tushanshu_logs | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Characters: Hayley & OPEN
Date: June 25th (or the next couple days)
Location: Hayley's sweet new digs or outside in the Metal Sector
Situation: Roommate shenanigans, Hayley coming out of hiding to be social again, whatever..
Warnings/Rating: None yet.

Hayley had done her best to avoid people for the last few weeks, trying to regain a more objective view of the situation and of her relationships. These friendships were getting harder to avoid and while part of her wanted to accept them, there remained a voice in the back of her mind warning her of the dangers of embracing these people. Moving had been a very unwelcome break in the monotony, but a joyous excuse for helping her in hiding away in a nice place and pretending she didn't exist. She kept contact, of course; it was the bare minimum required to keep anyone from thinking she had disappeared from the turtle.

Now, finally, boredom has overcome her and so instead of taking her food to her room and leaving for work at odd hours, Hayley was returning to a more standard routine. It meant she was more likely to run into people and to have to be friends again. She knew that and was slightly apprehensive about it, but the part of her that wanted those kinds of connections had inevitably won out and she found herself missing Bart and Kon and the others after enough time.

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It was strange how getting the fight she was looking for was a little less fulfilling than she had hoped. Maybe it was his new found maturity or how she knew she didn't really have an argument other than the ones she wasn't sure she wanted to make, or maybe it was just that it hurt more than she had realized. Whatever the case, she frowned at him and was silent for a moment after he had finished, as if she might not reply at all.

"You said you'd never leave," she responded finally, quietly. Hayley dropped her gaze for a moment, then looked up at him again. "Then you left. You didn't say anything. You just disappeared and now you're.."

She gestured at him in a vague way, her expression becoming more and more neutral as she continued, her tone more apathetic. "You look like Clark." A beat. "I don't even care about that, but you look.."

Hayley shook her head in order to prevent her feelings from leaking through again. "We're still friends, okay? I'm not your best friend anymore, but.. we can hang out and go on missions and whatever you want. Just don't expect me to come to you for advice or to be braiding each other's hair at a sleepover."

And that there is what had Kon's body just sag. Hurting her had been the last thing on his mind and while on the shell it had only been a day...he'd still left. He'd still been gone for years and he'd still broken his word and for that he felt like the biggest douche in the world. Kon wanted to go to her, wanted to say he was sorry for breaking it, but not for the result. He'd thought of this as a big deal before he'd left, said to Bart it was almost a self sacrifice. That was hard to explain to people. Hard to word what he'd meant by that.

"I'm not him. I'm me." He'd had a notebook not long after he went back to living with Ma Kent, listing things he did and who they lined up with more, Lex or Superman. He burned it because he didn't need it to tell him who he was. He knew. And he just hoped that Hayley could look past that similarity. Eventually.

The fact that they were friends was a relief and yet at the same time it was like a stab to the heart as he knew they wouldn't be as close as they had been. Chances were those bonds wouldn't ever be mended no matter how hard he tried to. There would always be that thing between then, he'd lied to her and come back looking close to the man she was uncomfortable with.

He offered a smile and nodded, accepting the fact they were still friends.

"I'll take it. Just...it's a two way street, okay? It's not just about what I want. If you want space and for me to leave you alone, I will. Just...not for months on end."

Her offer to be friends was almost entirely to placate him and his smile at her dismissal irritated Hayley all the more. Maybe she was imagining it, but she felt like Kon should have known her better than to let it go at that, than to accept that she was actually being honest.

"I want you to be who you were before, but I guess that's not really an option," she replied before she could even think about stopping herself or reconsidering her words to choose them more carefully. She didn't regret it.

Kon's clarification that he was his own person wasn't really needed. She knew that he wasn't Clark, although his spouting the same lines the hero had didn't help, and she wasn't too concerned about that. The girl was more concerned with how much he reminded her of someone else, and of how much he had clearly changed in general.

"You're not you anymore," she sighed. "Kon was my best friend, but now?"

And to think the whole point of avoiding everyone was to gain some objectivity and distance. Hayley was already disappointed with herself and how quickly she caved into attachment again. "I mean, sure, you have some of the memories and you kind of like me, but.. how much is that worth, really? Because right now you're just a stranger who looks like a guy that made my life a living hell for years on end."

It was more than she had ever admitted to Clark about his own appearance. Kon had earned that much at least, for his honesty.

Edited 2014-06-29 23:28 (UTC)

Kon wasn't an idiot and wasn't doing this to irritate her either. He took the friends part because it was there, because to him it was something. A way to get back in. Not force himself on her, that was something he would never do. But he wasn't about to start rising to take the bait either. There had to have been something genuine about it if she had closed the door. If she'd let him in to begin with.

Kon would always marvel at Hayley's ability to actually deal a blow with her words. Because right now he was starting to feel a bit like a punching bag and it hurt more than some of the fights he'd gotten in to. To be told she wanted him as he was, that he wasn't him, that was hard to hear. He'd matured a lot, he'd accepted things and he'd moved on from a lot of the anger he had held on to. A lot of his cocky attitude had gone after Lex had taken control of him. He still had it there, but it was subdued. However, he had learned to cherish things a lot more, especially after he had died, wanting to hold on to them more. Hayley was no different. To him it was worth everything because he knew it could be taken away from you in the blink of an eye.

But then Kon was confused and the frown that followed was easy to read. Hayley had lost him with the comment about living hell and years. Hayley hadn't told him anything about what her life was like back home. A hint or something about family but not much. He had been thinking of saying something along the lines of 'hopefully one day you can let yourself get to know me again' but right now he was just, trying to understand what she meant.

"Huh?"

Very eloquent, but he couldn't think of anything else to say that didn't sound just as dumb.

Hayley couldn't blame him for not understanding her. Bart was the only one she had really told anything about her dad to, at least of the people still here, and she hadn't even told him everything. Not directly, at least. Instead, she had allowed him to reach his own conclusions and simply hoped for the best. Kon, on the other hand, knew pretty much nothing about where she had come from or what it was like.

She made a show of rolling her eyes. His confusion was a reminder of the Kon she knew and a nice differentiation from the man he mimicked, one she appreciated but would not admit to. "Forget it."

Hayley wrapped a hand around the back of her neck again. She missed the Kon she had hugged, the one whose shoulder she could bury her face into as she made him promise not to leave again. This Kon she felt awkward even being in the same space with, let alone touching.

"Let's just say we both hate where we came from. Why were you worried about me if you think I don't need protecting?" A super smooth distraction away from the subject of her father.

He wasn't exactly in the right situation to press the matter any further unless he wanted to push her away. Which he didn't want to do. Though he could take a guess at what she'd meant, though not exactly right, he knew it had to do with family and someone in that family she was reminded of when she saw him now. That's all he got from this for now but he wouldn't forget it. He'd remember and he'd possibly ask at a later date. When there wasn't the risk of never seeing her again.

Kon had to admit that he missed the comfortable feeling that had been between them instead of this cold awkwardness. So he'd let the distraction work, though it wasn't really one if he made a note to talk to her later about it.

"You can be worried about someone even if they don't need protecting. We were close, I hadn't heard from you since I..." When? "Since I gave you those." And he points back with his thumb at the glasses. "Even if I didn't go home, that's still a long time not to see someone you care about."

Care. Not cared. It isn't past tense because even if she doesn't, Kon still does.

Someone you care about.

Hayley felt sick, excited, anxious, afraid, and weary all at once. Maybe even relieved too, if she was being honest with herself. It made her angry again to see him standing there. If he looked like his old self, she would have already forgiven him and wrapped her arms around his neck, even knowing there were aspects and traits of his that she would have to relearn. But now he had authority and charisma, attractive while unintentionally threatening. His mere presence made her nervous, the same as it had when Clark was younger - and as it still did as an adult to a lesser extent.

"I was avoiding everyone," she admitted carefully, "not just you. I wanted to think about things and.. you don't make it easy, you know? The whole being friends thing. I'm probably like, world record breakingly bad at it? But I'm not the one trying to be friends all the time. I don't even care if I have friends, but then you and Bart and Mark make it impossible to just be left alone and it's not like I can treat you like some random guy when I attacked your Original and you told me about being a clone and-"

She cut off and dragged a hand down her face, her tone somewhere between humor and sincerity. "If I told you to just like, leave me alone forever and never bother me again, would you actually listen?"

He made it difficult? Kon had set out to never like this girl. Had said straight off the bat that he'd avoid her, never forgive her. Well, he'd said this to Kal. And he'd said it before he'd even spoken to her, spoken and not argued. And then somehow, they'd become friends. But in saying it wasn't just him, it did give him some relief. Although he would have preferred for her not to have holed up, he was selfishly glad that other people had been cut off as well. The Original comment still stung, but that was just her, she'd used it before and technically it was true to some extent.

"What do you think?"

Because if she thought that there was no way he'd listen to that, then she was right. He asked her with a hint of a smile, amused by the question.

"I don't think I could. You might see me differently now and I'm gonna admit that it seriously sucks, but you're still Hayley to me and nothing's changed for me. I'd give you space, but not for forever I couldn't do it forever. That'd make things too easy, huh?"

Hayley knew what it had taken for them to become friends, even if she didn't entirely understand how it had happened. She knew neither of them had wanted it to begin with and that now, both of them wanted it. At least Kon admitted it. She preferred to play it off, to act like they were as cold as she wished that could have been before he went and ruined that distance forever.

She gave a frown in response to his smile, though there was some amusement behind it. Kon didn't have it in him to give up on someone, just like Bart, and that was both an enormous source of stress and relief for her.

"How long were you gone?" She asked instead, frown and humor both fading away from her features.

That hint of a smile was gone at her question as he took in a deep breath before he went on.

"Three years roughly. But it feels like so much longer."

He wanted to tell her everything. About what he had gone through, what he had done, the things he had seen. But it felt like a lot of it would be far too much, especially if they weren't as close any more.

"Last thing I remember is feeling like shit after breaking up with Cassie."

He doubted the name meant anything to her. He'd broken up with his long term girlfriend but to him it had been mutual. To him it felt like the right thing to do.

Hayley hesitated before tucking her hands behind her, leaning back on them against the door. She continued to watch him closely, but it was another small gesture of trust. As long as he stayed over there, she could deal with being closed in a room with him. She trusted him not to use his powers here, not without asking her first or a damn good reason. Even though he looked different, she trusted that much.

Of course, some part of her knew that it didn't really matter. If Kon decided to kill her, or worse, she would be entirely unable to defend herself. No Kryptonite, no codewords. She doubted her magic could hold him for long and she wasn't wearing the plasma rifle right now. That was a different kind of trust, believing that he wouldn't do those things regardless of where he was.

"Who's Cassie?" She asked softly. Lucky for Kon, Hayley wanted to know everything. That curiosity never waned. The fact that he was different meant learning again who and how he was and it would be a lot easier to do if she knew everything about him first. "I hope you're going to tell me more about what happened than just breaking up with your girlfriend."

Kon would never dream of hurting Hayley and the thought of using his powers never came to mind either. Not unless she had said it was okay, like using his x-ray vision to check something. He would never forgive himself if he had done something to hurt Hayley, intentional or not.

There was a fond smile that was quick to disappear.

"Cassie was Wonder Girl, a team mate from Young Justice to the Titans."

It was always his favourite thing when people were so curious, he loved it. Really. Well okay, with Hayley it was okay because he found it so easy to talk to her about things. Kon took a breath and let it out in a heavy sigh as he reached up to rub his neck.

"Well that's the freshest thing. Remember I told you about the trigger code? Well, it's more horrible going through it than watching it happen."

He then goes quiet for a moment.

"I met someone called Superboy Prime who had it in for me. I...I was dead as well."

The fact that it had happened was still something that had him reeling when he thought about it. He'd died from someone who had the same powers as him. Someone who had Superman's powers.

"How did you die?"

There was a coldness in her bland delivery of the question, not considerate of his feelings or what might hurt him. Kon hurt her by leaving. Now she was trying to find a way to make it more okay and if he wasn't willing to deal with her questions, then it was only a matter of time until the friendship as a whole fell apart.

"How long were you with Cassie?" A beat, then in the same half-joking, half-serious tone as earlier, she added, "I hope you don't have some like, secret crush on me that compels you to tell me about being single."

There may have been a flash of anger at the way she had asked that question. He didn't appreciate it, he may have left her and come back changed, but it didn't mean she had to be a bitch about it. Not about something like death.

"Horribly." He was short, and the anger that had come to his expression was low in his voice. He didn't feel like right now, there was no need for her to actually know how it happened. Maybe if she approached it different, after all he hadn't been a dick to her about it even though she'd attacked Kal.

But he was fine with moving on and leaving it, focussing on other emotions right now. Leaving that discussion for another time potentially.

"We were together for two years I guess and you got me. Damn."

"Then you know how it feels." She didn't blame him for being angry, regardless of the reason. Kon had understood Hayley better than anyone else left on this stupid turtle and she had understood him better than most, at the least. She wasn't sure if that was still possible with him being so much older and wiser now, cheating time in a strange way. Dying a horrible death certainly helped. It was something she never would have wished upon him but which she selfishly appreciated in that passive reach for empathy.

"I'm sorry." Not for what she said, but for his death. "You didn't deserve that, even if you're an asshole sometimes."

It was said without humor, but Hayley forced a small smile after to suggest that it was meant as a friend. His willingness to banter with her suggested it might be possible to get along again. Even though he looked like that.

"Anything cool happen while you were gone? Met your childhood hero, developed a new power, lost your virginity? It couldn't have all been bad."

And yet somehow he didn't feel great at the fact it was something they shared. He hadn't doubted that dying would be a horrible experience. Before he left, he'd already been told he was going to die and come back. But it's different knowing it and forgetting it when it actually matters. His death hadn't been quick. It had been long and brutal, painful to the point he was so broken he couldn't hold on any more.

"No one deserves it." No one good any way. No one decent. Even his enemies, they didn't deserve it because what they did, death was far too good for them. Death was the cheats way out for them. He didn't take it as a dig, it was true sometimes after all.

"Two out of three. Never had a childhood to have a hero so..."

Hayley kept silent on the matter of who did and did not deserve death. She wasn't entirely sure what Kon's views were but she suspected that they mirrored all the other heroes, that no one deserved to die regardless of their crimes and so on. It was something she never agreed with and she was trying to avoid that kind of fight right now.

"You stud," she teased, flashing a smirk. "Cassie? How old were you? What's the power? Why did you break up with her anyway?"

"Wow, wow calm down on the questions."

He held up his hands but played with a smile. It was sinking in with every minute that things were just so different now. It was also obvious that they were both working around it, trying not to leave things awkward, but not denying that they were.

"Not a lot younger than I am, she's really only one of two people I've been with and I was kinda too young to do anything with Tana. It just wasn't working with what we both wanted to do. I wanted t focus on life as Conner as well and she wanted to focus on leading the team."

She'd asked about his power and to be honest, that was something he was more than happy to talk about and leave the topic of Cassie alone. He stilled loved her and probably always would, but it had just happened for him so it was still fresh and still something he thought about. Though it was both surprising and not, that he found it so easy to talk to Hayley about it. So to get on with his power, Kon held a hand close to his mouth and blew out gently onto it.

His breath came out like a slow flow of smoke and wrapped around his fingers with the shimmer seen in snow. The longer he blew out against his hand the quicker the smoke formed into ice around his fingers. He stopped and clenched his hand into a fist and broke the ice off.

"Freeze breath. Handy for those hot as balls days when your drink gets too warm."

Hayley offered a tight smile when he told her to calm down. Although she knew it was meant to be a joke, it only exacerbated the awkwardness and distance she already felt with him. Her hands tensed between the door and her back, her shoulders somewhat joining them while hoping he wouldn't notice. She focused on his answers, trying to calm down as quickly as possible.

"I asked how old you were, not her. But I- it's not important," she replied lightly, flashing another disingenuous smile, one more sincere than the last but which Kon might realize still didn't quite reach her eyes.

Then he was showing off his power and, for a split second, Hayley was afraid. She immediately reclaimed logic and her trust in him, watching with sincere interest and curiosity. Her smirk was finally genuine when the broken ice fell to the ground and he commented on the ability.

"Cool." A beat. "I mean.. awesome, or whatever."

The more things he noticed, the harder a lot of this was actually feeling. Though he made a point not to actually focus on it. Notice it, acknowledge it, yes. But to let her know that he had noticed would just make things worse. Well, make them worse in a more obvious manner because it seemed that even slight actions and words were enough to make things more difficult. If he had been brought back here before the incident with Lex, then the chances were high that even though there friendship had been strong, he would have bailed. Would have told her to 'just forget it' and left through the window. But he was different than that now. Valued everything so much more.

"I meant me. Like a year or something."

Again that hadn't been such a simple thing. He'd been dead for a while, revived in the future and sent back to the present. So working out time was a little off, especially when the year he had been dead to others, had actually been over a thousand years and to him practically a blink of the eye.

Kon shuffled on his feet, a brow raised just enough to be noticed if she looked.

"That was terrible."

"Oh," she accepted. This time, Hayley didn't force the smile, watching him with a bland neutrality as she tried to think on the larger issue of their friendship - or whatever this was. She was never good with friendships. She had told him that more than once and yet somehow wasn't surprised that he was still here, trying, willing to put in the effort. It almost made her feel guilty that she wasn't as dedicated. Almost.

"I didn't mean it." The retort was swift, though not as entirely amused as it should have been.

Hayley pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she looked at him, shoulders relaxing as she simply stared at him. His words were reassurances that he was still the same guy, each joke and jest more evidence than the last. But he still seemed so much older, uncomfortably so, and the physical awkwardness between them just seemed to keep growing.

A million thoughts raced through her mind before she finally sighed, straightening from the door. "Don't move."

She slowly walked over toward him, clearly hesitant bordering on afraid the closer she got.

"Uh huh, sure you didn't."

It really had been terrible and Kon couldn't tell if she had meant it or not. Though to be honest it didn't really matter either way.

When she told him not to move, he couldn't hide his curiosity. He didn't know what she was going to do or why he was to be still, but the curiosity grew to concern as he could literally sense how she was feeling. The tension in the air was thick and he wouldn't admit to it but he could hear her heart. Hear that fear. So he did as he was told for her sake. Kon stood still, arms by his side and feet slightly apart like he had been before she spoke. He didn't want to frighten her. To be the cause of her fear, the reason her heart beat in such a way. Careful not to watch her, only look now and then so she didn't feel like she was being studied. Or the one being studied instead of him? He didn't know if that was what she would be doing.

Hayley started feeling a little better when she finally stood in front of him, even as her heart pounded for fear that he might change his mind. Logically, she wasn't afraid of anything he would do, but having asked him not to move, she was terrified that he would. Feelings weren't logical.

She reached her hand up and pressed it gently against the center of his chest, letting it rest there for a short stretch of silence. She stared at her fingers on his shirt as she did, rather than look at him, appearing almost confused. Finally she dropped her hand away as her brows twitched into anger, cocked back, and punched him in the jaw. It was halfhearted at best and she immediately uncurled her fist and began shaking her hand as if that might alleviate the pain of punching an El.

"It's not fair that you can all do whatever you want and the rest of us are just supposed to deal with it!" She yelled at him, although it was more with amicable frustration than any intense anger. Hayley's heart still pounded in her chest, feeling better about punching him and yet still unnerved. This was the closest to normal she had felt with him since his return, even as she glared at him and continued shaking her hand.

It was strange how much he had settled into the roll of Conner back home and how, halfhearted or not, his head turned with the hit slightly. It didn't hurt and he barely felt it, but his eyes had widened as he stared at the door where Hayley had been. The punch hadn't been expected, he knew she was angry, he saw it, heard it, felt it. But he hadn't expected Hayley to punch him. His posture dropped after she yelled at him.

He turned his head and looked at her. Nothing, he couldn't think of a damn thing to say to her. Nothing that would make the situation better. No words that would calm her.

"I'm sorry."

It was heartfelt. It was sincere and he meant it. It wasn't said to brush anything away. It was said because he was sorry. Sorry that he'd made Hayley feel this way.

Hayley frowned at him, with the way he turned his head, knowing he didn't feel the hit at all. She felt exasperated, afraid, and relieved all at once. The fact that he apologized, otherwise unmoving, only served to frustrate her more. Because she knew he was sorry. But sorry didn't really matter to her. Either what he did was okay - and she should forgive him - or it wasn't - and they were done. Hayley didn't like the games in between, especially dealing with the feelings that accompanied them.

She slowly turned the thought over in her mind. Kon was a good friend. He was a powerful ally and one who would definitely look out for her and protect her. If she insisted he leave her alone, he might, but she would have to explain it to Bart and Clark and possibly others. It would mean another El with an awkward history, another one to avoid. She hated the petty games of avoidance almost as much as dealing with feelings.

"Okay." Hayley wanted Kon as a friend. She wanted that reassurance of her darker aspects, someone who would forgive her in spite of everything she had done and would accept her all the same. It made her angry that she couldn't seem to find a way to keep him from abandoning her, hated that he was hot and vaguely like both Clark and her father. But she wasn't ready to waste all that time and effort, not when he was such a good one to have on her side.

"There's this guy from back home? He was a total asshole pedophile creep in the worst way. You kind of look like him sometimes." She lifted a hand to scratch at her hair, then dropped it again as she moved to sit on the edge of her bed. Noticing he remained still, she waved a hand dismissively. "You can move or whatever."

A beat. "I don't want to lose my best friend."

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