tushanshu_logs | (no subject)

He really wasn't in the mood for this. Not after drinking himself stupid the night before and waking up with a headache the size of Conneticut. This curfew thing was the pits, and it was driving him a little crazy only to be able to wander far enough to be home before dark without getting his ass thrown in jail again. If it was anyone else he would've told them to get lost, but this was Liz. He could make an exception for Liz.

So he hauls himself off the sofa and trudges to the door, opening it to let her in. "Hey. Sorry about the mess."

The place really was a damn mess. Not that his room back at the Bureau was much cleaner. There was just less in the way of empty liquor bottles.

"Don't worry about it."

Liz doesn't miss those bottles, but she won't bother mentioning them. It would be hypocritical for her to start preaching to him about his drinking, especially when she came over here with more booze. They both have their vices - the bad stuff that helps them cope with all the things that are so much worse. Hers is cigarettes, his is alcohol. Liz can't really see that changing for them any time soon.

"Anyway," She holds up the liquor bottle and gives it a little wave. "It's not as strong as the stuff you normally get, but I figure it's better than nothing."

Edited (WHAT ARE PROPER TENSES???????) 2012-09-23 02:14 (UTC)

"Thanks," he says, and plods back over to the couch, sitting down heavily. His left hand moves up to massage his temple. "So. What've you been up to?"

Diverting the conversation away from himself. Yep. That's the plan. They haven't seen much of each other in the past few days anyway. Mostly because he spent most of that time locked up and getting interrogated by kedan cops, and he's been too busy brooding to fill her in.

Liz shrugs and sits down next to him, setting the bottle between the two of them.

"Nothing interesting. Mostly just trying to make the most of this curfew garbage by trying to get some more sleep."

It hasn't been working, but that's to be expected at this point.

"Yeah? How's that working out?" He knows about her issues all too well, so he figures not that great. Liz's had trouble sleeping for as long as he's known her, and that's a pretty long time. "Nightmares getting any better?"

"Same as it always does."

She sighs and tiredly rubs at her face, "The only thing that's been different is that... goddamn moustache guy hasn't been around to tell me I'm the only one who can stop the world from ending. So that's a start, I guess."

"Yeah. That's a start." He glances down at her, frowning. "I wouldn't wish that kind of thing on anyone. Trust me, I know."

Her plight strikes a chord in him. It really does. He's been fighting against that apocalypse crap for decades. Liz is the last person he'd want to see suffering through it too, even if the messages are different.

"But at least he's leaving you alone."

"I know you do." Which is exactly why she appreciates it, because she knows he understands what this kind of thing is like.

"He can be in another universe, and that still isn't far enough away for me." Liz is just going to go ahead and be the first to take a swig from that bottle she brought over.

"The dreams are still happening, but he's not around. Small victories, I guess."

"Sometimes you have to take what you can get."

Hellboy won't point out that things like this, people and creatures that can slip into dreams and get inside your head... sometimes the gaps between worlds don't matter to them. They can still haunt you. But he'll take the fact that neither one of them seems to be bothered by their pursuers as a sign. He's still waiting for something bad to happen, but maybe they've finally found somewhere they can't reach.

...Or this is just the calm before the storm, and they're gearing up for the real horrible crap. The way things have been going for him lately, that's far more likely.

And then there's the theory he's been sticking to since he got here. "I still wonder if all that crap has something to do with us winding up here."

That thought makes Liz pause, and she takes a moment to think about what he's implying.

"What, you think the Baba Yaga and the guy that's been in my dreams had something to do with this? Or any of the other people we've had to fight?" Part of her thinks it's far-fetched, but there's another part of her that thinks it might make sense. And that is a thought that scares her.

The last thing she needs is to be reunited with Hellboy, only to find out it's for a more sinister purpose.

"I think I like the coincidence idea more." She's only partially joking.

"But it could be what's happening." His eyes narrow, the golden light behind them somehow intensifying. The fingers of his stone hand grate against each other as he makes a fist. "And if it is, get ready for one hell of a fight."

Then he forces himself to relax. "We already know there's some kind of magic at work. Between the people washing up from other worlds and my little run-in with the police chief the other night, I know whatever they're working with, it's some powerful stuff."

There's no rest for the wicked, that's for sure. Even years after he quit and worlds away, Hellboy's gears are still turning, still trying to solve the puzzle and be the crap out of whoever's responsible. Much as he's changed over the last few years, that's a part of him he hasn't lost. Never will.

If that's really what's going on, then they'll definitely have to prepare themselves. Then again, they may have to do that, anyway. With everything that's been going on here, it's hard to predict exactly what could happen next.

That next part earns Hellboy a look, however.

"Wait, you had a run-in with the police chief? Why?"

Hm. Now he's starting to regret bringing it up, but he figured it was a vital piece of information. "He didn't approve of me not being home by suppertime."

So he pretty much got thrown in jail because he's too stubborn to listen to rules. It wasn't one of his best ideas. "No TV for a week. It's the pits."

Because seriously. What is he, twelve? Not that most twelve-year-olds get thrown in jail and questioned when they break curfew, but they knew he wasn't associated with the gangs. The whole thing had felt like he was getting sent to bed without dessert.

But there was one thing that made the situation gravely serious - what the guy could do. He'd never felt anything like it. So he jokes about it, sure, but that disturbing factor gives his voice a bitter edge.

Edited (Just being picky |D) 2012-09-24 19:22 (UTC)

She sighs. This whole curfew business is nothing but bullshit, and while she's been trying to work a way to stick to it, she should have suspected that Hellboy never would have done that.

"I guess that's what happens if you go out while we're all grounded." Yeah, she'll play along with the humour at least a little bit. Of course, there are still other issues that need to be addressed.

"So what else is eating you?" Liz definitely hasn't forgotten the original reason why she came over.

Hellboy bows his head, gaze somewhere in the middle distance. How does he even begin to answer that question? He doesn't even know.

"I've had a lot to think about."

Yeah. That's it. That's really all that needs to be said.

"And one of those things wouldn't happen to be something I said earlier, would it?"

God damn it! Not much in the world can make Hellboy flinch, but this? This definitely does the trick. All he needs is to get Liz mad at him. He looks up at her, mouth drawn into a hard line. Might as well come clean.

"On that girl's post? Yeah. That really pissed me off."

It's not the entire reason he's been in a bad mood, but it's definitely why he was so blatantly grouchy before. He's not mad at her, obviously. He just wishes he could get his hands on the creeps that did that to her. Sure, Liz can take care of herself, but that doesn't mean he can't get mad. That doesn't mean he shouldn't want to protect her.

Ah, so she's correct in assuming that he listened in on her conversation. Not that she minds - in all honesty, she had suspected he would listen in, anyway. That's not what bothers her. Mostly, it's the fact that Hellboy is even more bothered about it than she is. (Although she was far less amused when it actually happened.)

"You shouldn't get mad about it. So some assholes thought it would be fun to try and get in bed with the Burn Lady and have her leave a mark. Big deal. It was a shitty feeling at the time, but at least it was a sign for me to dump the creeps before I did anything I'd regret later."

"I know that kind of thing happens, but that doesn't mean I can't be mad about it anyway."

That's just how it is. Hellboy can take just about as much abuse as anyone can dish out. Even before he can remember people have treated him like crap because of what he is. He's accepted that this will always be a part of his life, but that doesn't mean he has to accept that for anyone else. It's because of how he's treated that he's spent most of his life fighting for the rights of people like him. Fighting to give them something better.

Ever since Liz was a kid, pretty much a prisoner holed up in that fireproof room, he's been fighting to give her something of a normal life, and if not that, to at least be treated like a human being. He knows it's because of what she did on that day back in '74 that she has trouble getting close to people. And it's people like those pigheaded jerks that push her even farther away.

And the truth is, it's times like this that he still sees her as that scared little girl.

So yeah, the wound may be old for Liz, but hearing about it now doesn't make Hellboy any less angry.

He tilts his head, looking straight into her eyes, most of the anger draining from his voice.

"All right?"

Liz sighs tiredly. She knows that Hellboy was protective of her - he always was, and chances are he always will be. And really, it's something she'll always have issues with. Not because she doesn't appreciate it, but because a lot of the time she still feels like that scared little girl. Liz could spend years making progress, only to have somebody say or do something that makes her feel like she's still the same. Like she's just as vulnerable now as she was back then.

She hates that feeling.

"Yeah, all right. But we've already got enough to worry about."

Yeah. Okay. He figures Liz got the message, much as she probably doesn't like it. So enough of that stuff.

"Yeah." He thoughtfully scratches at the patch of hair on his chin. "I've been thinking of paying the Emperor a visit, find out what she knows."

Or what she'll tell him. Judging from how the kedan tend to be about answering questions, he doubts he'll get very far. But it's work. And when times are bad it's the first distraction he reaches for.

When he first arrived he told himself he didn't care. Let them try whatever the hell they want. But now Hellboy's starting to get some idea of the bigger picture. He's met some good people on his walks to the rim of the shell, and it's made him realize that even if he doesn't want to deal with this crap anymore, the people around him could be affected by it no matter what he chooses to do about it, even if he isn't ready for it all to end.

So he can start with asking questions, and if it gets bad from there, well... That's just how it's gonna be.

"It could get ugly. I could probably use some backup."

He extends the offer partly to cheer Liz up a little, remind her he still has that undying confidence in her abilities as an agent. But it's also partly because if things keep going the way they have, he knows he's probably gonna need it.

It doesn't really cheer her up, but it serves as a distraction, which is as good as anything else at this point.

As it is, Liz doesn't really know much about the Emporor, save for what she's heard other people talk about over the network. Which... has never been much, really.

"Apparently she has specific days when she holds an audience with the public. Might be wiser if we try to talk to her then. And maybe less bloody."

"Maybe. But you know me. These kind of things always turn out messy. There's just no talking to some people."

But he hopes it's different this time. He always hopes. Given their current situation, the Emperor doesn't seem too bad. She's been providing pretty well for the so-called Foreigners, and the kedan themselves seem loyal to a fault. But he's seen things like this turn bad; things that look pretty on the surface, but are nothing but ugly underneath. And with this much magic obviously involved, there's a pretty good chance that there's something horrible going on right beneath their noses.

"I've heard some things that make me pretty sure the Emperor's a witch, and I've just about had it with witches."

"Witches are usually bad news, but if she's in charge, I'd say she's more powerful than your standard witch." If she is, then that means they need to be even more careful than usual. Besides, considering she's the one in charge and seems to be kind enough to give them shelter, food, and water, treading carefully would be the wisest idea, anyway.

"I say we try talking at first. And if things get nasty, then we can burn the place down." She's only half-joking.

"That's the plan. I can wait until she's ready to talk, sure, but the way things have been going, I know it could get pretty damn ugly."

His expression darkens, still inscrutable as ever, but something flickers in that golden fire behind his eyes.

"Not too long ago I managed to piss off just about every witch in England, and I've been getting tossed between worlds ever since. I'd be kidding myself if I thought this wasn't connected."

He doesn't regret for a minute what happened on the Sabbath, but this is war on an even more personal scale than he's ever experienced before. He has no idea what the hell he's gotten himself into.

And even worse, after six years with not so much as a letter exchanged between them, Liz has been thrown into it too. If something happens to her because of this, he'll never forgive himself.

"It might be, but we don't know for sure just yet. So far there's just been small stuff, but I doubt it'll end there."

The gang wars were something, but Liz suspects that that's only a small part of a much larger picture. At this point, it's just a matter of trying to find out what's going on before it actually happens. But this wouldn't be the first time they've had to deal with something big. They've dealt with the supposed end of the world time and time again, and while they didn't always get out okay, they always got out.

If nothing else, they're both survivors. And it's something that Liz hopes will keep up while they're here.

Edited (whoops wasn't sure if that first thing was mentioned publically or not /CHANGES JUST TO BE SAFE) 2012-10-06 01:44 (UTC)

"Yeah."

That's really all he has to say. The small stuff doesn't bother him. It's the big stuff that gets under his skin and eats at him from the inside out. He knows he's running from things you just can't run from, but as long as he can still fight, you bet your ass he'll fight like hell. And what he can't fight? Well... he has his own way of dealing with that.

Speaking of which, he'll take a deep drink from that bottle, now. He's done thinking about this crap.

Liz doesn't mind him taking another drink - she isn't planning on having more, anyway. Too much liquor with her powers is not something that would end well.

"Feel free to finish that off. I'm pretty sure I've had enough."

"All right."

He'll get right on that. He's not much in the mood for talking anymore, with all these thoughts about witches stirring through his head. And thoughts about witches leads to thinking about other things, and he'd rather just kill it before his mind goes any further.

Well, this has certainly become a great place to leave things off. (Except no, not in the slightest.) Still, at least he's home. That way she won't have to worry about helping him stumble anywhere.

"... Hey." She's not sure where she's going to go with this, but getting his attention is as good a place to start as any.

Edited 2012-10-06 08:29 (UTC)

He looks up, his expression inscrutable as always. But for the very few people like Liz who know him better, there's a grim shadow cast over his features, pain hidden somewhere in that golden fire behind his eyes.

He doesn't say anything, waiting for Liz to continue her thought.

"You remember when we first really met. With the sucker you gave me?" Of course, he does. But Liz is trying to go somewhere with this.

Edited 2012-10-07 00:49 (UTC)

"Sure." He'd never forget that. How could he? That was over thirty years ago, but he remembers it like it was yesterday. She was just a poor little kid, holed up like some science project in that fireproof room. All she really needed was a friend. All she really needed was someone who wasn't afraid, and Hellboy had seen a lot of things far more terrible than a firestarting little girl.

The memory feels like yesterday, but somehow it's also like looking back on another life. So much has changed since then, and it hurts to think about the changes that have happened within himself.

It's easier to remember the old days than think of the future, get lost in the way things used to be. That's why he was staying with Harry. That's why it's both helping and killing him to have Liz here with him. She haunts him like a ghost out of old memories that never stops reminding him of how different things have become.

"We've been together since then. We grew up together... well, me more than you." Sure, he still grew, he still got older... but he aged differently than she did. Hellboy aged differently than everyone. But with Liz, Hellboy has almost always been a constant presence in her life. From a when she was a little girl until now, and yes, he would sometimes disappear, but he always came back somehow.

"Anyway, we've always been in each other's lives. We've fought together, we've lost together, we've done all sorts of things. Maybe us being here is a coincidence, maybe it's not. But I know we've seen the worst and we've fought the worst - whatever this place decides to throw our way, I'm pretty damn sure we can handle it."

Or at least she hopes they can. But right now isn't the time for uncertainty.

"I don't doubt that, Liz. Not for a second." And if that's what she thinks he's upset about, well... Maybe he should clear some things up. "But it's not that."

He looks away, falling silent again. He doesn't even know where to begin.

"All my life I've never dealt with what I am. I did my job, I kept my head down, and I ignored everything else. And you know what? Life was good. I liked not knowing.

But after the thing at the Cavendish house, that old wizard had put the bug in my ear. I started sniffing around, looking for answers. And I got them. But I didn't believe it.

Not until I saw it for myself."

He raises the bottle to his lips, taking another long pull. When he speaks again, his eyes are on the floor, his voice only a low rumble.

"Now I can't get it out of my head."

That thing. That thing made out of his blood. That thing he's meant to become. It hasn't left him since the island. He sees it in his dreams, feels it crawling under his skin, and drinking seems to be the only thing he can do to fight it.

He knows he's still being vague, but he's always had a hard time letting Liz in on the full story. There were a lot of things he told Abe and Kate that he chose to keep from Liz. Mostly because he knew Liz was always dealing with heavy stuff of her own. But now, with only the two of them and everything that's changed between them, he figures he owes her at least this much.

Liz is quiet as she listens to Hellboy speak - it's vague. Very vague, but it's still enough to let her know that this has been eating at him for a while. Really, how could it not? Liz always had her own troubles to deal with, but they were completely different from what Hellboy faced. He was always there to help her, but rarely let her in enough for her to really help him in return.

"And what did you see?" Liz has an idea, but she can't know for sure - she can't understand - until Hellboy actually tells her what's going on inside his head.

He feels bad enough telling her this much, but he has to. How the hell else is he gonna explain himself? Make her think he's become some kind of drunkard by choice? No. He couldn't do that. Not to her.

"A monster. Nothing but a goddamn monster."

And it's changing him. He can feel it pushing him farther and farther away from the person he's always tried to be.

"You're not a monster, Hellboy." She knows he won't listen to her, that he'll take it with a grain of salt, that he'll think she's just trying to comfort him.

But for her, it's not a matter of being comforting. To Liz, it's the truth, and nothing else. It doesn't matter what happens; she'll always see him as Hellboy. He'll always be the one person who wasn't frightening in a world full of horrible things. He'll always be the one who was there for her when nobody else was. He'll always be the one who helped her through the early rough patches. He'll always be the one who came to say 'hello' when everyone else was too scared to even be near her.

"You never were."

He just stays silent, still looking at the floor. The empty bottle hangs loosely in his hand.

He wants to believe it. He really does. And for a good chunk of his life he had himself convinced it was true, but now... Now he's not so sure anymore.

"Hellboy." Her voice is firm, and she reaches out to grasp the side of his face so he'll actually have to see her as she talks.

"Look at me. You're not a monster."

The gesture takes him aback, and for a moment, all he can do is stare into her eyes. He knows she means it. Like she said, they pretty much grew up together. She's like a kid sister to him, and she'd know him better than anyone. But she has no idea what he's seen. She has no idea what he feels crawling around inside of him.

"Yeah..." His eyes trace back to the floor. He already regrets telling her. Maybe it would've been better if he just let her think he was a drunk. But if he's really honest with himself, he knows there really was no good way to go about this. He just hopes he made the right decision. And most of all, he hopes he can trust Liz not to make a big deal out of it. That's really what he needs. It's okay for people to know his secrets. After all, it's just his life, but he hates being worried over, and he hates worrying other people. Especially Liz, who's always been a little fragile, who's always had plenty of other things to worry about.

"Good." And that's all Liz has left to say about that. Hellboy isn't a monster - he never was, and he never will be. Not to her, anyway.

"... This place had better not screw us over." It will. She's increasingly sure of that, but still. It would be nice if it didn't.

Edited 2012-10-10 01:47 (UTC)