Event | Landfall | Dreaming

[ironwood]

Characters: Any and every!
Date: August 10th - 31, 2013
Location: The realm of Dreaming as accessed via Sinbrilee
Situation: Dreaming is but one of the three realms and here characters are subject to their fanciful thoughts.
Warnings/Rating: Please place content warnings in subject headers!

Sinbrilee | Dreaming | Death

Life. Dreaming. Death. Three realms overlaid upon one another and yet each distinctly their own. They dwell in Life and do so live upon the back of the great turtle as those of Sinbrilee did upon the shell of his sister. However, there stand numerous arches of marble throughout the ruined city that are inlaid with runes beyond understanding. Those that live and breathe which step through those whose runes glow with faint, iridescent light tread instead into the realm of Dreaming.

Here, there exists no single defining characteristic beyond the visitor's imagination. The landscape sculpts to their individual thoughts, the events to their dreams. From a drab gray nothing to the most brilliant of displays, the senses perceive all that they wish to perceive for all that nothing here truly exists. This far from Tu Vishan, the ability to shape their surroundings is all they have, for Sinbrilee's Dreaming does not have the energy to sustain powers, only the bodies of those that dwell here.

Should two parties near, then the Mesh begins. Dreams, you see, not only can be shared, but they strive to be. These visions sculpted into reality reach out for one another and blend. They begin an exchange akin to a linking of the minds, within which one visitor can learn the other's deepest thoughts. Their limitation is but compatibility, for two minds that cannot flow upon the same current cannot hold the Mesh.

Happiness or loss, the landscape and events play out memories and fancies with a most convincing air. The mood rises and falls with the tide of the visitor's mind, detached as they are from the soothing influence of a great turtle's mind. Nothing here, however, is real; 'constructs' simply fade if taken through the archways and even the greatest scientific minds or tools will reveal nothing of its source. This is an ancient magic of an ancient realm, long practised in concealing itself from any prying.

Note: Due to the fluid and highly individual nature of Dreaming, no official subheaders will be provided in the comments of this post. Feel free to post and thread however you like, so long as the rules of Dreaming are adhered to.

Comments

[definingfuture]

[Tony listens to Arthur like a student, taking in the response quietly without really showing any deeper understanding of what's being said, even though he gets more of the explanation than he's letting on. He doesn't quite want to slip into talking about the mistakes part. That isn't right when they are in Arthur's dream, only feet away from his family.

No, it doesn't matter that said family isn't really there.

Tony does raise his eyes at the question though. He sticks his hand in his pocket, effecting what seems to be a casual expression. Maybe even bashful. He smiles and shrugs his shoulders with a boyish gesture fitting someone far younger than he looks.]

I'm not afraid... [Not exactly, although he doesn't voice that part out loud.] How can I be afraid of things that aren't there? You can't dream of things if you don't remember them.

[He stops meeting Arthur's eyes, looking back toward the warmth of the kitchen. Tony can't even call it regret. He stands by his decision. Hard as it was, he does believe it had to be made. He wouldn't have done that otherwise. And he can't miss things he doesn't remember having. But still, somewhere in the distant traces of those memories, he knows that if he starts dreaming, he'll notice their absence. And that hurts more than knowing.]

[relentlesstide]

[He watches Tony's posture, his body language carefully, taking in the faux casualness of his stance. It does make him seem younger, or maybe it makes Arthur feel older, too much life experience packed into his thirty-something years. He can relate, in a way, but he's quiet for what seems like a long time before he finally says quietly,] Sometimes the absence is worse than what was lost.

[He glances up the spiral staircase, but doesn't make any move to leave just yet, his posture relaxed.] The exit is at the top of the staircase, but you're welcome to stay a while. [And then a somewhat pointed look, an invitation to talk if he wants, or to just remain here for a little while.]

[definingfuture]

[He's comforted by Arthur's calm. Although Tony won't say it out loud, stumbling into the Atlantean's dream is actually a relief. It makes him feel safer, more secure in the shadow of the other man's mind. He's not a little boy and it shouldn't frighten him to go through the realm on his own, but that doesn't stop it from unnerving him.

Tony looks toward the staircase. It's something he knows he has to face--for himself at the very least--but the part of him that's still railing against the situation he woke up to balks at the thought of having to walk up those stairs alone.]

I... [A thought passes through Tony's mind. One that he can't tell to anyone he knows. They wouldn't understand.]

What if what you lost was intentional? If it was better not to know the truth?

[He glances back at the kitchen; at Arthur's happy family memory.]

What kind of person would you have to be for that?

[relentlesstide]

[Sometimes it can be frightening to take a trip inside your own head if you aren't completely honest with yourself all the time. Arthur isn't perfect, and he's made his mistakes, but he tries to be honest with himself, at least. He knows his own wants and the reality of it all, and it reflects in the landscape, the calm skies and the gentle water lapping at the sand in the distance. So maybe he can't understand entirely, the trepidation about wandering into one's own corner of Dreaming, but he can sympathize and provide a haven if needed. That's what lighthouses are for, after all, guiding the lost to light and safety from the tumultuous storms.

So he doesn't make a move to leave, or to make Tony leave. Not yet.] That would depend on why it seemed better not to know the truth, I would imagine. We all have to make our own decisions when things happen, try to do what's best.

[definingfuture]

[Those are words he needs to hear. They might not be true. In fact, Tony has a suspicion that they are not true, but he needs to hear them anyway. He needs someone to believe the best of him even if it is a lie. He nods, not looking away from the two in front of them. Because he's not sure what will happen if Arthur sees his expression when he talks. If he looks closely enough, he might catch the truth in Tony's eyes, and then everything will be lost.]

I do the right thing. I... I think I do. Everything I've done, I've done because I believed it was the best option at the time.

[He smiles, but there is no real emotion behind that gesture.]

I wouldn't do anything I didn't feel was the right thing to do. I wanted what was best for everyone. Not just me. And I still do.

[He pauses there. The air feels heavier. It's all well and good to keep throwing that excuse out in his own defense. Part of him even believes it. But the truth still stands that his best option at the time meant erasing part of his own memory. And Tony knows himself well enough to wonder what would happen if he knew what he had lost.

Would that still be for the greater good? Would the images in his subconscious show that?]

Right now, that's my truth.

[relentlesstide]

[It isn't a lie. Arthur doesn't know him well enough to think the worst of him, and everyone deserves a chance, the benefit of the doubt, at least at first. He doesn't know the situation or exactly the decision Tony made, or the circumstances behind it, but that just means he isn't in a position to judge.]

We all have to make difficult decisions, and sometimes it isn't possible to know what the right course of action is. All we can do is make the calls to the best of our abilities and accept the consequences of our decisions.

[He sets a hand on Tony's shoulder, lightly, an attempt at reassurance and a gesture of faith.] From what I've seen, you're not a bad person. Sometimes nothing we choose to do has a perfect outcome, but it takes strength to make the call and to live with what comes next.

[definingfuture]

[The hand on his shoulder is a surprising response and it does offer Tony some comfort. But at the same time it hurts, too. The weight and the words, real or not, are too familiar not to strike a note in him. He laughs quietly, partly in surprise, nods slowly.]

I want to believe that. Whatever happened, whoever I am or was, I want to believe I had everyone's best interest in mind.

[It's a quiet admission under innocuous sounding words. He's reiterating the same things, affirming a statement they both already agreed on and at the surface just seems to be letting out a little personal frustration. But the initial answer, I want to believe that, suggests that, in some way, Tony doesn't believe it. Somewhere along the line, the answer got to be too bad and he had to start over. And maybe, just maybe, he wasn't supposed to pick himself up again when it was over. He'll never know for certain, but that possibility still hangs over him.]

I have to believe that. It's the only way I can live with it.

[relentlesstide]

[The touch lingers just enough to be supportive, but not long enough to be awkward, and he glances out over the beach from the small window in the lighthouse tower. It sounds like this is hard for Tony, and he can only begin to imagine without knowing the full story, but he knows what it's like, to be desperate to pick up your own pieces while wondering if you even deserve to.]

Then believe that until it's true, and make the future better. You can't change the past anyway. Trust me, what-ifs will just eat you up inside until there's nothing left. [When he says that, his eyes go toward the door that leads into the cozy little house, where the memory of his son is.]

[definingfuture]

There's nothing left.

[Tony looks a little surprised at hearing himself say that, but he smiles and shakes it off. They're just talking hypothetically anyway. He knows Arthur doesn't really have the details, and maybe that's what makes it safe to tell him this much. He doesn't know how bad it is.]

I mean, there's obviously still things left. I'm alive, people I know are... basically things are as normal as they're going to get. I'm starting over.

[There's a pause.] It's what I wanted. [And another.] I think it's what I wanted.

[relentlesstide]

There's always something left, or we wouldn't still be here. [At least until there isn't, but he can't help but figure that if Tony is still here, still alive, still getting out of bed in the morning, that there's something in him that makes him feel it's worthwhile.] Sometimes it's hard to remember that, though.

I know you know that I don't have the answers. No one does but you. Still, I think you'll find them.

[definingfuture]

[The saying the truth hurts is ridiculously simple. Everyone knows that admitting your wrong hurts. Consequences hurt. But waking up without any clear reasoning for your actions, doubting who you really are because of what you can make yourself do when you're convinced of something, and having no real memories to back up that reasoning doesn't just hurt. It leaves nightmares and a constant, aching doubt that things will never be right again.

Arthur is straight and to the point with his truth, and it stings because it doesn't play into that fear. Tony knows he's supposed to be standing up and fighting no matter what, and the self-doubt hurts even more because of that.]

What if I don't want to find them? If I never wanted them to be found, they might be gone forever.

[He actually smiles after that, softly and with a strange level of comfort.]

You're right. It's hard to remember sometimes. But here I am.

[relentlesstide]

Maybe they're not meant to be found, but maybe they are, and you just need to work up the strength to do it. It can be hard, to face those sorts of truths. [He's being honest, trying to be encouraging, to say that he thinks Tony can do it if he has to. To say that he thinks Tony has that strength in him but maybe it just needs time. It's hard to really give much advice when he doesn't know the specifics, but he has some experience with difficult truths.]

Yes. Here you are. You'll get through it.

[definingfuture]

I like to think that I made it this far for something. Someone must have thought there was enough good to keep around.

[That might sound spiritual, but in Tony's case it's more of a literal result, like following a formula. He gave them the Avengers their options. He even explained all of those finer points (and that he knows, because apparently the suit kept it all on record for him) and they had opted to bring him back. So there must have been something worth saving.]

Do you always go into things with that kind of positive thinking? I mean, we're in a dream world and possibly not even really here. You're really taking this in stride.

[relentlesstide]

[He doesn't know about that, so of course he assumes Tony means some sort of universal force - gods, fate, whatever. Arthur can believe in all of that, he's witnessed a lot of magical things, after all. It strikes a chord with him, after his recent revival, the way he was given his life back and his son stayed dead.] I like to believe we're all here for a purpose. That the universe isn't random. I guess I need to believe that.

It's been a bumpy road from my youth to here. But there's an old piece of Atlantean wisdom, true happiness lies along a middle road. You can't go on always thinking the worst of the world. I've... done that, at my lowest, and it never helped.

[definingfuture]

[Gods and fate and universal powers are a struggle for him, but sometimes Tony manages to find a little faith. And usually that is because of the people he knows. People he can still believe in. Hearing what Arthur has to say now is part of that too.]

I- I know. [He says that a bit more reluctantly than he should. It's hard, even if he does know it's for the best.]

I wouldn't be here unless there were people who still believed I should be. I don't know if I can be as optimistic as you about that, but maybe you're right. I've never really been good at finding the middle road in anything.

[relentlesstide]

[It's easier for Arthur, he's seen gods and monsters, he's fought them, he's seen forces bigger than the world level cities. He doesn't have much faith in the gods themselves, but he likes to believe that there's something good in the universe.]

Knowing isn't always the same as feeling it, I know. Belief takes time. [He speaks quietly, tries to sound encouraging. The struggle is different for everyone, after all.] Everyone's journey is different. Don't beat yourself up if it takes more twists and turns than most. You'll find it.

[definingfuture]

[The encouragement is welcome, and far more than Tony deserves. It's almost funny the way Arthur's confidence makes him feel better on principle. Something about the surety with which he says everything makes Tony think that even if they don't now each other that well, Arthur is still right.]

Did anyone ever tell you you'd make one hell of a motivational speaker? Seriously. You should consider taking it up some time.

And thank you.

[relentlesstide]

[It's a talent he's developed over the years. If a leader can't be confident and sure of himself, neither can his people, nor can they follow without doubt.]

I was a king once. It comes with the territory, I suppose.