tushanshu_logs | I don't wanna be abandoned

Entry tags:

I don't wanna be abandoned

Characters: Clark Kent (not Superman) & OPEN
Date: July-8ish until Landfall
Location: TU-HAO (Clark's suite, and the radio headquarters)
Situation: Lois is gone. Clark is fine.
Warnings/Rating: Clark being an idiot?

Lois was gone, and Clark was fine.

They had both known it could happen, it had actually been really weird that they had both spent so much time together in this place. A lot had come and gone but they had held on, stuck together, they had been there for one another. But it was pretty stupid to assume it would be like that forever but he had hoped, because he always did, that maybe they could enjoy some years together in this place before ne of them got pulled back home and left the other behind. No such luck, and one morning he’d had to wake up and announce to the radio, to anyone that listened, Lois’ name amount the disappearances.

But he was fine.

Because she wasn’t Gone, the big G, the scary word. She had just gone back home, and that was all right. She had gone back to Perry, Jimmy, Cat and their actual journalist work. So Clark did his own work, and handled things as best as he could. Grocery shopping, work for the radio, try to keep up with friendships and such even if he wasn’t feeling like it at the moment.

Because doing otherwise, because mourning her would be egoistical, hypocritical and just plain wrong. Missing her when she wasn’t really gone meant wanting her back, meant pulling her back from their home into- into this. This war. And he wasn’t going to do that to her. So he went on with his day, a mask on his face.

So he was (mostly) fine.

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Hayley waited until the next day, the tomorrow of the announcement that Lois was gone. Never reconciling with her wasn't any particular regret of Hayley's, even as the girl admired the woman from afar. She believed in allowing people their space to hate and judge her if they wanted, for the most part, and Lois had seemingly taken that option. That was okay. But now she was gone and it was just Clark here. Clark Kent, journalist, husband, etc. Superman. Whatever- Whoever he was.

She climbed the couple steps up toward the building and took a deep breath, messenger bag slung over one shoulder and red hood up over her slightly longer brown hair. This took courage for her, a kind of courage she often ignored and preferred to deny where possible. But if Superman could forgive her for attacking him, then she could be there for him when she knew he needed it most. Even if she was one of many, even if he denied needing the help like Bruce Banner had.

Arriving at the radio area, she slid her bag off of her head and dropped it by the desk she used to used when she was helping out. Without a word, she began collecting paperwork, watching Clark as much as she could while she set to work doing what she knew needed to be done.

He greeted her, of course, even if he wasn't nearly as effusive as he usually would be. He was good at putting up a mask, he wouldn't be able to keep the two identities if he were not, but Hayley was the one who'd told him she was good at letting people know when she needed some space. So he could only return the favor, and he wasn't gong to pretend to feel the happiness he wasn't feeling just because she'd decided to pay a visit.

He also guessed she'd have maybe heard the news by now, one way or another, if she was visiting. And there were many unanswered questions between him and the young girl, many doubts still. He could have forgiven her, she could have actually been trying but there were still many layers in their relationship he didn't dare to touch in fear their new building friendship might come crumbling down. But he knew that one of the things she didn't doubt was his love for Lois.

When she'd told him he could have been her attacker, when she'd been so angry (disappointed? She was hard to read in those moments) at him she'd demanded a reason to believe it hadn't been him, saying he'd have never hurt Lois had been his only defense... and she'd believed him. So at least she had that little something she could be sure of, and Clark could also be sure that she must know these moments were hard by now.

Which was why when Hayley began working as soon as she walked into the radio headquarters slash their rooms, Clark could only raise an eyebrow in confusion. Was this her way to say ‘I’m here to help you out’, or was Clark reading too much into it?

“I could... you don’t have to do that, if you don’t want to. I can handle it.”

"I know," was all she offered in response.

Hayley was uncomfortable being in this place. If Clark listened, he would no doubt hear that her heartbeat echoed as much. Being alone with him in a private room made her more afraid than she liked to admit even to herself, being in this place where Lois had been until days before, and maybe even in a place where she might be forced to confront the issues she had become so good at avoiding for so long.

This was her olive branch. It was one of the most selfless things she had done in their entire relationship, all things considered, because it was the one that demanded she put him above herself. That was something that Hayley didn't really do and never without reason. She had reasons, of course, beyond simply that she actually liked Clark, but she was hoping he would accept it at the basic level for the gesture that it was. She was trying to support him in the only way she really knew how.

“Thank you, then.” Because he felt that had to be addressed first. Whatever reasons Hayley might have for doing that, and as much as he wanted to trust the girl he appreciated her wits enough to know she wouldn’t just randomly wake up one day and decide helping him out would be fun, he appreciated the help.

“But I was actually going to get something to eat soon. Would you like to join me?”

Hayley stopped at his words, a collection of papers in her arms, turning to look at him. She couldn't tell if he was politely trying to get rid of her here at the radio or if this was a gesture that she should be accepting, an equal attempt at peace. After a beat, she shrugged, speaking as she turned to set the papers where they could wait for further attention.

"I'm glad you're still eating." It was a throwback to the words he had given her not long ago, when she was avoiding people, the ones she had told him to save.

He let out a laugh, obviously getting the reference- but he actually had to stop himself from telling her not to be parental. It would have been a joke, yes, but he didn't want to risk her taking it the wrong way. Both of them were kind of on edge around each other, and it pained him to admit he did, sometimes, also take her words in the worlds possible way.

"You'd be surprised how much I actually eat. But I eat vegan, I only have vegan food in the kitchen, so if you want something with meat in it we'll have to go out."

Hayley felt a sense of pride in pulling a laugh from him, knowing how distraught he was beneath the level facade. It felt like a talent. Or, at least, she had every intention of treating it as one and patting herself on the back rather than assume anyone he knew might elicit the same response.

"You pick the place," she replied, a simultaneous agreement to go out and consideration of his limitations. "I'm all for tofu and whatever, but why not meat? Is that like, some weird alien thing? Wait- Can you talk to animals? Oh my god. You're like a Disney princess."

It was an old habit, slipping back into that juvenile persona when she was nervous. Hayley was, at her core, still a teenager and she appreciated classic immature tricks like playing dumb and extreme hyperbole. They were fun, easy, and worked well.

He raised an eyebrow, as if confused- but it was hard to hide the amusement from his face.

“That’s actually the third time someone has called me that in the turtle, without any kind of prompting. Do I have the face of someone who’s going to randomly burst into a song?” But he didn’t give her time to reply- partly just in case she said yes, and partly because he didn’t want to explain he had actually defeated Darkseid by singing, once.

“But no, it’s a bit more complicated than that. I see the aura of sentient beings when they are alive, see colors and brightness and… “ He hesitated, looking at her as if trying to find the words to describe what he was seeing. “It can’t be explained if you can’t see it, like it’s hard to explain green to someone who’s never seen the color. “But when life is gone that aura turns all dark, and black, and it sucks everything around it.

It’s something hard to see. So I try to avoid it.”

It was probably for the best that Clark cut her off before she had opportunity to respond. Otherwise she would have said yes, might have explained how it had less to do with his singing and more to do with his baseless optimism or naive faith in humanity's automatic capacity for good. Now wasn't the time for any of those arguments. Hayley was all too grateful for the excuse not to engage in them and took the out he offered by explaining instead of continuing the potential joke.

"I never really thought of animals as sentient," she replied lightly. By the strict definition of the word, they very much were. She often considered the word to imply a higher level of intelligence or self-awareness, however, and didn't associate it with the majority of animals, particularly not those they ate. "So animals have an aura, but not plants. Is it all animals? Like what about earthworms or jellyfish?"

He shakes his head. "It's more complicated than that, it's not related to the nervous system. It's more of a general awareness? Plants do have aura, actually, it's just different. I really wish I could explain what I mean by 'different', but to make it easier let's say it's like different colors but not like that at all. When a lion dies their energy sucks me in, it's like a black hole. It sucks all happiness, it's... it's hard to watch, I just have to look away.

When I pick a tomato up the aura simply disappears? Not to mention it's also personal preference. I could drink milk or eat unfertilized eggs, they have no aura. It was my choice in the end, what I told you just..." A shrug. "Nudged it along a bit. Plus, I do need to eat."

Hayley sighed, not bothering to hide the frustration behind the forced exhale. No matter how much or how often she might try to ignore the stark differences between them, there was always something to remind her that she wasn't one of them, that she was a normal teenage girl to all their superpowers and that she didn't belong in their world. It was something that had been building over time, with Bart's insistence she not fight and Clark not getting why his existence was terrifying. Kon understood better than anyone else, but even he agreed he couldn't quite get it.

"You guys have your powers and alien thing and I'll never get it. Forget I asked, okay? You don't eat meat, so we'll go somewhere vegetarian." She knew it sounded more dismissive than she intended. The girl tried to play it off like she might an astronaut explaining the feeling of weightlessness, but she couldn't deny the slight bitterness at the back of her mind whenever she thought of the many separations between them.

"Any place in mind?"

Usually he'd push it. Try to make her understand, or at least try to figure out just what he'd said wrong that time when she'd been the one who asked. It seemed like she kept always asking questions, which considering his job he obviously approved of... but then she was never happy with the answers she got.

But right then at that very moment he was sad. Tired. Still processing the loss of his wife- except it wasn't a loss, not really, she'd just gone back home and he was not allowed to be sad which only made the whole thing even more exhausting. So he just wanted to share a meal with someone, without arguing. Without discussions, without getting metaphysical.

So he simply pointed at a food place nearby. "That's where I usually go. The Kedan don't really have a concept for 'vegan', not when the food is so scarce, but in there they mark what has meat and what doesn't in the menu so it makes it easier."

"Cool. So we can find vegetarian even though they serve meat," she replied, restating his point partially to ensure understanding and partially just to fill time and space between them. Hayley could feel the light tension that always seemed to ebb and flow around the pair, that built when they spoke of anything to do with his heroic side or her ambiguous attitudes, that waned when they both made the effort to keep things simple. Simple was easier, but she was beginning to hate it with him. It was false in a way that she didn't enjoy, too obvious to be a challenge.

She pursed her lips for a moment before turning to look up at him again. "I'm sorry, about Lois. I don't really know what it's like to lose someone you're close to like that, but.."

Again her gaze shifted away. Hayley only realized after the fact how telling it might be, if he realized her father was dead and how distant they were. Sometimes she wanted to tell him outright, to stop dropping unintentional breadcrumbs and just get it over with. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Couldn't trust him enough. Not after his sneer in the bottle, the cutting words of hate. Possessed or not, he knew just where to stab.

"It'd be easier, if I'd lost her." He confessed, sighing a bit under his breath- and then automatically regretting his words.

"No, scratch that. It would not be easier, and I hope I won't have to find out what 'losing' her is like until we're old enough, happy enough with how our lives have turned to let it go.

But at least then I'd get closure, I'd know she's in a better place. Now it's like..." He chewed on his lower lip, a habit he'd never had when Lois was around. "It's like she's nearby, but I can't quite reach her. I can only wait and do my best to help those who actually have a chance to bring us back home."

Then he turned towards her again, a sad smile on his lips as he opens the door for her. "But it's a good thing, to know you haven't had to go through that yet. I knew it... pretty early, since I always knew my birth parents had died. You can definitely cry the loss of people you haven't known."

Hayley was quiet as he waxed poetic about what it was like, to be away from someone he was likely intertwined with forever if you were the type to believe in destiny or fate or any of that crap. She had never known it and had trouble fully understanding it now, even knowing what he meant. She met his eyes when he looked at her before moving through the door and then pausing a split second to wait for him to catch up and walk beside her again.

"Sometimes it's better not to know what they're really like on the inside."

In Hal's opinion, their lives were no safer here or back in their own universes. Although not having to patrol a whole sector of the universe seemed to have cut down on the cosmic level threats he normally faces. But people dealt with it in their own ways. Or perhaps the threats just shifted into a different kind.

Either way it wasn't something he particularly thought all that much about with the difference of not wanting his brother and his family here because he'd lost his secret identity early on not because it was any more dangerous.

Hal had give Clark a couple of days before he dropped by and slouched in the chair across Clark's desk.

"So you're still upset which is understandable and you're my friend so I'm obligated to try and cheer you up, but the last time I tried this you all got mad at me. This time I'm going to list a bunch of things and you can pick what you want to do. We could have a race, drinking, find crime to stop, baseball with powers. I even checked that place, it's not a dress up like our friends night so if you wanna give round two a go there's also that."

Unfortunately not even friendship could make Hal be a good and understanding listener so if a sympathetic ear was what he needed, this was not the man for the job. He'd try, but it was Hal.

Edited (iconssss) 2014-07-11 12:09 (UTC)

Clark had kind of been expecting Hal to appear. Not because he owed him, or anything of the sort, but Hal was just that kind of guy- he was a good friend, and right now Clark and Hal really mostly only had each other from back home. A lot of people had been here, once, but they had slowly but surely begun to leave and Lois had just been the last one of a long list of disappearances from their world. So while he appreciated having him show up, greatly, more than he could put into words- it wasn’t really a surprise.

What was a surprise, though, was the way Hal actually approached it. And if he had been glad to have him around before, when he began talking he could have just jumped to hug the man.

“If it’s up to me, I’d actually try all of the above. What I need right now is to keep myself busy, and what better way to do that than to do stuff with a friend?” And then, after a pause in case Hal hadn’t actually been joking about that last one: “Except no visiting… the place. That one we can totally skip.”

Hal was most certainly not serious about that last one or at least not hoping to go there. It had been awkward enough the first time, but he was willing to suck it up if it meant helping a friend. Luckily he wouldn't have to.

He smiles in relief that he's on the right track and isn't getting his attempts rebuffed. He's going to keep pushing it to keep the momentum going so if he mucks up it'll hopefully pass unnoticed.

"Done, wholesome fun only." He scrunches his face in thought. "Stopping criminals counts as wholesome, right? Both of us would be total overkill, but that should just be unfair odds."

Clark disappears in a rush of wind, and in a second Superman is in front of Hal with a grin on his face. Hal, who's known Clark for years, probably will be able to tell the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes but the fact that he's honestly trying to keep himself distracted instead of flying to the "fortress" of solitude is already a really good sign.

"I thought you'd never ask. Maybe they need a little 'overkill' in this place, to get a message. Did you have a particular gang in mind?"

Hal won't mention it because while he was a leaps and bounds guy, he understood that every small step was a victory in this case. He's here as a distraction and if he's not getting ignored then he was doing his job. Instead he mutters "Show off" as he just stands up in the time it takes for Clark to get changed and replaces his clothes with the uniform of the Green Lantern Corps. He really had no leg to stand on when his was essentially a magical girl transformation sped up.

"Dunno, never really paid attention to any of their names, but I hear metal sector's busy."

"Metal works for me." And Kaine had been there, burning people's faces off so it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the sector. This wasn't how he'd thought he'd be spending the day, and honestly he wasn't like most of the other Leaguers that actually had fun while kicking evil ass... but if anyone ever told Lois he'd curled up and watched days pass by when she left she'd slap him silly (somehow, she'd manage)... so he was going to do his best to enjoy this.

"Race you there?"

Hal doesn't usually go on patrols and it was hard to have fun when it was over with one thought. Hanging out with Green Arrow usually worked best for him because his friend's motor mouth provided the entertainment. So in that same line of thought Hal had figured that even though they were doing very basic things it'd be fine because of the company.

"Eat my dust." And with a mock salute Hal immediately shot off. This was payback for when he'd first arrived.

"Cheating!" He yelled, but honestly he'd been kind of expecting it so he only gave him enough time to get a headstart before he shortly shot off behind him. But that didn't mean he was going to let him win and he quickly did his best to catch up.

Their mostly-empty suite sits a little emptier these days. With Lois gone, the absence of a female presence in the house is obvious, and it's enough for even Hellboy to feel.

There hadn't been much time for Hellboy to get to know her from more than vague memories of the brightly-colored pages of old comic books. So much of his time had been dedicated to wandering, information gathering. Poking around chasing answers that still eluded him. The only thing that kept him coming back was the pull of his lantern calling him home and the consequences of just not listening. So usually he'd only show up every couple nights, eat, sleep, and recharge.

About a week after Lois's disappearance, Hellboy can tell things have shifted with Clark, but that's about all he knows. He doesn't know the guy well enough to say. But what he's going through rings vaguely familiar. Makes him sympathize with the guy probably more than he could understand.

It's a hard thing, getting separated from the love of your life no matter what the circumstances. Even if it might mean a better life for her. And if he had to do it over again? He'd want a distraction. He'd want to keep himself as busy as possible, keep his mind off things.

Maybe he doesn't know Clark very well, but he seems like a good guy (also Superman, but that's another thing entirely), and Hellboy wants to help whatever way he can.

That's what has him knocking on the door to Clark's room one evening, hoping he isn't intruding on anything.

“Come in” he calls out. When Hellboy opens the door he’ll find him on this table, papers scattered around a desk, bed, the floor- everywhere, really. Lois is many things but organized is not one of them, even if she always claims she has a system and she always knows where everything is. Problem is she isn’t there to find her own things, so Clark had no way of knowing what every little piece of paper meant and where it was supposed to be. And the only way he has to organize it is to actually read and check all of them.

He’s actually glad for the distraction, even if he could technically do that for hours and not get tired. Physically is one thing, but mentally he’s just like any non-alien human being. So he smiles up at the now-only suitemate, a tired smile but sill an honest one. “Do you need anything?”

Sharon didn't hear the announcement. It was one of many she missed, but that was the job sometimes.

She found out Lois was missing while trying to catch up on events while she was gone, and without wasting another second went to knock on Clark's door. It was less of a knocking than a full-blown pounding, but she was certain he'd open the door.

Or else she was coming in. Locks be damned.

And open the door he did, because he wouldn’t dream of keeping someone who knocked so insistently out. And he happened to like that door, so if the lock was left intact before the start of this conversation then that would be nice as well.

“Sharon?” He’d assumed it’d be something checking on him because of Lois, but Sharon had always struck him as a very professional woman- something he’d always admired, look at whom he’d ended up marrying. So maybe she’d actually come get Clark’s help with something else? “Is there something wrong? Can I help you?”

She didn't answer right away. She hated times like this, where she wanted to be kind and say the right thing but was evidently incapable of doing so. "I'm sorry for your loss" wouldn't do. Lois wasn't technically dead, just like Steve wasn't. They were living their lives as normal.

"I just heard. I'm going to miss her." She took a small breath. "You okay? When Steve went home, Bucky and I went drinking. I can treat you, if you want. Or if you want to... I don't know. Talk. Or something."

She wasn't a good therapist. She was barely good in therapy. She was much better at punching people or annihilating terrorist organizations until she felt better.

But that likely wouldn't happen here.

He couldn't help the little chuckle. Even given the circumstances he couldn't help find her trying amusing, and a little bit endearing.

"I'm going to miss her too, but I... I had her here for more than a year, going on two. It's more than most people got, and she's back home where she'll be safer. I'm sad, yes, but I... I think I will be fine.

We can go for a drink, if you'd like. Though I'm a pretty classical man, I only do beer. And I wouldn't allow anyone to pay." And only because he'd gotten used to the taste. He couldn't get drunk, not when he had his powers, but he'd always liked getting a drink with friends.

Sharon smiled softly. She'd had Steve for less than a couple of months. But they'd been good while they'd lasted.

She stepped back to let him into the hall. "We're going drinking. We'll talk about paying when you're too drunk to talk. Did she leave you a note, at least? After Steve left, I started writing notes like crazy. Mostly about where I'd hidden cookies or beer, but." She shrugged. "I've settled down a lot since then. How long had you two been here? Since the beginning or something, right?"

If any of the subjects upset him, there were too many for him to focus on just one. Sharon had managed to learn something in therapy after all.

He wasn't going to get drunk, so he didn't even bother discussing that and made it a personal mission to end up paying for all of it. He'd have been fine paying just his part, but if Sharon insisted...

"She had a diary, but it's more about technical stuff than personal. But it's fine, really, and I'm sure it will come useful in the long run. I'm a journalist, but she's he one with multiple Pulitzer because she's very good at noticing all the little things." If anyone speaks of Lois in the past tense, he was going to get pissed. She was back home, bothering Perry and making him yell as Jimmy covered his ears. "I think I came here with the second batch of arrivals, and Lois the third one. I think there are very few people left, from the beginning... it's disheartening, really."

"I must have seemed like a baby to you two, then." Oh, for fuck's sake. Had she really just referred to herself as a baby? In any context?

"I'm gonna miss her, though. If I remember you guys when I go back home, I'll have to try and look her up." Find out if she even existed there. It wouldn't be the same Lois, but maybe there would be similarities. But then, Sharon had met people here from universes just like hers who have never even heard of her. Her face fell.

She wanted to say more, but there were some things that could only be said over drinks. Instead, she hooks her arm through his. And... holy crap. He's just as buff as Steve. Reporters were really built differently in his universe.

He smiled down at her, letting her drag him away. He had honestly never quite gone out drinking so he hoped she had a place in mind the only place he really knew was the brazen turtle.

"I hope we get to keep our memories. It's been a while couple of months, and I have met people I would really regret not remembering.

But does that mean you think there's a Lois and a Clark where you are from?" He had never heard any Steve mention or recognize Superman, so he honestly doubted it. A pity, he could use some company like Sharon back at home.

She dragged him to a place she and Bucky had found after her Steve had disappeared. It was little more than a hole in the wall, but they had good, reasonably priced drinks and it was private enough to suffice in case either of them got too drunk for their own good. Or in case he got too drunk for his own good. Sharon's sure she could put more away than he could.

She dropped into a seat and ran a finger along the tabletop as she considered how to answer. She didn't want to lie to him if she didn't have to, but she didn't think her answer would cheer him up, either.

"Not even a Metropolis," she finally admitted. She forced a weak smile.

She really sucked at helping people feel better.

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I don't wanna be abandoned

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forever late due to hiatus; feel free to drop

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