tushanshu_logs | I am flesh and I am bone

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I am flesh and I am bone | April Catchall

Characters: Pepper Potts, Devin Parker, and you!
Date: Throughout April
Location: Jade Dojo, Sky Sector, all over Keeliai.
Situation: Pepper's living her life, and Devin is getting dumped into Keeliai a little maimed.
Warnings/Rating: Possible mention of murder and probably blood, specific warnings in headers.

A. [Pepper] Jade Dojo | Backdated to end of March | Heather

As promised, Pepper got up early and made her way to the dojo at a time that was unusual for her. She normally trained in the afternoons, so this was a big change of pace. There was no guarantee that she and Heather would make good partners, but it would be interesting to try. It would also give her a chance to get a read on Heather, since Pepper hadn't interacted with her much before now. She hung up her jacket and pulled a set of long, thin cloth wraps and began to circle them around her hands; once they were secured, Pepper began to warm up, keeping an eye out for Heather's arrival.

B. [Pepper] House Spicy Iron Dragon | Early April | Gene

The weather is getting almost reasonable, and on one of the days where it's a bit sunnier, Pepper goes out into the backyard and does some practice summoning. She's getting better at it, and higher level monsters are slowly getting easier to summon, but she still has pretty strict limits. That doesn't diminish her determination - if anything, it makes her push harder. Vee is there, too, standing off to the side with less armor on, observing. Pepper will occasionally speak to her like her ka has said something, although the creature's lips never move.

C. [Pepper] KPD | Throughout April | Open

The new Guild system has definitely stirred things up in the city, and there's a rash of thefts hitting Foreigners that suggests it's systematic. The destruction of the spirit houses is also concerning, although fortunately it doesn't seem to be escalating badly. Pepper is pretty busy, spending a lot of time out on patrols and talking with kedan as well as Foreigners to see if they have any information. Busy or not, she's in a good mood most of the time if anyone bumps into her.

D. [Devin; CW: burns, possibly blood] Healer's Guild | April 5 | Raine

The ground is a lot smoother than he expects. There's a ringing in his ears and he can tell he’d be dead if he hadn’t known what was coming. As it is, his back is charred from the explosion. It was a small price to pay for getting the hunters and the dossier out. He can feel them start to heal, but his wounds must be worse than he thought – someone is saying something, putting a hand on his shoulder and Devin can only lay there, stunned. The person sounds worried, and Devin tries to tell them he'll be fine, to leave him here. To run. It doesn't come out particularly coherently.

Whoever it is doesn't listen, and two sets of strong arms are lifting him off the ground to a standing position, which he couldn’t have managed himself. This is bad, that he can't orient himself properly or see straight. At some point, he must have lost consciousness, because next he opens his eyes he's being led into a building and there's a flurry of activity that ends with him face-down on a gurney.

"I can't stay here," Devin mutters, trying to get out of the bed, but the hands keep pushing him back down. Devin is stronger, though, and he stumbles vertical again, searching for a door. "I don't need your help."

E. [Devin; CW: blood] Thoughout Keeliai | Throughout April | Open

As soon as Devin is fully recovered, he gets out into the city. The situation has him on edge, the fact that his agency has been violated again setting a semi-permanent frown on his face. Devin is familiar with a few different planes of existence, so the idea of Keeliai isn't something he outright rejects. After a week or two, he accepts that he's stuck. From what Devin can tell, he's the only one of his kind here.

That should have been something of a relief, Devin reflects, but it also meant that he's adrift without purpose. What is he supposed to do with himself? Almost all of his energy back home had been spent hunting. Devin can't remember the last time he took a vacation.

Long story short, Devin is not in a good mood most of the month, somewhere between lost and agitated. He does need to find a way to live, though, so when he's not at the Hotel (which he hopes he won't have to stay at for an extended time) he's wandering around and observing, taking in every detail he can, and looking for a niche to fit in.

F. [Devin] Turtle's Head | Mid April | Open

The rumors of the serenity of being near Tu Vishan's beak are appealing amidst the turmoil of Devin's arrival and the impending problem of finding a food source has him troubled enough that he hikes out there one day. The sight of it, actually getting confirmation of what it is he'd standing on, is grounding and the calming influence of a being so much greater than him is familiar in a way. At least this trip doesn't come with a migraine. He spends a few hours there, mostly standing at the shell's edge and staring out at the sea, thinking through his options.

(OOC: Let me know if you want a specific starter or feel free to write your own adventure!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Something distinctly different that Gene may notice is that Pepper is more focused than average, and even her movements are calmer and more purposeful when she's holding a summon. The Duelist Gauntlet is on her right hand. Shadow magic takes a lot of concentration, so indeed she's not the one that detects Gene first since he's out of her field of view. Vee glances at him for several seconds before inclining her head.

When the summon fades, Vee finally alerts her that Gene is there, and Pepper turns with a grin. She looks a little tired. "Hey! Keeping an eye on me?"

He inclines his head back at Vee, not sure what to make of this acknowledgment.

"Yeah," he says when Pepper grins. At least she seems happy. "You seem to be pretty happy with this. I'm glad. I was about to suggest you take up knitting," he says, a teasing edge to his voice.

That's rich, coming from Gene, who needs a hobby more than anyone. No, brooding is not a hobby.

Pepper giggles. "Oh my god, me knitting. I'd probably end up breaking the needles and tangling the yarn so badly it could never be undone," she replies, looking up at Vee. The corner of the ka's mouth are turned up at the idea.

"And yeah, I'm really happy. It's super cool, getting to do magic," Pepper adds, wiggling the fingers of her gloved hand. "A little limited, but Vee makes up for a lot of it."

Gene chuckles a little, too. "Better you than me." No, that's not true. Gene's organized mind would have him making scarves in no time. It's better for everybody that nobody realizes that.

"Oh yeah? How does that work, exactly?" He's never been clear on the details.

"I think you'd do a lot better knitting than me, honestly, even if Tony would never stop teasing you," Pepper says. She really doesn't have the patience for fiber crafts.

"Well, I can't sense the Shadow Realm directly, so it mostly gets filtered through her," she explains. "The gauntlet let's me access the power I need to actually summon, but I can only do so much a day, since they're maintained here using my own energy. Vee I can summon any time, anywhere, though, since she's technically a part of me."

"Nonsense. I'd never do that." He has better things to do, even though he's logical as hell.

"I hope the Shadow Realm isn't the same place as where I sent Zhang." Then he blinks, a little interested. "She's part of you?"

"Wherever it was, it's probably in the neighborhood," Pepper says with a shrug, and is generally content to let the subject of Zhang drop. The Shadow Realm was not a fun place, but it was more of a layer of a reality rather than an entirely separate one. Plus, Vee probably would've opined on it; she does that.

"Yeah, kaa are part of a person's soul, in ancient Egypt. Vee's sort of an extension of me, like a double that belongs to the Shadow Realm," she explains, looking up at the Knight. "I think they're all a reflection of some part of us, sometimes more of us than others - it all depends on the specific person and their ka. But that's part of why she has to do what I say, even if I don't like giving her orders."

"Oh." He looks at the Knight, then back at Pepper. "I suppose I can see that." There's something similar about them - they have the same air, and Gene knows she has that sense of justice to her that the ka exudes.

"What made you want to find her?"

Edited 2017-04-14 20:32 (UTC)

"She kind of found me, actually. Bakura started teaching me Duel Monsters as a game and then eventually how to summon, but I could only do it with his help since we don't have any magic where we come from," Pepper answers, grinning. "Her card kept coming up when we played, and then I found this," she continues, holding up the hand with the Deulist gauntlet. "When I put it on, she just sort of poofed into my room. Bakura was about ready to send her back to the Shadow Realm before he figured out what she was to me."

That would have been explosively bad.

"That was the easy part. Getting to keep her was the hard part - there's a test."

Gene nods, like any of this makes any sense at all. Well, he sort of understands, from what he's seen, but he doesn't understand, and he wants to.

"Is it...all right if I ask what kind of test?" he asks cautiously.

Here, Pepper starts to look a little uncomfortable; what had happened during the test is difficult to think about, much less talk about. An encouraging nudge from Vee, and she gives Gene a slightly strained smile.

"Shadow test - everyone with a ka has to go through it. It's different for each person, but... basically, you have to prove you know yourself, especially the parts about yourself that you don't like. The dark stuff." Not bad, notably. Just dark. Ugly. It wasn't called the Shadow Realm for nothing. "You have to be honest. If you fail, say goodbye to your soul, pretty much.

Gene looks just as uncomfortable at this revelation. "So you could have...lost your soul?"

He honestly can't imagine Pepper without a soul. It's one of those impossible things, like a blivet - something that might theoretically exist on paper but is physically impossible.

"Well, if that's the case, I'd be a good candidate," he says with wry, dark, slightly bitter humor. "I know just what I don't like about myself. I could give the Shadow Realm a list."

"It was possible, yeah. Vee and Bakura were both pretty sure I'd be fine, though." And they'd been right, although for a moment it had been a very close thing.

She tilts her head to the side at Gene's commentary on himself. "Well, you don't get to choose what it throws at you. And the test isn't about making you feel crappy or hating yourself. It's about accepting who you are - all of who you are." Pepper folds her arms. "No matter who that is."

"Well, next time you get it into your head to do something that dangerous, at least let us know, okay? We could have lost you and never known why."

And that was what really stung. If she'd just stopped being Pepper, it'd be lights on, nobody home. Not her. Just somebody else being taken by something they couldn't control.

"I just mean that there's not much I'm not already honest with myself about. I've been going over all of it the entire time I've been in Keeliai." He tilts his head right back at her. "How do you do it?"

"Hopefully there won't be anything that dangerous to do again, but yeah, I will."

Bakura would have told Gene and Tony if something had gone awry, she's sure. Pepper sighs and closes her eyes for a moment.

"Do you remember Whiplash? Did Tony tell you about him?"

Gene nods. "Yeah. I've heard."

He would of course prefer to be told before things get hairy.

"Then you probably know he almost killed my dad. During the Shadow test-- there wasn't an 'almost'. It was an illusion, yeah, but I forgot that. It felt real."

There's a tremor in her voice, but when she continues it's less with sorrow and more with barely contained fury.

"I wanted to tear Whiplash apart, I wanted to kill him, and I almost did. I picked up my father's gun and nearly blew his head off. And after I dealt with him, I would take on the rest of the world - ruin it - for taking my dad away from me." Pepper breathes deeply, pausing, calming herself. "I realized, just in time, that it wasn't that I would do it, but that I could; that I could be like you used to be, or like any of the supervillains we fought, and I could be worse than anyone if I was pushed far enough. I could, but I wouldn't, because that's not who I am. I fight criminals, and I stop them, but I don't get to play judge, jury, and executioner. Ever. No matter how powerful I am, and no matter how much armor I'm wearing. So I put down the gun and picked up my dad's handcuffs, and arrested him instead, and then it was over."

Pepper shrugs, the motion more vulnerable than her tone lets on. She tries not to think about the test - not because she isn't proud of being a Duelist, but because remembering her father being killed hadn't lost any of the horror.

"There's a moment where you have to make a choice, and you have to own it with everything you have. It has to be the choice that's true to you, that completely exposes you, and when you make it you're way stronger for it, even if what it exposes is ugly. It's better to know and to face it than let it destroy you because you deny it's there."

Gene winces. Sometimes he stays awake at nights thinking about what the Overlord's son had said, that Pepper was the most worthy among them to bear the rings. Was that because of her light, or her darkness?

He refrains from mentioning that's part of what had driven him too - an urge to take the world because of what it had done to him and what it had taken away. He's sure she won't like the comparison. "And then you know yourself completely, if that's even possible."

Then he shakes his head. "I'm glad you did that, Pepper, because it seems to have helped you. So you know what you're capable of, and when you'll stop."

Gene's not the only one who's wondered that, particularly after the test. She's theorized that it's both: lack darkness, and the rings are uncontrollable; lack light, and the bearer becomes uncontrollable. They need to be in some kind of balance.

"Yeah. Me, too," Pepper breathes. "It wasn't fun, but it was really important. Seriously mega important, probably more than anything else I've ever done." Then she shrugs, and smiles a little. "Maybe you don't know yourself completely after the Shadow test, but you've basically put your head on the chopping block willingly, and that means you can do it again. People change, they always change, and being super self-aware pays off. Doing magic like this is something I'm really proud of, not just excited."

The latter, of course, being what most people see out of her. The Shadow test isn't something she's planning on sharing with just anyone, but Gene is family. Plus, if he wants to find his ka, Pepper will be more than thrilled to help.

He smiles. "I'm glad. You seem proud. I know you take it very seriously - I see you training a lot." Pepper takes a lot of things seriously, but this is clearly a passion of hers.

Then his smile fades, just a little. He knows that look. "It is important to be that self-aware. But I think I'd find some other way to do it. I don't think I could do what you did."

Edited 2017-04-15 00:38 (UTC)

"It wasn't exactly the way I'd have gone about self-awareness normally, either," Pepper admits. She hadn't had much of a choice - it was do the test, or stop doing magic, and she chose to keep doing magic. "And it's probably not the first, best method for anyone, really."

On top of that, Pepper had mostly forgotten in the moment that it was a test, and that self-awareness was critical. It had helped immensely that she'd done some work beforehand.

"You can do it if you think you can do it," she insists. "That's half the battle. I'm not saying you have to try finding your ka, but whatever way you want to go about it, you have to believe you can."

"I'm sure I could," he says, and his eyes flick to Vee. "But your ka is part of you. It reflects who you are. Vee's...unmistakably you. Even if I didn't know she was your ka in particular, I think I might be able to tell.

"But I don't want to find out without a shadow of a doubt if my soul is as ugly as I think it is." That one jab about the impure soul from Yogthulu is still haunting him, even now.

Edited 2017-04-15 00:54 (UTC)

Then perhaps your greater challenge is not to face the darkness in yourself, but the light, Vee interjects, the communication mental and shared with them both. The Shadow Realm forces you to face what you would not otherwise see. If all you see is ugliness, then there is more yet that is hidden from you.

Pepper smiles, small and fond. "What she said."

Gene starts when addressed - he hadn't thought the ka talked to anyone but Pepper. Clearly he'd been wrong, or this is a special case, or both. Probably both.

"Maybe," he concedes, but he still doesn't think there's anything there, really, and Pepper probably knows that. Redemption can only go so far if you're not willing to forgive yourself when others have already forgiven your sins. Put simply: he's stuck.

"I'm happy you found each other. But I still don't think I should do it." He might find it easier to lose himself than accept himself, after all.

Pepper gives Gene a slightly sheepish, apologetic look when he jumps. Vee rarely spoke to others unless spoken to first.

"Sorry. Yeah, that weirded me out too, the first time she 'talked'. It takes a little getting used to," she says, unfolding her arms. "Anyway. If you don't think you should, then no, you probably shouldn't. I don't think that'd go very well. Just... make sure it's for the right reasons. Your soul isn't ugly," Pepper adds firmly.

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