tushanshu_logs | I will not bow, I will not break

Entry tags:

I will not bow, I will not break | June Catchall

Characters: Pepper Potts, Devin Parker and you!
Date: Throughout June
Location: Keeliai
Situation: Pepper is busy with police work, Devin is being Devin.
Warnings/Rating: Mentions of blood because vampire. Others will be added as needed.

A. [Pepper] KPD | Throughout June | Open

Pepper is busy. Very, very busy. After the attacks, she seems to spend more time away from home than ever. She can't just go full tilt the whole time on her own, though. There's a department to run and people are turning to them for assistance, so when she's not helping with recovery she's organizing shifts and crews and coordinating logistics with some of the gangs that have called a truce and offered their help, as well as other groups across the city.

She doesn't sleep as much as she probably should, and it may occasionally be possible to spot her snoozing at her desk.

B. [Pepper] Jade Dojo | Early June | Bakura

Despite positively throwing herself into work, Pepper still made a point to visit the dojo when she could manage it. The last week in May and the first week of June don't give her much time to practice, but she would drop by to see Bakura and maybe help with weapons maintenance if she was there around sunset. There had been enough scolding attempts that Pepper had in fact gotten a few hours of sleep every night, but at some point even that wasn't enough. She reached the dojo a bit after dark, intent on curling up next to her favorite thief and unwinding over dinner, but only made it as far as the couch before she fell asleep almost immediately.

C. [Devin] Water Sector | June 1 | Heather

While Devin was not exactly thrilled by the arrangement that he'd made with Heather, but having multiple donors in a city where Foreigners have a tendency to vanish at the drop of a hat is the smart choice. There are a great many things and a great many people more important than his ego. The Healers Guild seemed the safest place for the experiment, and after an initial taste test doesn't send him careening into a frenzy, he's satisfied that her blood will do.

As requested, Devin goes to meet with her not long after. Unlike their previous meeting he's not quite so composed; there's something wild at the edges of him, and a sharpness in his gaze when he spots her and crosses to where she's sitting.

D. [Devin] Metal Sector | Mid June | Open

Keeliai isn't huge, but it's large enough that it's going to take some time for Devin to learn every street and alleyway. The act of memorization gives him something to do when he'd not at the police headquarters and keeps him busy enough that he doesn't stay at the Hotel much. Eventually, he'll move out, but he needs enough money for things like furniture. The Metal Sector has his interest currently, and the vampire winds up and down each street, occasionally stopping to take notes in a small journal. He looks pensive most of the time, and can usually be convinced to chat.

E. [Pepper] Turtle's Head | Mid June | Valdis/Gene

So, the past month or so has kind of sucked, and Pepper rarely found herself needing peace and quiet but... well, she needed some now. Jade Dojo and Bakura usually fit the bill there, but the serenity that the turtle's head offered was tempting enough that she took a hike out there a few times. Pepper brought her deck with her, as had become her custom, and was working with Vee to summon her in a smaller size. It wasn't too difficult, but getting into a habit of it seemed like a smart idea. The ka also consented to sit with Pepper after a certain point, sans much of her armor, and discuss deck orientation and strategies, remarking that the calm of the turtle was evident to her as well. It was a little easier to breathe here.

F. [Devin] Sky Sector | Early June | Valdis

In anticipation of her home becoming a potential cultist target, Devin had warded Valdis' house so that only she could come and go. Recent events - namely Valdis getting mildly possessed - suggested that having access to her home in the event of a similar emergency might be wise. The sword, Revelations, could have been useful to assist her and instead he ended up warding her into a room at the Healers Guild (although that might have been necessary anyway). All told, it's made him realize that he might want to alter the wards at her house somewhat; Devin has zero interest in handling Revelations ever again, but he can't deny that if he needs to use it, he ought to be able to reach it.

The vampire arrived at Valdis' house a little before sunset and knocked sharply on her door to announce his presence.

G. [Pepper] Earth Sector | Early June | Raine

Pepper has been working really hard since the attacks, and has had to be reminded to slow down (which she doesn't always listen to), and she knows that Raine and the other healers undoubtedly have been going near non-stop as well. Raine in particular has a way of spreading herself thin at times like these. So, if Pepper is going to get nudged by those around her to take a break, she's going to pass the nagging on. It's not as though she hasn't already made a habit of appearing at Raine's apartment or work with treats in hand, and today is much the same. The difference this time is that some of her tiredness is showing, even though she's smiling broadly when she knocks on Raine's door.

OOC note: let me know if you want a specific starter or add your own!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Valdis met his gaze steadily, thoughtfully even. It wasn't entirely a surprise that his hatred for his own kind had stemmed from a childhood injury.

"So that was the beginning then."

It wasn't a question.

"Have you considered that there might be others like you?"

Injuries, plural.

"There is no one like me." No other bearers of angelic fragments. "But if you're referring to those who might be less horrible than my family? Of course. I'd be a real idiot if I hadn't," Devin replied. "But it's not exactly something that I or they can advertise, nor does it change the fact that all vampires are puppets to demons."

"I suppose you are unique."

Just like she was, but that didn't mean she wished all of her kind dead, only Fenrir.

"But you are blaming all vampires for something they cannot control. If they truly are the puppets of demons, then couldn't they be considered victims?"

Genocide had never made sense to her, even as a soulless Hound. But death was death, and how souls were gained didn't matter.

Little more than a shake of his head, and Devin went back to working on the door frame.

"They are victims regardless, whether by my hand or by another, or by the slow march of time. Killing them today or a hundred or even a thousand years from now is nothing in the face of an eternity of torment, which is all they have to look forward to," he explained calmly. None of these were questions he hadn't himself considered, when the wildfire of his anger had been restrained. "I'm not exempt either, in case you were wondering."

Valdis rolled her eyes, "I'm not entirely convinced that your soul is destined for Hell."

Then she tipped her head, "Or is it that you plan on suicide once your vendetta has been seen through to its end."

Devin knew that it wasn't, but he liked to live in denial of the being within him. It was only upon drawing Revelations that he'd had anything resembling independent confirmation that the aspect existed.

"I'm sure I'll have no difficulty finding a hunter willing to take my head for a trophy," he said with a shrug. "Suicide by cop, if you will."

Valdis arched a brow, "Oh, please."

She pulled her hair over one shoulder, split it into three bunches and began to braid it together.

"Not that I haven't considered such a thing, mind you." Though with the way her immortality functioned, it was impossible, "But that's still awfully pathetic."

"The alternatives are not a significant improvement."

He had thought this through, repeatedly, even knowing that the likelihood that some random hunter could off him was exceptionally slim. The Spirit wouldn't allow it, much to his chagrin.

"You don't understand enough about me or my life to pass judgement," Devin added, the words only implying a sharp edge without actually carrying one.

"I spent two thousand years judging the sins of humanity, and the last three hundred figuring out how they think and feel so I could hide among them, but it's only been recently that I've found myself able to actually empathize with others on a personal level. In the end, you may not think that I understand, and I'd list everything that you are feeling right now with analysis if I didn't think it would simply annoy you."

A pause.

"But dying isn't the answer."

Devin snorted quietly. "You can list all you like; knowing what I'm feeling and what little I've told you still won't enable you to truly understand. You might get a few things right, here or there, but needless to say it's still my life and my decisions, and playing devil's advocate won't change anything."

The past century and a quarter hadn't been spent without a great deal of thought. He knew what he was and what he did.

"Death comes to us all, eventually. There are worse ways to go than on my own terms."

"You fear people actually understanding you, so you deny it with everything you have" Valdis replied, and then she arched a brow. "And you can only go on your own terms if God doesn't interfere. You have a piece of an Angel in you, what makes you think he'll just let you die?"

Edited 2017-06-16 16:32 (UTC)

"You don't know what I fear."

He didn't want people near him, near his heart, yes, but that wasn't the same as fear. Devin couldn't believe that anyone really had the capacity to understand, to really grasp at what he was and the choices he had made, and come out still wanting to be anywhere near him. Valdis might get close, and that made him... uncomfortable, certainly, but not fearful. Not yet.

He offered her a bland smile that hid pain. She'd see both, of course, not that he could do anything about it. "Have you never heard of hope, Lady Valdis?"

"I thought you didn't believe in 'hope'," Valdis said as she picked up her book, "And there are many kinds of fear, not just the obvious."

"I don't believe I'm capable of it, " he corrected. "Not the kind of hope you see in the face of children and rebels."

That kind of hope was for the innocent, for unstained hands, for people with something left to live for. That kind of hope was tinted with joy and determination. This was something entirely different.

"Hoping for something you know can't possibly happen is not the same as that belief," he murmured quietly after a few breaths, and it didn't sound like he was speaking only to Valdis. It was, he knew, a desperate sort of thing.

"You, Devin Parker, are a fool."

Her tone wasn't chiding, or even aggressive, in fact, she sounded almost amused.

"No one can match the ability to hope and dream like children, so why even compare yourself to them. You set yourself up for failure instantly."

"Yes," he said simply. "And acknowledging that, I can move on to things I actually have time for. You say these things like I don't already know them."

Devin wondered if he was ever capable of that kind of hope, or if it was impossible for a creature like him. It didn't matter if he had; he didn't have it now. He focused on what was in front of him, what was doable and what was not, and desiring a choice about his own end was something resembling hope, but twisted by years of guilt and an unshakable determination to see his mission through and be done with it.

"Do you?" She asked, flipping her book open to where she had been reading, "Because it seems to me that are ignorant. Is it guilt? Because from what you've said, your kind are absolute monsters, so killing them makes sense and you shouldn't feel guilty. But you do. On the other hand, you have also admitted that they are victims of a higher power, so in that case the guilt makes sense. But if you feel so guilty over it, why do it? In addition, you have said that some of your kind may agree with you, does that contribute to the guilt over killing them?"

That was the question, wasn't it? Something Devin had never really be able to place, something he couldn't fully understand. That guilt was deep and broad, and he did his best to just ignore it because looking at it too closely might leave him unable to move or breathe.

"You seem to have decided why I feel that way all to yourself," Devin assessed, peering closely at one of the marks. "I somehow doubt any explanation would shift your view about things, arrogant as you are. Understanding my motivations does not appear to be your primary goal at the moment."

"No, my primary motivation is needling you," Valdis replied, back to reading, "Because your denial is amusing. But feel free to explain, who knows, it might actually change my view of you. Or does that bother you as well?"

Edited 2017-06-17 00:26 (UTC)

As anticipated.

"I don't particularly care what you think about me. Your opinion doesn't matter," Devin returned, carefully twisting the knife around. "You don't actually give a damn, so why should I gift you with that knowledge freely? If you want to know, if you truly want to understand, then I'll tell you. But until then, if all you're going to do is attempt to rile me by prodding at wounds and asking rhetorical questions, sod off," he said pleasantly.

"If I didn't 'give a damn' as you so eloquently put it, I wouldn't be giving you my blood." She said, idly turning a page, "But I apologize for prodding at your wounds when I said earlier that I wouldn't. Chaos is in my nature and it always will be, no matter how hard I try to fight it."

Valdis flipped another page, "Are you almost done? The Keeliai equivalent of flies are getting in."

The insects probably couldn't get past the wards either, but it was worth an attempt at a joke.

"Neither of us wants me running around tearing apart citizens. That's entirely separate from understanding my choices in life," he pointed out blandly. "I'm getting there. These aren't designed to be easy to get through. You'd be disappointed in me if I could make a swap change in under an hour."

"Hmmm."

Another page turned.

"Most predators don't care about their prey, so..." She made a little noise as if trying to decide whether or not to continue that train of thought out loud.

"Say that to a vegetarian, I dare you," Devin said with a glint in his eye.

He cared. He didn't see them as food, he saw them as people that he had no right to harm. The equation shifts when the predator has a mind like a human's.

"Vegetarians are silly, they can't get all the nutrition they need to survive from just veggies."

Though that could be a hypocritical argument considering she hadn't eaten for a week and it was just as unwise to rely solely on the Void for sustenance as it was vegetables.

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just continuing that again

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