tushanshu_logs | But I still wake up, I still see your ghost;

Entry tags:

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost;

Characters: Carolina and York
Date: Backdated to Tues or Weds
Location: York's suite, metal sector
Situation: Potentially awkward dinner with York and Carolina. Probably some small talk and serious discussions of Bad Things.
Warnings/Rating: Freelancer Things, awkward, etc. Maybe language.

[Things like having dinner shouldn't cause Carolina's stomach to twist and turn uncomfortably in her gut, but if they're short talk after her arrival had told her anything, it was that things were unbearably different between them. Conversation wasn't easy, wasn't natural, wasn't anything like it used to be. Even under the intense pressure of the Project, they'd still managed to talk as people when the job was done.

As she approaches his door, she reminds herself that it can happen again. They can re-build; they have to be able to re-build and she refuses to believe otherwise. So, she's out of her armor, her braided back and dressed in something she'd found here on the turtle, an open-collared cross garment with plain trousers and boots. Not her usual style, but she hoped it'd give the aire of her being at least mildly comfortable instead of her armor.

After a moment of hesitation, she raps as gently as she can against the door before stepping back and reminding herself to breathe.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ He shrugs casually, scratching the nape of his neck a little awkwardly. ]

Could've been worse, I guess.

[Feeling a subtle rise in that tension again, Carolina shifts her weight and nods again. It really could have been much worse. A hell of a lot worse. If she'd showed up here much earlier than she did, she likely would have still hated his guts. After all, those journals were the starting point for her efforts to change.]

Yeah.

...We'll get better at this. At this point I suck, too.

[ York flashes a tired smile, shaking his head at her, at this. ]

[Carolina just nods, feeling tired herself. It shouldn't be this difficult to have a conversation, especially with someone she'd considered closer than a friend.]

Talking with Delta all these years didn't help? [It's a shitty attempt at a joke, but she's desperately trying.]

D's always been better at this stuff than me, come on now.

[ He messes up his hair with his hand again, laughing softly. It's a joke, yeah, and she's trying, so it's good. it's enough. ]

[Smiling slightly, Carolina gives a half-shrug.]

Thought you were supposed to be the smooth talker of the duo.

Hey, I mean, D could get all the ladies if he tried, you know?

And if he weren't an AI. [And if he tried. She figures if Delta were corporeal and had York's libido, he'd never be without a girl on his arm.] You'd have some serious competition.

Wingman, sugar. Wingman.

[ WOW HOW ABOUT THIS UTTERLY SHIT EATING GRIN. ]

I'd be the best wingman for him.

[Ffff, York and Delta being bros is an amusing image in her head, mostly because she remembers Delta still as this green floating presence on York's shoulder. She doesn't have any knowledge of an intimate relationship built up over years of being implanted with an AI, after all. Still, she notices that he's changing the language, away from that competitive nature.]

Right. Wingman.

[ He laughs, finding the image kind of hilarious the more he thinks about it, and it eases the ache of losing Delta, just a little. He'll find him again. He has to. ]

Girls go crazy for logic, yeah?

I'd rather want someone who's good with his hands. [And then she realizes she said that out loud and wishes she weren't talking to him of all people. ]

[ York's eyes go wider a moment, but he keeps from saying anything right away, swallowing. ]

Yeah, that. Makes sense.

[Carolina just nods, her lips pressing into a thin line. Yeah, she's incredibly out of practice and it's so painfully obvious, but she's trying to have a casual conversation after all.] Yeah.

Chin up, sugar.

[ He reaches out, fingers resting underneath her chin, light. ]

We're just fine, okay?

[She takes a moment or so before nodding.] Look. There's a lot of things I did wrong and I want to make up for those.

[She wants to make more out of her life than what the Director wanted. Far more.]

If I tell you what you can do to make it up to me, will you promise to stop beatin' yourself up over it, and forget it?

[ He's entirely serious, still touching her chin for the moment. ]

[Frowning lightly, Carolina regards him for a moment or two. She doubts it could possibly be that simple; things could never be that simple. No, there's no way. He'll just walk out or when he gets what he wants, he won't feel the need to talk to her. Paranoia and guilt flood through her system, competing against each other as they do. No, he'd be right to, she's a psycho bitch.

Shaking her head,] I can't promise that.

Yeah, you can, boss. Come on, you know I can't lie for shit.

[ And it aches, it aches something fierce that he even has to say this, but he reaches up and sweeps her hair behind her ears lightly. ]

Trust me, okay?

[York's words make her ache all over inside, steal her breath away as she watches him and memorizes how it feels to be touched by him like them. Behind those words, she can hear the echo of the past all to loud. You can trust me. ]

Maybe. But you can't trust me.

[Instead of rage and jealousy filling her words, there's a hollow regret and guilt, deadened not fierce.]

I do.

[ It's overkill, he knows it, but he reaches out, snags his sidearm and presses it into her hand with a knowing look. His hands spread out and he steps back, smiling crookedly. ]

I trust you with my life, boss. You know that. That much hasn't changed.

[When she feels the metal press into her hands, she furrows her eyebrows further before seeing his sidearm in her hand. Almost immediately, she tries to hold it back out to him but he's stepping back. Flicking her gaze back up to him, she at first shakes her head before exhaling thickly. ] York.

What?

[ :C he's gonna keep standing there and not reaching for it. ]

I know I didn't exactly do the most stellar crap either, okay?

[Carolina knows she can't accept his gun (and suspects he's not meaning to give it to her either), but she can't help but dwell on the pistol she'd left for her father. She shakes her head again, but she knows that refusing a gesture like this would likely hurt a lot more.] But you tried.

[ no, he's not giving it to her, but he's showing her he trusts her with a loaded weapon-- she could still take him down, still make him pay for what he did back in Freelancer, for his perceived betrayal. ]

I ran. Let's not call it something it's not, okay.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Whoops I'm terrible.

YEP

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject