tushanshu_logs

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Characters: Raphael and others
Date: Threads backdated from 3/14 through the month of April
Location: Wood Sector (primarily the dojo), and lots of sulking around the Water Sector
Situation: Raph's trying to take his mind off things after this little fiasco.
Warnings/Rating: Probably

((This post serves as two months' worth of catch-all. Feel free to use the post as a lead-in or come up with your own scenario. Or you can hit me up at

willowslament for plotting. I'm open to pretty much anything.))

It's been a bad week. A bad couple months if Raph really thought about it. And he did. Way too much. Replaying the fight with Leo, the thing with Monet over and over in his mind, his memories soaked with red-spattered fury.

It can drive a guy crazy; thinking like that. Letting it play over in your mind until it twists itself into something that makes you ache inside. Makes you feel sick. Makes your thoughts race at night and dark things flash through your dreams.

Raphael hates this. He hates fighting with Leo, with any of his brothers, but he definitely hates fighting over this same old crap more than anything.

But now Leo's taken a page out of his book and disappears completely. Leaves only traces of himself behind--food missing from the pantry, a window left ajar. His brother's turned into a ghost. Made it really freakin clear he has no interest in changing his mind.

He doesn't listen. He never listens. No one ever understands...

So Raph stays home; too afraid to venture out to his usual rooftop haunts, even to the Fire Sector, where you'd think the lure of the fight ring would be irresistible. But the possibility of running into Leo makes him too sick with bitter anger to swing it.

Without a tangible one, Mike becomes his verbal punching bag. He lashes out for no reason over the stupidest things. He breaks things... plates, the bathroom sink, the front door...

His anger at Leo has become generalized. More mad at the world than anything specific. Because it's easier than having to deal with any kind of real feelings. It just is.

Mike gets tired of it after a while, grapples to find something to distract him. He drags him to the dojo one day. He teaches kids there, and he's good with them. Of course he's good with them.

The dojo brings Raph a type of peace he wasn't expecting. A shadow of home and belonging that soothes some of the rawness inside. So he comes back. Sometimes with Mike, sometimes on his own to use the space to practice sai kata or to spar with whoever's willing.

And when he finds Korra there, he almost never wants to leave.

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Raph's not looking because he's busy herding kids around, shooing them away from parts of the course they're not supposed to climb on or kick or whatever. They're drawn to him like magnets, but they're fragile little things, and part of him's terrified he's gonna say or do something to break them. So he wanders around with a flock at his heels, coaxing some of the bolder few off this or that when they try too hard to show off for him.

He's rough with them, but in that way that kids like. He grabs a particularly mischievous one and tucks her, giggling uncontrollably, under his arm as he stomps around the room with a cookie sticking out of his mouth, trying to set up stuff only for another kid to come knock it down again. They don't really listen to him, just kind of run around wild acting up so he can come manhandle them for one reason or another, saying things like, "I know, I don't like it either. But you're really not gonna like it when you fall and break your neck." or "Fine, do it backwards. Just don't run over anybody."

Finally, when he gets everything set up, and the kids are just rambling over the course at will, he stomps back over to Mike and sits heavily on the floor where (he thinks) it's safe, chomping moodily on a second pilfered cookie. Yeah, he knows they're for the kids, but far as he's concerned, he earned it.

"I hate kids," he grumbles in a way that's not entirely convincing.

"It shows," he says far too soberly to be taken for serious. Mike gives the kids another minute or two to rough house before he whistles so loud you'd almost expect a NYC Yellow Cab to burst through the wall.

The children who aren't in the middle of something come to a stand still, and those that are move to a safe not-in-the-middle position. They all turn to look at him.

"Good. Okay before we start can we all thank Sensei Raphael for helping today?"

A chorus of spoken/shouted thanks come pouring out of the children at varying volumes and with various timing.

All Mike gets is a glare for his trouble. But it's harmless, especially with his mouth still full of cookie.

Raph definitely didn't expect the kids to like him right off the bat. Especially not after his first run-in with a kid started with him getting punched in the face repeatedly. But these kids are different. Not completely, but different. Maybe because they're happy kids.

With the chorus of thanks, Raph only waves in that gruff, dismissive way. Now it's Mike's turn to entertain them. He's taking a break.

Edited 2014-04-18 20:51 (UTC)

Just wait until they get to the more structured part of the lesson. The part where it's only okay to punch and kick the teachers. Maybe Mike should mention that to Raph.

...

Nahhhh.

"All right. Now that the room is set up, find your line in three....two....one."

When Mike reaches one the kids scatter into organized chaos, and then...against all odds, form into a perfect line. They're almost perfectly still if one ignores the fact that they're all trembling with anticipation to get moving again.

"Hajime" Mike commands with more authority than a Michaelangelo out to. Any Michaelangelo.

And then they're off, running through the obstacle course in the order previously discussed, and not the crazy-sauce devil-may-care way they were when Raph was still setting it up. The room moves as if it's a well oiled machine. They're even helping each other through obstacles.

Mike crouches down next to where Raph is seated on the floor.

"I have no idea how Splinter did this day in and out for years on his own. No. Idea."

"Don't ask me," he drawls, finishing off the last of his cookie. "At least they listen to you."

Raph can remember how lessons used to go. He and Mikey goofing off. Mikey making fun of him then him getting mad. Leo showing off and him getting mad. Him getting in trouble for getting mad... Then somewhere down the line there was the 50/50 chance Donny started crying whenever they tried something new.

It's no wonder they got caned so many times. Just remembering some of the stuff they used to do makes his butt sore. And his head. Oh, his head.

"The trick is in the bribery," he says with a tired smile. "The best part about this is that since its all voluntary? I just tell the trouble makers to go home. No need for backflips or walking stick smacks."

"Ha!" He snorts dryly. "If Splinter did that we woulda never learned a thing."

Something cold sinks in the pit of his stomach. We. He meant him and Mike. His Mike. And it makes him kind of sick inside that he even made the slip.

His Mike. Not this Mike. And though this one's became as much his as anything, he's still not his brother. Sometimes the lines just blur too much than he's comfortable with, and he can't help wincing guiltily at the slip.

"Uh, I mean..." His gaze travels back toward the kids rambling over their course with a moody one-shouldered shrug. "You know what I mean."

Just... keep your eyes on the kids and pretend he's not an idiot. Got it?

Mike can only nod soberly.

"Yeah, I do. I most certainly do," he says with a sigh that longs for his brothers, and his Splinter.

Then out of no where, he snickers and picks up a cookie of his own.
"You two would hate each other. Raph and you, I mean. It'd be like....watching two neon lights flicker just out of sync. Or maybe you wouldn't. Maybe you'd be the best of friends. Hard to tell with him sometimes."

After how he and that other Raph got along? He's pretty sure how that'll pan out already. Mike's right, they'd hate each other 'til no end.

Raph's not gonna say as much, though. This conversation's gotten too existential for him. Too much guessing over what might never happen. And if he really thought about it? He fucking hates the idea of Mike's Raph ending up here.

This Mike might not be his Mikey, but he's still his. He doesn't want to have to share him with anyone.

Seconds later there's an ear-splitting crash as one of the kids lands on his butt off one of the obstacles. He starts wailing the minute he hits the ground.

Thank god for a break in conversation.

"Ah, jeez..." Raph's up in a second, pulling the kid to his feet. "Hey, you're okay. Brush it off. You're doin' fine."

Yeah, he totally hates kids.

He smirks when Raph dives for the fallen child. Not just because it's just like a Raph to save someone smaller than him, but because what a way to dodge the conversation.

Mike takes his time and enjoys his cookie, more than happy to let Raph handle the badly bruised ego of the little one. When the munching is done he rolls back to his feet and approaches the two of them, applauding as he does so.

Some of the bigger, older kids finish what they're doing and join him in the clapping.

"Everyone falls..." he starts for what is now the millionth time.

"but what's important is to get back up again," the little one says after a bit of collected snuffling.

"When we're ready," Mike finishes.

At first the applause makes him wince, thinking Mike was just making fun of him for helping the kid. But when the whole mantra thing starts...?

This is the most ridiculous thing he's ever seen in his life.

"That what you're teachin' these kids?" He asks, sending a disbelieving glare at Mike, his hand still planted on the kid's shoulder. "Listen to me, kid. You really wanna learn to fight? You get back up the second you hit the ground, 'cause if you don't, you're dead."

The kid only stares at him with wide eyes and only a mild look of horror.

"I'm teaching them," Mike says mildly as he crosses his arms across his chest. "To be confident with the only weapon a ninja ever needs: themselves."

Clearly this Raph didn't spend hours upon hours singing Free to be You and Me with April in the junk shop.

Uh... nope. None of that hippie shit for this Raph. Far as he's concerned, learning to fight is learning to survive, and being an alive ninja is still better than being a dead one.

"Ha!" He sneers, letting go of the kid to mirror Mike's defensive posture. The rest of the room has gone completely silent. "Well you got the motivational speech part down pat. I'm sure they'll feel just great about themselves while they're gettin' their butts kicked."

He should know better than to meddle with people's teaching styles. But this isn't how Splinter taught them, and it's not how he'd teach anyone. But above all else, it's weak.

Yeah, Mike's Raph was never really big on it either, truth be told.

The room may have gone quiet, but it hasn't gone still. The child in Raph's grasp flees to the other side of the room once there isn't a hand on him, and several of Mike's older students begin to move towards both him and Mike, all of them with their eyes locked on Raph. Kedan are shapeshifters by nature and as they move they also broaden. Nothing extreme, just into a physical shape that isn't all that different from Mike's.

Mike, for his part, just holds up a single hand. Raph may have seen this gesture before, it's the one Splinter uses to end even the most heated of dojo arguments. The students stop in their tracks.

He may have trained them with fun, but he has trained them.

Still looking at Raph he addresses a boy just over his right shoulder.

"Lou? Think you can handle running the course for a few minutes. Sensei Raph and I are going to just duck into the hall for a few minutes."

Raph then gets a very genial, yet very pointed look.

Edited 2014-04-25 21:19 (UTC)

Raph knows when he's being ganged up on, but he isn't scared of a bunch of kids, and he definitely isn't scared of Mike. He rolls his eyes at the look because really? You're gonna pull that shit? At least he knows enough to keep his yap shut until he's stomped into the hallway.

He still has his arms crossed when he steps outside, a stormy expression on his face. So what, they're gonna fight now? Great. Bring it on.

"What?"

He says it like a challenge.

Mike follows in Raph's wake, making sure to roll his eyes only when he's ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE no one can see him. Once they're out in the hall, and after he's had a nice, good, and long calming breath, his expression returns to neutral.

"Could you not," he gestures vaguely. "In front of the kids? A lot of them are scared enough as it is."

"Good! Maybe they should be scared," he says a lot louder than he intended. He's so freakin' sick of no one listening to him. Everyone just writes him off and does whatever the hell they want even when he knows he's right. "It ain't about sunshine and rainbows, Mike. Holdin' hands singin' Kumbayah. You've seen some of the stuff out there; gangs tearin' things up, freaking zombies falling from the sky!"

His voice is starting to edge on hysterical, and it takes everything he's got to clamp his teeth against the word vomit pouring out of his mouth.

Sucking in a breath, he shakes his head as if desperately trying to clear it. He's getting way too worked up about this and he knows it. But he just wants to keep going. He wants to scream until Mike understands him, even though it's something he never even cared about until a second ago.

"Yeah I have, and so have they. And a good number of them have been seeing it for way longer than we have. They don't need you to tell them to be scared, Raph. They already are. And if I can give them a place to not be scared, even for a little while, I'm going to do it."

He takes a breath, exhaling slowly through his teeth.

"A lot of their parents blame us. The Foreigners. That the only way to stay safe is to keep as clear of the likes of us as possible. The only reason they're even allowed to come here is because it's fun. What they don't see, what you don't see, is what I'm doing with that fun. Look," he says pointing back into the dojo, and at the kids running the obstacle course.

"Really look."

It's there, if Raph's patient enough to see it.
The obstacle course? It's not just randomly assembled, it's intelligently designed. Every few weeks it shifts, to represent different section of the city. Mike's teaching them escape routes, and the quickest way to get from one place to another without being seen.

When he speaks again, his voice is quiet, almost sullen.
"They're kids, Raph. They should be allowed to be kids for as long as possible. Not like us."

With his mouth pressed into a hard line, he watches the kids run through the course. Watches their patterns of motion. And he knows, because he's seen those patterns. He's felt them, made them himself time and time again until they're etched into his muscle memory.

This concept of learning by fun... it's hard to wrap his head around. All he knows is how Splinter taught them, how he was raised with the shroud of fear hanging over their heads like a fog. If you're not vigilant, if you're not prepared, and if you're not scared, you might as well be dead. And in light of all of that, Mike's way just seems to be making light of things. Harbors a false sense of safety that can only be dangerous.

Is being allowed to be kids worth the risk?

If they're really as scared as Mike says they are, yeah. Maybe there really isn't any risk at all. Maybe this class is like their equivalent of running deep into the sewers, where he and his brothers could escape their Master's thumb and just play for a while. Just be kids.

It's still hard to understand. Fear has been an undertone for his entire life. Still is, and he can't imagine it any other way. But he can understand why Mike wants this for them, if only just vaguely.

But he doesn't say anything. The gears are still turning, trying to comprehend but no longer wanting to fight. And never, ever wanting to talk about that.

"I need some air," he mumbles, already heading toward the exit. He has to clear his head for a second, but he'll be back.

Mike keeps his attention squarely on Raph, as his cousin turns to give the activity in the dojo a more critical appraisal. That the other turtle listened at all is such a huge departure from what Mike is used to. Raph in this kind of mood was rarely this easy to redirect.

He watches his cousin's eyes, as they dart about taking in both the proverbial forest and the trees. The tension in the hallway all but evaporates as Raph's aggression appears to drain out of him.

And then...it's over. The caustic anger replaced by something Mike might call quiet introspection. Mike says nothing as Raph makes his way out of the building. He just watches and blinks, surprised that the encounter ended as easily as it did.

He's still blinking in surprise as he reenters the dojo proper. Lou gives him a side-eye, which Mike answers with a wide smile. And the little one? Well he's still surrounded by bigger kids, but true to the spirit of the class he's back on the obstacle that had bested him. It's still besting him, but...he's not giving up, and to Mike...that's the most important thing.

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