tushanshu_logs | if your past calls, don't you pick it up, it's got nothing new to say

Characters: Tony, Gene, Pepper, Valdis, Miles and Danny
Date: February 8-12
Location: House Spicy Iron Dragon, a kedanese dojo, KPD HQ, the College, Jasmine Dragon Tea House
Situation: Memory sharing catch-all!
Warnings/Rating: mentions of violence, major injury, death, roller skates

1. Pepper | House Spicy Iron Dragon | ɢ ʀ ɪ ᴇ ғ

Ah, it's so nice to have a day off once in a while, to kick back, relax, and... work in the lab. Okay, yeah, his hobbies are exactly the same as his work. So what?

He's been at it a couple hours, so Tony trots upstairs to the kitchen for a refuel. Pepper's already there eating lunch. Tony smiles. "Hey, Pep," he says, grabbing a leftover sandwich from the fridge. "I was gonna make some tea." (Coffee, as scarce as it is, is now reserved for special occasions.) "You want some?"

2. Gene | The Dojo | ғ ᴇ ᴀ ʀ

Tony's been diligent about attending his practice sessions, even with the temporary relocation while the Jade Dojo gets repaired, and it's paying off. He's getting pretty damn good at hand-to-hand combat (if he does say so himself), and he doesn't look like a complete idiot holding a sword.

Gene can still totally kick his ass, though.

"Uuugh," Tony groans from the mat. "My everything hurts." Nevertheless, he's smiling. He props himself up on an elbow and wiggles his other arm at Gene, asking for a hand up. "One more round?"

3. Danny | Jasmine Dragon Tea House | ғ ᴜ ɢ ɪ ᴛ ɪ ᴠ ᴇ

Tony's on edge. The... incidents with Pepper and Gene had been incredibly emotionally draining. Whatever magical bullshit is going around like the flu, Tony wants no further part in it.

He'd needed a little time away from the house, so he's escaped to the Jasmine Dragon tea house, where he's sitting in a corner with some technical diagrams, trying to lose himself in his work. The papers are scattered all over the table (some in dangerous proximity to his pot of tea), and Tony himself, open book that he is, looks a little bit frazzled. It's been a long couple days.

4. Miles | Tony's College lab | ᴄ ᴏ ɴ s ᴜ ᴍ ᴇ

Tony's glad he's just an all-purpose on-call genius and not a professor, because it means he can put the "WARNING: DANGEROUS EXPERIMENTS IN PROGRESS" sign up on his lab door and avoid people without having to cancel any classes.

His working theory on the memory swaps is that the memories have to have some sort of association with the person receiving them (Gene and the plane crash is obvious; Pepper had lost her mother at the same age Tony had; Danny and Tony both had the secret superhero identity thing going on), so there's a lower chance of swapping traumatic memories with random strangers and casual acquaintances. Still, Tony doesn't want to take any chances. Until this is over, he's going to be making the most of the 'antisocial engineering nerd' stereotype.

He can't avoid everyone, though. He's fixed Miles' camcorder, and since they've only met a couple times, Tony figures his risk factor is pretty low. So Tony sends him a quick message letting him know that his camcorder is fixed and waiting for him in the lab. Fingers crossed that nothing weird happens when he shows up!

5. Valdis | KPD Headquarters | ʙ ᴇ ᴛ ʀ ᴀ ʏ ᴀ ʟ

So, based on the reports of the other Foreigners, the only consistent feature of the memory swaps is proximity. Everything else seems pretty much random. Which means Tony can either become a complete recluse for the entire duration of whatever this is, or he can suck it up.

He decides to suck it up. He's got too much going on to just vanish for a week or month or however long (as tempting as it is).

One thing that he definitely doesn't want to let slide is keeping tabs on the Cultists. As a sort-of-consultant to the KPD, he checks in with Valdis regularly to make sure they're on the same page. He doesn't have any new intel this time, but she might, so he drops by her office for a meeting.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Sure." The cultists and Daseng are his real interest, but as long as he's 'consulting' for the KPD or whatever it is he's doing, he's happy to help out with whatever they need. He reaches for the file.

He's been careful the last couple days about trying not to touch people, because the memories, most times, seem to be triggered by touch. He's not sure if he brushes Valdis' hand accidentally or if the magic just decides a couple inches is close enough, but either way, the result is the same:

The now-familiar wave of deja vu, and a powerful rush of emotions that belong to a memory better left buried.

She doesn't feel his touch, but the memory floods into her mind all the same. Shock. Confusion. She had known that Gene was once very different. That the boy had once been a villain. But he had destroyed Tony's life? And Tony had been able to forgive him?

In the next instant a very different memory would flow in the opposite direction.

There was a rush. Pumping adrenaline. A heart that pulsed without purpose and a deep darkness. The sound of hissing laughter as the landscape flew by, slowing as a figure came into view...Gene. More laughter and then the thrill of blood as sharp teeth sliced through skin. Strength that could have shattered bone, but tormenting the prey was far more fun. Jaws shaking, tearing deep. Blood. More Blood. Screams. Delightful suffering. Excitement.

No.

Stop.

Please stop.

Pain. Cause more pain. Don't let the host take over again. Having too much fun. She's strong. We must be stronger. We know best...

Tony gasps and recoils. The file falls out of his hands and papers scatter all over the desk.

Screams of agony and blood filling his mouth—

Tony staggers back, eyes wide, until his back thuds into the wall behind him.

He'll never forget the sight of Gene lying in that field, torn apart, covered in blood— and now every wound has a memory tied to it. Memories of his (Valdis') teeth sinking into flesh and claws rending it apart; memories of malevolent glee pulsing through him with every beat of his victim's failing heart.

Tony has seen and relived plenty of violence and pain this past week, but not like this. Not through the eyes of the one causing it. Not when the person suffering is someone he loves.

But the worst of it is, side by side with the memory of Gene's betrayal, a little piece of him likes it.

He deserved it, that ugly, hateful part of him whispers. He deserves to suffer for everything he did. You should have left him to die— just like he left you.

"Tony!"

Valdis is hit with several emotions at once. Fear. Anger. Concern. Sorrow. She had lied. She had lied about not remembering the attack on Gene and everyone had believed her. She might not have been in control, but she remembered every second. But she couldn't think about the consequences of that now. Horror at the twisted emotions rolling off the young man, fills her, squashing the previous ones.

There was a part of Tony that enjoyed the memory. It was there for only a moment, but that tiny spark was enough to incite fury.

"What are you thinking?" She exclaims.

Tony's still reeling from the memories; it takes him a couple seconds to realize that she's spoken to him, and when he finally parses what she'd said to him he still doesn't understand the question.

"What?" he says, staring at her with a mix of shock, horror, and confusion.

What is he thinking? He's thinking that he'll spend the rest of his life knowing what it feels like to taste the hot blood of something still living and struggling. He's thinking he'd forgotten how fiercely he had hated Gene— and he's hating himself for the violent, vengeful instinct that lurks in the dark corners of his heart. Thinking that the Dreaming must be putting him to some kind of test, making him face all the terrible things Gene's done, and making him question what kind of terrible things Tony himself might have been willing to do.

And he's thinking that if he thinks much more about what he just saw, he's going to throw up.

Had she really sensed the enjoyment? Tony seemed so confused and rattled by what he'd seen and she didn't blame him, not at all. His emotions washed over her in confused waves. Twisting and turning like the sea during a storm. It confused her own horror.

"Tony," She whispered, trying to regain some sense of normalcy by gathering up all the papers. "Tony, I'm sorry."

Tony's legs feel like jelly and he really wants to sit down, but his fight-or-flight response is still in full gear and that chair in front of Valdis' desk seems way to close to her, to— that monster inside of her that he had briefly seen inside himself.

"Don't—" He takes a deep breath, but his voice is still breathless and unsteady. "Don't tell Gene you saw that. Please don't tell him. He doesn't want... people to know what happened back home. He's changed. It's different now."

The plea is for Gene, but Tony feels like maybe a little bit of it is for himself, too. He doesn't like who he'd been in that moment, either.

Valdis couldn't believe that she felt so calm. She should be panicking along with Tony, because she had lied. To Anton. To Wan. To Gene. To Tony. To everyone. She remembered it all to clearly now, drudged up by what was no doubt the Dreaming. Horror should be filling her core, she should be terrified of the others finding out, yet she felt nothing.

"I won't tell him," she replied, "I know he's different. I'm an empath, remember?"

She didn't move closer, much as she wanted to comfort him.

"But, please," she continued, her tone solemn, "Don't tell Gene that I remember..."

That assurance calms him down a little – but only a little. His emotional state has not yet been downgraded from 'full-on freak-out.'

"Valdis, why— why did you lie about that? Why did you tell him you don't remember?"

"Because it's easier..." And less painful. "If everyone knew that I remembered..."

And she didn't want to remember it either.

Tony takes his eyes off Valdis long enough to scrub his hand over his face.

"But you— we know it wasn't really you, Valdis. Lying about remembering it— what's the point? It's just a lie. It doesn't make anything better."

He grimaces and says through gritted teeth, "I'm so fucking tired of people lying to me."

"Oh, because you were so understanding after the fact." Valdis scoffed, hands moving to her hips, "If I recall, I had to die protecting you in order for you to forgive me for what happened to Gene."

Tony squeezes his eyes shut. He takes another deep breath and lets it out slowly.

"Yeah," he admits, finally. "Yeah. Right. I know. I'm sorry. I'm—" He falls silent for a few seconds, seeming to lose his train of thought. When he pulls himself together again, he continues, "I know I can be a real asshole sometimes. I was a dick to you, and it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry. I still mean what I said before." The last time he apologized for being a jerk. "I'm just... afraid of losing him."

Even if Valdis had killed him, Gene wouldn't really have been gone – Keeliai would have brought him back. But try telling that to your emotions when you're watching the person you love bleed out on the ground. For all his genius, Tony's never been good at reining in his emotions with logic.

"It was hard to... see it like that. I wasn't expecting it." Understatement.

if your past calls, don't you pick it up, it's got nothing new to say

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