almost to a whisper. "What I said in the Dreaming— I haven't changed my mind. I want to be here for you."

[wrathfulkhan]

"I know," Gene says, nodding wearily. "I know, I'll...keep trying, I swear."

He lets out a heavy sigh. "I should have told you before. I was being a coward, like I'd said. I..." His voice breaks, and he swallows hard. "You shouldn't trust me. I haven't earned that back, I haven't earned the right to be trusted. What I did was wrong, and I hurt you."

When Tony says that he still intends to hold to what he'd said in the Dreaming, there's a lump in Gene's throat, and he turns his head away slightly, looking down so Tony won't be able to see the tears pricking at his eyes. "But I just keep hurting you," he says lamely.

[highprofilerichkid]

"You don't have to be perfect, Gene." Tony reaches across the table for his hand. He's still looking at Gene, even though Gene has looked away, and his expression is serious and earnest and a little sad.

"I was angry because you kept a secret from me, and that's what I was afraid of: that you'd lie to me again. But if you didn't tell me because you were afraid I'd hate you... I think that means I might be doing something wrong, too. I don't want you to be afraid to tell me things because you think that I'll leave you if you ever make a mistake. Getting upset about something doesn't mean I hate you. I want to help you. I don't want to just be the— the person who punishes you when you mess up."

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene glances back at Tony when he feels the touch on his hand, but largely keeps his eyes averted. He hasn't earned this. He doesn't have the right to look upon Tony.

"It wasn't just a mistake," Gene says, quietly, urgently. "I killed him, Tony. And I didn't tell you before because I was...because you'd know I hadn't changed." He sighs, still looking away. "I don't want you to be upset with me. I know why you are, and I understand it, but it sucks. I don't...I don't know if I can be helped, here. I keep messing up."

[highprofilerichkid]

Tony sighs. "Yeah. I mean... it's not good, Gene. And if things had been any different - if we weren't in a place that brings people back, or if you'd done it behind my back while I was here - I don't know. It would be... a lot harder to deal with." If things had been any different, Tony probably wouldn't be here right now.

"But he didn't stay dead, and the two of you worked things out, and you made a promise to change. And so far, you've kept that promise. So... I think... I think that's okay."

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene nods slowly. "I intend to keep that promise. But..."

He glances back up at Tony, fearful, not daring to hope, looking like a wounded animal. "I don't know if it is okay. I mean...I want to be better. I told you, you make me want to be better. I just...I don't know if I can be."

He's done a lot of self-reflection lately, and he doesn't particularly like what he sees.

[highprofilerichkid]

"I believe you can be. And that's why I'm sticking with you. If there are some rough spots... that's okay. We can get through them." He pulls Gene's hand towards him and laces their fingers together. "Together. Like we said in the Dreaming."

[wrathfulkhan]

"Together," Gene repeats, somewhat numbly, when Tony takes his hand. "I'm going to try. No - I will do better." There's stubborn determination in his voice. He's already gotten two more chances than he deserves. He's not going to throw this one away.

[highprofilerichkid]

Tony smiles and nods, and squeezes Gene's hand. "I'm wiped out, and you don't look much better. We should get some sleep." Maybe they'll both feel better about all this after they've slept on it.

"I should shower again, too..." He pauses, looking uncertain again. "You wanna come with me...?"

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene nods, finally allowing himself to feel the exhaustion of relief. Things weren't totally horrible. They hadn't broken up, Tony hadn't left. Things would be okay.

Then the question hits and his ears go a little red. He looks at Tony, just as uncertain, not sure if this is a test. "Um...yeah, okay. If you want me to."

[highprofilerichkid]

"Only if you want to," Tony says, blushing a little bit himself. He doesn't want to push things; not while their relationship is still in such a precarious state. But he wants to do something nice for Gene. He wants to show him that he cares, and he's not going to leave him.

"I'm going to shower. And... You can come join me. If you want. Okay?" He smiles again. Then he stands and walks to the bathroom. If Gene wants to follow, he's welcome. If not, Tony won't hold it against him. They have plenty of time to work things out at their own pace.

[wrathfulkhan]

It's probably not a wise choice, but Gene thinks that he does want to join Tony. At least for the closeness it would provide, the physical comfort aside from anything else implied by a joint shower.

He waits for a moment before getting to his feet and following. Too often he's tried to consider every angle when dealing with Tony; rarely does he let himself just be. He's trying that out now, and time will tell how well it works.

[highprofilerichkid]

Tony smiles when Gene slips into the shower with him. He wraps his arms around Gene's waist and kisses him gently, carefully, still a little afraid that Gene will pull away.

It's the first time they've kissed since everything went to hell, so he's nervous, but this seems like as good a time as any for it. The enclosed space of the shower, with the dim light and and warm steam and the white noise of water rushing around them, feels like a safe little cocoon. A little bit of isolation from the outside world and all the drama and heartache it contains. It's not bad place to start putting the pieces back together, Tony thinks.

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene's hesitant at first, but he kisses Tony back after a moment, just as gently. He doesn't want to move too fast or presume too much about what Tony wants from him. He'll take things nice and slow if Tony does, here in the shower, hiding away from the world. It feels safe here, and safety isn't something Gene has felt in a long while.