Conner 'Kon-El' Kent (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tactile_telekinesis) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tushanshu_logs2014-01-20 01:31 am
tactile_telekinesis) wrote in tushanshu_logs2014-01-20 01:31 am
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Characters: Kon-El (tactile_telekinesis), Kal-El (andaway) & Hayley Stark (everylittlegirl)
Date: Backdated 14th January
Location: Café at Metal Sector
Situation: Hayley asks Kon for a favour and wants to say something.
Warnings/Rating: None to start with? Probably no change to it? Maybe...
Kon had had time to think about the favour he agreed to with Hayley. She had been right that Kon didn't owe her anything, and he had meant it when he said he wasn't doing this for her. Kryptonite was a serious issue and he wanted to see this whole incident put to rest. He didn't know if it could be put completely behind them, but handing the rock over would at least be another step in the right direction.
He'd made his way to the spot Hayley had marked out on the map in the right sector. He was early, but he had a lot on his mind and being honest, the wait to even come here had been enough to drive him almost mad. She was going to have the Kryptonite in a lead case, Kon was going to be close to it, and that made him cautious. That made him worried. He knew she wouldn't so anything, but what if someone grabbed it from her? What if there was a crack in it and as she got closer, he got weaker and sicker? What if a bird fley in, grabbed the case and it sprung open with the chunk falling at his feet? Okay that last one was ridiculous.
Kon stood wringing his hands together as he waited for Hayley. His stomach was beginning to twist and flip the more he thought about it and the longer he waited. He was growing nervous pretty quickly. Be cool S.B. be cool! Don't want to actually look like a total dweeb.
tactile_telekinesis), Kal-El (andaway) & Hayley Stark (everylittlegirl)Date: Backdated 14th January
Location: Café at Metal Sector
Situation: Hayley asks Kon for a favour and wants to say something.
Warnings/Rating: None to start with? Probably no change to it? Maybe...
Kon had had time to think about the favour he agreed to with Hayley. She had been right that Kon didn't owe her anything, and he had meant it when he said he wasn't doing this for her. Kryptonite was a serious issue and he wanted to see this whole incident put to rest. He didn't know if it could be put completely behind them, but handing the rock over would at least be another step in the right direction.
He'd made his way to the spot Hayley had marked out on the map in the right sector. He was early, but he had a lot on his mind and being honest, the wait to even come here had been enough to drive him almost mad. She was going to have the Kryptonite in a lead case, Kon was going to be close to it, and that made him cautious. That made him worried. He knew she wouldn't so anything, but what if someone grabbed it from her? What if there was a crack in it and as she got closer, he got weaker and sicker? What if a bird fley in, grabbed the case and it sprung open with the chunk falling at his feet? Okay that last one was ridiculous.
Kon stood wringing his hands together as he waited for Hayley. His stomach was beginning to twist and flip the more he thought about it and the longer he waited. He was growing nervous pretty quickly. Be cool S.B. be cool! Don't want to actually look like a total dweeb.
no subject
Kon didn't know what to say. Or rather, he did but he didn't think it would be the right thing. But he didn't think it was fair that she had been targeted by Hannibal like that. That she had been someone that was killed. For no reason, or none that he could figure out. And even if there had been one, it still would have been wrong. He didn't pity Hayley, he didn't feel sorry for her, he was trying not to get angry because it was dealt with and there was nothing he could do. Apart from look past everything and just talk to her like someone his own age.
He didn't want to say sorry, it wasn't what she would want to hear and what would he be saying? Sorry you were killed by a psycho who got powers strong enough to kill in a horrible way. Sorry you had nothing to protect yourself with. Sorry no one was there to help or save you? Yeah going by how he would react to that, chances are Hayley's would be the same.
The smile from Kal and his words brought a smile of his own, like the acknowledgement was enough. Even though it was different here, he still couldn't stop the feeling he got from positive attention. From praise. And then he's looking to Hayley.
"Yeah, but you used a good example you knew I'd get."
no subject
"You think I wasn't honest with you?" A bit of an hypocritical question, maybe, considering how hurt Hayley had been at the whole double identity thing. But he had never outright lied, and it was something he had to do- if Hayley understood or not didn't make much of a difference, he couldn't really force anyone who wasn't from his world or a similar one to understand. Sometimes he though- well, he'd come clean with Mark. Hayley had found out. And there had been Oliver...
"Hayley, I might be sorry for not letting you know both parts of me and allowing yourself to get the wrong idea, but I was always honest with you. I shared Superman's weaknesses with you when it could have been kept a secret from the whole turtle, had I wished to. Everything I said to you, everything I did with you was honest.
You have known me better than most people here." Her only problem had been she hadn't realized it, and then she breached his trust. And Clark might forgive, he always forgives- but her first instinct still was to attack him, no matter her reasoning. No matter her justifications.
And that says a lot about her.
no subject
At Clark's words, she frowned. It seemed fairly obvious that he wasn't honest with her, given the whole Superman/Clark thing. Part of her was beginning to wonder if anyone from those worlds could ever own up to their alternate identities, but Mark, Bart, and even Kon had been pretty open with her about theirs. Maybe it was just Superman and the Bat Man who were really crazy about that kind of thing. Maybe that was why there were such good friends.
She dropped her eyes, thinking. He was claiming that all of their interactions were honest, which would suggest he really did care about her. The acceptance of that idea made her nervous, worried she might want to rely on or trust him again. What Hayley needed was distance from Clark, but what she wanted was for them to be okay again. Or maybe it was the other way around.
"I get it. You lied to me, I lied to you. We both had our reasons." Her eyes lifted again to look at him. She was being entirely hypocritical accusing him of dishonesty and didn't much care about it. Right now, she was trying to piece out the fear, anxiety, excitement, desperation, and hope that all swirled together in her mind as she stared at the hero before her. "So.. What do we do now?"
Normally she would just avoid him and never speak to him again, but that was getting to be a harder option with the people she knew knowing each other and this being a pretty limited place. Besides, she was trying to grow up and mature, trying to do the adult thing and actually face the consequences of her actions. Or something.
no subject
With Hayley asking what was next for her and Kal, Kon couldn't hide the fact he perked a little. This was something he wanted to know. He wanted to know where they stood with each other. Would he have to avoid talking about the other when speaking to one of them or where they going to try and mend their connections? Kon stayed quiet, but stayed alert.
no subject
But if Hayley couldn't believe he had been honest, that he had been truly himself under what kind of light did he see him? He'd forgive her, he already had- he probably already had the moment he'd woken up without so much of a scratch when he'd been lying unconscious on the floor, even if he had refused to let himself thing that way at first. But how was he supposed to keep a friendship if she didn't fully trust him? He could list her all the people on the turtle with a secret identity, all the people who had come and gone and all those who stayed. But in the end it wouldn't make a difference, would it? Hayley had made her decision, and her decision was that Clark Kent was a liar.
Like a crumbled piece of paper, indeed, but now he realized Hayley hadn't been the only one who'd lost someone's trust that day.
"You're free to come talk to me whenever you want."
no subject
"No," she replied, frowning. "I mean, I want to be okay but we both know we can't go back to the way we were and it's not that easy, so we have to.. talk about it, or whatever."
This entire situation was strange for her and fighting to talk about it more when he said it was okay was possibly the last thing she had pictured herself doing in this scenario. But it didn't feel okay.
"I'm not afraid of you," she blurted out, surprised at her own desperation. "I flinched because you reminded me of someone. ..And I don't want to talk about it, but it- It's not you, okay?"
no subject
"I won't ask, and it's normal to be scared of me. At first, at least, if you had never been in contact with anyone. It's not so usual to be afraid of it when you've met me, and others, and you're close to a lot of them your age- and that's the part that makes me afraid, but just because you feel that way it doesn't mean you're going to react like that again." It just made her more likely to do so, in his eyes. Lex had been afraid of him, and the rest is history.
"But how are we going to make it okay if you think I'm a liar?"
no subject
"What are you talking about? I'm not afraid of all superheroes- any of them, really. I wasn't even- Well, okay, I was afraid of Superman, but I was afraid because of who I thought he was with the powers he had. Like you were afraid of Lex. But obviously you aren't like that and I learned my lesson."
She emphasized those last words, because she wouldn't be attacking anyone in a similar manner here. Hayley had to be more patient, careful, and well thought out in future- if she even attacked anyone again, which she knew would be next to impossible with all the people she now knew.
"I don't kill people and I didn't know how strong the Kryptonite was. I didn't mean to do anything more than scare you a little. And I get that that was wrong, but.." She trailed off, dropped her gaze, and continued. "I got to see Hannibal. Face-to-face. I was in a room alone with him and he was tied up and I could have done whatever I wanted to him."
She looked up again. "Think about that, Clark. Think about the fear and the blame and everything else. You have to know what it would have felt like and what I wanted to do." A pause. "But I didn't do anything. I walked away."
Her frown deepened.
"I know you're worried, but I'm not going to hurt the people you care about. And okay, you have no reason to trust me because I didn't tell you about that side of me and I hurt you. But then how can you be surprised that I'm having a hard time trusting you for not telling me after I was hurt with your powers?
I didn't call you a liar, but you did lie. Lying through omission, or whatever it's called? Everyone lies. It's not personal. That doesn't mean I don't want to be.. friends or whatever."
It took conscious effort to use the word 'friend.'
sorry I took forever :c
(He could listen to their heartbeats, it'd make things easier- but somehow that had always felt like cheating.)
"Alright then, I lied but I am not a liar. Still I am not sorry I 'lied' then, Hayley. And I hope you're aware I would do it again if you hadn't found out- and judging by what you did it'd have honestly been the smartest course of action." She might not be Lex, but that didn't mean he wouldn't watch his steps around her. Not when her first decision when getting the Kryptonite she claimed she had a right to had been to attack him.
"So let me reword it again: would you be willing to be friends with someone who'd keep secrets like that?"
no subject
"Would I be friends with someone with secrets? Yeah, of course. Everyone has secrets. And well, okay, most of them aren't as big as yours, but I'm not going to rule someone out for lying." She crossed her arms with the sudden feeling of vulnerability that set in.
"You said you understood why I was afraid and why I attacked you, but you keep acting like I'm.. I don't know. A villain? If I had known who you are, it wouldn't have happened. And I'm not- Obviously I'm not blaming you, but I'm not going to tell anyone and I-"
She swallowed hard, trying not to let the hurt filter into her tone. Her expression was pained.
"I'm not that person, Clark. The things that happen here aren't even close to possible in my world. I'm fifteen. I'm not- I'm not trying to make excuses, I know it was bad. ..No one prepared me for any of this. No one even prepared me for middle school. I make it up as I go and so far, yeah, I've done an okay job with some terrible mistakes. I'm not a hero and I might not even be a good person, but I'm trying not to be a bad one. I'm really trying."
no subject
"I wouldn't let a villain become close to my own family." He motioned to Kon-El. Now it was Kal's turn to be glad she'd brought him. He might not trust Hayley, but Kon... the fact that Kon was here, the fact that Kal didn't mind that he had become close with Hayley proved there was hope for them. In his eyes, at least. "But that's- that's kind of the point, Hayley. You say you wouldn't have done that if you had known who I really was.
Well, this" He motioned to his S-shield. "This is who I am. You can't draw a line in the middle and decide which part of me you can keep, and which scares you. The whole of me had to 'lie' to protect people and would do it again, even if you don't understand it. The whole of me has powers, and the whole of me happens to truly, actually and honestly love being a journalist.
I understand you are fifteen. I understand you made mistakes. Do you understand who I am?"
no subject
She glanced back at Kon with Clark's motioning and gave him another smile before returning her gaze to the elder hero. The smile faded as she thought about how to answer and to explain her own perception.
"It's easy with Kon," Hayley replied tentatively. "Bart, Invincible, Bruce, Tony- even Barry.."
Nope, not the right way to start. She began again. "I didn't draw that line, Clark. You did. You made Superman and Clark Kent different people. You talked to me in different ways, you stood differently, you wore different clothes, you gave different advice and reassurance.. I could tell Clark Kent cared about me, but Superman wasn't personal.
Kon and Bart and those guys? They treat me the exact same in costume or out of it. Half of them admitted right away about their other side. And, look, I'm not saying you should have trusted me with your secret. I wouldn't have trusted you. But you created two completely different people and expected me to like and trust them the same."
She lifted a hand to scratch at her hair. "I get it now.. That you're both. Or, I mean, logically I know it? It's kind of hard believing it- Like if you found out.. I don't know, that Lois Lane and Sharon Carter are the same person. It's going to take awhile to sink in."
no subject
But he knew the others kept their secret identity just as much as he did, specially Barry and Mark- the latter he'd even had to trick him into admitting it when he had started getting suspicious. He wasn't sure how Hayley had gotten the idea he was the only one with one, but that honestly wasn't his problem- those he wanted to protect knew, those who loved him understood and encouraged him. He didn't feel he needed any kind of justification about keeping one.
"But both of them are a part of me. And you only truly care about one, you're only apologizing to the one behind the glasses. This is why I'm wearing this uniform, this is why I came as Kal-El.
Can you honestly tell me you'd have felt any guilt about what you did if you hadn't found out who I really am? I promise, I swear I will believe any answer you give me and drop the subject forever. But I want you think about it."
no subject
It didn't make sense to her. Thanks mainly to Bart's efforts, Hayley was beginning to understand the idea of Bart Allen and the Flash being different sides of the same person, which could reasonably be extended to Clark as well and seemed in line with what he said a moment before. But now he was talking about distinctions and lines drawn and that was something she didn't entirely comprehend.
It was nothing she had ever really had to deal with. The closest she had come was the people here finding out about what she'd done to Superman, but there was no fancy nickname or cool costume to go with it. She was just Hayley Stark.
To the latter, she intentionally paused to give it some thought. When she spoke, it was with decisiveness. "Not right away."
She took a deep breath to explain. "When I realized you were Clark, I didn't feel guilty. Not right away. I realized I'd made a mistake, sure, but I thought I had been doing the right thing. It wasn't until I talked to other people-" She gave an unconscious, partial glance back toward Kon as one such example. "-that I realized why it was wrong.
They still would have talked to me, even if I didn't know you were 'Clark Kent, journalist,' and I would have felt the same. I mean, I don't know if I would have given back the K.. I can't answer that. I didn't even know I'd do it now until I decided to. But apologizing? You being Clark made that way harder."
She paused. "I think Superman will always remind me of how I died and how I screwed up big time and Clark Kent will always make me feel safer, but I wouldn't still be here talking to you if I wasn't trying to trust both sides."
no subject
"I..." He let out a sigh, reaching to run a hand through his hair. "I guess we both have to take that and go from there, then. I can't leave all of it behind, and I still think telling you you couldn't have Kryptonite wasn't a mistake.
Even if I had known the outcome I'd have done the same." Again, not something that he really hoped to make her understand. He was just glad he hadn't, as far as he knew, talked to Lois or Bruce about it- if anyone understood why others shouldn't have Green K, it was them... but they would also probably been less nice when it came to explaining it.
"If you are willing to get past that to keep our friendship, then I am as well."
no subject
But like he would never understand the justice she sought from him as anything other than corrupt, she would never understand his refusal as anything other than selfish. She only hoped it was something they could move past. It meant placing a level of trust in him that was still relatively new to her and definitely uncomfortable, but Clark Kent, Superman, of all people, seemed like one of the best people to try with.
"Okay." It was her own form of agreement, struggling for the right words. "I mean, yeah. I want to try."