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tushanshu_logs2014-02-16 01:34 am
controlledvariable) wrote in tushanshu_logs2014-02-16 01:34 am
maybe I don't wonder why
Characters: Stephanie Brown AND YOU (also Bruce and Damian)
Date: 13th of February, after Steph's arrival
Location: All over!
Situation: Once more with feeling; by which I mean Steph is back and saying hi to a few people + fighting fog monsters bc why not
Warnings/Rating: Violence, Bruce, Damian, will update as necessary
It's disorientating, waking up again when she'd been in her suite only a few moments ago and for a second she panics before the presence of the kedan register, which - oddly, calms her down. Not that she trusts the kedan all that much, but she realizes what the whole thing means, including how groggy and weak she feels, so she knows better than to waste her energy freaking out. Waiting is easier, letting the kedan help her to the cart while she waits for the disorientation to fade.
Once it does, she asks the closest kedan which is her suite - laughs, because it's the same building as last time, although the room might be different - then thanks them for the trip before leaping out the back of the cart. She's still in her Batgirl suit, despite... not having been in it from what she remembers last of Keeliai, but that's something to worry about later. For now, it's much quicker to go by rooftop, and that's exactly what she does, familiarizing herself with the landscape as she goes. Things have changed, that much can't escape her, though she can't tell why, doesn't know what happened, which is more frustrating than anything, even if she knows there will be lots of explanations to come. Waking up somewhere other than the ocean means there's been big changes, though she isn't really going to complain, considering this option was a little more pleasant.
Anyway, what's most important is finding out who's still in the city. She checks for Steve and Peggy first, but their suites are empty or they've been replaced by someone else, and it feels a lot like her heart breaking.
She never even got a chance to say goodbye.
Sure, she left them letters, tried to tell them as often as possible how much they meant to her, and her last memory of Steve is tugging him into the water as she teased him. Her last memory of Peggy is telling her about it later, laughing even more as they combined forces to make fun of poor Steve, so they parted on good terms, she knew they were happy, but it still aches. For a few moments, she indulges the grief, breathing deep and blinking back tears, before wiping at her eyes and starting off towards Bruce's suit. Later, she can be sad about Peggy and Steve being gone, about them going back to their own separate lives where they can't be together anymore (and that hurts more than missing them does), but she should let Bruce know that she's back. She doesn't think he'll have been affected by her leaving like he was after Jason disappeared, the first time, but she... well, maybe he cared, just a little. Things had been better between them, after all.
→ Bruce
When she sneaks a look in Bruce's window and sees all the signs of him still being there, she lets out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. Fine, okay, maybe she's relieved that he's still here. She can admit that.
Still, apparently he's not home, which is frustrating, but it isn't the end of the world, she just heads out to see if he's at any of the safe houses she knows about. The first two she checks are long abandoned, but on the third warehouse she manages to find the security system still intact, and is even more relieved when she can actually access it. At least he likes her enough to give her access to his warehouse.
Of course, then she's inside, looking at Bruce's little collection of uniform cases, and all she can do is sigh.
"Really, Bruce?"
→ Damian
As soon as she's finished talking to Bruce, having gotten an update on who is and isn't here, the next person she needs to check on is so obvious it hardly even needs considering. She can't help feeling guilty about her absence, even though it's not something she could control; Damian would have taken it harder than Bruce did, maybe. For all his anger and bluster, she knows he cared about her, that they were something almost like family, and she knows that kids tend to take it a little more personally than adults do.
She owes it to him to see him next, to let him know that she's back.
Bruce tells her where to find him, and it's easy enough to slip back across the rooftopts until she's at his suite. While she could use the front door, she's still in her uniform, so she sticks to the shadows and gives on the windows a light rap, before stepping back to wait.
It occurs to her that it's a little tricky to breath, her chest is a little tight, and she realizes that it's nerves, because she's worried that Damian might want nothing to do with her. After she left, he might think it's better not to get attached again, to cut her out to save getting hurt.
And she doesn't want that to happen.
→ Open: the night of the 13th
Maybe she should take a break, grab something to eat and get settled back in her apartment, but she's feeling restless, too out of touch after how much Keelia and Tu Vishan has changed while she's been gone. Relaxing seems impossible, so she heads out again. Without the need to be anywhere in particular, she can take more time to relearn the lay of the land and adjust to the changes.
The fog makes all that a little difficult, and it's a little unsettling but she knows why it's there, between Bruce and Damian's explanations, so it's just... something to deal with. As much as she just wants to take the night to stretch her legs - despite having no memory from between her disappearance and arrival, she feelings almost as though she's been asleep for too long - there are problems to be addressed. Apparently the mold can be washed away, which is easy enough, so she spends a little time focusing on that. Batgirl can reach places some people might not be able to, even if Keeliai always did seem to have a large vigilantes and/or superhero population.
It saves her from having to think about everyone else she needs to tell that she's back. She'll do it... later, when she's had some time to settle in. The reunions with Bruce and Damian were enough for one day, when she's dealing with the loss of Steve and Peggy as well; she just needs a night or so to take care of herself before she has to deal with any more intense emotions.
So when she runs into the creatures that seem to have sprung from the mold, she's almost a little grateful for the opportunity to move and fight, despite knowing she shouldn't be thankful for this corruption clinging to Tu Vishan.
But it's something to think about that isn't Steve or Peggy or Bruce or Damian or how damn long she's been gone, so she throws herself into those fights with a little reckless abandon. She's sure they're not human, not really alive, so she doesn't hesitate to kill them. And for all that she's grateful for the excuse to fight as hard as she can, she certainly won't turn down any help offered.
It's going to be a long night.
→ Dick
The suite she's in feels empty, too blank and new even though she's started filling it back up with little personal items, even with Andy making herself at home. Somehow, it's worse that it's the same building, the constant reminder that she was here and then wasn't, that she's lost so many months. It feels almost like she's haunting herself, but with the fog outside, she can't exactly spend all her time outside, so she finds a compromise.
Today, that means she's found herself at Damian's suite, having waited until Bean and Midii left before letting herself in with the key she borrowed from Damian while he's in the bottle city. She knows Dick is still home, but that's fine, she's gotta run into him sooner or later, so for the moment she concerns herself with a mug of coffee, a book, and Damian's couch.
When she hears someone else moving about the house, she speaks up in favour of letting Dick stumble upon her, since she doesn't want to startle him, "There's more coffee in the pot, if you want some."
Date: 13th of February, after Steph's arrival
Location: All over!
Situation: Once more with feeling; by which I mean Steph is back and saying hi to a few people + fighting fog monsters bc why not
Warnings/Rating: Violence, Bruce, Damian, will update as necessary
It's disorientating, waking up again when she'd been in her suite only a few moments ago and for a second she panics before the presence of the kedan register, which - oddly, calms her down. Not that she trusts the kedan all that much, but she realizes what the whole thing means, including how groggy and weak she feels, so she knows better than to waste her energy freaking out. Waiting is easier, letting the kedan help her to the cart while she waits for the disorientation to fade.
Once it does, she asks the closest kedan which is her suite - laughs, because it's the same building as last time, although the room might be different - then thanks them for the trip before leaping out the back of the cart. She's still in her Batgirl suit, despite... not having been in it from what she remembers last of Keeliai, but that's something to worry about later. For now, it's much quicker to go by rooftop, and that's exactly what she does, familiarizing herself with the landscape as she goes. Things have changed, that much can't escape her, though she can't tell why, doesn't know what happened, which is more frustrating than anything, even if she knows there will be lots of explanations to come. Waking up somewhere other than the ocean means there's been big changes, though she isn't really going to complain, considering this option was a little more pleasant.
Anyway, what's most important is finding out who's still in the city. She checks for Steve and Peggy first, but their suites are empty or they've been replaced by someone else, and it feels a lot like her heart breaking.
She never even got a chance to say goodbye.
Sure, she left them letters, tried to tell them as often as possible how much they meant to her, and her last memory of Steve is tugging him into the water as she teased him. Her last memory of Peggy is telling her about it later, laughing even more as they combined forces to make fun of poor Steve, so they parted on good terms, she knew they were happy, but it still aches. For a few moments, she indulges the grief, breathing deep and blinking back tears, before wiping at her eyes and starting off towards Bruce's suit. Later, she can be sad about Peggy and Steve being gone, about them going back to their own separate lives where they can't be together anymore (and that hurts more than missing them does), but she should let Bruce know that she's back. She doesn't think he'll have been affected by her leaving like he was after Jason disappeared, the first time, but she... well, maybe he cared, just a little. Things had been better between them, after all.
→ Bruce
When she sneaks a look in Bruce's window and sees all the signs of him still being there, she lets out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. Fine, okay, maybe she's relieved that he's still here. She can admit that.
Still, apparently he's not home, which is frustrating, but it isn't the end of the world, she just heads out to see if he's at any of the safe houses she knows about. The first two she checks are long abandoned, but on the third warehouse she manages to find the security system still intact, and is even more relieved when she can actually access it. At least he likes her enough to give her access to his warehouse.
Of course, then she's inside, looking at Bruce's little collection of uniform cases, and all she can do is sigh.
"Really, Bruce?"
→ Damian
As soon as she's finished talking to Bruce, having gotten an update on who is and isn't here, the next person she needs to check on is so obvious it hardly even needs considering. She can't help feeling guilty about her absence, even though it's not something she could control; Damian would have taken it harder than Bruce did, maybe. For all his anger and bluster, she knows he cared about her, that they were something almost like family, and she knows that kids tend to take it a little more personally than adults do.
She owes it to him to see him next, to let him know that she's back.
Bruce tells her where to find him, and it's easy enough to slip back across the rooftopts until she's at his suite. While she could use the front door, she's still in her uniform, so she sticks to the shadows and gives on the windows a light rap, before stepping back to wait.
It occurs to her that it's a little tricky to breath, her chest is a little tight, and she realizes that it's nerves, because she's worried that Damian might want nothing to do with her. After she left, he might think it's better not to get attached again, to cut her out to save getting hurt.
And she doesn't want that to happen.
→ Open: the night of the 13th
Maybe she should take a break, grab something to eat and get settled back in her apartment, but she's feeling restless, too out of touch after how much Keelia and Tu Vishan has changed while she's been gone. Relaxing seems impossible, so she heads out again. Without the need to be anywhere in particular, she can take more time to relearn the lay of the land and adjust to the changes.
The fog makes all that a little difficult, and it's a little unsettling but she knows why it's there, between Bruce and Damian's explanations, so it's just... something to deal with. As much as she just wants to take the night to stretch her legs - despite having no memory from between her disappearance and arrival, she feelings almost as though she's been asleep for too long - there are problems to be addressed. Apparently the mold can be washed away, which is easy enough, so she spends a little time focusing on that. Batgirl can reach places some people might not be able to, even if Keeliai always did seem to have a large vigilantes and/or superhero population.
It saves her from having to think about everyone else she needs to tell that she's back. She'll do it... later, when she's had some time to settle in. The reunions with Bruce and Damian were enough for one day, when she's dealing with the loss of Steve and Peggy as well; she just needs a night or so to take care of herself before she has to deal with any more intense emotions.
So when she runs into the creatures that seem to have sprung from the mold, she's almost a little grateful for the opportunity to move and fight, despite knowing she shouldn't be thankful for this corruption clinging to Tu Vishan.
But it's something to think about that isn't Steve or Peggy or Bruce or Damian or how damn long she's been gone, so she throws herself into those fights with a little reckless abandon. She's sure they're not human, not really alive, so she doesn't hesitate to kill them. And for all that she's grateful for the excuse to fight as hard as she can, she certainly won't turn down any help offered.
It's going to be a long night.
→ Dick
The suite she's in feels empty, too blank and new even though she's started filling it back up with little personal items, even with Andy making herself at home. Somehow, it's worse that it's the same building, the constant reminder that she was here and then wasn't, that she's lost so many months. It feels almost like she's haunting herself, but with the fog outside, she can't exactly spend all her time outside, so she finds a compromise.
Today, that means she's found herself at Damian's suite, having waited until Bean and Midii left before letting herself in with the key she borrowed from Damian while he's in the bottle city. She knows Dick is still home, but that's fine, she's gotta run into him sooner or later, so for the moment she concerns herself with a mug of coffee, a book, and Damian's couch.
When she hears someone else moving about the house, she speaks up in favour of letting Dick stumble upon her, since she doesn't want to startle him, "There's more coffee in the pot, if you want some."
no subject
"I think I can understand that." It would be better to remember, Dick knew that. Easier, too, to be the guy who was here before. To do the things that he was told he could do. To see the same things. When Dick arrived, and the younger was here, it felt like... not living in someone's shadow. But knowing that Dick, the him that was him right now, except from the future, was here before him?
"It's been a little weird since I got here." He waved a hand. "Beyond being on a turtle weird. There was a younger Dick here, I don't know if you knew him? But coming here and seeing that was... really shocking, you know?"
He actually missed him. "But everyone told me I'd been here before, and I sure as hell don't remember being here before. And from the future. I think-- no, I know that Damian was really disappointed." He gave her a crooked smile. "Sometimes I wish I could remember being here before. Like a crash course in my own past. Eyes open with metal hooks and a guy using eye drops on me kind of crash course."
tmw you thought you'd hit "post comment" five hours ago
And she gets it, even if she can't understand the exact feeling, she knows why it'd be tricky, "Damian takes things like that really hard. 'Least it wasn't you from the same time, so no one's expecting the exact same person."
It's not much of a consolation, but it's something.
no subject
"I've noticed that one." Dick thinks about the Damian he knew from home, and the Damian he knows now. "Enough about me. I'm sick of me." He grins.
"What about you? How are you doing, being back here?"
no subject
As for how she's doing, she shrugs, "Things've changed a lot. Mostly the people; there's too many people I never got to say goodbye to."
no subject
But it seemed rude. "You never know, they might come back. You came back, after all. It's not entirely outside the realm of possibility." He paused, looking into his cup. "Though this place does mess with that. You don't really get to say goodbye to anyone here, because you never know what might happen the next day."
no subject
It's all feigned self-importance, maybe just poking a little fun at Bruce because she can.
"They might, but it seems that people stay gone more often than not," At least in her experience, "But yeah, it's - hard. I left a bunch of letters for people, but it's not really enough."
And it's why she's not really sure if she wants to start that whole process again, of befriending people just to lose them.
no subject
"Smart idea. It's what I've done. Just in case people wake up and I'm not here. I don't want to leave them... you know." Leave them not knowing where they stood, maybe. Leaving them without letting them know how he really felt about them.
"It'd be nice to say it gets easier, but... we can all hope, right?" But she shouldn't just stop doing that. Stop making friends, in case they leave. Wasn't he told that by so many people, here?
Dick cleared his throat after taking another sip from his mug. "So what are you up to back home?" To maybe just... help. Somehow.
no subject
The question earns a huff of a laugh, not quite bitter, but there isn't much humour in it either, not when home seems so far away, "Doing the whole Batgirl thing, trying not to piss too many people off."
Him included, and there's something in her expression that communicates that clearly.
no subject
Especially because his mind was on other things in the next sentence. Ah. Now the reticent towards him made sense. In the future, she's Batgirl, which meant she was Barbara-approved. Dick didn't know how he felt about her being Batgirl. He wasn't surprised by it, but he wasn't sure on it.
Clearly his mind was made up in the future. "So I'm pissed off at you in the future, which makes you pissed off at me for being pissed off at you back home, which also makes you pissed off at me now, here, because you're pissed off at me back home." He took another sip of coffee. "Did I get that right?"
no subject
It's not something he ever had a right to do. Babs trying to break her was different, when Batgirl had belonged to her, but Dick had no right.
no subject
"Look, I don't know what it is. Right here, right now, I'm not that person. I haven't had the same experiences back home that I've had here. I'm not changed, at least from what I think of me as." Dick sighs. "So... keep trying, I guess is what I'm saying. I want us to be friends."
Not just because of Babs, or Tim. Not just because of other mutual acquaintances.
no subject
And she can't help wondering if this version of Dick, here right now, thinks the same thing. He can say he wants to be friends, but that doesn't mean anything about what he thinks of her ability to be a hero. Tim dated her, after all, even while frequently telling her to stop being Spoiler.
no subject
Dick sighed again. "I don't know if you're not good enough. But I also don't know if you're better then it. Steph, I don't know." He was serious. What did he know her from, her abilities? She was Spoiler, and maybe she wasn't ready to be what she needed to be as Spoiler. And then she was Robin. And Dick would admit that maybe it hadn't been the best of choices, but she was better then, and the way she ended had been horrible.
But Babs thought she was good enough. "I don't know what you plan to do here. But show me, if you do. I want to see. I don't know right now, because... I just don't know. I already know what you could do, I just don't know what you can do. So show me, if you ever want to." That's all he can give.
no subject
She should appreciate that he's willing to withhold judgement until he's seen what she can do, but everything suddenly feels too raw again, and she wonders if coming here was a bad idea.
no subject
"Besides, just because you ran a team here before doesn't mean you want to do it again. I didn't have to pick up my suit again... after it got here, that is. But I wanted to. What about you?"
no subject
Which means being Batgirl, and maybe just keep her life to that for a little while.