there will be time to murder and create; closed

[wrathfulkhan]

Characters: Gene Khan, Tony Stark; Milyn, possibly, later.
Date: February 4th
Location: Midnight Hotel; later, Milyn's clinic
Situation: Time to return home and face FULL-LIFE CONSEQUENCES. But first...
Warnings/Rating: Talk of long-since-committed murder. Definite sappy gay bullshit. Probably boys yelling. I don't know?

And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

When Tony returns to their shared room, he will find all of Gene's meager belongings carefully packed into a bag - as though he's preparing to leave, or is ready for being told to leave - and Gene himself sitting at the table, the rings on their string sitting before him, his head bowed in an attitude of contemplation.

"I need to talk to you," he says, looking up when Tony enters, his voice slightly hoarse, his face carefully blank.

Comments

[highprofilerichkid]

Tony's silent. He doesn't know what to say to that. But after a long hesitation, he reaches out and takes Gene's hand.

The knock on the door makes him jump, and he looks up.

"Umm... Come in...?"

/slams face into IHOP while tagging

[wrathfulkhan]

The resulting silence almost kills Gene, and he mentally prepares himself for a long future of it.

When Tony takes his hand, he cringes away, turning his face to the wall, but he doesn't remove his hand from Tony's. He nearly starts to weep in earnest but for Milyn's arrival. Thanks for saving us all from this loser's bitter tears, Milyn.

omg I want ihop hdu

[cherrywood]

Milyn came over to the bed, bearing two folded sets of clothes; kedanese clothes, true, but the sizing was right for both of them, and it would let them change out of the clothes they'd been in for a while now.

"How are you both feeling?"

it was free pancake day

[highprofilerichkid]

Gene turns away from him, and Tony doesn't know what to make of that. He doesn't know what to say, what to do, how to react to the sudden change in the nature of their relationship. On some level, he'd always known that things would have to fall out this way, but now that they've actually gone through with it, he finds himself unprepared for the emotional backlash.

At least it's better than finding out he's dead.

"Fine," Tony answers Milyn, a little too quickly and a little too sharply. "How long were we out?"

[wrathfulkhan]

Don't look at me, Gene wants to snap, but bites down on the words. Even if this whole exercise hadn't been intended as punishment, punishment is what it's become.

He keeps trying to be good and do the right thing. But it doesn't matter. It never will. He's doomed to failure, to ruin, the eternal scapegoat for having tried.

He wants to dig his nails into his scalp, his skin, tear himself to pieces for his hubris. But he doesn't. At least, not yet. When Milyn asks, he says, "A little nauseous, actually," his voice still hoarse. But he's not sure if that's from the serum or his guilt.

[cherrywood]

It's hard not to miss the awkwardness broadcasting off these two like radiation, but Milyn does her best to keep things light. She tells Tony how long they were out, and hands Gene a cup of green-tinted water that smells like eucalyptus. "Here, this will settle your stomach."

[highprofilerichkid]

As Milyn hands Gene the tea, Tony swings his legs out of the bed and takes the fresh clothes.

"Thanks. Is there anything... post-procedure that you need to do?" For now, it's easier to just focus on the practicalities. He and Gene need to talk, but not with Milyn around.

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene accepts the tea with a murmur of gratitude and takes a sip. It's nice. Nothing he'd go out of his way to consume, but for a medicinal brew it's pretty good. He doesn't really trust himself to talk yet, so he keeps sipping the tea and hoping that settles his stomach.

If his nausea is based in guilt, he has a feeling that it won't.

[cherrywood]

(Milyn might have added a dollop of whatever passes for kedan honey in the cup, just so it didn't taste as bad as it could have.)

At Tony's question, she nodded and retrieved a small sample kit, pulling out two swabs. "Just a quick donation," she laughed lightly, gesturing for them to open their mouths. "For testing the serum saturation," she added, just in case they were wondering what she wanted with them.

"And if you could stop by again a week from now, I'll take a second swap, and then you're all done! You'll be helping me out very much."

[highprofilerichkid]

"Right. Sure." He dutifully opens his mouth for the swab. He's been in hospitals enough that he doesn't think anything of being poked and prodded and sampled.

Once that's done, he stands, clothes in arm, and looks uncertainly between Gene and Milyn. "I guess... I'll go change? Where's, uh, the bathroom?"

[wrathfulkhan]

Mechanically, Gene places the cup aside and opens his mouth to allow Milyn to swab. He feels empty. He feels dead. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows it's probably psychological shock. He'd known things would be bad. He just hadn't quite expected that they'd be this bad.

He doesn't pick up the mug again until Tony's no longer looking at him. He doesn't want Tony to see his hands shake.

[cherrywood]

"Down the hall on the left," Milyn answered, tucking away both swabs into sanitary holders. "If you don't need me for anything else, dears, I'll be up front. Don't think I'm throwing you out though, you can stay as long as you need."

Which meant, since the boys were not looking like they wanted to be in proximity to each other at the moment, she was perfectly fine letting one of them linger as needed to ensure their going of separate ways.

[highprofilerichkid]

"Thanks."

Tony slips out of the room to go change, and by the time he returns, Milyn has left. Now he's alone with Gene.

He closes the door behind him and stands awkwardly by the wall, hands in pockets. "How are you doing?" he asks quietly, after several long, painful seconds of silence.

[wrathfulkhan]

While Tony is gone, Gene changes into his own new clothes, but the act of doing so doesn't make him feel any better. He stil feels like someone reached inside him with a melon baller and scooped out his soul by teaspoons.

The door shutting after Tony comes back souds awfully final, and Gene lets the silence linger just a bit after the question.

"I've had better days," he says in a low tone, a sort of grim not-really humor suffusing his words. "You?"

[highprofilerichkid]

Tony shrugs. "I guess it was about what I was expecting."

More accurately, it's what he could have reasonably expected, if he hadn't been mostly trying not to think about it. But, either way... he hadn't been prepared for the reality of it. For experiencing it.

And it's hard to look at the boy he's been dating, sleeping with, living with, and think, he did all that. And then he came here and did it again, and he never told you. All those promises to try harder, to get better, and the whole time he was keeping that a secret. It hurts. It feels like another betrayal, and living through the fallout of the first betrayal is only throwing this new one into starker relief.

[wrathfulkhan]

The bitter words escape Gene's mouth before he can stop them. "So glad to disappoint," he says, and there's anger in his voice, and sadness, and pain - but all of that anger is directed at himself, all of that sadness mourning for what he'd lost here because of it, and all of that pain a reminder of what he had to live with, the lives that would be spared and the things that would not be broken but for him.

"I can't change it. I can't change any of it. I wish I could. But the rings wouldn't..." He trails off, his mouth dry despite the tea.

[highprofilerichkid]

"I know." He knows how sorry Gene is, which is the only reason he'd been willing to give him a second chance at all. He's just not sure 'sorry' is enough to cut it, this time.

Hesitantly, he moves back to the bed they'd been tucked into, and sits down, halfway facing away from Gene. Closer to him physically, but no longer looking directly at him.

"Thank you. For doing this for me." He could say with me, but he knows that the only reason Gene willingly subjected himself to this was because Tony asked.

[wrathfulkhan]

"You have no reason to thank me." Gene shrugs his shoulders, looking carefully away from Tony. The movement is meant to be neutral, but some of that anger from earlier leaks into it, making it brusque.

"I'll talk to Anton about changing my room," he says, his voice flat. He's treating their breakup like a foregone conclusion, because he can't see why it wouldn't be. "I'll work it so you don't have to see me again. Sorry to have caused you so much trouble."

[highprofilerichkid]

"What?" Tony looks up sharply, frowning. "No, that's not what I..." He runs his fingers through his hair. "I don't hate you, Gene. I'm just... angry that you didn't tell me about Bakura," he says, his voice breaking a little.

[wrathfulkhan]

"When was I supposed to tell you?" Gene asks sullenly. "When we started to become friends again - so I could give you an excuse to think I hadn't changed at all, that I was still rotten to the core? After you kissed me in the lab? When I asked you to take me out if I should prove to be a threat?"

He swallows, hard. "I admit - it was selfish to wait. But I wanted to be sure I could tell you and...and your first response wouldn't be to chase me out and call me a monster." Had it been so wrong to want to hold on to what little affection he could get for as long as he could? "I'd meant to tell you in the Dreaming," he says again. "But...it wasn't the right time. No. It was that I was too afraid of telling you there." Tony's rejection would have destroyed him. "I'm a coward. I never told you because I was afraid to."

[highprofilerichkid]

"I don't know. I don't know," he says. But what he wants to say is, 'yes, any of those, any time would have been better than now, when I've given you my trust, my forgiveness, given you so much.' That's what he wants to say, but he can't quite get the words out.

"I don't think you're a monster. You messed up. You messed up pretty badly - I mean, you murdered a guy for something that wasn't his fault - but... he came back? I don't know. You really screwed up, but you didn't do it just to be evil, and everybody ended up okay." Which is more than can be said of his previous screw-ups.

"You're not a monster." Tony sighs, and puts his head in his hands. "But it's— how can I trust you, if you don't tell me stuff like this? You're afraid to tell me when you've done something bad - so I always have to be afraid that you're hiding something horrible from me?"

[wrathfulkhan]

No harm, no foul, right, Tony?

No? Okay.

"That's it, though. That's the last one, the last secret. I waited so long because I was afraid - because secrets have kept me alive. I needed them to survive. I'm...I'm trying to be better. I thought that...that now I could finally tell you," Gene says, struggling to get the words out.

"I'm done, Tony. I'm done lying, I'm done running. I've had enough of secrets and lies. I'm trying to start over again. To have a clean slate. Or...as much of one as I can manage." He sighs. "I know I can never make up for...everything that happened, back there. I was wrong. I've always been wrong. Please, don't punish me for trying to do right."

that was such a good episode tho

[highprofilerichkid]

"I know you're trying, Gene. I don't want to punish you for that. I don't want to punish you at all." I don't want to hurt you anymore. And he doesn't. Even though he has every right to want to.

He doesn't want to hurt Gene, but he wants acknowledgement that he's hurting too, that he's not wrong to feel hurt, that he's not wrong to to be just a little bit upset that Gene had been hiding something like this from him. He has good reason to be wary of Gene's secrets, doesn't he?

Tony laughs into his hands, and it's shaky, like he's trying not to cry.

"I just keep falling for you. I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I fell for you in school, and the whole time you were keeping secrets that caused... everything that happened." Everything they'd just seen. "And I did it again here, and you were keeping more secrets here, and... I hate feeling like you don't tell me anything until I'm... in too deep to think straight. Like every time I start to have real feelings for you, you're going to drop another bomb on me."

He sniffs and rubs at his eyes, trying unsuccessfully to force back the tears that are leaking out. "I believe you. That that's the last one. But I..." But that doesn't do much to lessen the sting of this one. That doesn't do much, on the heels of their vision of home, to silence the whispers of he lied to you, just like before, you loved him and he was lying, lying the whole time. "...I dont' know. I just need... some time to let it sink in, I think."

yes that's why i referenced it

[wrathfulkhan]

Gene stays curiously silent, unwilling to justify his actions or interrupt Tony. He knows Tony's right, and for the first time he feels a stab of guilt for manipulating him the way he had back in high school. He picks up the cup and takes a long drink, desperate for something to do with his hands while Tony talks so he feels less like he's under a spotlight.

"I understand," he says when Tony's finished. "I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep this from you for so long. I didn't want to hurt you when you found out. But I guess it couldn't be helped."

He sighs, replacing the cup on the small table. "If you don't want me to move out, what do you want me to do? Since you need time."

my fave

[highprofilerichkid]

Tony doesn't take his head out of his hands. "Yeah. Well." He shrugs, feeling another sudden surge of formless anger. Gene's responses are unsatisfying, frustrating, and he isn't sure why. Part of him wants more from Gene, more proof that he understands what he did, and that can change and will change - but at the same time, his remorse is almost too slavish, and part of Tony wants Gene to grow a spine, and stand up for himself, and show that he gives a damn about this relationship by fighting for it, and not just letting Tony walk away.

He starts to wonder if maybe the problem isn't with Gene, but with him.

He sighs. "I don't know," he mumbles again. "You don't have to leave the room or anything, I'll..." work until he can't see straight and/or sleep on the couches in the common room, most likely. "...figure something out."