tushanshu_logs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Characters: Kon-El (

andaway) & Hayley Stark (

everylittlegirl)
Date: Backdated 14th January
Location: Café at Metal Sector
Situation: Hayley asks Kon for a favour and wants to say something.
Warnings/Rating: None to start with? Probably no change to it? Maybe...

Kon had had time to think about the favour he agreed to with Hayley. She had been right that Kon didn't owe her anything, and he had meant it when he said he wasn't doing this for her. Kryptonite was a serious issue and he wanted to see this whole incident put to rest. He didn't know if it could be put completely behind them, but handing the rock over would at least be another step in the right direction.

He'd made his way to the spot Hayley had marked out on the map in the right sector. He was early, but he had a lot on his mind and being honest, the wait to even come here had been enough to drive him almost mad. She was going to have the Kryptonite in a lead case, Kon was going to be close to it, and that made him cautious. That made him worried. He knew she wouldn't so anything, but what if someone grabbed it from her? What if there was a crack in it and as she got closer, he got weaker and sicker? What if a bird fley in, grabbed the case and it sprung open with the chunk falling at his feet? Okay that last one was ridiculous.

Kon stood wringing his hands together as he waited for Hayley. His stomach was beginning to twist and flip the more he thought about it and the longer he waited. He was growing nervous pretty quickly. Be cool S.B. be cool! Don't want to actually look like a total dweeb.

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Hayley had forced herself into this situation intentionally to prevent herself from backing out. The whole idea of even seeing Clark terrified her more than she would allow herself to let on and the idea of giving back her one defense only made it all the more difficult.

Only, she knew it wasn't actually a workable defense anymore, that she could never really bring herself to attack Superman- Clark again and that she would never really want to attack Jor-El or Kon. She also knew that they thought it was the right thing to do. What a tricky notion that was. Mainly, she recognized that this might be the only way for Clark to forgive her and for Bart and Kon and maybe even Jor-El to trust her.

Nearing the cafe, the girl had to make a conscious effort not to fidget with the strap of her bag. The Kryptonite was tucked safely in its lead case, which was securely closed. She had even tied some of her blue rope around it for good measure. It weighed both literally and metaphorically on her shoulders.

"Hey." She greeted as she approached, hands twisting the strap between them. "Are you ready? We're not going far or anything. Oh and uh, he doesn't know that I invited you? Or that I brought the.. rock."

She paused. "He was really angry."

Hayley didn't blame him for that and her tone conveyed as much, but they both knew how difficult it was to talk to someone furious with you. Or so she hoped. Kon seemed to understand her in a way few could about things like this.

When he saw Hayley, the nervousness didn't die down and instead only seemed to get worse. He had to stop himself from tapping his foot or chewing at the inside of his mouth. Not seeing the box was at least a small form of relief as it meant he didn't focus on it. When Hayley got closer and spoke, Kon's lips twitched, as much of a smile as his nervous body would let him otherwise it would end up in a gruesome twitching grin. And then it stops as he works over her words.

"Wait...he doesn't know I'm coming or you've got it? Seriously?"

Oh boy. Well, maybe if Kal was mad, Kon could act like a buffer between them both. If it had been him that had been attacked, he'd be relieved to have the rock in his own possession, knowing he could give it to someone else and know at least who had it. He hoped that Kal would at least feel the same way about that. It was a good thing she had the rock and was going to give it over, right? It showed that she was willing to give up something she saw as protection. Right?

Kon sighed but nodded his head.

"It'll be fine."

He hoped it would, but he did understand and also hoped that even though Kal was angry, that it wouldn't amount to anything. He had a feeling that if any more lecturing happened, Hayley would switch off. It's what he would do.

"C'mon, quicker we do this, quicker it's done, right?"

Kon's words did little to reassure her and she gave a short-lived and obviously forced smile in response before looking away. Hayley twisted the strap between her hands more tightly and then turned to begin walking towards the cafe. She didn't really have much to say to Kon. Well, there were lots of things to say. It was just that she knew that none of them would come out right and the last thing she needed was having him mad at her at the same time as Clark.

She let the silence drag between them, trying to slow down the thoughts racing through her mind and focus. It came easily when she tried and even her hands settled to an idle weight as they neared the cafe. Her eyes searched quickly for Clark, hoping he was, in fact, Clark right now.

All she had to do was hand over the rock, say she was sorry, and leave, right? Of course not. He would want reasons and answers that she wasn't entirely certain that she could give. If Bart couldn't understand her, how could the boy scout? Kon had only barely understood and he seemed much more her type of person than Clark or Bart would be. It left her ambivalent about whether to say the words she knew Clark would want to hear and the truth. The truth had somehow worked before, but there was no telling if it would work again. Was she willing to take that risk? Maybe.

Kon would have wondered what was going on if it was going to be as easy as just handing the rock over. Kon felt like he was able to see things differently thank Clark could. His own experiences were different and the events he had gone through shaped him differently. He'd been given memories, given things there were up to date, he wasn't made exactly like Clark and he 'grew up' in a completely different decade. To Kon, with something like this, after it had been explained to him by Hayley in a certain way, it clicked. He didn't know what she was going to say to him, or how she was going to say it.

He kept up beside her as they kept walking and then looked at her as they neared. Why was he finding this hard? Why was he getting so worked up about this? Getting so nervous over the whole thing?

Kal was fully aware being Clark would make things easier for Hayley, as it had become clear from their conversation and what Kal had been told of her conversation with Jor-El that she was having kind of trouble processing both his personalities, the fact that they were the same person with imply different outfits and a little acting.

Which is exactly why he came as Superman, his bright suit a tad (very) ridiculous as he crossed his arms and leaned on a wall, waiting for her. If she really wanted to apologize to him she would do it to the S-shield as well, not just the glasses. It wasn't him trying to make things more different for her, it was just him trying to find a way to believe her, to actually trust her.

Contrary to what Hayley believed he wasn't angry, he hadn't been for a long while. Even in the beginning, even right after the attack he'd done his best to keep his anger at best and try to see things from her side. He'd been the one to tell Lois not to talk about it with anyone, to convince Kon not to go after her and tell everyone, he'd been the one who had told Arthur not to retaliate... and the list just kept on growing. He'd done his best to keep people from knowing, and that was because he still wanted to believe she wouldn't do something like that again. No, he wasn't angry.

But he was deeply, incredibly disappointed. And father always said trust is like a piece of paper: once crumbled it can never be perfect again.

"Kon-El?" He had expected her to bring someone, because that's something Hayley would do- he can never know how much of it was an act, but she'd liked having Clark around when she felt threatened, and he guessed Superman came big on the scale of threatening to her right now. But he hadn't expected his clone to agree, after he'd been the one to tell Kal how they should tell everyone, after Kon had been so angry he practically seethed when he told him.

He glanced at her with a questioning frown.

Hayley was surprised at how oddly comforting she felt Kon's presence to be. The soft sound of his steps beside her giving her some hope where there had been so very little before that she might actually reconcile with Clark and that maybe things could be okay. She glanced over to give him the smallest smile before looking up and out towards the cafe.

Her smile vanished and she actually paled somewhat at the sight of Superman there. The girl jerked back mid-step out of sheer instinct before her brain caught up to remind her that this was Clark. Then, still looking tense and uncomfortable, she forced a smile and continued forward again. That Superman addressed Kon first was hardly surprising.

The girl continued walking straight up to a comfortable speaking distance before she could lose her nerve, stopping when she was close to him as she would normally be with Clark. Every muscle in her body was on edge just being this near to him, but she silently flipped open her bag and dug around inside.

Not a moment later, she produced a lead box. The box was secured of its own accord, but blue rope wrapped it like ribbon around a present. Without looking at him, she shoved it out in his direction as an offering, staring more intently at the security she was giving up than at her former friend. "I'm sorry."

Kon know Kal would be confused at seeing him here. He had his reasons, for everything, and yet everything was just going so fast and mixing together that hearing his name almost acted as a way to snap him out of things. He'd been so angry about hearing what Hayley had done, hearing it from Kal after seeing him in such a state. He'd gotten angry again when he spoke to Hayley and found out who she was. He'd been so frustrated when he had been told he couldn't tell anyone about who the person was because he knew the name. He also felt frustrated because he understood why he shouldn't just go off. He understood, on some level, Hayley and the why. That wasn't something he'd told Kal though. He hadn't told anyone.

Kon had stopped when Kal stopped, feeling Hayley beside him, felt her tensing up and looked to her. He wanted to believe that she wouldn't run, wouldn't leave the situation and when she kept walking, Kon relaxed, forgetting to acknowledge Kal's questioning tone. There'd be time for that later. For explanations from him. His eyes went to the box as she brought it out and that nervous feeling he had been having for a while now only intensified at the sight of it. His heart began to beat quicker and he fidgeted. Even though it was in a lead box, he was still wary. Then he managed t tear his gaze away to look at Kal when she apologised. How was this going to go down?

Well, that was interesting. He'd expected- well, he wasn't quite sure what he had been expecting, but probably a little more reluctance. A little more fussing, he'd even been expecting for her try to justify herself first rather than using the hardest word in the american language right away.

He tookthe box, opening it- just enough to see the Kryptonite, just enough to feel the radiation in him. He glanced at Kon as well, he'd never been quite sure just how much the K affected him but he was pretty sure at least just as much as him. Once he was sure he was alright, he glanced back at the little girl.

And crouched in front of her. He wanted to ask her if that is all of it, but he realized that would be slightly offending. He wanted to test the waters first. "Do you understand why I don't want anyone to have it?"

Hayley fell back a half step back when Superman moved to open the box, as if the rock inside could hurt her in the same fashion it might injure Kon or the one opening it. She grimaced slightly when she knew he could see it. Some part of her was offended that he was willing to hurt himself to double-check, not trusting her to be honest, but she reminded herself their last interaction had been her attacking him and his actions were suddenly much more understandable.

As he crouched before her, she took a full step back. It was instinctual and not an active choice. Knowing it was Clark and fully realizing it were two very different things and the man before her was much more akin to her father than her friend, enough to make her uncomfortable even when he seemed to be taking things fairly well.

Then he had to ask that. Hayley stared at him for a moment, wearing the same agonized half-grimace as the moment before. She knew what he wanted to hear and how easy it would be to parrot the words back at him. She also knew how much their type - the superheroes - claimed to prefer the truth. While Bart and Kon had seemingly both accepted her honesty, such truth had never brought good things in her relationship with Clark and she hesitated to bring them forth here.

She glanced back to Kon, as if for reassurance, before turning to face him again. Hayley was not a person to need much reassurance, but something about Kon's presence served as a reminder of what was possible. Looking at Superman, she compromised. "I think so."

Edited (word choice) 2014-02-04 01:26 (UTC)

Kon hadn't been in this sort of position before, but he had had a talking to so he knew what it was like. He knew how annoying it was to be reminded of what you did, of grown-ups almost treating you differently than they would if it had been an adult that had done it. But he also knew that this had to happen and when Kal opened the box, which he had hoped wouldn't have happened, he knew it wasn't for any other reason than to check. So he didn't move, he just waited until it was closed. He was far enough back that what Kal could feel wasn't as strong. Just like there was something kind of wrong in the air and instinctively he played with his TTK field.

When Hayley looked back at him, he gave a slight smile and a quick nod. He wasn't going to run and he was going to be there for her through this. He got it. Maybe he would tell Kal how she made him understand this and maybe it would let Kal understand why he was here with her despite having been furious. Did he have anything to say at this moment? Not much was coming to mind. He'd raged to Kal and he'd raged at Hayley...he spoke to Hayley and so...for the most part he'd said anything he was going to say. But then he keeps going back to what she'd said earlier.

"She gets it Kal. Trust me."

Trust me because you know I wouldn't just be saying this for the hell of it.

The fact that she takes a step back honestly hurts more than the Kryptonite itself. She was the one that lied to him, attacked him and hurt him. Yet she was the one that looked afraid, that looked like she was about to jump away and run if Kal made so much as a movement. He knew Hayley did everything for a calculated reason, something he actually appreciated in people. She’d used the scared girl trick on him once, and he couldn’t be sure she hadn’t used the same kind of acting to get him to do something she wanted in the past. He liked thinking she hadn’t.

But right there and then the fear was genuine, not an act. And it pained him that he didn’t understand why. What reason did she have to go through such panic at the mere fact of having him to her eye level?

“I believe it, then.” Because while he was confused and wondering what would make Kon change his mind so much, so fast he also trusted the kid. Maybe he’d realized his anger had been premature, maybe she’d been able to make him see things her way. Having Kon understand her was what Kal had intended anyway, so he was glad talking to her had had the desired effect.

Faster and in a more drastic way that he’d imagined, but that must mean the girl had actually had good reasons to do what she did. Maybe. He stood up with a sight.

“Alright then. You’ve said you’re sorry. But I can see you’re still uncomfortable when I’ve yet do anything to you, and I know better than most how that fear can easily turn into- well, hatred.”

He then turned to look at Kon. “Yet she’s not afraid of you.”

If Hayley had any doubts about bringing Kon along, they were immediately dispelled both with the smile he gave her and the words that followed. He was serving the exact purpose she hoped he would and, somehow, it was beneficial to Superman as much as to Hayley. That knowledge made her feel somewhat less selfish about the act of dragging the cousin along, even as it remained almost entirely self-centered. She hoped this would help ease her relationship with Kon too; another selfish agenda.

His straightening to full height did little to ease her tension, but it didn't worsen. She simply glanced back at Kon as another silent reminder, becoming consciously aware of the tension in her muscles. She focused on forcing them to relax. Not a second into failing at the effort, Clark's words cut into her consciousness. Instead of anxiety, she expression shifted to one of general discomfort.

"I don't hate you," she replied quickly, disgusted with herself at the soft edge of desperation that clung to the words. Hayley continued more levelly. "And it's not about what you can do. It was, before, kind of.- Hannibal made me afraid of your powers but he's gone and it's over and I know you wouldn't do that."

Kon felt as though he had been physically held to the spot when Kal turned to him. Hayley wasn't afraid of him and he didn't know why. He hadn't really thought about it and had probably subconsciously put it down to being part human. Despite the fact he hadn't told her he was a clone of Clark and also of Lex, that was something he just assumed people knew. The Clark part not the Lex one, since that was a secret he was glad only a few knew about. Maybe with time he'll open all of that up to her and let her know. How was she going to react to it?

All he could do was shrug before Hayley went on to talk and he looked at her. He picked up on how quick she hit out with it and was a little surprised. Not by what she said but by how she said it. Kon didn't really know her that well but it came across, to him at least, as unexpected. Defensive? Truthful, but defensive. And then she went one and Kon just looked between the two of them. Kon hadn't been clued up with the investigation other than there was a murderer before during Zatanna's mis-spell and then with the Emperor.

"Hannibal? What's he got to do with this?"

It was a curiosity he couldn't keep back. He knew the guy, or of him rather. He'd seen him around and on the network. The murderer. But why was he mentioned?

He was about to reply to Kon, to tell him the whole story- but no, the man had killed her and not him. It wasn't his story to tell. One of the first things he learned as a journalist was that there were limits, and as much as he believed knowledge was power that knowledge wasn't his own to give.

"He used my powers, in the past, to commit murder. During that event where Zatanna accidentally caused- well. A lot of things to happen, including my powers going to him."

He turned to Hayley, trying to tell her with a look that if she wanted him to know she'd have to be the one to tell him. "I'm... not sure what to tell you.

I understand why you did it, or at least part of it. It wasn't the right thing to do by any stretch of the imagination and I can't believe your first instinct was to attack me when I had never laid a finger on you, but I understand you were so afraid about something you didn't understand, something you had never seen- and what happened with Hannibal was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I apologize... for the part I had in all this mess. Maybe if I had tried to reach out to you instead of assuming you understood, this wouldn't have happened." A glance at Kon, with a smile. "Apparently someone else did it right." He was Kon-El's distant cousin, sometimes. Conner's annoying older brother, some other times when he felt like teasing him.

But for all his reluctance to use the words, the times where he got to play the role of Kon's proud father were honestly his favorites.

Hayley's lips pulled tight when Kon asked about Hannibal, not exactly eager to talk about the killer even though she wasn't entirely opposed to him knowing. When Superman began to explain, she felt a small sense of relief. That feeling was quickly snatched away with the look he gave her, because she understood.

She tried to hide how sensitive she remained to the issue by responding with a nonchalance bordering on monotony. "I was one of the victims of his little rampage to show off just what Superman's powers can do."

Her eyes watched Clark's face at the words, never looking away to Kon. Then suddenly Superman was talking about all of the things she had been hoping to avoid by blurting out sorry in the first place. She knew it had to be addressed, but that didn't exactly make it easy.

"Don't- ..Don't apologize, okay?" Few things grated on Hayley more strongly than a victim who apologized for their victimization. Even if she didn't exactly view him as an entirely innocent party. In this specific situation, he was a victim and she wouldn't let him play martyr and blame himself. It was this feeling that cause Hayley's anger to stir. "What Kon did right was being honest with me, even when it wasn't what I wanted to hear."

Kon knew exactly what point in time Kal was talking about. A lot had happened with people he knew, he'd been affected by it, finding himself aged up, finding himself the way everyone from home knew him. He remembered the murders, hearing about them and feeling stuck. Not knowing what to do because he hadn't expected there to be a murderer on the shell. Stuck because he found out about it some time after the actual killings had happened. And now his head was spinning and his stomach decided that it was going to drop and his blood was going to cool with Hayley's explanation. He'd had no idea. None. He'd been such an ass to her and she'd gone through so much. Kon had understood her and why she had attacked but now he felt like he understood it more, and especially the feeling afterwards when they'd spoken.

Kon didn't know what to say. Or rather, he did but he didn't think it would be the right thing. But he didn't think it was fair that she had been targeted by Hannibal like that. That she had been someone that was killed. For no reason, or none that he could figure out. And even if there had been one, it still would have been wrong. He didn't pity Hayley, he didn't feel sorry for her, he was trying not to get angry because it was dealt with and there was nothing he could do. Apart from look past everything and just talk to her like someone his own age.

He didn't want to say sorry, it wasn't what she would want to hear and what would he be saying? Sorry you were killed by a psycho who got powers strong enough to kill in a horrible way. Sorry you had nothing to protect yourself with. Sorry no one was there to help or save you? Yeah going by how he would react to that, chances are Hayley's would be the same.

The smile from Kal and his words brought a smile of his own, like the acknowledgement was enough. Even though it was different here, he still couldn't stop the feeling he got from positive attention. From praise. And then he's looking to Hayley.

"Yeah, but you used a good example you knew I'd get."

The smile soon dropped from his lips at Hayley's words.

"You think I wasn't honest with you?" A bit of an hypocritical question, maybe, considering how hurt Hayley had been at the whole double identity thing. But he had never outright lied, and it was something he had to do- if Hayley understood or not didn't make much of a difference, he couldn't really force anyone who wasn't from his world or a similar one to understand. Sometimes he though- well, he'd come clean with Mark. Hayley had found out. And there had been Oliver...

"Hayley, I might be sorry for not letting you know both parts of me and allowing yourself to get the wrong idea, but I was always honest with you. I shared Superman's weaknesses with you when it could have been kept a secret from the whole turtle, had I wished to. Everything I said to you, everything I did with you was honest.

You have known me better than most people here." Her only problem had been she hadn't realized it, and then she breached his trust. And Clark might forgive, he always forgives- but her first instinct still was to attack him, no matter her reasoning. No matter her justifications.

And that says a lot about her.

Hayley was grateful that Kon didn't address the whole murder thing. She knew that he reacted, knew that it might change things and that it might even help him to understand her better, having that missing piece. But it was the last thing she wanted to talk about right now, with Clark in front of her seemingly wanting to make things right between them. Maybe she would talk to Kon about it later. Probably not.

At Clark's words, she frowned. It seemed fairly obvious that he wasn't honest with her, given the whole Superman/Clark thing. Part of her was beginning to wonder if anyone from those worlds could ever own up to their alternate identities, but Mark, Bart, and even Kon had been pretty open with her about theirs. Maybe it was just Superman and the Bat Man who were really crazy about that kind of thing. Maybe that was why there were such good friends.

She dropped her eyes, thinking. He was claiming that all of their interactions were honest, which would suggest he really did care about her. The acceptance of that idea made her nervous, worried she might want to rely on or trust him again. What Hayley needed was distance from Clark, but what she wanted was for them to be okay again. Or maybe it was the other way around.

"I get it. You lied to me, I lied to you. We both had our reasons." Her eyes lifted again to look at him. She was being entirely hypocritical accusing him of dishonesty and didn't much care about it. Right now, she was trying to piece out the fear, anxiety, excitement, desperation, and hope that all swirled together in her mind as she stared at the hero before her. "So.. What do we do now?"

Normally she would just avoid him and never speak to him again, but that was getting to be a harder option with the people she knew knowing each other and this being a pretty limited place. Besides, she was trying to grow up and mature, trying to do the adult thing and actually face the consequences of her actions. Or something.

The interaction between the other two wasn't a foreign one to him. Lies. Now that had been something he knew about, especially when they came from someone who was meant to be a friend. So Kon could see both sides. He'd experienced both sides and he knew how hard it was to be like there.

With Hayley asking what was next for her and Kal, Kon couldn't hide the fact he perked a little. This was something he wanted to know. He wanted to know where they stood with each other. Would he have to avoid talking about the other when speaking to one of them or where they going to try and mend their connections? Kon stayed quiet, but stayed alert.

"Now I guess everything's solved." He said, pursing his lips as he turned to hide the little box of Kryptonite on a little compartment in his cape. Now he understood, now he really saw Hayley was only doing this because it was what everyone had been telling her she should do, what she knew she was supposed to be doing. It pained him, everything about the conversation pained him even though everything was apparently going smoothly to any observer.

But if Hayley couldn't believe he had been honest, that he had been truly himself under what kind of light did he see him? He'd forgive her, he already had- he probably already had the moment he'd woken up without so much of a scratch when he'd been lying unconscious on the floor, even if he had refused to let himself thing that way at first. But how was he supposed to keep a friendship if she didn't fully trust him? He could list her all the people on the turtle with a secret identity, all the people who had come and gone and all those who stayed. But in the end it wouldn't make a difference, would it? Hayley had made her decision, and her decision was that Clark Kent was a liar.

Like a crumbled piece of paper, indeed, but now he realized Hayley hadn't been the only one who'd lost someone's trust that day.

"You're free to come talk to me whenever you want."

Hayley stared at him. It couldn't be that easy; it was never that easy. Either Clark hadn't really forgiven her or there was something she was missing and she couldn't for the life of her piece together what it might be. The idea of his being hurt about being called on his lies never crossed her mind.

"No," she replied, frowning. "I mean, I want to be okay but we both know we can't go back to the way we were and it's not that easy, so we have to.. talk about it, or whatever."

This entire situation was strange for her and fighting to talk about it more when he said it was okay was possibly the last thing she had pictured herself doing in this scenario. But it didn't feel okay.

"I'm not afraid of you," she blurted out, surprised at her own desperation. "I flinched because you reminded me of someone. ..And I don't want to talk about it, but it- It's not you, okay?"

Edited 2014-03-07 23:52 (UTC)

Kal raised a hand, not dismissing her words but wanting to cut that trail of thought.

"I won't ask, and it's normal to be scared of me. At first, at least, if you had never been in contact with anyone. It's not so usual to be afraid of it when you've met me, and others, and you're close to a lot of them your age- and that's the part that makes me afraid, but just because you feel that way it doesn't mean you're going to react like that again." It just made her more likely to do so, in his eyes. Lex had been afraid of him, and the rest is history.

"But how are we going to make it okay if you think I'm a liar?"

A few seconds passed as Hayley connected the dots of Superman jumping from her remark on the specific fear to her fear in general. She frowned. He acted like she was afraid of everyone around her at all times. It wasn't like that at all. She immediately dismissed the stray notion that he should know her better than that.

"What are you talking about? I'm not afraid of all superheroes- any of them, really. I wasn't even- Well, okay, I was afraid of Superman, but I was afraid because of who I thought he was with the powers he had. Like you were afraid of Lex. But obviously you aren't like that and I learned my lesson."

She emphasized those last words, because she wouldn't be attacking anyone in a similar manner here. Hayley had to be more patient, careful, and well thought out in future- if she even attacked anyone again, which she knew would be next to impossible with all the people she now knew.

"I don't kill people and I didn't know how strong the Kryptonite was. I didn't mean to do anything more than scare you a little. And I get that that was wrong, but.." She trailed off, dropped her gaze, and continued. "I got to see Hannibal. Face-to-face. I was in a room alone with him and he was tied up and I could have done whatever I wanted to him."

She looked up again. "Think about that, Clark. Think about the fear and the blame and everything else. You have to know what it would have felt like and what I wanted to do." A pause. "But I didn't do anything. I walked away."

Her frown deepened.

"I know you're worried, but I'm not going to hurt the people you care about. And okay, you have no reason to trust me because I didn't tell you about that side of me and I hurt you. But then how can you be surprised that I'm having a hard time trusting you for not telling me after I was hurt with your powers?

I didn't call you a liar, but you did lie. Lying through omission, or whatever it's called? Everyone lies. It's not personal. That doesn't mean I don't want to be.. friends or whatever."

It took conscious effort to use the word 'friend.'

He held back from simply snapping 'it means just that to me', aware it would only make him sound like a petulant child. He wasn't delusional- he knew people lied, all the time. Part of his job was to uncover the truth behind the lies, to look at people to their face and be able to notice if they were lying.

(He could listen to their heartbeats, it'd make things easier- but somehow that had always felt like cheating.)

"Alright then, I lied but I am not a liar. Still I am not sorry I 'lied' then, Hayley. And I hope you're aware I would do it again if you hadn't found out- and judging by what you did it'd have honestly been the smartest course of action." She might not be Lex, but that didn't mean he wouldn't watch his steps around her. Not when her first decision when getting the Kryptonite she claimed she had a right to had been to attack him.

"So let me reword it again: would you be willing to be friends with someone who'd keep secrets like that?"

Hayley's expression hardened when he mentioned lying to her being the smartest course of action, her muscles tensing. It hurt to hear him say it and there was a deep understanding in those words that, no matter what she did, he would probably never trust her again. Not unless he could understand.

"Would I be friends with someone with secrets? Yeah, of course. Everyone has secrets. And well, okay, most of them aren't as big as yours, but I'm not going to rule someone out for lying." She crossed her arms with the sudden feeling of vulnerability that set in.

"You said you understood why I was afraid and why I attacked you, but you keep acting like I'm.. I don't know. A villain? If I had known who you are, it wouldn't have happened. And I'm not- Obviously I'm not blaming you, but I'm not going to tell anyone and I-"

She swallowed hard, trying not to let the hurt filter into her tone. Her expression was pained.

"I'm not that person, Clark. The things that happen here aren't even close to possible in my world. I'm fifteen. I'm not- I'm not trying to make excuses, I know it was bad. ..No one prepared me for any of this. No one even prepared me for middle school. I make it up as I go and so far, yeah, I've done an okay job with some terrible mistakes. I'm not a hero and I might not even be a good person, but I'm trying not to be a bad one. I'm really trying."

"You're not a villain" Was his quick answer. He was pretty sure Hayley had chosen her wording carefully, but he still couldn't help but reassure her- and it was the truth, anyway. She was no villain. She might have the potential in her, yes, but most people her age did. Puberty was a crossroad and not many people choose wisely during it.

"I wouldn't let a villain become close to my own family." He motioned to Kon-El. Now it was Kal's turn to be glad she'd brought him. He might not trust Hayley, but Kon... the fact that Kon was here, the fact that Kal didn't mind that he had become close with Hayley proved there was hope for them. In his eyes, at least. "But that's- that's kind of the point, Hayley. You say you wouldn't have done that if you had known who I really was.

Well, this" He motioned to his S-shield. "This is who I am. You can't draw a line in the middle and decide which part of me you can keep, and which scares you. The whole of me had to 'lie' to protect people and would do it again, even if you don't understand it. The whole of me has powers, and the whole of me happens to truly, actually and honestly love being a journalist.

I understand you are fifteen. I understand you made mistakes. Do you understand who I am?"

Edited 2014-03-14 23:29 (UTC)

His immediate reassurance genuinely made her feel a little better. Maybe it was because of Kon's understanding, or Clark's forgiving nature, or one of a dozen other reasons. Whatever the case, she felt like maybe she did have a chance of being okay with him again at some point in the future. Maybe not right now, but sometime.

She glanced back at Kon with Clark's motioning and gave him another smile before returning her gaze to the elder hero. The smile faded as she thought about how to answer and to explain her own perception.

"It's easy with Kon," Hayley replied tentatively. "Bart, Invincible, Bruce, Tony- even Barry.."

Nope, not the right way to start. She began again. "I didn't draw that line, Clark. You did. You made Superman and Clark Kent different people. You talked to me in different ways, you stood differently, you wore different clothes, you gave different advice and reassurance.. I could tell Clark Kent cared about me, but Superman wasn't personal.

Kon and Bart and those guys? They treat me the exact same in costume or out of it. Half of them admitted right away about their other side. And, look, I'm not saying you should have trusted me with your secret. I wouldn't have trusted you. But you created two completely different people and expected me to like and trust them the same."

She lifted a hand to scratch at her hair. "I get it now.. That you're both. Or, I mean, logically I know it? It's kind of hard believing it- Like if you found out.. I don't know, that Lois Lane and Sharon Carter are the same person. It's going to take awhile to sink in."

A dismissing movement with his hand. "I drew the line because it's there, because it's needed." He didn't mention the other's identities. Tony wasn't from his world and neither was Bruce- he didn't even know Bruce had a secret identity, but he'd always tried to give the man some space after he'd asked for him to stop The Other if it was needed. Maybe The Other was his secret identity.

But he knew the others kept their secret identity just as much as he did, specially Barry and Mark- the latter he'd even had to trick him into admitting it when he had started getting suspicious. He wasn't sure how Hayley had gotten the idea he was the only one with one, but that honestly wasn't his problem- those he wanted to protect knew, those who loved him understood and encouraged him. He didn't feel he needed any kind of justification about keeping one.

"But both of them are a part of me. And you only truly care about one, you're only apologizing to the one behind the glasses. This is why I'm wearing this uniform, this is why I came as Kal-El.

Can you honestly tell me you'd have felt any guilt about what you did if you hadn't found out who I really am? I promise, I swear I will believe any answer you give me and drop the subject forever. But I want you think about it."

Hayley shook her head in confusion at his words. "What do you mean you drew the line because it's there, but they're both you? I don't get it."

It didn't make sense to her. Thanks mainly to Bart's efforts, Hayley was beginning to understand the idea of Bart Allen and the Flash being different sides of the same person, which could reasonably be extended to Clark as well and seemed in line with what he said a moment before. But now he was talking about distinctions and lines drawn and that was something she didn't entirely comprehend.

It was nothing she had ever really had to deal with. The closest she had come was the people here finding out about what she'd done to Superman, but there was no fancy nickname or cool costume to go with it. She was just Hayley Stark.

To the latter, she intentionally paused to give it some thought. When she spoke, it was with decisiveness. "Not right away."

She took a deep breath to explain. "When I realized you were Clark, I didn't feel guilty. Not right away. I realized I'd made a mistake, sure, but I thought I had been doing the right thing. It wasn't until I talked to other people-" She gave an unconscious, partial glance back toward Kon as one such example. "-that I realized why it was wrong.

They still would have talked to me, even if I didn't know you were 'Clark Kent, journalist,' and I would have felt the same. I mean, I don't know if I would have given back the K.. I can't answer that. I didn't even know I'd do it now until I decided to. But apologizing? You being Clark made that way harder."

She paused. "I think Superman will always remind me of how I died and how I screwed up big time and Clark Kent will always make me feel safer, but I wouldn't still be here talking to you if I wasn't trying to trust both sides."

He tilted his head, letting her talk. So far he'd been the one doing the talking, trying to soapbox her into understanding- but if he was going to see Hayley's point of view at all he had to listen.

"I..." He let out a sigh, reaching to run a hand through his hair. "I guess we both have to take that and go from there, then. I can't leave all of it behind, and I still think telling you you couldn't have Kryptonite wasn't a mistake.

Even if I had known the outcome I'd have done the same." Again, not something that he really hoped to make her understand. He was just glad he hadn't, as far as he knew, talked to Lois or Bruce about it- if anyone understood why others shouldn't have Green K, it was them... but they would also probably been less nice when it came to explaining it.

"If you are willing to get past that to keep our friendship, then I am as well."

Hayley understood not changing your mind about a decision, knowing what would result from it. She respected that tenacity. It was the same reason she still wasn't entirely convinced that Superman hadn't needed to be brought down a peg, even if her methods were the wrong way to go about it.

But like he would never understand the justice she sought from him as anything other than corrupt, she would never understand his refusal as anything other than selfish. She only hoped it was something they could move past. It meant placing a level of trust in him that was still relatively new to her and definitely uncomfortable, but Clark Kent, Superman, of all people, seemed like one of the best people to try with.

"Okay." It was her own form of agreement, struggling for the right words. "I mean, yeah. I want to try."

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let me know if you'd like me to edit!

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sorry I took forever :c

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