tushanshu_logs | I don't Wanna Battle from Beginning to End

"Fine." Valdis sounded breathless, her heart still racing in her chest. "You?"

She felt strange, less connected than usual, but Devin seemed out of sorts after her jaunt, best to try to soothe things over until all parties in question were relaxed. There were things to be done, best to not give the vampire cause for more alarm.

"Unnerved," he answered honestly after a moment. "But physically fine, as far as I can tell."

Devin pivoted and swung his legs to the floor, focusing on his breathing and the feel of the couch underneath his hands and the ground beneath his feet. Steady, solid things to shake off the lingering sensation of being disconnected from his own body. It was more odd than anything else.

"Something did not go as expected," he surmised.

Unnerved was a good word for how she felt, she sat upright, breathing in slowly when he sat up, trying to center herself and take stock of everything she had learned. His unwelcome observation denied her the option of a convincing lie, however.

"I stayed too long." Valdis unclenched her fingers, flexing them and then curling them back in, experimenting with the motion. "The Void tried to take over."

Another breath, then she rested her hands in her lap and looked him in the eyes, "But I'm fine, and you aren't as much of a danger as you seemed to fear, so all in all a success I would say."

Edited 2017-12-03 06:01 (UTC)

Devin's eyebrows rose towards his hairline, decidedly less assured by her latter comment in the face of the former. He watched her closely, not wary exactly but not trusting that this situation had been snatched from the jaws of the Void so easily.

"I suppose that's positive news," he allowed. Curiosity vied with caution about the encounter. "If there's anything you need to do to shore yourself up, don't hold off on my account."

Valdis tipped her head, a slight frown forming on her face. He didn't believe that everything was fine and convincing him otherwise would probably be no simple task.

"I'm a bit tired," she admitted, "but that's to be expected, and if you want to know anything about the aspect you are host to, now is the time for questions."

While she remembered every detail and exact wording, after all, some things might mean more to him than to her.

Most of the time, Devin's paranoia was not without good cause. He would remain watchful.

He didn't reply immediately, weighing trepidation and interest and uncertainty. Surely Abaddon wouldn't have told her anything Devin wasn't permitted to know.

"How aware is he of what's been happening?"

"He's aware of the shift in the planes. He said as the Death Plane grows closer to the Life plane, the separation between the two of you diminishes." She continued to watch him, pondering the information she had received, "He said he was dormant, not deaf, so apparently he likes to listen in on conversations."

She hummed a moment before continuing, "He said he wouldn't bring 'unrestrained destruction', though was quite elusive as to the meaning of that. He said should the barrier between life and death collapse, he will not emerge uncontrolled. Again, he was less than helpful in explaining what that meant."

A brief pause, "I realize you didn't actually ask about any of that, but I really didn't glean much more."

Aside from the riddles over trust and betrayal.

"Hm." It was a thoughtful noise, rather than a dismissive one. "Given how little I've ever been told about him, I'm not surprised he was evasive. I've always suspected that knowing too much would be inadvisable, since both sides seem leery of it."

The tidbit about Abaddon listening in on his conversations was unsettling, albeit not entirely unexpected. He'd grown accustomed to zero privacy when it came to the Spirit examining him down to his atoms.

"I don't suppose he has a way to stop what's happening to me," Devin groused.

"Angels seem to enjoy giving bits and pieces, but never the whole picture," Valdis commented before falling silent to consider her own words.

"He said it was always your choice," she said slowly, "but I didn't get the feeling that there was a way to avoid it, or stop it from happening."

If they managed to stop the planes from colliding, perhaps there was a chance, but if things continued as they were...

Devin had considered elaborating on why Abaddon might have been vague about things, but the disclosure about choice left him baffled. He had always considered this burden to have been thrust upon him unwillingly - an unwelcome and uninvited fate. If he had chosen it--

The vampire stood slowly, running his hands over his face as he paced away from the couch. It should have been a comparatively minor detail, but it was enough to turn the way he viewed the world inside out again.

"My choice," Devin murmured, wanting to refute it and finding himself unable to fully deny it. "Apparently I'm a bigger idiot than I thought."

Valdis watched him as he stood and began to pace, emerald eyes following each movement. Surprise, confusion, and stress were at the forefront of his emotional state, leading her to one conclusion. Devin hadn't known he had had a choice. Valdis briefly considered pushing it a bit further, to discover if this was a possible sore spot, but she threw that idea aside with disgust.

"He seemed to have a lot of respect for you," she added, "For someone as ancient and powerful as he is, that's what I found interesting."

This revelation was going to take a great deal of reflection. Had he known, for example, the violence he would face at the hands of his kin for taking on this burden? Had all those possibilities been laid bare for him before he made a choice of such enormous magnitude?

And which would bother him more: if he had known, or if he hadn't?

Devin rested his hands on his hips and exhaled slowly. Her assessment of Abaddon was-- well, it felt strange to know what Abaddon thought of him, but for some reason it did not come as a surprise. "You're not accustomed to them acting with humility, you mean?"

Valdis rolled her eyes, "You met my father." She replied, "Admittedly, for him, it's more a matter of honor, but for the rest of them it's a matter of 'protecting' the human world. Even Michael has some self-righteous tendencies. Though, honestly, I'd much prefer death at the hands of the angels than the alternatives."

She took a few breaths, considering whether to ask him if he actually did trust her, but that opened possibilities that she didn't want to know of.

"The angels are as much at fault for the state of my world as the demons."

If Valdis were to ask, Devin wouldn't lie. He might not answer, but he wouldn't lie.

Devin appreciated the shift away from his own internal turmoil. "We are all imperfect creatures," he sighed. The full truth of her statement for his own world was knowledge he did not possess yet. "And being an angel does not make one good by default. It would be rather boring if they were all goody-two-shoes," he said dryly.

"Speak for yourself," she teased, "I am flawless...except for the whole being possessed by an murderous, immortal entity part."

Even though she had a soul to counter its darkness, that entity was a bit difficult to look past, especially for the angels.

"No one, not even God is good by default." Valdis commented, "But I suppose that life would be boring if I didn't have to hide from every race in existence, it's certainly tested my acting skills. I'm sure that yours are above par as well, considering what you do."

The tease drew a faint corner of a smile from him, but it faded quickly. He wasn't in much of a joking mood.

"I don't know of 'above par' is quite how I would describe it," Devin replied, running a hand through his hair. "At some point, it simply became easier to lie than to be who I was around others. I'm not especially good with people when I'm not pretending at something," he admitted. "You may have noticed."

She continued to watch him, wondering how much she should ask, or infer.

"You do well enough," Valdis replied, "when you aren't being an insufferable jerk that is."

Not that he'd ever pushed her away, though there had been that one time when he had been more aggravating than helpful when discussing the KPD.

"But then again, I'm an empath, so lying to me is a bit more difficult than it is with most people."

"Yes, you have been something of a thorn in my side in that regard," he said dryly.

Valdis' empathy had opened the door in some ways to allow Devin to stop hiding behind a mask. It was not comfortable or easy.

"I never had anyone to teach me how to be properly civil. It's all been learned. A survival mechanism, really."

"You wouldn't be the first to say that," Valdis pointed out, "But isn't it at least a little refreshing to be able to be honest with someone? On my part, I've spent so many years lying to everyone around me, that finding people who would accept the truth is a gift."

She grimaced as she recalled his family.

"Yes, I suppose your relatives were not helpful in that regard...It's amazing though, that you were able to take that and still become who you are."

The vampire looked at her blankly. He wasn't sure what to make of her observation, if it was intended as some kind of praise or simply an assessment. It left him off-balance, all the same.

"It's been a new experience," Devin conceded. "And not always an unwelcome one. I'm not accustomed to being so exposed, or having that be anything resembling safe."

Valdis tipped her head, wondering why her observation had thrown him off, but deciding to not linger on it.

"It took me some time to trust the people here," she admitted, "It doesn't happen right away, and it doesn't need to, but, whether you trust them or not, there are people here who will fight for you."

She looked at the ground, "Another thing I learned in my time here."

Something she wished she would remember if she ever left Keeliai.

Devin's face twisted with unhappiness and he stared at the wall, forcing the reaction down. He did not understand what others could possibly see in him, that they would fight for him at all.

"I don't deserve that of anyone," he said softly. "However true it may be."

"Perhaps not, but it's like grace for the humans I suppose," Valdis replied, "None of us deserve it, yet it's a gift freely given to those who ask, and even sometimes if we don't."

She shook her head and sighed, "The Void tried to take over once, it almost succeeded because the barrier between it and my soul was failing, but my friends faced it in its own territory and brought me back...I wanted to give up, but they wouldn't let me. People here will face your demons with you as well, if you let them, and perhaps even if you don't."

A gift. Devin had rarely thought of such acts as anything but a curse. They left him with pain, because they left him alive. He would have to carry those people with him. There had to be joy in it, too, but he didn't know for sure.

Suddenly weary, Devin drew back to the couch and sank onto the cushions, covering his face with his hands. He couldn't call her on a lie, because she had just faced Abaddon at no small risk to herself.

It seemed, for now, he was at a loss for words.

Valdis almost couldn't believe that she had gotten through to him, for he hadn't laughed it off, or tried to hide his confusion or feelings on the matter.

Change, who would have thought at the beginning of her time here that there would be so much of it, but looking at Devin now made it harder to think about what needed to be done. The moment was sensitive, a perfect time to do what he tried to do with so many others. It would be so easy. But falling into the same foolish pattern as he had wouldn't help anyone.

"Are you alright?"

I don't Wanna Battle from Beginning to End

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