But I still wake up, I still see your ghost;

[youfallback]

Characters: Carolina and York
Date: Backdated to Tues or Weds
Location: York's suite, metal sector
Situation: Potentially awkward dinner with York and Carolina. Probably some small talk and serious discussions of Bad Things.
Warnings/Rating: Freelancer Things, awkward, etc. Maybe language.


[Things like having dinner shouldn't cause Carolina's stomach to twist and turn uncomfortably in her gut, but if they're short talk after her arrival had told her anything, it was that things were unbearably different between them. Conversation wasn't easy, wasn't natural, wasn't anything like it used to be. Even under the intense pressure of the Project, they'd still managed to talk as people when the job was done.

As she approaches his door, she reminds herself that it can happen again. They can re-build; they have to be able to re-build and she refuses to believe otherwise. So, she's out of her armor, her braided back and dressed in something she'd found here on the turtle, an open-collared cross garment with plain trousers and boots. Not her usual style, but she hoped it'd give the aire of her being at least mildly comfortable instead of her armor.

After a moment of hesitation, she raps as gently as she can against the door before stepping back and reminding herself to breathe.]

Comments

[agentdork]

[ He does still when she reaches out, hesitating a moment, and then he takes a few steps forward, one of his hands easing over her waist, and goddamnit, it's such a ridiculous thing but he really, really wants a hug from her. ]

I'm sorry. I should have explained--

[youfallback]

[At first she's not sure what he's doing, unsure about his touch until it clicks. Just as carefully as ever, she slides her arms over his shoulders and embraces him as much as he'll let her.]

I wouldn't have believed you. [If nothing else, she can try to help with some of that guilt.]

[agentdork]

I could have tried.

[ And because he knew she wouldn't believe him, he hadn't. York exhales shakily, and reaches out, pressing his hands to her sides, over her back, slowly squeezing her tighter and steadying himself, his face pressed into her hair. It's sobering, realizing he's dead, realizing the only people who even remember him are her and Wash, now. ]

[youfallback]

[As he embraces her tighter, she clutches him closer to her, lets him press his face into her hair and hold her like he's probably wanted to for years. That is, if she's been reading the signals right. For a little while she just holds him like this before speaking again, her lips accidentally brushing against his ear.]

I'm sorry. [For everything, really. For roping him in at Errera, for not listening to him as things quickly declined, for not listening to him the last time they talked in that elevator, for only realizing that he was right years and years later.]

[agentdork]

[ Everything aches right then, down to his toes. He's tired and worn down and he's been more lonely than he wants to acknowledge, because as much as this place isn't awful, it's not home. It doesn't have Delta, or any of the others, and he's so used to constantly having someone there that the house is just so quiet, that it's overwhelming sometimes. It's taken a while to realize just how lonely he's been, and he doesn't really want to settle in on it. Instead, he presses her closer and holds her there, shuddering out a sigh. ]

[youfallback]

[For all she's used to never being touched, never being anywhere near anyone else, being held like this is surprisingly nice. She tries to carefully rub the top of his back where she can reach, her fingers tracing slow circles against the fabric of his shirt. It's a little stilted, but it's still an attempt to comfort him.]

[agentdork]

[ Just the slight affection from her is nice-- he hums, soft and low and leans into her with his eyes closed, letting her stroked over the fabric of his shirt and over his back. ]

I missed you so goddamn much.

[youfallback]

[If nothing else, this proves beyond a doubt that he sincerely did miss her, far more than she expected, really, after the events of the Project just before her "death." She didn't expect anyone to feel like this, not even her own father, but if she was honest, she'd always wanted it in some way. Still, she continues to hold him, letting him just hold her in return.]

I know. [That, at least, she can say earnestly.]

[agentdork]

[ York holds her a moment more, and then realizes he's probably coming off as too clingy, and draws back and away, stroking his hands down her back lightly, not willing to draw totally away, yet. ]

Wish you coulda brought Delta, North and Wash with you, too. Then we would've been all set.

[youfallback]

[Carolina nods, staying right where she's at for the time being. He seems to need something, but she can't quite put her finger on what.

What she can do, though, is offer a very real apology.] Sorry.

[agentdork]

I'm sure they'll catch up.

[ York slips one hand up and cups her face, tucking her hair behind her ear, kissing her forehead. It's more an affectionate, friendly gesture than a romantic one. ]

You're enough, remember?

[youfallback]

[The touch at her cheek is way more than she ever expected from him, no matter the friendly intentions. It reminds her of everything they didn't get a chance to have in the Project.

She nods gingerly against his lips, memorizing how this feels.]

[agentdork]

[ He withdraws after a moment, squeezing her shoulder on his way back, and smiles. ]

So what now?

[youfallback]

[She ignores her body's natural response to that question, shutting it down tight, battening the hatches.] Tonight?

[She's not really sure. It's still been a while since she just hung out with anyone without an explicit purpose to the meeting.]

Tell me about what you've been doing here.

[agentdork]

Me? I-- ah, nothing too exciting. Got my place all spruced up, I guess. Been reteaching myself how to cook and do like-- y'know, normal adult guy things. Got a job repairing stuff, too- mostly oddjobs, but whatever needs done. I keep pretty busy.

[youfallback]

[Carolina watches him closely, nodding along as she listens. Normal adult guy things. Yeah, she supposes he didn't get a chance for much of that back home.]

Good. [Half-smiling,] I'm glad you got the chance here. [Even though they're about to just run out to the mainland and do decidedly not-normal-adult-guy-things.

And guilt laces into her gut at the fact that she's disrupting that.]

[agentdork]

[ He shrugs casually, scratching the nape of his neck a little awkwardly. ]

Could've been worse, I guess.

[youfallback]

[Feeling a subtle rise in that tension again, Carolina shifts her weight and nods again. It really could have been much worse. A hell of a lot worse. If she'd showed up here much earlier than she did, she likely would have still hated his guts. After all, those journals were the starting point for her efforts to change.]

Yeah.

[agentdork]

...We'll get better at this. At this point I suck, too.

[ York flashes a tired smile, shaking his head at her, at this. ]

[youfallback]

[Carolina just nods, feeling tired herself. It shouldn't be this difficult to have a conversation, especially with someone she'd considered closer than a friend.]

Talking with Delta all these years didn't help? [It's a shitty attempt at a joke, but she's desperately trying.]

[agentdork]

D's always been better at this stuff than me, come on now.

[ He messes up his hair with his hand again, laughing softly. It's a joke, yeah, and she's trying, so it's good. it's enough. ]

[youfallback]

[Smiling slightly, Carolina gives a half-shrug.]

Thought you were supposed to be the smooth talker of the duo.

[agentdork]

Hey, I mean, D could get all the ladies if he tried, you know?

[youfallback]

And if he weren't an AI. [And if he tried. She figures if Delta were corporeal and had York's libido, he'd never be without a girl on his arm.] You'd have some serious competition.

[agentdork]

Wingman, sugar. Wingman.

[ WOW HOW ABOUT THIS UTTERLY SHIT EATING GRIN. ]

I'd be the best wingman for him.