tushanshu_logs | A Revelation in the Light of Day (January Catch All)

Entry tags:

A Revelation in the Light of Day (January Catch All)

Characters: Valdis and Open
Date: January "2017"
Location: Throughout Keeliai
Situation: Various
Warnings/Rating: In Starters

Her memory loss in November hadn't left any visible scars, but its return had been less than pleasant. Thus, apart from spending time with the kedanese children, she had mostly kept to herself in December. Trying to sort out the conflicting memories that belonged to her and those that belonged to Meira. In the end, the memories had merged and she was able to recall in detail the events of November. Some of those she wished she didn't, but others might prove useful.

Now that she was back together, she could focus on what she really cared about, getting back to work at the Dojo and hunting down the cultists. The Cultists had been fairly silent throughout the Chihuelans visit and the Turtle Move, but she didn't suspect they would be for long. Then there was the matter of Yunxu's salt hoarding, Jintou's current state, her hunt for Celaunn and conflict with Zanru, not to mention those zombie kedan who had tried to take her soul gem and the visions from the turtle. She barely had time to think about anything else when her head was spinning with so many thoughts. There was so much to be done and she couldn't do it alone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

More was happening, jumbles and crumbling thoughts all held together in that memory. Something was wrong with it, that much was definite, and perhaps attributed to his still-sane state. Or his ability to pretend at sanity, rather, where he didn't have to look back every moment of the day at pain and suffering. Cain did not want to think about it, and something about it...

What was that?

... was simply out of his reach. It left his mind trembling, helplessly pulled along at the Void's whims digging further and further. It had found something very dangerous to latch onto and the transition between the memories became tense, air cooling significantly and filled with terror giving way to excitement. It was dark. Old. Should have been worn, yet kept in the best condition yet. There was no way he would forget this moment.

Everything was strong here. Vibrant and lush, the great outdoors, two young men running with jangling bags tied over their shoulders. Their faces were the same, no difference between them. It shifted, sudden, fear for their lives turning the scene sharp and harsh. Dogs. There were dogs barking, clamoring, catching up.

No. You can't be here. You can't see this.

It was a younger voice. Still the same man, but someone else. Romulus. Just a boy, really, scared and defensive and withdrawn. They were coming up on something terrible, and one of the boys — Romulus — looked aside to see the golden clock ticking down to mere moments left on his brother's neck. This was his fault, his fault, everything was his fault, why hadn't he said—

STOP!

This was the beginning of fear and Valdis' shock held her in place. The Void wrapped itself tightly around the memory, the clarity so much stronger than any of the other memories. This had been a mistake. If she had known about this suffering, she never would have agreed to try. She knew the Void, knew what it was drawn to, he should have warned her, but it was too late now, because now they were both reliving the pain of his distant past.

Let go, she ordered, desperately trying to return to her own body, but Jacob's pain strengthened the hold of the Void.

On the physical plane, she shivered and began to pale as she fought with her own darkness.

Things could only escalate from there. Burdened as they were, they wouldn't make it far enough fast enough. Remus stopped them only briefly, handing his back over to Romulus and pushing him forward with a harsh shove. "Keep going!" he demanded. Romulus was stuck in place as if the very earth had swallowed his feet to capture him. Seeing the hesitation, Remus returned to him, held his brother's face in his hands and spoke sternly. "Ruva, you must go. You will make the city we dreamed of. Our city. I will be fine."

It wasn't easy. Heart torn in two, eyes watering, Romulus only moved when Remus shoved him again and started running in the opposite direction. Toward the hunters. Romulus only made it as far as a few steps when he heard Remus yelling, taking the dogs head on in an effort to buy his younger brother time.

No. You have to stop.

Time he was wasting, watching in the distance as the dogs came upon Remus. He saw it, his throat going raw from screaming as the dogs descended upon Remus to shred him apart and devour him. There was nothing he could do. He had failed; he'd lied all of their life and had never told Remus of this moment, never warned him. This was it. No going back.

Everything was different.

It was a powerful moment, every piece of shame and misery and self-loathing, not even a shred of positivity, all pinned to this exact instant. Thousands of years of built up emotions, failure, pain and loss, accumulated in this death he would never forget. It was the start of his immortality, but the end of the only life he had ever wanted to fight for.

GET OUT!

Rushing power, a force so strong powered by urgency and protectiveness. Cain pushed, shoved, gave everything he didn't know he had into making them leave this darkest moment. Everything else was uncomfortable. This single thing was unacceptable. Sharing it on such a personal level was not supposed to happen.

The horror and influx of negative emotions caused her to falter in her attempts to retreat. No wonder he hated dogs, no wonder he was so terrified of them. He had watched them tear apart someone he loved. Then a force shoved at her, like a strong wind and the Void's hold weakened. The force grew stronger, punctuated by words in Jacob's voice. The Void released the memory, gripping Jacob's essence, his consciousness in an attempt to stay, but the only result was that he was being dragged with them, back through flashes of unintelligible words and blurry sights. Then the Void screeched in triumph as the man was drawn through the path with them, but it's triumph shifted to panic as they suddenly dropped into darkness.

Amos, what are you doing? The voice would be familiar to Jacob as that of Valdis, but younger and filled with fear.

He was more conscious here. Less of an aimless guide and more of a force given form inside their minds. This was not what he expected, still disoriented and confused over what had just happened. His body was quiet and serene while his mind was a whirlwind without safety. So much in so little time only let him without anchor and this change, this abrupt being, left him speechless.

This was not where he should be and he had to find his way back. But it was so dark, and there was nowhere to go... After a moment, he called out for the voice. "Valdis?"

The darkness turned to a grey haze and the image began to grow clearer. Two dark haired men in what looked like a dank room with stone walls. Valdis cowered on the floor, one of the men gripping her arm tightly and trying to drag her to the base of the dais when the man called Amos sat.

Calm, Meira, Amos' voice was soft, soothing, It won't hurt.

The man grabbed her other arm and lifted her from the ground, tossing her closer to where Amos sat. She scrambled away, but the man grabbed her again and forced her to her knees.

'What is this?' Valdis' voice, shocked, older than the girl on the floor, floated toward him.

Michael will kill you, Meira spat, trying to jerk away.

Laughter filled the air as another man entered, his eyes bright red.

I don't think he will get the chance. The newcomer said, crouching in front of her. Amos watched as the man reached out and pressed his hand to Meira's chest. She screamed as the man slowly drew his hand back and he smiled at the glowing silver orb he now held.

The girl went limp as the man closed his fingers around it, squeezing tightly. The orb shattered, the sound of breaking crystal filling the air. Immediately shadowy tendrils shot out from a dark corridor, catching the shining pieces and curling around them.

No, Valdis' voice again, terrified and echoed by the seven voices of the Void.

How dare you, It shrieked alone, releasing Jacob's consciousness.

And the vision began to fade.

Edited (typo) 2016-01-23 22:36 (UTC)

There was no context to be had, nothing to give Cain a point of reference. He still had a pretty good idea of what had just happened and swallowed hard at the sight of someone's soul being shattered into pieces and swallowed up by the dark. He wasn't going to be unaffected by that. Unfortunately for him, he had no control in matters of the spirit; he was strong, but had no idea how to wield any of it.

He jolted, body wakening with a start, and found himself sitting before his eyes had even opened. His mind was a mystifying haze save for that last part and nothing sat right in his recollection. What the hell had just happened? With no firm place to stand except for the last few moments, he clung to that memory and tried to make it his own. He wasn't going to let that darkness win when it obviously didn't want him there.

Gaze lifting only after a moment, he caught sight of Raine. Raine, still there and waiting and likely not expecting either of them to have such a violent reaction. She probably wasn't ready for Cain to look like someone had physically reached in and held onto his heart, either. It hurt. Whatever they had done in there hurt.

Her entire body shook uncontrollably as she saw the event unfold and her face would pale considerable, her breathing becoming ragged. She could sense Jacob nearby, hear her own screams, but whether it was just in her mind or in the physical plane, she didn't know, unable to distinguish between the two.

Her eyes opened and she lurched to her feet, immediately stumbling when they wouldn't support her weight. She didn't possess the strength to right herself, but she managed to grab the nightstand and half break her collapse to the floor. She wasn't sure where the nightmare ended and the Hotel began and shook her head, trying to clear her mind.

Everything hurt, a dull ache in all her limbs and breathing was painful. She hoped that Jacob was alright, hoped that Amos wasn't here, hoped that Raine could take care of everything. Too much hope and not enough proof. She didn't even realize when the tears began to fall, there had been too much pain and suffering, no one deserved what Jacob had gone through. They never should have done this.

It had almost gotten to the point where Raine might have interrupted them when the two separated regardless, Cain starting up and Valdis stumbling away. She hesitated a moment, the practical considerations of which one would need assistance more warring with the instinct to go to family first.

"Do both of you remember where you are?" she asked, forcing her voice calm though her heart was speeding. "You're safe; you're in the Hotel. Nothing is going to hurt you here."

She crossed to the bed, took one of Cain's hands without preamble. Here and now. She wasn't overly worried about his physical safety, but mentally was a different story, going by the look on his face. "Valdis," she said aloud, reaching toward the other woman with the hand that held her staff. "Can you stand? Do you need healing?" And a white circle was already spinning beneath her, ready to do something; Raine would not be surprised if Valdis' healing abilities were out of sorts again, as it seemed to happen when the Void was acting up one way or another.

There was a lot going on in such a small room. Valdis reacting at the same time didn't frighten him, and he tilted his head to watch her own stumble yet couldn't bring himself to move or to catch her. It was like his heart had climbed into his throat and he could hardly move for want to just keep breathing. He couldn't place what had happened and it made the intangible feelings all the more dangerous with nowhere to go.

His hand closed over Raine's tight and warm. He had enough control not to crush or cling but he needed that anchor more than he cared to admit. Cain breathed, looked at their enclosed hands, then up to Raine. He tried to quirk a smile for her in encouragement and the attempt only wrenched his heart more; a grimace came instead.

"I remember," he said after a moment. "Not what happened... but I remember what we were doing. Something happened at the end, there."

Her chest hurt, so she took a deep breath as an experiment, sharp pain rising in the place where Fenrir had touched her in the memory. Was it a memory? The Void was writhing around in concerned anger, adding to her confusion. Then Raine's voice broke through the haze of emotions and the room came into focus as Jacob spoke. She covered her face with her hands, wishing that she didn't remember every detail of his suffering, wishing that she had never seen that...whatever it was at the end.

Valdis didn't want to move, she just wanted to forget the image of Meira's soul being shattered, of Jacob's brother's death, of the torture. She had made a mess of things and she was working herself into a panic. She need to slow her breathing, needed to get a handle on herself.

We are sorry, the Void hissed gently, We shall not do it again.

"It doesn't matter," she sobbed in reply, "This was a mistake."

That was something Raine could have told them herself; but she bit that back, since it wouldn't help. And it would have been valuable, in any case, if Valdis could control this ability.

Raine wished for Anton, then, but he had been warned of the experiment and would likely not make an appearance unless his wards were further tested. And she could hardly leave the room right now, as it was, with Cain holding her hand tightly in return, and she wouldn't want to leave either of them in this state anyway. "Valdis," she said steadily. "Come here, please." She put her staff down, let the arte splinter into nothingness, and extended her free hand to Valdis.

Not yet a good time to ask what exactly had gone wrong, with both of them barely coherent, and so Raine steadied herself and waited.

It wouldn't do to linger in this. There was no point when he had no point of reference, and Cain was already trying to shore himself back up. It was something he had done hundreds of thousands of times, every time a little easier than the last, except now it was like he'd been broken down near the base and had to try again from the start. Swallowing harsh, he pulled his legs closer to him and shifted as if to make room for Valdis, or maybe lessen the space he was taking up. Confidence that usually emanated like an aura was muted, Romulus' quiet replacing the space.

He breathed, let things slowly return to their proper places. This pain wasn't going to go away easily but he could at least bring himself to work around it. That was how he always did it, had to process in order to function. Little sparks of anxiety and nerves and pain echoed across his subconscious. They'd definitely poked something bad in there.

"It's okay, Valdis," he said. Whatever he had seen in there, he didn't intend to share. His own hurts were not something she needed to carry, whatever it was she saw. "See?"

Raine's calm nature was strong and Valdis latched onto it, shoving aside the fears and pain to try to make her emotions steady like the healers. Despite his efforts to decrease his emotions, Valdis could still feel his uncertainty, his pain. She had done that, she had allowed her power to hurt him because she had become emotional. Just one more reason that emotions shouldn't be a part of her. She looked up when he moved, his voice more reassuring than the emotions wafting from him, but the fact that he didn't seem to blame her did wonders for her fear.

She reached out, half standing to take Raine's hand and slowly moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice steadier as she began to calm.

The Void purred like a cat. See? Everything will be fine

Raine nodded briefly, an approving sort of a gesture, and squeezed both their hands. "All right," she said, still calm, hoping they might somehow take some of that from her. "Take the time you need to calm yourselves, but it would likely be useful to figure out exactly what went wrong sooner, rather than later. For instance, whether it was a measure of the skill, or the people involved."

That was all the urging she was going to give them, however, judging both still in a compromised state, and Raine would stand there and provide as much of a grounding influence as she could for as long as was necessary.

Being helpless didn't sit well with Cain. He was all for vulnerability and working through it, but this wasn't something to be worked through. This was something dredged up that he needed control over again, and in the meanwhile he would help Valdis sort through the same. Those things he saw at the end there... it was impossible to miss the meaning behind it. Not exactly the best of moments to have dredged up, however accidentally Cain may have done it.

"All I know is that we somehow switched places in the end," Cain said slowly, watching Valdis without changing his grip on Raine's hand. He still needed that connection. "But that wasn't your fault, Valdis."

Valdis took several deep breaths, long and slow to relieve her racing heart, ignoring the pain in her chest until it began to fade. Raine's words and presence were reassuring, but her eyes flicked to meet Jacob's when he spoke. If he remembered switching places, then he had to remember what they had seen, which meant that it hadn't simply been a nightmare.

"It is." She croaked, pausing and lifting a hand to touch her throat, less certain now that she hadn't actually screamed, but her mind had always been a strange place, "I never should have tried this. I should have known that the life of an immortal...would intrigue the Void too much."

How could she tell him that she had seen those things when he didn't seem to remember her being there?

"I...don't even know what we saw on my side."

Except she did and the lie was probably perfectly evident.

"While you are the person who knows the Void best, you are not responsible for its actions," Raine said steadily. Save the disapproval for later. "It's also true that if you do wish to gain control of this ability, it's best to attempt it with someone durable and consenting."

As much as Raine disliked that, too. But there was value in learning control over dangerous abilities. She had told Solomon that -- years ago, now -- and she still meant it, as much as the thought of having Cain hurt bothered her.

"Are you saying the ability rebounded?" she asked aloud, curiosity temporarily overtaking calm.

It was obvious that Valdis wasn't telling the truth, judging by her own shaken nature. Cain himself knew he had things lurking in his own psyche but they were nothing more than memories now, and nothing that personally affected Valdis. Maybe that wasn't it and he was distancing himself too much, yet he still found himself for wanting to know what she had seen in his soul.

"Something like that," he said, a slight upturn to his tone for Raine's curiosity. Calm was well and good, but returning to status quo helped him even more. "It looks like we can't remember our own sides of it. Can you tell me what you saw? You don't need to hold back."

She was quiet, trying to decide if she felt like arguing with Raine, but there wasn't any point. Raine might have been partly correct, but if she hadn't let Jacob's emotions get the best of her, then she might have possessed better control.

"The Void is attracted to suffering," Valdis said slowly, "It found..what were probably some of the darkest memories you possess. There was...a lab, people in white coats experimenting with your healing abilities, that one was quite clear. The other is hazy, but your pain and fear was quite evident and the last one, before you forced the rebound into my plane...I saw your brother die."

"Fucking Texas," Cain muttered, more of a sigh than pure words. He recognized the first and the last, and his mind teetered alarmingly at the second. He knew that one but it wasn't something to talk about, not even a question of it, and thankfully her description left it vague enough that he could hide it behind not knowing what she was referring to.

This was all the fault of that unwilling trip to Texas. He had thought about it, briefly, before they'd started. Hands at his sides, a reminder of being tied down (of his arm and the length he had to go in order to free himself), and that must have been where the Void had latched onto. His breathing stuttered at the mention of his brother, the thought and reminder, and he had no way to deny that: they had definitely been to that memory. It was so raw all of a sudden.

"Be glad that's all," he said eventually. There were more terrible things in plentiful numbers inside of his head gained through the eventuality of his lifespan. "Those were just... more recently-relevant. Likely, that was my fault."

Guilt, raw pain, perhaps a hint of fear continued to waft from Jacob, growing in intensity as she went on. She shook her head, "It would have found more had you not forced us out."

Immortality could be a curse. There was always going to be suffering that the immortal couldn't escape, loss, death and revival, but torture was not something she had experienced in all her years. Or at least in her memory, but there were memories that had been hidden from her and somehow Jacob had found the one that ruined everything.

"The dogs..." she said quietly, renewed tears coming to her eyes, "I'm sorry, Jacob, you must hate me."

That was another thing. Cain had managed to force them out? He couldn't imagine it had been all under his own power; something else might have been wrong, or maybe Valdis had been helping when she didn't realize. He was just too powerless for that in comparison to these magical giants all around him.

Seeing her continue to fall into the pain of the memories, Cain frowned. His hand held to Raine's more tightly, unsure of where she was going with this. The dogs, of course, were not something he wanted to think about. He'd had many pets and beasts of burden over the ages but canines had never been part of that; he still couldn't bear the idea. "It isn't your fault," he said. Maybe it needed to be said more clearly. "You didn't set those dogs loose on us."

It was no longer his memories that were painful, it was the one that he had found, that he had somehow wrenched from an unknown place. She lifted her free hand and touched her chest lightly, relieved to find that there was no pain. She didn't know how much he had seen of the memory, but she suspected he hadn't realized what that memory had meant.

"No," she replied, rising and pulling her hand out of Raine's before stepping back to give the man room and a clear path to the door. "What you saw, the memory that you somehow summoned, that's...I didn't even know I had that memory," She shook her head, "That's the day I lost my soul. The day I became a monster like those dogs."

It was true, everything Amos had told her had been true. She covered her face with her hands, half laughing, half crying, both relieved and terrified. She was certain that the wards were going crazy by now, good thing she had had the foresight to tell Anton.

Raine watched the back-and-forth for a while, judging that Cain and Valdis were best served discussing it that way -- she had not shared the experience, after all -- but at this point she deemed it better to step in, rather than remaining simply a balancing influence.

Now she glanced between them, and realized that though she did not know all the details that Cain had missed something important about Valdis. "Cain," she said, quiet, insistent, and waited until he looked at her. "Valdis isn't human. The other form she commonly inhabits is canine. That's why she now assumes you must hate her."

She gave it a beat, and then added, more authoritatively, "And that's enough from both of you about monsters and fault. An experiment went wrong, and while I hope you've both learned something from the experience, arguing about who's to blame does nothing helpful. The only use is in discovering where those powers went astray."

Edited (thought clarification) 2016-01-24 05:07 (UTC)

no subject

no subject

no subject

CW for terrible things

no subject

CW: Soul shattering stuff

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject