tushanshu_logs | (no subject)

"If it would not make a difference, I would not have asked why you did it in the first place." The response is mild in comparison to her burst of anger, even as he's processing- trying to process- her declaration that her own family was not important. It more than anything else- even her outburst- is a reminder that despite her similar appearance and behavior, she was not Kryptonian.

"It was a breach of trust. I trusted you with one version of my son. You attacked the one still present under false pretense." All factual.

"I have had no reason to affect empathy for you at any point. You and your actions provided your own merit." It is a reminder, more than anything, that the tasks he set her to learn and lessons he gave her she had been readily able to accomplish.

She resents him a little more for not meeting her mood, for remaining logical and collected through her outburst. It immediately tempers her own attitude, quieting her voice and allowing her vitriol to mix with both weariness and sadness as she continues, two emotions she feels more than she'll admit.

"Tell me what difference it'll make, Jor-El. Tell me why it matters why I attacked him." Because it doesn't matter, in a way. Of course she has reasons and they matter to her, but the actions should speak for themselves. Clark's the only one who deserves to know why she did it and he's not the one asking, even if Jor-El is, in some ways, closer to Hayley than his son.

"Because if you're judging me based on merit and accomplishments? Then shouldn't this just be one more action to judge me by?" She pauses, hands balling into fists at her side to ease some of the aggression no longer in her tone. "I'm not one of your science experiments."

The answer is simple, even as- perhaps because- her response reminds him of someone he once called a friend.

"Because I cannot help you if I do not know why."

Hayley freezes.

Her muscles tense and her expression locks into something awkward, disgusted, and appalled all simultaneously. She stares at him, fingers still curled into fists at her sides. For a moment, she forgets to breath, too caught up in his words and all the insinuations that come with it to worry about something so mundane. She allows the silence to stretch between them for what feels like a much longer time than actually passes, her eyes twitching to narrow and then relax again as she regards him.

Her voice is quiet, sharp, and dark. "Don't you get it? I don't need your help. I don't need anyone."

She swallows the lump in her throat and forces herself to breathe.

The sensitivity of his hearing here means that with his focus on her, the complete halt of her breathing is all too noticeable, as is the beat of her heart.

His voice quiets as well, once more soft, low, and gentle. "I believe you do." As he speaks, he stands where he is, rather than approaching or otherwise moving, staying still rather than making any movement that may alarm her.

This is something he was not prepared for, but is still telling- he had been concerned that something unrelated was wrong, and while he does not know the source of this it casts everything in a different light.

It doesn't even occur to her that Jor-El has all the powers of Superman. Even though she knows it to be true, she's entirely oblivious right now to how much he can hear, the accelerated heart rate and slowed breathing. She doesn't react to his movement, not scared of him so much as the idea of trusting him. Her muscles remain tense.

"Get out," she replies softly at first, still sharp, but then the girl immediately defaults to anger. Without hesitation, Hayley moves forward to close the distance between them, planting her hands on his chest just long enough to give him a shove. It's the kind of move that, on an average man, would be noticeably halfhearted. "Get out!"

He steps back, out of sync with her shove, only acting on the slight force- noticeably light, even with the changes brought on under the yellow sun- once he notices it.

"If that is what you truly want, I shall."

Hayley drops her hands back to her sides, remaining where she is, unperturbed by the short gap between them now. She trusts him, in spite of everything, not to hurt her. Because he said he wouldn't. The recognition of that trust doesn't register in her mind, instead, she continues with her anger.

"It's not like I'm going to attack anyone else you care about, so why do you care about making me your little pet project anyway? Kal's safe. He's safe and you're safe and Lois and you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm giving you an out. You can walk away and blame me and, I mean, sure, I'll still be around the turtle, but you never have to even look at me ever again."

The sudden swing in her behavior away from fearful he takes as a promising sign.

"It is not my safety I am concerned for." What is left unsaid, but still clear, is that it is hers. "If this 'out' is optional, as you say, then I will not take it."

"Is that a threat?" The question is half searching and half sincere.

She reads the unsaid. Hayley also chooses to take it in the worst possible way, still not understanding why Jor-El is even here or why he cares about what happens to her beyond another experiment or the safety of his only precious son. He's a teacher, sure, but that role ended around the time she shoved a rock in Superman's face.

"Why won't you just go?" It isn't a question as to his physical location. The insinuation is entirely metaphorical, a comment on his place in her life and her business.

"It is not." He is concerned for her well-being. Kal-El's health and ensuring that he was recovering was his priority, but their discussion so far had only made it clear his suspicion that there was something awry was correct.

"Because while you have made the option open, should I wish to take it, you have not demanded that I leave." With what he's begun to uncover, it's fast reaching the point where her truly making the demand instead of posing it as an offer for him to accept is the only point where he will leave her be.

His continued calm serves to frustrate her again. The irritation bubbles up and settles to a simmer as she watches him, listening to his words. That he's willing to leave if she demands it but not until then is exactly what she wants. It's so in line with her desires, in fact, that Hayley's not entirely certain how to handle it.

"That's not an answer," she replies with less venom than before. "I mean, it is, but- You know what I mean. I'm not your daughter. What is it, exactly that makes a 15-year-old, vengeful, little bitch worth the effort?"

If he was to be honest with her, he would admit that the moment their conversation began to take a path he did not appreciate, when she made clear her attempt to push him away, had actually managed to aggravate him to some degree. He was practiced in remaining composed, and still remained so, though her words had had a negative effect on him. It was to no fault of her own that she had directed them towards someone who had spent a lifetime of consciously not doing what others expected or wanted of him when matters and expectations were forced.

"I do not know what you mean. Perhaps I would if you explained it, or why you have determined you are not worth effort from another party."

Hayley goes back to staring at him. This time, impatience and scrutiny color her expression, instead of panic or fear. She's not sure if he genuinely doesn't understand or if he's trying to bait her into some lesson like the cliche wise old man. It's not like she's about to explain her family or how little she matters and why that makes her actions matter more.

He's still the father of the son who betrayed her and let her down and she's not about to trust or rely on him. She tells herself she's better than that, that she doesn't need it, even as some part of her still cares what he thinks. It's so much easier to push people away and let them hate her actions than to risk them rejecting her beliefs. They're all she has.

"I'm not going to explain it," she says finally.

Hayley sighs, turning away from him to walk back over to the arm of the couch, her hands falling loose at her sides. The anger has mostly gone beneath a defensive layer of apathy.

"I attacked Superman because it was the right thing to do." She takes a seat on the edge of the arm again, turning to look at him. "He was a fake little man playing god and I wanted him to understand. There's nothing more to it."

"Then I will not make you, and I will respect the claim you are making as to your reasons."

Her declarations that her family was not important and that she needed no one were things out of his immediate scope of understanding- it was far too different from anything on Krypton. It did not mean he was unwilling or uninterested in attempting to understand, but if she refused to answer, then he could not get any further with learning why at this point in time.

Her outburst had already pointed out that despite her insistence that Kal-El was acting as a god, it was not her true reason.

Hayley can't exactly pinpoint why it is that Jor-El's so good at getting under her skin. She knows it's unintentional, but he riles her most than most can without even trying. At his words, her features adopt anger once again.

"It's not a 'claim.' It's what happened. What do you want me to say?"

"What you need."

The logical fallacies she's insisted upon sustaining and her outburst have only solidified his position.

Jor-El approached her knowing there would be the possibility that her words would displease him, and while what she's had to say has worked away at the wariness he hid- he does not know where the kryptonite she had is, even as he asked to speak with her and accompanied her to her suite- the result has not made him angry with her.

Far from it.

While she attacked Kal-El and insists that her actions were just, he is growing sure that it being Kal-El she attacked is largely incidental, and that his son was chosen for reasons that are overall unrelated to what she says.

What she needs. What Hayley needs are people she can trust and rely on, but she's given up on that. After all, if she can't rely on Clark and Superman, then it's hard for anyone else to really measure up. What she wants now is to be left alone and for Clark and his people to just leave her alone and agree to go their separate ways.

"I don't know," she admits honestly. Power. Weapons. Safety. Control. All are things she wants and maybe even needs, but it feel juvenile to speak them aloud. She sighs. "You know what I need? I need people to be honest. And if they can't, for whatever dumb reasons? Then I need them to leave me alone."

"I exercised discretion where Kal-El requested, just as I would for you if you asked for such. If it is what you truly need, I will leave."

He waits for her response to that, rather than making any moves to leave.

"If you're planning on lying to me again right now? Then yeah," she replies evenly, meeting his gaze. Hayley doesn't blame Jor-El for keeping Clark's secret. She does, at some level, trust him less for it, but it's not enough for her to want him gone. Right now, she's referencing Clark but speaking to the future. Will they be honest now or is will this just lead to more lies?

When he, again, remains, she lets out a long sigh. Her tone becomes more weary and sincere.

"I did the right thing. Based on everything I knew, I-" She cuts off and shakes her head, then meets his gaze again. "How am I supposed to trust.. anyone after that? I hate Superman. I hate him. But I thought Clark was okay. I thought he trusted me."

"With time." Her still distinguishing between Kal-El as Superman and Kal-El as Clark Kent does not escape him.

"If he did not trust you at all, he would not have allowed to become as close as you did," he says gently. "Trust is not a simple binary matter, Hayley."

Time. Hayley's ultimate nemesis. Time to make the pain of her father go away. Time until she could escape her family. Time to get to know Aaron. Time to get over her death. Always time. Yet, for all the impatience and frustration the idea brings, she knows he's entirely right and there's no better way outside of powers or magic.

"'Close?' Clark Kent and I were never close," she laughs a little, appalled at the idea. If pushed, she'll willingly admit that Clark cared about her and maybe even liked her, but in the same way he adopted other stray children. It had nothing to do with her specifically and everything to do with his perception of her as the victim, as needing someone to rely on. He won't care about her now that he knows that's not the case.

She ignores the idea that things aren't black and white because, well, they often are. Gray area is how monsters justify horrific acts and what allows sliding from something 'not so bad' into evil.

"You were close enough to him to make the connection, and to feel hurt from learning it. Would you have otherwise?"

The fact that she didn't comment on the other aspect is not surprising- even on Krypton the culture there focuses on the binary when it comes to how they relate to one another; Jor-El's once friendship with Dru-Zod before they ascended in their respective guilds was an oddity because they were of different families and were to be members of different guilds.

Hayley stiffens again, though there's much less panic than previously. She feels awkward and anxious, yes, but not afraid. No one has so gently called her out so directly and it's a strange experience. It's hard to avoid direct topics and she's already learned that he's not leaving unless she orders him to.

"Me being close to him has nothing to do with him being close to me." Enjoy that teenage logic, Jor-El. "And, okay, yeah, it kind of hurt, but only because I was dumb enough to trust him in the first place."

Then she drops her eyes, suddenly finding interested in the frayed edges of a small hole in her jeans. "I learned my lesson."

He will continue to do it until she says something, in his attempt to learn.

"Closeness is rarely so one-sided," he points out.

Edited 2014-01-01 06:29 (UTC)