A Revelation in the Light of Day (January Catch All)

[redlightgreenlight]

Characters: Valdis and Open
Date: January "2017"
Location: Throughout Keeliai
Situation: Various
Warnings/Rating: In Starters


Her memory loss in November hadn't left any visible scars, but its return had been less than pleasant. Thus, apart from spending time with the kedanese children, she had mostly kept to herself in December. Trying to sort out the conflicting memories that belonged to her and those that belonged to Meira. In the end, the memories had merged and she was able to recall in detail the events of November. Some of those she wished she didn't, but others might prove useful.

Now that she was back together, she could focus on what she really cared about, getting back to work at the Dojo and hunting down the cultists. The Cultists had been fairly silent throughout the Chihuelans visit and the Turtle Move, but she didn't suspect they would be for long. Then there was the matter of Yunxu's salt hoarding, Jintou's current state, her hunt for Celaunn and conflict with Zanru, not to mention those zombie kedan who had tried to take her soul gem and the visions from the turtle. She barely had time to think about anything else when her head was spinning with so many thoughts. There was so much to be done and she couldn't do it alone.

Comments

[gistful]

Anton sighed a bit, mostly in resignation, but also with a bit of exasperation. He did reach out to brush her hair off her face, and left his hand on her head afterward.

"I doubt he knew he could do that either," he said. "But a person's mind will do a lot to protect themselves, whether they mean it or not. It's no one's fault, a leabh--but it was, perhaps, foolish to attempt it without trying harder to ascertain the possible consequences."

Something Valdis had a habit of doing. At least Raine had been involved.

[redlightgreenlight]

"You think I didn't contemplate the possible risks?" Her shocked showed clearly on her face and not even Anton's gentle touch could alleviate her irritation. "I have never gone deep enough to see memories before. Surface things, the immediate state of the soul. Broken, fractured visions...yes."

She shook her head and pushed herself up. "I took every precaution I could think of and with my limited experiences, how could I have predicted this?"

[gistful]

Anton let his hand drop, glancing out the window to avoid matching her irritation with any of his. She may not be wrong, he acknowledged to himself. He didn't know what was involved in what she'd done.

All he saw was that she'd almost lost control--again. It looked like recklessness from here.

He looked back at her. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "You're right. I don't know what efforts you took to prevent anything untoward."

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"I don't go around causing these problems for the fun of it, Anton."

Valdis fully admitted that her natural state seemed to be chaotic, but that didn't mean she took joy in it and his apology did little to alleviate her irritation. Things had been easier when she hadn't been compromised by feelings and all the problems had started with Dante. She shook her head.

"I truly believed that this endeavor would be relatively safe."

The only thing she hadn't predicted was Cain's memories being so clear.

[gistful]

"I believe you," Anton said, equally quietly, and closed his eyes, and sighed. "I just--worry. You're so young, in many ways--yes, I realise the irony of that. Sometimes I'm unsure you quite think things through to their fullest extent."

Given her track record, it wasn't an unreasonable assumption--but it possibly wasn't a fair one, either. She tried.

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis stayed silent for several moments after Anton finished speaking, her irritation fading. Of course he worried and with good reason. She was essentially lying to him again, but she was no longer certain who she was protecting. The Void was hiding things from her, the memory was proof of that.

"The memory that Cain dragged to the surface.." she replied, reaching out to lay her hand on top of his, "Was one that I didn't know existed. It was from before, back when I was first Meira."

[gistful]

Anton turned his hand over to take Valdis's properly, opening his eyes to look down at her. "Would you like to tell me about it?" he asked, and though it was a prompt it wasn't a request. He wouldn't push if Valdis didn't want to discuss the matter. Nebulous memories weren't, he imagined, particularly fun.

[redlightgreenlight]

She let him take her hand, comforted by the gesture. It was almost hard to believe that this man held a monster created by all his negative emotions inside of him. He seemed far too gentle and caring, but she knew how vicious the gist was. She squeezed his hand, closing her eyes to draw up the memory, but was careful to hold it at a distance.

"It was dark, but I recognized Lord Amos."

She stopped, suddenly not wanting to reveal anything that could be considered a weakness. She quickly shoved the worry aside, Anton had proven time and again that he was an ally, a friend, he had even faced the Void for her, he could hold Revelations.

"And Fenrir." She swallowed, fell silent for a moment before continuing, "Fenrir...used his Void to draw out my soul, he took it in his hand." Another swallow. "And it shattered."

Valdis opened her eyes, letting the memory fade as she tried not to cry. "I wasn't always like this...I had a life before the Void and it was taken away and I didn''t even remember. How could I not remember?"

[gistful]

Not all those names were familiar, at least where Valdis was concerned--though certainly 'Fenrir' was known to Anton from a mythological standpoint.

"Hopeless always said that trauma can cause amnesia," Anton said almost absently. "It's the mind's way of protecting itself." He refocussed on Valdis, squeezing her hand, even almost stroking it. "I am sorry," he said simply. There wasn't much that could be said, in light of what Valdis had seen in herself.

[redlightgreenlight]

Trauma could cause amnesia and yet, Valdis didn't think that was the case. The Void had almost been angry, perhaps afraid, that she and Cain had accessed the memory, but she didn't want to dwell on it anymore, she just wanted to sleep and to forget.

"I'm tired," she said, squeezing his hand in response, "I'll be alright if you need to go back to the desk."

She didn't suspect that she would dream, but she rarely dreamed anyway.

[gistful]

"If you're sure." Anton released her hand and stroked her hair back one last time. "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

With that he rose, pausing just long enough in case she had anything else to say before bowing slightly and leaving the room.