tushanshu_logs | October Catch-All

Entry tags:

October Catch-All

Characters: Katara, Open
Date: October
Location: Wood Sector mostly
Situation: Katara's Balancing Act
Warnings/Rating:Lots and lots of hurt feels

Katara, as of late, is stuck in a very tentative balance between her own healing and doing her best to be the strength of those around her. She's starting to wear thin and is far too close to breaking, but she's determined not to let it interfere with her aiding the others.

Stresses/Situations include:

-Physically, Katara has yet to heal completely from Zuko's fire.
-The entire poisoned Zuko situation. Her efforts to heal him have been completely ineffective, for which she feels personally guilty. She's having to watch him fall apart and can do nothing to stop him. There's no way to help him carry his burden except to let him hurt her, which, unfortunately for her friends and brother, she's willing to do. She is also battling romantic feelings toward him as well: this level of dedication to someone's wellbeing definitely has an effect on the heart, and she is no exception. The fact that they arrived together out of a particularly desperate moment back home also doesn't help. (Or does it)
-Though her own turtle was spared, Katara is devastated over the murder of the babies, particularly Korra's.
-She's well aware that her bloodbending capability is emotionally scarring, and now she's having to watch over a hurt and very hesitant avatar. She's healing him in silence (after the Kedan's fail assassination attempt) when he allows her near enough, but the tension is wearing her down to the point of actual frustration, both toward him and herself.

She will, however, attempt to hide as many of these as she can from everyone including Aang, her brother, and Akito, lest she be even more of a burden on an already dark situation.

(( Threads are open to any situation you like :) ))

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Wan was curled up on his side - his good side - and clinging to Mula. He heard the door open and he heard Katara's voice and he tried curling up further, into a tiny ball that she'd leave alone. The movement only made the pain worse, sending a sharp spasm through him. It was through force of will alone that he managed to grunt loudly and not cry out.

But he couldn't stay curled up, he had to stretch and that meant rolling onto his back. His head rolled with him and his eyes found Katara. He stared at her, scared and hurting, and of course his own words to Zuko came back to haunt him. He said he'd try to let her help him. He'd promised even if he hadn't said it explicitly.

Wan squeezed his eyes shut and hissed as he started pulling his shirt open so she could see his side. Very weakly and with reluctance, and though he turned his head away from the door so he didn't have to see her walk in, he still silently invited her to help him as his pulled his shirt away from his skin and revealed the fresh bruise marks. He didn't know it but he'd done something in the last few hours that had caused some internal bleeding. Torn something. It needed to be seen to. He just knew it was more painful than it had been in days.

As she looked in on him as he was, her eyes widened, absolute concern and pity drawing her into the room--slowly-- and to shut the door. She stayed quiet, looking for anything to say, until he moved.

Her fears, for the moment, vanished the second he met her gaze. Her first instinct was to rush to his side to help him, to keep him from hurting and straining himself further, but she stayed back as she tentatively knelt a little ways from him, hoping he'd see the genuine desire to help him in her eyes.

When he turned away, she lowered her gaze, again, grasping for words, until the sound of rustling cloth caught her attention once more. His silent allowance drew her closer, but she hesitated still, despite the obvious need, her voice soothing and gentle, as if speaking to a small child. If he panicked now, it would only make things worse.

"Wan... are you sure? I won't hurt you...I promise I won't hurt you."

Edited 2014-10-17 04:36 (UTC)

He gulped heavily and his face contorted in pain immediately after. It wasn't breathing itself that hurt, but the action of expanding his lungs and muscles and that moving against whatever it was that had opened up inside him. His breath came in heavy snorts and he forced himself to nod and lift his arm over his head. That hurt. It hurt so much. But he needed to keep his side clear so she could get to it.

Mula purred loudly and settled her head on his chest, over his heart, trying to help in her own way.

His pain was too much, and even before he nodded she moved forward, drawing water from her waterskin and coating her hands. She let her palms ghost over his side, her eyes widening and a small gasp escaping her as she felt through the damage. Risking a look toward his face, she gently reached for his hand to guide it down once more, around where she knelt, so it wouldn't strain the injury any further with its pulling.

Silently, she returned her hands to his side and focused her energy as best she could, toward the worst of his wound. Any action or words of comfort she would keep to herself for now, not wanting to distress him as he finally allowed her to do what she could for him.

The water felt like ice against the heat of the bruise. His stomach tensed and he didn't have enough awareness through the pain to resist her when she moved his arm back down. Though he'd felt worse when Raava's presence had threatened to literally tear his body apart, this was a more concentrated and focused pain. It was distracting and unbearable in an entirely different way.

"Spirit water," he pleaded with tears starting to sting his eyes while his hand moved to grab one of hers. The water that coated it changed with his touch, shining a bright blue as it changed and gained the healing properties that he kept asking for.

Edited 2014-10-17 05:00 (UTC)

Her brow furrowed further when the pain increased, her focus more intense until he reached for and grabbed her hand.

His weak cry made her stomach clench, and she might have regretfully told him she didn't have any, until she felt the change. Her gasp of surprise was audible as the water shifted, both in the way it felt and its brighter glow. A flood of memories washed over her, and suddenly, she saw Aang before her, stricken by Azula's lightning. Her mind reeled for a brief moment before she doubled her efforts toward healing his wound:

Wan could create spirit water.

That would be something to ask about later. Not now.

The familiar relief of the spirit water allowed him to finally relax. The pain wasn't completely gone, but it was quickly moving from a sharpness that over-powered nearly every thought to a dull throb that he could handle. His hand fell away from hers, limp as he started taking very deep and heavy breaths.

Mula's purring increased and she turned her head slightly so she could lick his neck before she shifted so her head was facing the other direction and she could rub her ear against his chin. Wan's other hand, the one that had not held Katara's however briefly, lifted to wrap weakly around the catdeer's neck in a one-armed hug.

"Love you, too," he murmured between strained breaths.

She sighed softly in relief as the spirit water pushed her healing further, her lip actually twitching up in a fleeting smile over her small victory. He 'felt' much better than she had found him, and with her own healing prowess combined with the aid of the spirit water, a small stream of confidence finally trickled back through her.

And that was something she desperately needed, given the previous events of the week.

Though she didn't take her hands away quite yet, she did let her gaze slide over toward Wan's face once more as the catdeer nuzzled him. She listened carefully to his breathing, though his words made her eyes drop back to her own hands. The phrase stung in a way she was entirely unsure of.

Finally deeming the session completed for now, she drew her hands away slowly and returned it to her canteen, wondering if any of its extra properties would last now that she had used it to heal such a painfully extensive wound. Once that was done, she paused, then slowly and carefully shifted away from the two, giving him more space in hopes of keeping him more at ease.

"Is that better?" she asked quietly, her hands on her knees where he could keep track of them easily if he so desired.

Wan stilled at her question, even holding his breath for a count of three before he nodded and answered quietly, "It is." He did not look at her. His eyes remained on the wall beyond Mula's large body.

It was better than before. A lot. Amazingly so, really. Even more than spirit water alone could do and Wan had bathed and drank spirit water for a year when he lived at the Oasis. He was fully aware of how powerful it was on it's own. But in the hands of a skilled healer it was even more powerful than he'd ever realized it could be.

He figured she'd gotten it from his small stash when they were at his place and had been carrying it around for when he finally let her touch him.

She took note of his subtle preparation, but said nothing of it, instead nodding. "That's good. Thank you for trusting me--for that, at least..."

For a moment, she said nothing more, gathering the strength to say what she should. "Listen...Wan... I. I want to apologize," she began, pausing again as she considered her lengthy mental list of things to repent. Starting from the beginning, it seemed, felt best. "I know we started off in a really bad way, and I'm sorry. What I did to Zuko, that night..." She shook her head, willing her throat not to tighten over the memory of the pure thought of the boy in general. "I panicked. I hate using that power... I hate that I'm even capable of using it... it wasn't something I sought out or wanted to learn. It was all an accident." Another pause, another hard swallow.

"But I couldn't let Zuko take his life. Not after everything he's gone through and what he means to me--to us."

Her own words stung more harshly than she had expected, but she kept her gaze steady on the man, even without meeting his own.

Wan squeezed his eyes shut and clamped his mouth down on the urge to yell at her all the things she could have done instead. His hand curled tightly into Mula's neck ruff and the catdeer lifted her head to start licking his cheek. He had to take several deep, controlled breaths before he was able to loosen his hold on her.

"Sorry," he murmured to his friend and he finally lifted his other hand away from where it lay close to Katara's knees to start rubbing the indent between Mula's eyes with his thumb.

He went quiet again, focusing, and within a heartbeat all the tension in his body just drained away. As if it were water being shed from a feather. He relaxed and though he still didn't turn to face her, he did actually speak to her, "I don't hate you for it."

His slow tension also did not escape her notice. She braced herself, fully expecting him to erupt and blinked when he didn't.

Her arms slowly wrapped around herself as she looked down, slim fingers wrapping around her elbows. "You have every right to...but thanks, I guess."

A few beats of silence passed before:

"That's why you wouldn't let me heal you before, though, isn't it?"

"No," he murmured, speaking more readily now that he'd forced himself to let go of his anger at her. "I never hated you. I feared you. I..."

Wand had to gulp and he shut his eyes so he didn't have to look at anything. Could pretend he was talking to nothing and no one, "I still do."

"...O-Oh..."

Though the fact had been obvious at first, her doubt had grown over the time he was here through the multiple times he had refused to let her tend to him; she was sure there had to be something more behind it, but when he spoke, she genuinely believed him.

And it was so so strange.

"But... you're the avatar. ...The avatar."

"And you can control someone's very body against their will," he replied back. His tone wasn't gentle, but it wasn't harsh. Matter of fact and just a little bitter, hurt. "It was sickening. The way his arms jerked back and his chest sunk forward. Unnatural. Wrong."

Wan's hands stilled against Mula and his eyes finally opened again, "But he asked me to let you heal me even though you did that."

Her voice grew weaker, her head lower. "I know... I-I'm sorry..." There was no way she could ever justify her actions. She had made a poor choice in using that specific method to save him, and she would never forget it.

This time, when his eyes opened, her head was bowed and she was curled in more than usual.

"For what it's worth... I'm glad he did. I still can't fully believe he's forgiven me for it, but you really needed to have someone take care of you."

He had forgiven her for the unthinkable, just as she had done for burning her, and that in itself was enough to give her hope, even when talking to Wan. Thought of them discussing the matter gave her a curious itch, though, and though she averted her eyes entirely, she added,

"Thank you for taking care of him when I...when I couldn't..."

Even if things were strange and painful, she owed him that much at least.

Wan's eyes moved to look at her finally. Just for a second. At least that was what he'd intended. But his gaze lingered on her. She was folded in on herself, small, scared. She looked nothing like the powerful and forceful waterbender she'd been that night. Covered in burns and moving as though they meant nothing. Right up until she collapsed. That was the most frightening part about her. The inner strength she had. A will that unshakable could control nearly anyone if they knew how. And she did.

How was it she could look so different now? Tiny, weak, defeated.

He had to tear his eyes away and fight to remind himself of what she was capable of. What she was really like. He couldn't lie to himself and pretend she was faking it now, but he didn't want to forget what she was.

But he also couldn't forget what Zuko had said about her. What Zuko had asked of him. And what Aang and Korra had both said about her. And Sokka, too. All of them insisting she was a good person. Someone to trust.

"Zuko..." Wan started, taking a deep breath. But he didn't finish. He didn't really know what to say to her. So he just let the name linger in the air.

She could feel his eyes on her, and though she didn't look up and knew it was most likely unintentional, the pressure made her even more wary than before. She was a villain in his eyes, even after she had healed him, and she knew it. Her power was unmistakable, and it scared her that she had been so easily able to wield it. He had every right to be afraid, to despise her. But while common ground had given her the benefit of the doubt, her hope began to crumble as his name was spoken as it was. The longer it lingered in the air, the more the coil in her stomach tightened uncomfortably once more.

"You two have gotten... close..." she whispered, doing her best to keep her voice from shaking and stating the obvious at the start of the discussion she knew was inevitable. She didn't want to talk about this. She didn't want to even think about it. Every time she did, it made her want to be irrational, to go out and sink into the river and let the water wash away everything she had seen.

But she had to know. If not for her own sake, then Zuko's later on.

Wan's head moved in an even slower nod, his hair bunching up against the mattress. He drew his knees up and curled them to the side, making them fall away from Katara so they didn't end up falling against her.

"We did," he mumbled, feeling a little sick to his stomach. "He..." Wan didn't think Zuko was mad at him. But he was probably weirded out. Upset maybe. He shouldn't have done that. Especially knowing Zuko's mental state wasn't exactly stable. But he'd been comfortable and Zuko had been right there. He hadn't pulled away until-

Until Katara and Aang showed up.

Everything had been okay until then.

"He's a good friend."

As his hair bunched up, she reached forward tentatively to gently brush it back from his eyes, smoothing it away from his face, just as she had done with Zuko.

"He is," she agreed to his quiet sentiment after a few longer beats. Whether misunderstanding him or subconsciously trying to redirect the conversation, she agreed.

"It didn't start out that way, though... at least, not for me."

Story time?

Wan went still under her touch, his jaw tightening. He didn't move to push her hand away, to pull his head out from under her fingers, to put Mula between them. He didn't move at all. He didn't even breathe. He stayed completely still until she was done and had drawn her hand back to her lap.

His first breath after that was rushed, a relief. He kept his eyes on the wall, "Aang told me you were enemies before, when I brought Zuko to him after he arrived."

But he actually heard how that happened or why. Just that there was a lot of regret involved on Zuko's part.

She drew her hand back immediately and buried both of them in her lap with a squeaked 'sorry!'. Obviously that wasn't going to soothe anyone, and she instantly regretted trying.

"We were," she confirmed, bowing her head at the thought. "Zuko... he really hurt us on more than one occasion. I was the first to trust him, but then he turned his back on me and Aang was nearly killed..."

Memories of being locked away with the firebender in the catacombs were never her favorite to think back on, and yet she visited them frequently. Until now, she had always been curious about that small spark that had begun in that moment, during that first real conversation.

Unwanted tears gathered in her eyes without warning, as those memories led into their last conversation, the conversation during which she had trusted him with everything.

"When he did finally come around and joined our side, I was the last to trust him," she continued, fighting through the emotions. She didn't need to be this pathetic in front of Wan. She refused to be. "During that time, he taught Aang firebending, and helped rescue my father from prison with Sokka... I didn't actually forgive him until after he helped me find the man who had killed my mother."

Wan's eyes drifted back to her as she spoke. She and Zuko had shared so much more than he and Zuko had. They'd gone through a lot together. And Katara's trust was hard won for Zuko. But it was complete trust. He could see that, both in how Zuko had spoken and in how Katara talked of him now.

He shut his eyes again and gave a soft sigh before speaking in a weary tone, "I never knew my parents."

It was an easier topic to talk about. And if he was going to force himself to offer his trust to her, he needed it to be easier. Starting there seemed appropriate, considering she was speaking of her mother. Dead or not.

Misty eyes lifted at Wan's admittance. She hadn't expected him to tell her anything about himself, and the surprise made her heart skip a beat. It almost seemed like a step toward getting to know each other.

"I'm sorry... Who took care of you as you grew up?" she asked, never forceful, but encouraging that step. "With mom gone, and my dad helping fight in the war, my GranGran took care of me and Sokka."

"I did," he said, voice still soft, tired. So tired. "I took care of myself until I was seven or so. Then Yao, a hunter, took me in and took care of me. A couple years after that, he took in Jaya. And a year after that, I had to start taking care of both of them. We moved out of the city, off the streets and into a shack in the trees we built ourselves with scrap wood. I spent every day trying to get my hands on just a few scraps of food for all three of us. Until I finally got so fed up with having no power... that I took it."

Wan opened his eyes and looked at Katara, "Do you remember the story I told the children in the hospital the day you arrived? About the boy who stole fire?"

Edited 2014-10-20 22:52 (UTC)

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