tushanshu_logs | You'd be damned to be one of us

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You'd be damned to be one of us | Open

Characters: Fai, Raine, Kratos, and OPEN
Date: The first week of May
Location: The Healer's Guild
Situation: Fai is in bad shape after losing his only food source, and some very nice people are trying to keep him alive.
Warnings/Rating: Content warning for discussion of death, death wishes, blood, self-neglect. Also probably crying about missing boyfriends and being a stubborn idiot.

A; Raine, then later Kratos

[He's sitting in an examination room, small and sterile, largely free of any adornment. Just a bed and blank walls and despite Klaus's insistence (the man had carried him over here from the Hotel like an invalid) there's nothing at all they can do for him here. Unless they can bring back--

NOnonono don't think about him

Fai slips off the edge of the bed, ostensibly to pace. He won't try to leave, not just yet, because he's already worried Klaus too much and maybe if he gets Raine to agree with him that there's nothing to be done people will just leave him alone about it. But the hunger is like fire in his veins and his strength is giving out. His legs buckle and he sort of folds down in a heap on the floor, forehead down against his knees, a sob caught in his throat.

It's been months since he's been alone with his thoughts like this. Alone with himself is not a good place for Fai to be, even though that's where he'd rather be right now.

Who wants an audience to die in pain?]

B; OPEN

[For the first week or so of May, Fai will be staying at the Healer's Guild while Raine and company work on a way to keep him alive. He's in bad shape, this week. Paler than usual, clammy skin, his ordinarily thin and pretty features now gaunt and drawn. Healing magic has helping, somewhat, but it can't reverse the fact that he's still starving to death.

Raine has asked to be notified of all visitors. Assuming someone is fine with letting her know they're here, or if they're willing to try to sneak in otherwise, it's easy enough to find Fai. For most of the week he'll be lying in bed, alternately looking as though he's either trying to stay awake or trying to hold back a grimace of pain.]

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[Raine comes in with possibly the worst timing, just as Fai has collapsed to the floor. She'd already been cued that something was wrong; it's not difficult to see it in Fai's posture.]

[She just doesn't know what's wrong.]

[She's by his side in a few brisk strides, kneeling to place a hand on his shoulder. She can't see any trauma, so it's illness or magic.]

Fai. Can you tell me what's wrong?

[Her voice is mostly as cool as ever, but there's undeniable worry in her tone despite that.]

[Well, this isn't exactly how he'd wanted to start this whole thing. He doesn't want to be here anyway, but he'd at least hoped to have some dignity when he'd explained everything to Raine, instead of being a stupid crying mess on the floor. It's still so ingrained in him not to show his hurts, not to let on when anything is wrong, but that's not going to be possible this time.

He takes a deep, shaky breath and looks up at Raine, forcing a smile. The smile, unlike his real, brilliant smiles, is sort of ghastly when framed by stifled sobs and an overly pale, gaunt face.]

I would prefer not to, but I don't suppose I have much of a choice, do I?

[That's a terrible smile. Raine can tell immediately it's forced, and that Fai's not okay. She remains right where she is, not moving back, though she does let go of his shoulder now that he's looking at her.]

I suppose you could choose not to tell me, but it would be counterproductive, and I would only then have more questions for you.

[And a lecture, more than likely.]

What's happening to you?

[Looking up at Raine doesn't last long. Out of habit Fai lets his head fall just far enough for a mess of blond locks to obscure his expression.

He doesn't have anything planned to say. All this time waiting and he didn't plan anything to say. Why didn't he figure this out sooner?

After a long moment he croaks out:]

I'm a vampire. And I'm starving.

[Raine keeps staring at him, as though the force of her gaze will get answers out of him, even once he's dropped his head again.]

[...His answer still doesn't make sense.]

Why? I'm aware of the concept, of course, and evidently you have enough self-restraint not to be the ravening sort I know people fear, but that doesn't mean you couldn't ask for someone willing to help you.

[Devin did something similar, after all.]

If you're starving, I can arrange a donation.

[He shakes his head quietly while Raine is suggesting a donation, though he doesn't speak again until she's finished.]

No, it doesn't work that way. Not for me.

[Though it's hard to see behind the fall of blond hair, Fai's one good eye closes. He takes a deep breath, and then another, willing himself to get through this next part without his voice cracking. Without sobbing.]

Because of the way I was made, I-- I can only feed from one person. Without that person I will die. The Witch of Dimensions told us, in no uncertain terms. And he's... he's not here anymore.

[That's... difficult. A conundrum. Raine bites her lip, thinking.]

You know it's more than likely you'll only be returned.

[But then to starve and die again? ...no. That would be too cruel.]

What is it about that person? Do you know how you're tied to him?

I... had guessed, yes.

[His joints ache, his fingers curling to try to keep the claws from slipping out. His stomach burns. Is this what it's going to be like from now on, passing in and out of this world and existing in pain and hunger in between?]

I was made a vampire by drinking the blood of another vampire. When he gave his blood to me, Kur-- [Fai pauses, swallowing, a look of pain crossing his face] --Kurogane's blood was mixed with it. Afterward my body physically changed, turning me into what I am now. I... I can only guess that whatever change took place, Kurogane's blood was a part of it. It's ingrained in my body to feed from him.

[Devin is an observer by training - he watches people, studies them to get an angle on them and then rip their lives apart. It's a habit he hasn't shed here, although it's reduced to less violent purposes. Now, he just keeps track of people as he sees fit.

Which is why Fai's absence doesn't go unnoticed. The blonde waif of a man is nothing if not exuberant, and although one or two days away from his usual cooking post at the Hotel might be nothing, completely vanishing is a different story. He could hear Fai was still in his room. That he wasn't leaving the room was troubling, but Devin's stock and trade is in not caring about other people. So he left it alone.

Or he tried to, anyway. He overheard someone saying that Fai was at the Healers Guild, and Devin doesn't particularly care if his presence is known. Devin hesitates over entering, going back and forth on his usual pattern of behavior. There are some fates that even he can give sympathy for, however, and so he makes himself visible by leaning against the door frame to Fai's room with his arms folded.]

You look like hell.

[He's not quite curled in the fetal position on top of the sheets on the bed, but he's close. His blond hair is loose and limp around his face, his hands clenching into weak fists and then uncurling, over and over again, his breathing shallow. If it were possibly for the skinny man to look any skinnier than he already did, he's managed it here.

At the sound of Devin's voice he stills, his hands ceasing their movement, and then he opens his one good eye. Rather than the usual bright blue, his eye is golden and slitted like a cat's. Fai moves his head just far enough to get a better look at the man in the doorway.

He doesn't smile, just blinks.]

Still trying to hurt my feelings, Sir Knight?

[Devin doesn't answer immediately. The change in his eye - not just color but shape - is vaguely unsettling; but since Fai barely looks like he can stay standing in a stiff breeze, he's not especially concerned. If the man was skinny before, he's positively gaunt now.]

I think that would be overdoing it at this point, don't you? I'm a bastard, not a sadist.

[The vampire's expression is notably empty of a smirk, and he tilts his head.]

That was you, wasn't it? On the network.

Ah, yes. An important distinction.

[There's a wry tone in Fai's voice, followed by a wince as he very slowly attempts to push himself up in the bed far enough to prop himself up on the pillows. If he moves slowly enough maybe he can hide the worst of it from Devin, at least. If he moves slowly enough his hands don't shake quite as badly.

His one good eye snaps back up to Devin at the question.]

...yes. I suppose there's no harm in outing myself at this point. That was me.

There's no need to get up on my account.

[Something about Fai's frailty, about the way he moves like it's taking all of his strength screams dying animal. And Fai may have to go through this over and over again until the turtle is done with him.]

How much time do you have left?

[Devin may not feel it's necessary, but Fai does. He falls back on the pillows propped up against the headboard, satisfied at least that he's somewhat upright and not speaking to another adult while lying prone.

At the question he lets out a little huff of a helpless laugh.]

I don't really know. I've been a vampire for less than a year. I had read about them previously, but I'd never met one until shortly before I became like this--and we didn't stay with them. Kur-- my prey never let it get this bad.

[Fai is answered by silence. Devin doesn't move. His expression doesn't change. In fact, he hardly breathes, but his mind is running a million miles an hour, hung up on a single word:

Vampire.

Quite suddenly, a lot of things make sense that didn't before, or at least have greater context. The way Fai seemed near terrified of him, how that had resurged when he found out Devin was a vampire hunter, the details of the network post. Instinct has him wanting to walk calmly across the room and snap Fai's neck, but--

But logic is warring with him. Fai has a heartbeat. He's alive in a way that Devin is not; and more than that, killing him would have no purpose. Fai's going to die anyway like this, and he'll come back no matter what the cause of death. Even knowing that, Devin is suddenly very tense, though it's impossible to see.

His voice is quiet and utterly controlled when he speaks.]

I hope you didn't just let that slip with the intent of getting me to harm you.

[Fai watches Devin quietly, blinking one golden, cat-like eye from his nest of pillows. When he attempts to smile it's a small, bitter thing.]

I can't say it didn't cross my mind, but that wasn't my sole intention, no. Although if you're going to kill me I'd appreciate you making it quick. I'm in... some amount of pain, here, and I'm going to die either way.

[He falls quiet again for a moment, then asks in a low voice:]

Do you hate me?

[Devin looks away, sighing. It's a question worth asking, and one he does actually have to think about. He hates his own species; he hates what they are and what they represent and what they do. He hates that they prey on the living when they have no right.

Fai is not like Devin. He has a heartbeat, that very marker that draws the line between being a vampire and being human. Being truly alive. And from what he can tell, Fai is only able to feed off one person, neatly eliminating most of his other concerns. This man, this vampire, is more capable of joy than many humans he's met.

If anything, Devin is jealous.]

No, Fai. I don't hate you. And I'm not going to kill you; not now, anyway.

I know something like what you're feeling. It's probably different for each of our species, but I've been this starved before. If there's no other option for you, no other way to keep you alive and no one willing to do what needs to be done, I will.

[It should be some kind of relief, that Devin isn't planning to kill him out of hand just for being a vampire, but Fai can't help but feel a bit let down. Even if he's going to come right back to this world after "dying," death now would spare him some of this pain. It would mean a little less time, in the long run, to feel this empty inside. To miss the people he loves. Devin's offer to help is nice, but how much longer is that going to take?

Not that he's going to mention any of that. What he says, instead, is simply:]

I appreciate that. Thank you.

[He shifts on the bed, biting back a groan of pain as he turns onto his side, then regards Devin again.]

Are you going to come in, or stand in the doorway forever?

[If Fai were to say it, were to ask, Devin would probably give him only a few days more of this. And if he comes back, if this becomes a merry-go-round of pain and sorrow with the only out being death, Devin will kill Fai as many times as it takes for the spell to let go. He's killed so many people already; it's not as though it'll leave a greater stain on him, and no other person should have to bear that responsibility.

All the same, Devin is in no hurry to extinguish Fai's life.

After a few more seconds of introspection, Devin pushes off the door frame with his shoulder and steps into the room properly, remaining a few feet from Fai's bed.]

I'd offer to try resiring you if I thought it would help any, but I think it would just make your situation worse. I'm not that skilled.

[He sighs, glancing at the dying man, and his jaw tightens.]

If you can still think of anything other than the hunger, I'd say you have about a week at most, if you're somewhat like me. When there's nothing else, two or three days. I was... very young, but that's about what I remember.

If you had guessed, then why wouldn't you ask for help sooner? It's possible I can find some work-around, but--

[It will take time. Raine's never come to a complicated solution instantly. She purses her lips and sits back on her heels.]

Blood can mean multiple things. Try to think.

[Fai is a mage. He probably knows the answer instinctively, if not consciously, as he was the one in the middle of the transformation.]

Markers in the blood, or his magical signature?

[Fai shakes his head]

I didn't intend to come here asking for help at all. Klaus brought me here. I was content to stay in my room without bothering anyone. Unless you can somehow bring Kurogane back....

[He doesn't sound hopeful about that possibility. He knows better, by now.

The next set of questions catches him off-guard. He's never really thought about it.]

I... I don't know. I don't know much about vampires, except the little we were told at the time, and I was unconscious for a while during that.

No. I can't do anything to manipulate the spell. I'm sorry.

[If she could, she would long since have done so.]

However, between the Dreaming and the talents of myself and other Foreigners, it's possible we can create a substitute. It would be easier if I knew whether to key off the magical or physical... hm. Fai, do you have anything of his remaining? A hairbrush, or--

[No, surely any blood would be long since digested. Fai is starving, after all.]

--something, anything that might carry his essence.

[Raine has no idea if this can be done, but she's certainly going to give it her best shot.]

Edited (html you cruel mistress) 2017-05-12 03:49 (UTC)

It's alright. I didn't think so.

[Talking about the ninja hurts, but so does everything else right now. Maybe it's not entirely obvious how much it hurts him to keep it up. He can hope, right?]

I don't see how--

[--how the Witch of Dimensions could be wrong, how the consequences of a wish can be circumvented. How this might be solved with magic when his own magic, so powerful even at half-strength, doesn't have a prayer of it. But then again he's not a healer, has no affinity for healing magic at all.

It doesn't matter, and there's no sense in arguing. Maybe if he lets her poke and prod him a bit, she'll be more inclined to leave him alone to die in peace the next time around.]

...not a brush, but probably hair, yes. In the bathroom, or on the pillow. I... have been a bit too preoccupied to do much cleaning, lately.

[...what was it, that changed Fai's mind there?]

[Raine tilts her head, and tries to gentle her tone, which has till now been mostly brisk, businesslike. She's never been accused of having much of a bedside manner.]

That's fine. In fact it may be for the best you haven't.

[Grief does strange things to them all.]

In the mean time, I'm going to try to heal you anyway; I may be able to stave off some of the physical effects of starvation.

[Which may buy Fai some time; or, at least, some time not in pain, which would be better. For him, and also if Raine needs to get useful information out of him again.]

Then I want you to rest while I look into this. May I have the key to your room?

[If only he had more to keep as a memento than a few stray hairs on a pillow. The clothes in the room had been worn by the ninja, but not long enough for Fai to really associate any of them with the man. Kurogane's soul gem had disappeared along with him, as had his sword. There was hardly any evidence at all that Kurogane had ever been here.

The blond nods absently at Raine's instructions and fishes the key to his Hotel room from his pockets.] There are... some empty bottles in the room. [He sounds apologetic as he hands the key over.] Please excuse the mess.

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You'd be damned to be one of us | Open

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