tushanshu_logs | Coming clean about a few things

Hayley, for her part, was just as nervous. It didn't make sense to her that Kon was spontaneously coming over to tell her something about himself. Maybe Bart had put him up to it- or ~~Kal~~ ~~Clark~~ Superman. Maybe he was evil, like Kal-El and Jor-El had been and Superman was using Kon as a way to get to her. It seemed too egocentric, too much effort from a megalomaniac for one tiny teenage girl to justify the theory.

When she heard his voice, it was both oddly reassuring and all the more intimidating. It only took a few seconds of her staring at the door before she finally moved forward to unlock it. Then she opened it a crack and looked at him with a mixture of suspicion and genuine appreciation.

"Are you evil?" No point in beating around the bush. She wasn't sure he would admit to it if he was, but the kind of things he said would probably give it away.

Who could really blame her for acting this way? She hadn't had much luck with Kryptonians and certain aspects of them. But her question wasn't expected and pulled Kon's thoughts away from the way she opened the door just a but. Was he evil? If he was then he should get an Oscar for his amazing acting skills on not causing any suspicion to anyone else. He smiled for her and shrugged his shoulders.

"Not last time I checked."

But he really wouldn't have admitted it if he was. Would he have wasted his time knocking the door though? Talked to her earlier? Why target her when there could be others he could go for if he was evil.

"Just normal good guy me. Unless you count the fact I forgot to grab some drinks as an act of evil. Those smoothies were gonna be pretty awesome, so I guess it would be close to evil."

Nope, definitely not evil. Hayley only hesitated a second more before she stepped back, swinging the door open with her, gesturing halfheartedly to welcome him inside. It was strange having him here.

The memories of how they met at Bart's suite coming to mind reminded her how much she had already done to betray Kon's trust and unintentionally make sure he disliked her in every way. Yet here he was. He seemed to get her better than most, certainly better than Bart and Clark and Jor-El, and that, too, was worth a lot. The two of them were.. well, almost some strange semblance of friends. She wasn't sure how that had happened.

"Sorry, it's not you, it's- I mean, you were with Bart, right? You must have seen them." She shuddered slightly with the memory, then closed and locked the door behind him. "I'm glad you're okay."

A beat. "I made some fake coffee, if you want some."

Kon hadn't thought a few months ago that he'd be here now, talking to Hayley, walking into her home. It didn't feel strange, well the being in her suite part did, but not the talking to her and he was glad that he's listened to Kal and took the time to listen to her. Kon didn't know how they had gotten to this kind of relationship either but on a lot of levels he was glad that they were. It meant he had someone else on the turtle, some one new to talk to. Someone that hadn't known him at all. Someone fresh.

Once he was in he nodded his head. He knew that it would be because of Jor-El and Kal, he knew that a lot of people would be like this because of them. He found it hard to be like that though, to be worried that anyone at the door could be a risk. His hand went up to his shoulder and rubbed it as she went on. He was okay now. He'd healed up quickly but a lot had happened that had thrown him. A lot had happened that he had to take the time to process. His time in the bottle hadn't been great and he was sure that was the same for so many people.

"Fake coffee sounds great. You're okay too, right?"

She didn't notice the shoulder rub for what it was. When he agreed to coffee, she moved to snag her own half-empty mug from the table and then wandered into the kitchen. Hayley was struck with a sudden sense of deja vu, though she couldn't figure out why. Something about the scenario just felt oddly familiar. Her volume picked up to carry through the rooms, not sure if he would follow her or not, as she set about fixing them both fresh cups.

"Yeah. I mean, they were clearly trying to scare me way more than actually hurt me. I was a little bruised. It's all gone now. But I guess I'm kind of still scared." A beat. "Obviously."

Because she hadn't just opened the door for him like normal, had she.

"Are you-" She stopped herself. Bart had intentionally wanted to avoid the topic, which made her pause, but Kon wasn't Bart. "Were you hurt?"

Kon hadn't followed right away. He wasn't sure if he should so he'd stayed back, looking at the layout, the small things. It was tidier than his own place but then again, he doubted many people could be as messy as he could. Hayley didn't have to raise her voice, but Kon knew it habit, it's what people did, it's what he did when he was in another room. So he followed through and stood by the kitchen. Kon knew what she meant by being scared but for other reasons on top of being completely shaken up. Talking to Kal hadn't really helped to settle his fears either.

The topic was still fresh, everything was still fresh except for the pain. That was gone, just like Hayley's bruises. It wasn't easy though, to think about it, to talk about it and again he reached up to his shoulder. That hadn't been the worst of the pain, but it had happened before his adrenaline really kicked in.

"I guess the more you can take, the more you get given. It was pretty bad, but I survived and I'm fine now."

Beat up and left there once they had made sure he stayed down. Bruising, cuts and broken bones, it was a surprise that he'd suffered so much injury, but it had been some of the worst he'd gotten. For the most part he was okay, but emotional pain always took longer to heal than physical.

Hayley turned with the two cups of coffee to find him there in the doorway not far from her. She gave a small smile, a reassurance for her sort of friend, before moving forward and offering the mug she poured for him.

She wanted to apologize for what he'd been through. It wasn't her fault, of course, but the girl genuinely felt bad for him. She knew how hurtful they could be without the physical pain and with it.. Well, things like that could scar more than flesh and bone - and she wasn't even related to the pair. But the words didn't feel right.

"I know how 'fine' feels." A pause. "If you ever need a distraction or a place to stay.." She could go with him to the turtle's head or play stupid charades or go shopping for some impossible to find item. There were always dumb ways to take ones' mind off of things. Sometimes they even helped a little. And she knew the value of being able to escape to a suite where no one would think to look for her.

After taking a small sip of her coffee, Hayley slipped past him and back out into the living room. Without hesitating, she took a seat in one of the large chairs and then looked over to him expectantly, waiting for him to join her. Her lips pursed as she considered whether or not to ask the question on the forefront of her mind.

Finally, she gave a slight grimace before voicing it: "Was Bart hurt?"

Kon took the cup from her and nodded his head in thanks before he blew at the hot liquid and took a sip. What passed for coffee here was much better than the stuff you got out of the machines back in CADMUS. Though to be fair, that wasn't exactly difficult. Kon stayed quiet as he thought about how he really felt. Fine was probably too obvious a word to use when he really wanted people to think he was okay. Think he was okay because he really wasn't and he didn't know when he would again. That paranoia that he could be like that was there, burning at the front of his mind now, not the back.

It was a few moments when he realised that he'd been staring at his coffee, largely lost in his own thoughts but still aware. He pulled himself out of it and smiled slightly as he walked over and took a seat, leaning back and making himself comfortable.

"I guess I should think of another word to use, huh? But thanks."

The question threw him and he grew tense. There would be no doubt that his reaction would have answered the question without the need for words. He was seeing Bart being thrown around. Smashed...hurt. His stomach churned.

"Bart's one of the strongest people I know."

He'd gone through a lot and still pulled through. Superman lay into him and he still drew breath. Whether Kal left him like that or not didn't matter because he felt the force of some of those blows and a lot of people would have died then and there.

"Look, I don't want to freak you out or anything, and I dunno if this will. But I want you to know I hope it doesn't change anything I mean it doesn't change who I am."

Nice change of topic there. Steer away from Bart because that was really his friends thing to talk about. But then with this, he found it so hard to be so straight about it. Other people it had been so much easier, but then those people didn't have the same kind of relationship with Kal that Hayley had had so far.

Hayley didn't mind the delayed responses or immediate subject changes. She could tell he was far more upset than he let on and it was only Mark's words in the back of her mind telling her to leave it alone that prevented her from pushing the subject. Instead, she waited for her answer and gave a grimace to match his tension. Bart didn't die, from what she could tell, but it was very clear to her that he had been hurt a lot and that Bart didn't tell her that hurt her a little, even though she got not wanting to talk about it.

It took a lot not to push Kon for details on what happened. Instead, his new words distracted her and she tensed herself, suddenly wary. Whatever he was leading up to couldn't be a good thing. She set her coffee down, suddenly not thirsty, barely taking her eyes away from him. "Okay."

Edited 2014-04-05 17:48 (UTC)

Why was he finding this so difficult to just say? He wasn't ashamed, he was proud. He started life declaring himself Superman and when the people didn't accept him, when the big man himself came back, he found himself. Slowly. He didn't rely on his role as the clone of Superman. He didn't let it define him but he didn't hide it from anyone. Well, there wasn't many people to hide it from where he came from, pretty much everyone knew.

Kon took a mouthful of the coffee and gripped the mug. Not enough to break it, but enough to feel it and use it as an anchor.

"I wasn't born like most people. I came out of a tank in a lab. Broken out of would probably be better." He watched her as he spoke. "I was created to be just like Kal, something happened and they needed me, only...I came out early. We say we're cousins, that we're family and we are, that parts true and that's important to me, but it's more than that. I'm a clone. Not an exact copy, they couldn't do that, but I'm pretty close to it."

Kon swallowed and could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He was feeling better about getting all of this out and letting her know. It just seemed to be fair.

"This is why I hate Lex and why I'm worried whenever one shows themselves. No matter what universe they come from because I can't take the risk. I can't let myself hurt people. They needed human DNA to make the process work. I thought it was the head of CADMUS but a year ago or somethin' I went into that pool in the palace and saw my future. I saw that Lex was my human donor and not Westfield."

The revelation was something that had caused a rage to build up in him. He'd lashed out at people on the shell. People that would have known and that hadn't said anything.

"He conditioned me with a trigger phrase. He says it, I go all psycho like Kal in the bottle world, only I'm under his control. He wants me to kill someone and I'd do it. That's why I was glad when the younger Lex was gone and why the one before vanished as well. I didn't want them to accidentally say the phrase and for me to react to it."

Kon felt tired after he finished telling Hayley about him being a clone and why he had problems with Lex. It'd all come out in such a rush that he was left reeling.

Being born in a lab, while kind of weird, wasn't entirely unfamiliar to her at this point. Bart wasn't exactly traditional either and it didn't bother her so long as she didn't think about it too much. But his admission that he was created to be a nearly identical copy of Superman was definitely different. Her brow pulled together and she dropped her gaze down to her lap. Her fingers picked at the frayed hole in the knee of her jeans as she listened.

It took her a moment to put together why he hated Lex with the words that followed. In some ways, Kon was a child of Lex Luthor and Kal-El. But with a super secret sleeper agent trigger phrase. It might have been cool if it wasn't so terrifying.

After he finished, she remained in the same position. Enough that a few moments passed before she realized he was done and looked up to meet his gaze. Her brow relaxed and she gave a shrug, though it was clear she was still trying to work out her feelings on it all.

"Then we make sure he never says the phrase. Do you know what it is? And it's only him, right? If someone else says it, you won't react." The first step was finding preventative measures. The second was accepting the danger. "And if you do, how do we take you down?"

Another pause, then she tensed slightly. Genetics were important, sure, but Hayley refused to believe it was all there was. "Who raised you?"

Kon was worried, he knew some people would need time to process this kind of information dump but he could help feeling it when there was no immediate response. So he sat worrying, thinking that she would freak out, tell him to get out. Get angry for some reason or become scared of him and what he could do. Nausea began to set in as the silence seemed to just drag on, time taking it's sweet ass...well, time.

He couldn't blame her for thinking things over. For taking her time but when she spoke, the relief was hard to hide. He slumped a little in the seat and let out a small sigh.

"Yeah, I heard it when I saw everything play out. As far as I know it's only him, and I got no idea why it didn't happen in the palace. I guess it's because of all the magic in place."

Kon was quiet and then it was his turn to give a shrug.

"There's enough meta's here that could bring me down, and there's still Kryptonite. I was older then, so I had more power, more strength but I'd still crumble with K around."

He thought about that and shook his head.

"No one."

He had had no family. Not a mother and father or siblings. He'd made his own with those he met. He had Roxy and Rex, he had Dubblex and he had had Tana, then there was Young Justice.

"I was meant to come out as an adult, artificially aged up. But like I said, I got out early and only had implemented knowledge up to 15 or 16. Technically I'm only 4 years old."

His visible relief surprised her, not entirely certain when her opinion had started mattering to him. Maybe around the time his started mattering to her. Or maybe he was afraid that she would attack him like she had Clark. She frowned a little at the thought, but dismissed it as quickly.

"So us peons are just screwed?" Hayley was beyond tired of all the supers relying on each other for everything and always excluding those without powers. "I think the Bat Man is the only one with any K left and I don't exactly trust the guy, so.. I'm not saying I should have some, but maybe Bart or Invincible or someone?"

She sighed, scratching idly at her hair and then dropping both hands with a sigh. "It's weird, okay? You being.. you know? But you're cool, Kon, and you seem like you're someone worth knowing and what you are doesn't really change that? I mean, it kind of does. Like I said, it's weird, but I'm not going to attack you or stop talking to you or anything."

Hayley unconsciously crossed her arms. "I know there's the whole nature versus nurture argument and whatever, but you don't really seem like either of them. Maybe it's better you didn't have a family to screw you up."

There wasn't any fear that she may attack him, more that she wouldn't want to talk to him. That this news made him far too close to things that had happened. That she'd blame him for it because of who and what he was. Then he cringed at her question. Way to go.

"I didn't mean it like that, Hayley. I meant more in the way of hurting me enough that I can't fight anymore." To kill him, to do whatever it took to stop him.

"I know what you mean, he's a hard guy to trust, I'm not exactly there either. He's kind of a douche." Because he pushes his own paranoia onto the people he takes under his wing. Making them hard to get close to. To be friends with. Tim was so difficult, so annoying and untrusting. Now that the Tim that was here was older...he was so jaded. Kon blamed Batman a lot for that. "If I had K to give, I'd give it to Bart because I know he'd be fast enough to use it. But I can't just ask Kal for some to give away."

He fell quiet for a moment as she spoke and it brought up a small smile as he brought the mug up to take another drink.

"I think I get ya. I didn't expect it to be cool straight away or anything like but. But thanks, for still wanting to talk to me after this. And trust me, there's been a lot of times where I wished I had a family I could rely on or experience. I wasn't given the choice to walk away from any of it, I was just made."

"Yeah and that's totally cool that they can do that. I mean, not cool to hurt you- you know what I mean. But there's seriously no other way?" She didn't want Kryptonite anymore. Not when things with she and Clark remained tentative, at least, and she wasn't sure she could use it on Kon now knowing the full extent of what it did.

At his comment about Bat Man being a douche, she smiled. It was a pleasant reminder of why she and Kon seemed to get along so well in the first place, of just how similar they could be in their thinking at times. The smile withdrew as he continued. "Why can't you ask Supes for some? You don't trust the Bat Man and Superman gave some to him. You should be able to give some to Bart too."

She ignored how incredibly biased she was on the matter and instead focused on the latter topic.

"Having a family doesn't guarantee having someone to rely on," she offered. It was more than she would admit to most outside of her most trusted people here. Even Clark didn't exactly know about her family. But Kon had taken a risk and she knew the appropriate thing was to give a little back. "And hey, you tried to understand and forgive me after the whole K thing. I guess we're even now."

Except that she had asked him to forgive her for a deliberate choice. Kon didn't get a choice in what he was and her acceptance of that wasn't much of a favor.

"I dunno, I never saw what happened, just that I came out of it."

Kon thought about that, or rather about how to explain it because it was strange and difficult to actually put it into words.

"Supes and Bats have known each other for a really long time. I guess it's the same with me and a team mate? Or it will be. Back home I don't feel like I can completely trust him. I guess Supes would just ask why and I'd have to go through the whole 'precaution' and 'paranoia' thing with him. Maybe Bart would be too obvious a choice? It's no secret we're friends so someone might guess he has it?"

This was something he didn't know about Hayley, but then there wasn't a lot he knew. He just didn't feel like he needed to pry and that they both seemed the kind of people that would go to each other and open up. Eventually.

"Maybe not, but it's better than being alone."

"Wait, what do you mean you saw what happened in your future? How?" Bart had experienced his own future. The way Kon talked about it, however, suggested something else entirely.

Hayley wanted to agree with him about the Bat Man again. It seemed like too much of a risk though, not yet ready to admit to her connections with the vigilante. The thought almost makes her want to ask about Jason, if maybe Kon knew him with Bart knowing Tim, but it wasn't the right time or place. Kon was right about Bart being the obvious choice for some K and she didn't really have a better option at the moment. She let it go to think on some more.

"Maybe," she countered. Hayley couldn't imagine growing up without anyone, but she often felt she would have preferred it to her own parents. Of course, she had believed being alone was the best thing when she arrived here and now she had all sorts of mentors, friends, and other connections. It seemed like human nature not to want to be alone. But some of that was safety for her and Kon didn't have that problem.

"Why did you tell me?" The question seemed more important than the thoughts of family. Of all people, after attacking Clark, why would he trust her with something like this?

"I went to see the Emperor but it was Evandau, told him I was sick and tired of people being from my future and treating me like someone else. Asked if there was some kind of voodoo to let me know what happens. Offered half my wages for a month or something like that. There was this pool that I got shoved into and these...screen things. It was like a montage of what my life was going to be like. Didn't know my thoughts, just saw my actions flickering over them."

It was hard to describe, and what he had seen had given him mixed feelings. He'd been furious no one told him about Lex when there had been on on the shell just before. Angry that people treated him like they'd seen a ghost. Which he later found out via Bart, that it was more than likely the case.

"Because we're friends. Because you deserve to know and because all the other people that are important to me know. I trust you and you're honest about things."

"Oh." Hayley wondered if she could see her own future. Truth be told, she wasn't certain that she would want to even if she could. Everything she could worry about was already taken care of and the rest she would deal with if she ever returned home. With Kon, it made sense. People were here that he knew and were treating him, as he said, differently from what he expected.

"It sucks no one told you," she replied offhandedly. It sounded frustrating as hell to have to find out on some weird monitor thing instead of from your fake family or your best friend or something. Then, more pointedly, she added, "Wait, who else knows?"

She blinked at the reasons he gave. Someone saying they trusted her and calling her honest was unusual, especially given their previous circumstances. But maybe the K was what allowed this friendship to happen. "Thanks."

Friends. Hayley supposed she would continue to collect more of them, even if it made her slightly uncomfortable.

Sometimes he had wondered what it would have been like if he was Conner and had been brought to the turtle. Would he still be looked at as a ghost in some ways? Would people be surprised to see him alive or would they be okay? But he hadn't lived that life yet so it was hard to really think about it.

"About which part? Lex? Not a lot of people. Bart, Supes and probably Bats as well as one of the Robins that's here. And you now."

Hayley hadn't heard about a Robin and apparently there was more than one. Goody. More secrets of the inner circle she wasn't privy to. She stored the information away for now. Maybe she could use it to manipulate more later, but now wasn't the time for scheming and it definitely wasn't the right time to use Kon.

"That, and about you being a clone instead of a cousin," she clarified. For all she didn't know, she still knew a lot and wasn't keen on letting others' secrets slip unintentionally.

Oh. Well for some reason he thought people knew about there being a Robin in the city. Well only one of them really mattered to him any way.

"Everyone from my world knows. Some people here but they've all mostly left."

Hayley dropped her gaze, picking at her jeans again as she thought. Then she looked up at him again. "I was wrong, about us being alike. You wanting to attack Lex isn't like me attacking Superman. I thought I was trying to help him understand and make him a better hero, but you would be trying to prevent genocide."

A beat. "I'm more like Lex than you are."

Kon was surprised at that and his grip on the mug tightened causing him to smash it and spilling the small amount of his coffee left, over himself.

"Shit!"

It didn't burn but he just hadn't expected her to say something like that and he looks at her as he rubs the coffee in to his pants.

"No you're not. You're nothing like him. Not even a little."

Because he didn't want to think of anyone being like him. She might have been, in some small way. But Kon wouldn't admit that. He wouldn't see it.

"You admitted your mistake, you owned up to it and took responsibility. He wouldn't."

Kon didn't know a whole lot about Lex, not like Superman, but what he did know, he couldn't think of him as admitting he made a mistake.

Hayley half moved to stand when the mug broke, but froze when he didn't seem hurt. After a beat, she stood only to pick up her own mug and set it in front of him as a silent offering for another. A broken mug really wasn't a big deal to her and the gesture allowed her an excuse to think. Then she sat back down and looked at him.

She considered what he was saying and some part of the back of her mind wondered if what he thought she believed was the same as what she actually believed. The thought was quickly dismissed, but she frowned a little as she continued to watch him.

"I'm not a good person, Kon. I mean, I'm trying to be? But I'm no hero." She wasn't entirely sure why she was admitting as much to Kon when normally she spent her time defending the point. "I won't tell anyone, but.. what if I turn out to be a villain?"

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