tushanshu_logs | [open catch-all]

It had been a long night for Raph, too. But you don't see him coming apart at the seams. If there's one thing he's ever known more than anything about his brother, it's that those two little words: I'm fine mean as little as the air it takes to say them.

If Leo says he's fine, things are not fine. But Raph doesn't need that to give him a clue. Something happened last night. Something bad. And he wants to know what.

It's bad enough he didn't even realize he'd been gone.

"Yeah? So where'd you go?"

That's generally something he'd never ask Leo on any other day. It'd be in perfect violation of the silent pact they'd made almost a year ago. But he has him worried, so he'll just have to deal with that.

This time, he does wince. And it's not just because of the subject matter. Raph is being gentle with him, breaking their year-long, wordless contract - something that's survived torn dimensions and missed angers, hotter than fire - just to find out what's wrong.

He feels awful for making Raph this worried over something so... different.

Leo can't even steel himself for Raphael's reaction anymore, because he has no idea what it will be. Anger? Relief? Mocking laughter? Or maybe he's not giving his brother nearly enough credit. He remembers a thumb digging into his bad shoulder, all the fear in that strength. All the fear in Raphael's angry eyes.

"Someone was looking for Monet over the network. I thought she looked shady, so I went to check it out. She was... a friend. We talked a bit. She told me... Monet - Monet's gone."

The words seem to deflate him, his posture slumping slightly. Okay, Raph. Your turn.

"Huh." Is all he has to say. Because for once, he's thinking his words through before he says them. Lets them roll around on his tongue for a little bit. But it's all there in his posture - joy, relief... Jeez. Monet is gone. Not his problem anymore. Not a threat to his family anymore. It's like a breath of fresh air.

Sighing, he runs a hand over his head.

"I can't say that I'm sad she's gone, bro."

But obviously Leo is. He's so sad over it he's making himself sick. And it's that worry alone that keeps him from celebrating the way he really wants to.

That startles a quiet laugh out of him, and he can't even describe the well of relief that opens up and floods into his veins. No, Leo hadn't expected much sadness from his brother at the revelation, but this is... this is okay.

He knows it's because of him that Raph is taking the news so calmly. Hell, it's because of him that Raph was so ramped up over Monet in the first place. He really needs to stop making his little brother worry so much.

(Of course, Leo would miss it. This. The moments of gentleness and understanding that only come when he lets his guard down enough for Raph to stand as a shield instead.)

"Yeah. I know."

The corner of his mouth tics up with a humorless smile. It's hard to say what he's really feeling right now. Aside from the staggering relief and the worry for his brother there's... something he can't quite put his finger on. But that's okay. If Raphael ever tried to understand every emotion he'd ever experienced, there would be no time left for anything else.

All he has to offer is a one-shouldered shrug. "Though I guess you're pretty broken up about it, huh?"

It's harsh, compared to his gentleness from before. But he feels the need to prod into this. Finally get his explanation. After all the grief he's been through because of that woman, there's no better time for it now that she's gone.

Leo has to think about that one for a minute. He is upset. But then, he's long recognized the patterns in his own behavior whenever this happens. This isn't new. When it had been Raphael who disappeared, all those months ago, Leo had pulled away hard. Severed contact with his cousins with the full intent to keep it that way.

If the Little Ninja hadn't sought him out, resonating with that quiet hum that Leonardo still hears on quiet nights, he'd have disappeared completely into the city. Even he doesn't know where he would have been when Raphael returned, instead of right at his side where he belonged.

Finally Leo relents, leaning his elbows onto his knees. "I saw who Monet was... the person she was afraid of becoming. It reminded me of a lot of the people we've seen over the years." He shakes his head. "I guess there was some Karai in her. There always had been. But she was different. She didn't let it control her."

Raphael really isn't good at this. This talking thing. More often than not, he's on the other side of this situation. He's the one with the problems. He's the one getting things pried out of him.

That's why his eyes start traveling around the room, his arms crossed over his chest. This isn't his comfort zone, and the urge to snap something nasty about Monet, something to convince his brother he was wrong about her all along, pushes at the back of his throat.

But that's not what Leo needs right now. So he stays quiet. Listens. He wanted an explanation, well he's getting one. So maybe he can learn to shut up for once.

He focuses on a spot in the rug, letting the afternoon silence envelop him, lead him into a place where openness with his most difficult brother is normal and acceptable. Openness is not the way, nobody ever told him but himself, and yet it's all he can think to do.

"She was a friend." The words he'd spoken to Monet's associate hours before feel heavier in his mouth now; it's the only thing he has left to say. Monet was a friend. More than that, she was a reminder, living proof that Leo can still follow wherever his heart leads.

Karai woke him up to the dangers of his own trusting nature. Monet helped him sleep again at night.

Edited 2014-05-24 08:58 (UTC)

In the end, that's all that matters, isn't it? His brother lost a friend, probably for good, and that's a feeling Raphael understands far too keenly. It's all he really needs to know.

"So you've been sittin' here since last night?" He asks quietly, finally daring to look Leo in the face again.

"This morning," he corrects offhandedly, eyes pinching shut to power through some of the burning sensation behind them. He's happy to leave the subject behind - and he's satisfied with the neutrality his brother seems to have taken on it, even if it's only for his sake. "I just got back a few hours ago."

"Yeah, well, maybe you should get some sleep," he yawns, climbing to his feet. "You look like you're gonna fall over."

And that's all he really has to say about that. Leo can mope around over Monet all he wants, he guesses. At least until he gets really annoying about it. But right now, he's got bigger things to worry about. Like brushing his teeth and finding himself some breakfast.

Stretching some of the morning soreness out of his shoulders, he heads back into the hallway toward the kitchen.

This time, he doesn't close the door behind him.

Leo stares at the open door for at least a full minute. Eventually, he gets to his feet, crosses the room, and pushes it softly, letting it rest just short of clicking shut. He turns and moves back towards the mat, dropping onto his side like a sack of hammers. Asleep the moment his eyelids slide shut.

He dreams of space, and cold green eyes, and a purple cloak, and rows and rows of Kings and Queens on a chessboard.

Not long after, once the morning rituals are done and Raph's scraped together something to eat, he heads back down the hallway. Nudging Leo's door open just a crack with the back of his hand, he sees his brother's silhouette collapsed on his mat in the dim light, smiles at the even rise and fall of his chest.

Then, he ghosts away again, pulling the door closed behind him.

He wakes just as the last beams of sunlight creep through the shuttered window. With a soft groan, Leo pulls himself up, rubbing one eye and trying to get a bead on how much good that sleep really did him.

Enough, he decides after a minute, hand dropping into his lap. He's still tired, but it's no longer the bone-deep, restless exhaustion settled deep in his core since he'd received the news the night before. A part of him envies Raph and Mikey for their ability to sleep long and hard through the night - though not too big a part. If he'd ever slept that much, it might be because he was dead.

Right now, Leo knows he'll live another day.

He gets to his feet and rolls his mat up, then wanders over to the door, noticing that it's been fully shut. His mouth ticking upwards, he pushes it open and veers in the direction of the kitchen, hoping to sneak something out of the icebox and then be back in his room before anyone notices. He isn't especially hungry... but even Leo knows better than to skip a whole day of meals because he's in a poor mood.

When Leo emerges from his room, the house is mostly quiet. Don's still tap-tapping away at the consoles, Mike's been out and about doing his thing, and Raph's in the kitchen, scrounging up some grub before he heads off to the dojo.

He's finishing off the last of the last of that Gatorade-tasting tea Mike makes, drinking straight out of the container, as Leo walks in.

All he has to offer is a nod and a "Hey." before he drains the rest of the carafe in one gulp.

Leo's stride falters when he sees his brother in the kitchen. It had to be Raph, of course. But the initial sting of embarrassment fades quickly, and he's glad it isn't Mike or Don - he isn't sure what Raph told them, or if they'd even noticed his absence today, but at least Raphael won't ask questions.

"Hey," he returns, his voice a bit scratchy with sleep. He clears his throat and moves to the counter, taking an apple from the rapidly dwindling remains of their fruit supply.

Leo stands there for a few seconds, his shell to Raph, just staring at the apple. Then he takes a bite, chewing slowly without ever turning around. He can't exactly just turn tail and scuttle back to his room with his brother right there.

The icebox door shuts with a soft thunk before Raph turns on the tap to rinse out the empty container. "I gotta head to the dojo. You doin' anything later?"

Because it looks like Leo needs a distraction, and if that means going on a run, he's good with that. 'Long as it's just running. No more of that talking about feelings crud.

Leo considers that at length as he bites into the apple again. No, he's not doing anything, and Raph probably knows it. Besides, what is Leo going to do? Slink back into his corner and sulk for the rest of the night? He's had his time to reflect, he's had sleep, he's had something to eat. Might as well get back to being productive.

"Not really," he says, tossing the core into the trash bin across the room. He finally turns to look at Raph, tired but willing, and gives a slight nod. "Let me gear up and I'll join you."

Oh, great. Now Leo's coming to the dojo with him, too. For the last few months his time at the dojo has been his time. Yeah, he's gotta run around playing janitor, but Korra's probably gonna be there more likely than not. Then there'd be sparring and that's their thing. Him and Korra. And sometimes he likes having things that don't include his brothers as a package deal.

He shuts off the tap, turning to throw Leo a look that says he's not too fond of that idea.

"Ehh, I was thinkin' more of goin' for a run later. I just gotta do boring stuff over there. Y'know. Clean."

Leo can't help but throw him an utterly confused look. Raph, just cleaning at the dojo? Somehow he doesn't buy that, little brother.

But something tells him it falls somewhere under that contract they've kept for a year, and it's already been broken once today - under any other circumstance, Leo might insist on going, but he'll let this time slide. Lord knows he owes Raph a favor after this morning.

"Okay..." he says a bit dubiously, eying his brother. He crosses his arms in the clear declaration that he's letting Raph off the hook for now. "Well, have fun."

Huffing a sigh, all Raph can do is roll his eyes. "Uh-huh."

It's a little too early to leave now (some of the students might still be lingering around), but he can't stand when Leo gets like this. So he heads for the door, giving him a sharp little wave over his shoulder. "See ya."

Leo's lucky they're brothers. Otherwise he'd never put up with his crud at all.

Leo watches him go, stance never faltering. Once Raph disappears out the door, Leo gives a slight, sharp sigh, cracking his neck to the side. Well, that was closer to the norm. He shouldn't feel as relieved about that as he does.

Either way, having an actual plan already makes him feel better. With Don still on the consoles and Mike out who-knows-where, there isn't much place for Leo to return to other than his room, but this time he brushes off the desire to mope - instead he slips his mask and weapons back on, runs through what few kata he can in the small space, and then drops into a much more peaceful meditation than the one he'd attempted earlier.

Get under Raph's skin, feel your troubles melt away. Who knew?

Sometime after dinner, Raph finally shows up from his "cleaning" with a split lip and a fresh set of soon-to-be bruises. But he's in a good mood, stomping around the house bellowing at Mike from another room the prospect of saved leftovers, then sniffing around the fridge before he goes looking for Leo.

Leonardo prides himself on his unshakeable focus, but there are few people that subvert every known Leo-ism better than Raphael. His expression pinches in slight irritation at all the stomping and bellowing. One guess as to who's back. Leo gets to his feet, rotating his shoulder as he moves to the door and slips out just in time to meet Raph.

"You're in a good mood," he notes with a raised eye ridge, pulling the door shut behind him. Cleaning. You get into a fight with the mop or what?

Don't ask, don't tell. They're going back to the old rules, right? Exceptions are only for Turtles hellbent on slowly driving themselves crazy. And this Turtle? Well, he's just pretty damn good at driving others crazy.

"Huh?" He says dumbly, still munching on the handful of leftovers he managed to snatch. He's not gonna eat a whole bunch now, so grabbing stuff on the go it is.

"Yeah, I guess," he says quickly with a shrug. "We still goin' or what? I wanted to check out the Metal Sector."

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