tushanshu_logs | Sometimes the Only Pay-off for Having Any Faith

Entry tags:

Sometimes the Only Pay-off for Having Any Faith

Characters: Valdis and open
Date: The month of August 2015 (2016 in game)
Location: various
Situation: various
Warnings/Rating: In subject headers

The tempest that had struck in the previous month had culminated in the silencing of her dark magic, but she considered the whole thing worth it, because the turtle was alive. She had lost Wan, but Anton was recovering and she had found new friendships alongside strengthening older ones. The mystery that was Bakura still stood, but perhaps now that she and her employer had gotten the worst of it out of their systems, things could settle between them. The largest problem she faced was the lack of power she currently possessed. With the Void silent, she had no access to her regenerative powers, something she would find essential if the Chihuleans really did invade again. It would awaken eventually, but for now she would have to tread carefully. Once her magic returned, things would be back to normal, but she wasn't entirely certain if that would be a good thing.

[OOC: please use format: Name | Date |Location |Content Warning, if you are posting your own starter, this is for my OCD-ness. PM if you want me to set up a starter.]

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An invasion? Good God, he really was out of the loop, wasn't he?

"Funny... it feels like all I've done for the past century is play at politics, and yet I have absolutely no idea what's going on here." Not that he had extenuating circumstances or anything. And not like Skulduggery (and possibly Anton) would have had an aneurysm had he tried getting back into politics in some form.

He was a janitor, here, and on most days that was more than enough to keep him busy. Unless Anton happened to be on a particular cleaning kick as he currently was.

The mention of Bakura did raise an eyebrow conspicuously. Ravel hadn't really set out to ask Valdis about the incident a while back, but...

"You're still working for him? After what happened? I mean, you are, but...."

Perhaps is was a good thing that Erskine had gotten out of politics, he was too blunt right now. Whoever he had been before his torture, he was no longer that person. He had been changed by circumstances beyond his control, not unlike her, but perhaps the changes could be for the better.

"But...what?"

Honestly, Erskine, she wasn't going to hold a grudge against Bakura for almost causing her death. After all, Gene hadn't held similar circumstances against her and Bakura had...kind of apologized.

Sorry Valdis, Erskine's pretty sure you're supposed to hold grudges over almost dying. Or actually dying. He certainly did. Which was partially why he was so grateful to Anton, that Anton didn't.

"But what the hell happened, that you two are killing each other in the streets one day and back to working together a week later?" Ravel's face twisted in utter confusion. "Bakura mentioned something about 're-negotiating a deal'? I mean, you don't have to tell me all the details, but what the hell? Is this normal?"

Valdis just stared at him for a moment, still and expressionless. No, it wasn't normal, but that was just Keeliai. Besides, she herself wasn't normal, she could die, but she would come back as long as she had another soul to offer in exchange for life. It was a terrible truth, but a truth nonetheless.

"I broke up with him," she said finally, a teasing glint in her eyes, "He didn't take kindly to that and so he challenged me to a duel to win me back."

In a manner of speaking, it was true, but it took quite a bit of effort to not burst out laughing at her own choice of words.

Well that stopped him short.

"Oh."

Wait, hadn't there been something with Raine and Bakura and Wreath? Admittedly Ravel had spent most of that conversation trying to melt into the woodwork and not punch Wreath, but he was pretty sure there had been something there. And he, Erskine, had taken Valdis dancing before the fight.

But Bakura had made some kind of cryptic remark about the kind of deal he'd had with Valdis...

Ugh. This was why Ravel preferred to avoid relationships, or at least the ones that didn't have the word 'benefits' at the end of them. Unless that was what-

No, you know what? Nope. Done.

"Well, that explains that."

The look on Erskine's face was enough to send her over the edge and she burst out laughing. She laughed for a few minutes, trying to bring herself to a point where she could regain control. She hadn't laughed like this for months. It was genuine amusement, something she hadn't felt since...no, she wasn't going there.

Once her laughter subsided, she took a deep breath. "Word choice is quite important, isn't it?" She mused, still smiling. "Don't worry Erskine," her tone became a bit more somber, "Our fight..it had to do with the fact that I made a choice that hurt him and he didn't want what I told him to be true." She sighed, "Bakura and I have a lot in common, but to him, I was more a problem to be solved than anything else. I believe he has now realized that that isn't the case. I apologized, he apologized," kind of, "And we got back to work."

She smiled again, "I do appreciate your anger on my behalf though, it's nice to know that my life is valued."

The laughter was... confusing, at first. He probably should have taken that as an immediate sign that Valdis had been joking, but ever since Darquesse he'd found it sometimes more difficult than it ought to be to read situations properly. Maybe it also had something to do with why his choice of words was frequently so blunt, his intentions so obvious, so unlike the subtlety he used to employ without even letting on to those closest to him.

...a joke. Okay.

Valdis's actual explanation didn't actually explain much, but it was slightly less cryptic than Bakura's comment had been at the party. And at least the two of them had apologized and were on ostensibly good terms again.

At that last bit he shrugged, looking away as he spoke. "Yeah, well. I don't have so many friends that I can afford for them to go dying in the streets, you know?"

Friends? Her smile turned soft, more sincere. It was nice to have friends again. After losing Dante and then Wan, she wasn't entirely certain that she would be able to find friends again. Raine was kind of a friend, but their relationship was more complicated and Anton was more of a father figure. Erskine was different from Wan and Dante, but it was a good different and he didn't need to replace anyone.

"I don't have many friends either," she replied, "But I'd do anything for the ones I do have."

Erskine smiled; it was tired, and small, but sincere.

"I'd like to say the same. There was a time I could. But we both know how that turned out, don't we?" Not that that particular situation could be applied to everyone, everywhere. And not that he still wouldn't have done anything for his friends, his brothers. Even after that he would have done almost anything for them--up to and including giving himself up, if they'd only given him a chance. If he'd only been able to see his plan through until the end.

"But that's the whole point of this second chance, I suppose," he continued. "Assuming that there is some point to it. And speaking of points, I think I've lost mine." He held a hand up to his forehead and closed his eyes, shrugging his shoulders. "It probably wasn't a very good one anyway."

She sighed, and moved closer to him. "You're silly," she said softly, "You can still help people, you can still do good things, that option isn't lost to you forever because of a past mistake. That's why its called a second chance."

Heaven knows that she didn't deserve a second chance, but she had been gifted with one and was going to do her very best to not completely screw it up.

"Perhaps I'm biased," she continued, "But I think that you are a good person at heart and ..." she hesitated a moment, "I believe that you believed that you were doing what you thought was best. I can't blame you for that."

"Funny, then you'd be one of the few that can't," he sighed, then immediately shook his head and chided himself internally. It was the same thing he'd run into, talking to Raine. This wasn't a pity party. He was four hundred years old. If he was going to fall apart at least he could have the decency to do it quietly.

No matter the fact that right now, what he really wanted more than anything was just... a hug. Maybe he'd hit up Anton when he got back to the Hotel. At least Shudder wouldn't think the request overly strange.

"That sounded flippant. I'm sorry. And... thank you."

Ravel shook his head again, this time to clear the proverbial cobwebs, and looked around. "Any idea what you'd like to do with the rest of your afternoon off?"

She fell silent, searching for the emotions she knew he was trying to hide. She wasn't offended by the sharp comment, merely saddened by the fact that Erskine still felt so alone. She stood up after he asked his question, and looked him in the eyes.

"It's okay to fall apart in the presence of friends," she told him, ignoring the question, "That's what we are here for...to comfort, to listen, to go and beat up the guy that made you cry." Her lip twitched as a smile threatened to emerge. "It's okay to show weakness, no one can be strong all the time." Anton had taught her that, so had Wan. Both she and Erskine had lost so much, but they both seemed obsessed with appearing fine. She was tempted to hug him, just as Wan had always done for her, just as Anton had done not long ago.

Erskine wasn't going to be the one to initiate a hug, no matter how badly he needed one. Even if he wasn't consciously aware that he needed one.

Because he did. He really, really did.

But that didn't mean that he couldn't still take comfort in Valdis being close, or in the veiled offer to beat up whomever had made him cry. That elicited another small smile. "I'm afraid you'd probably end up beating me up," he chuckled. "I seem to be the cause of most of my own problems, in one way or another. Which would just make me cry all over again. I have a feeling you'd kick my arse without even trying."

As for falling apart in the presence of friends... no. That he couldn't do. He couldn't even fall apart in the presence of the Dead Men, and they were more than friends. They were, or had been, family. Anton was the notable exception, only through the strange confluence of events that had led them to this moment.

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe if he'd just given Dexter or Saracen or Anton a chance, maybe things would have gone differently. But there were a lot of maybes in his past and it didn't do anyone any good to start digging through them at this late hour.

She hesitated only a moment longer before stepping closer and hugging him. It was a strange feeling, initiating a hug was not something she had ever done with sincerity before. But she knew that it could help people who were hurting.

"I'm a creature of chaos, Erskine," she said softly, "I know what it is like to feel that you are the cause of all your problems. Sometimes it's true, but other times bad things happen to good people and no one is to blame."

She didn't break her embrace when she was done speaking, hoping that she was doing it right and that it would help.

For all that he'd been unwilling to initiate a hug, that didn't mean that he wasn't willing to accept one. He didn't tense when she embraced him, but rather seemed to melt into the hug as if it had been his own idea.

bad things happen to good people and no one is to blame.

Erskine begged to differ. Mevolent was very clearly to blame.

His eyes shut tightly as he hugged Valdis back, an attempt to keep tears from forming. His chest tightened uncomfortably and his breath caught. One of these days he might actually pour his problems out onto someone else. One of these days.

"It is... nice to have a friend again," he confessed quietly.

A friend.

It seemed that she had done it right after all, for Erskine seemed to relax for a brief moment. But his inner anxiety, fear and sorrow did not dissipate as she wished it would. She knew it wouldn't be so easy to soothe the emotions, but she had hoped that it would at least lessen them somewhat.

"I know," she replied, continuing to hold him, tempted to squeeze tighter when she felt his breath catch, but instead kept her embrace gentle. There had been a time when she would have scoffed at such gentleness, at sympathy, and she wasn't certain when that had changed.

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Sometimes the Only Pay-off for Having Any Faith

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Did I mention spoilers? Cause spoilers

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