Fai D. Flourite (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flowrite) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tushanshu_logs2017-05-01 07:47 pm
flowrite) wrote in tushanshu_logs2017-05-01 07:47 pm
Entry tags:
You'd be damned to be one of us | Open
Characters: Fai, Raine, Kratos, and OPEN
Date: The first week of May
Location: The Healer's Guild
Situation: Fai is in bad shape after losing his only food source, and some very nice people are trying to keep him alive.
Warnings/Rating: Content warning for discussion of death, death wishes, blood, self-neglect. Also probably crying about missing boyfriends and being a stubborn idiot.
A; Raine, then later Kratos
[He's sitting in an examination room, small and sterile, largely free of any adornment. Just a bed and blank walls and despite Klaus's insistence (the man had carried him over here from the Hotel like an invalid) there's nothing at all they can do for him here. Unless they can bring back--
NOnonono don't think about him
Fai slips off the edge of the bed, ostensibly to pace. He won't try to leave, not just yet, because he's already worried Klaus too much and maybe if he gets Raine to agree with him that there's nothing to be done people will just leave him alone about it. But the hunger is like fire in his veins and his strength is giving out. His legs buckle and he sort of folds down in a heap on the floor, forehead down against his knees, a sob caught in his throat.
It's been months since he's been alone with his thoughts like this. Alone with himself is not a good place for Fai to be, even though that's where he'd rather be right now.
Who wants an audience to die in pain?]
B; OPEN
[For the first week or so of May, Fai will be staying at the Healer's Guild while Raine and company work on a way to keep him alive. He's in bad shape, this week. Paler than usual, clammy skin, his ordinarily thin and pretty features now gaunt and drawn. Healing magic has helping, somewhat, but it can't reverse the fact that he's still starving to death.
Raine has asked to be notified of all visitors. Assuming someone is fine with letting her know they're here, or if they're willing to try to sneak in otherwise, it's easy enough to find Fai. For most of the week he'll be lying in bed, alternately looking as though he's either trying to stay awake or trying to hold back a grimace of pain.]
Date: The first week of May
Location: The Healer's Guild
Situation: Fai is in bad shape after losing his only food source, and some very nice people are trying to keep him alive.
Warnings/Rating: Content warning for discussion of death, death wishes, blood, self-neglect. Also probably crying about missing boyfriends and being a stubborn idiot.
A; Raine, then later Kratos
[He's sitting in an examination room, small and sterile, largely free of any adornment. Just a bed and blank walls and despite Klaus's insistence (the man had carried him over here from the Hotel like an invalid) there's nothing at all they can do for him here. Unless they can bring back--
NOnonono don't think about him
Fai slips off the edge of the bed, ostensibly to pace. He won't try to leave, not just yet, because he's already worried Klaus too much and maybe if he gets Raine to agree with him that there's nothing to be done people will just leave him alone about it. But the hunger is like fire in his veins and his strength is giving out. His legs buckle and he sort of folds down in a heap on the floor, forehead down against his knees, a sob caught in his throat.
It's been months since he's been alone with his thoughts like this. Alone with himself is not a good place for Fai to be, even though that's where he'd rather be right now.
Who wants an audience to die in pain?]
B; OPEN
[For the first week or so of May, Fai will be staying at the Healer's Guild while Raine and company work on a way to keep him alive. He's in bad shape, this week. Paler than usual, clammy skin, his ordinarily thin and pretty features now gaunt and drawn. Healing magic has helping, somewhat, but it can't reverse the fact that he's still starving to death.
Raine has asked to be notified of all visitors. Assuming someone is fine with letting her know they're here, or if they're willing to try to sneak in otherwise, it's easy enough to find Fai. For most of the week he'll be lying in bed, alternately looking as though he's either trying to stay awake or trying to hold back a grimace of pain.]
no subject
What he got, instead, was so far from what he'd even imagined....
Starving himself, well. Fai had never starved himself to the point of death, but then again Kurogane had never let him. The blond could relate to that part. Actually he could relate to far more of Devin's story than he would admit. Still lying on his side, curled up on the bed, he closes his one good eye as Devin speaks of abuse at the hands of his family. Furrows his brow when Devin says that he'd only been six years old, that his father had hated him.
Turns his head to bury his face in the pillow at the word abomination. He's still like that, paler even than usual and hiding his face, when Devin turns back. Except then Devin falls silent, at the end of his story, and Fai should probably say something. He has experience with something like this, after all. Doesn't that make it his job to be comforting, somehow?
After a moment he turns his head back to the side, hesitantly opens one blue eye though he doesn't look up at Devin. His voice, when he speaks, is small and shaky.]
I'm sorry they treated you that way. No child deserves to go through something like that.
no subject
Devin shakes his head when Fai eventually speaks, breathing out in a huff.]
No, they don't; however, I'm not telling you this to garner sympathy. I'm telling you so that you understand why it is that I hunt my own - one reason among many, but the first reason I ever came to. That kind of behavior is not uncommon among vampires in my world. They allow their baser natures to bleed into everything they do and commit brutality where brutality is not called for. We have no souls and no heartbeat.
[He takes another slow breath, and some of the tension seems to ease from him, though it's still written in the curve of his shoulders.]
You're not like them, Fai. You're not like me. You are more alive than I have ever been or ever will be, which is why, more than anything else, that I won't kill you unless I have to. [Unspoken there is also unless you ask.] What I said before still stands - you're alive, so you're worth the goddamned bother.
no subject
I don't believe any of that. You're alive. You're standing here, talking to me. Trying to make an idiot see reason. If you don't have a soul... then maybe that's not what I think of as a soul at all.
[He offers a smile--slight, and pained, but genuine.
At that last part from Devin, about being worth the bother, Fai drops his gaze back to the bed beside him, fidgeting with the sheet. He probably owes Devin some sort of explanation in return, though the entirety of it would be too much. Too long a story, too painful, too much to burden someone else with. But maybe just enough to explain some of the things he's done here in Keeliai so far.]
When I was a child, I was made to believe I'd done something... unforgivable. Unspeakably selfish. I've spent the rest of my life, more years than I can remember, trying to make up for that evil. Hoping that someone would kill me, so it would just end. So I wouldn't have to hurt anyone again.
Right before I found myself here, I found out the truth. That my memory had been tampered with, to make me think I'd done that horrible thing. But then we were here, and then I lost Ku-- [His voice cracks; instead of finishing the name he just presses his lips together and closes his eye for a moment.]
Well. I haven't really been able to get a grip on everything just yet. I've been trying, but then... this happened.
no subject
[As far as arguments go, it's spoken with absolute certainty rather than force. This is simply the way things are, Devin believes. The rest he chooses not to respond to; he may lack a soul in his body, but he doesn't lack morality.
Devin isn't expecting anything from Fai, no return of shared sorrows, so he's just a shade surprised when that's exactly what he gets. He listens, holding Fai's gaze when he actually raises it to him - studying, perhaps. Though Devin keeps it from reaching his expression, he does feel sympathy for the other man. Like Fai had said: no one deserves that kind of treatment.]
Life knocking you on your ass doesn't leave much room for self-reflection, [Devin says somewhat absently, as though speaking from some experience. They've not yet reached the depths of his greatest secrets, nor will they likely ever.] You've been made to think you don't deserve the life you have - are you angry?
no subject
[It's certainly uncharacteristic of Fai to offer anything about himself, anything more than the most basic facts. That he's a wizard. That he travels. That he loves his family, even if he had to find them first. But as he said, he's been trying to work on that. He's not the monster he's always believed himself to be, and as long as he doesn't burden someone too much, well. Maybe it's not such a bad thing to talk about... some of it. He's making progress, just very slowly.
He's also dying, and Devin has offered far more already. And if Devin truly doesn't care, he can simply walk out the door. Fai at least trusts the man to do that much.]
No, I suppose it doesn't. [And Fai has been knocked on his ass so, so many times by life.] Angry? I... I'm angry at the man who did this, who keeps hurting the people around me. But mostly I'm just tired, and I miss my family.
[Not just Kurogane, all of them. Every sweet, perfect one of them.]
no subject
[There's a faint sort of resignation in the way Devin says it. This is the reason he doesn't give any vampire a chance to prove themselves morally upright: they still belong to demons. Even he's not exempt from his own mission.
And he wants to not care, but something has kept him from hardening beyond that point. Now that he's here, leaving would be more callous than the situation calls for. Perhaps that's reason enough alone to do exactly that, and yet his feet remain planted.]
And since apparently little matters here, since we supposedly return to the moment we left with no memory and no impression of this place, you've decided not to fight for your life? Or am I missing something?
[It's quiet, not accusatory. On the one hand, Devin understands that Fai simply wants this over with, and on the other he's of the mind that no life should be wasted if it has any chance of being saved. Being tired is not enough of an excuse to give up, for him. Then again, he has no family to miss and that's by design. The math might be different if he did.]