tushanshu_logs | there will be time to murder and create; closed

Entry tags:

there will be time to murder and create; closed

Characters: Gene Khan, Tony Stark; Milyn, possibly, later.
Date: February 4th
Location: Midnight Hotel; later, Milyn's clinic
Situation: Time to return home and face FULL-LIFE CONSEQUENCES. But first...
Warnings/Rating: Talk of long-since-committed murder. Definite sappy gay bullshit. Probably boys yelling. I don't know?

And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

When Tony returns to their shared room, he will find all of Gene's meager belongings carefully packed into a bag - as though he's preparing to leave, or is ready for being told to leave - and Gene himself sitting at the table, the rings on their string sitting before him, his head bowed in an attitude of contemplation.

"I need to talk to you," he says, looking up when Tony enters, his voice slightly hoarse, his face carefully blank.

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Gene's about to volunteer when Tony steps up, and he opts to let Tony have that dubious honor. He's done this before - he's a veritable venom veteran - but this application of the stuff, the new formula, is a little unnerving. Coward, his mind whispers to him. He ignores it.

Tony's movement draws his eye, and the outreach both surprises and heartens him. Maybe Tony doesn't hate him. After a long second, he takes Tony's hand.

So cute, Milyn thinks, and takes a seat next to Tony's bedside. She takes the arm not occupied with Gene's hold and taps it a few times, locating a vein. Then she inserts the tip of the needle smoothly, with barely a pinch at all -- she's good at her craft.

The first thing that Tony will feel is the room around him softening around the edges, like everything is being wrapped in cotton. Edges are blunted, details start to blur. The serum doesn't hurt as it travels through him, although it may feel like his body is gently drawing in everything around him: air, light, sound, sense. It's a little like the world's slowest descent into a dream, and eventually there will be a little sensation of flip, and then his consciousness simply won't be in Keeliai any longer.

Once she's sure that he's out, Milyn begins preparing a second syringe for Gene.

It's a little unnerving, to see Tony slip away like that, like the world's most unnatural descent into a nap. But Gene's come too far to turn back now, so he looks at Milyn as she prepares the syringe, still holding on to Tony's hand.

He's ready. Or at least, as ready as he's going to be.

The Healer drapes a blanket lightly over Tony, because even though the clinic is heated, it's still cold outside, and he might not be moving for a little while. Then she pulls her seat up next to Gene.

"Round two," she said cheerfully. "Or, I suppose this is really a bit higher number than that for you, isn't it? Just a little pinch on the arm, here we go..."

The world seems to slow and dim and desaturate, and Gene's head feels a little floaty. He feels entirely like he's becoming insubstantial, falling out of Keeliai while lying still, and he has no time to panic or change his mind about the entire exercise. For good or ill, he's being sent back.

Only when his consciousness has departed does his hand finally drop away from Tony's.

Edited 2015-02-22 13:31 (UTC)

Tony's grip on Gene's hand tightens as the needle slides under his skin - and then slowly starts to loosen again as the venom takes effect. It's like going under anesthesia, except slower, and Tony finds the sensation quite interesting and unsettling, for the brief period that he's lucid enough to appreciate it.

Then his eyes drift closed, and all his muscles go slack, and he's asleep.

Or, more accurately, he's... elsewhere.

---

The Makluan ship explodes, and Tony blacks out for a few seconds. When he comes to, he's lying in a crater in the street. Oh, good. Not dead.

A crowd is gathering around him, and he groans and heaves himself up off the ground. He's still woozy: everything seems foggy and distant, almost dreamlike. Which isn't terribly surprising, given that he just got exploded. He tries to ignore the feeling, because he still has work to do as Iron Man, and he can't let some minor head trauma slow him down. He feels like he's forgetting something, something about the explosion...? No, he's just imagining things. Must be the head trauma.

"Everyone can relax," he assures the crowd. "The alien menace has ended."

Surprised murmurs of "Tony Stark?" run through the crowd, and suddenly they're cheering him, not Iron Man but Tony, and Tony reaches up to touch his face and realizes that his helmet is gone.

"Oh, man." Shit. Oh, crap. So much for his secret identity.

"Well, the more, the merrier," Pepper says as she and Rhodey land - thank god, they're both okay - and before Tony can stop them, they've opened their own helmets to stand unmasked beside him.

Then Roberta and Mr. Potts are there, followed almost immediately by his dad and Fury and the rest of Team A: Black Widow, Hawkeye, and T'Challa. Everyone is safe. Everyone made it out okay.

Accolades start going around - most of them for Tony - and everyone is smiling and cheering and bursting with joyful relief. They saved the world. Not in secret, not in disguise: not anymore. Tony Stark and Patricia Potts and James Rhodes saved the world, and now everyone knows it. It's the most amazing feeling that Tony's ever experienced.

Everyone is telling him what a hero he is, thanking him for everything he's done, and Tony is giddy with the tidal wave of praise. Soon enough there are reporters, and he says a few things (he doesn't even remember what, but he's sure they were brilliant and inspiring) before Roberta and Howard and Fury get them corralled. As the adults take control of the media situation, Tony and Rhodey and Pepper take the opportunity to take to the skies again. Tony wants to do a flyover of the city, to make sure there aren't any wayward Makluan scout ships still terrorizing the streets.

Tony's high on the thrill of victory, and as they soar over the skyscrapers of New York, he feels, for the first time in a long time, like everything is going to be all right.

Then the clean-up begins.

The euphoria doesn't last long, once they get back on the ground and the scope of the destruction starts to become clear. The accolades keep coming, and Tony takes them with grace, but it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. There's not much glory or satisfaction in pulling mangled corpses out from under spaceship wreckage.

People want to interview him and get him medical attention and take him to see military and government officials, but Tony doesn't have time for any of that - not when there are still people who need help.

It's thirty hours before Tony feels like the disaster relief is organized enough for him to be able to take a break. He'd probably have kept going anyway, if it weren't for his dad threatening to, quote, 'get a presidential order' to make him go home and rest.

All the emotions he'd felt over the last two days, both good and bad, are gone by the time he shucks his armor. He's too exhausted to feel anything at all. He brain is already shutting down as he stumbles towards his bed, and as soon as his head hits the pillow, he's asleep.

---

And then he's awake.

Tony jerks, and his eyes snap open. The disorientation is intense, but brief, and the vivid immediacy of his life back home fades as his awareness returns fully to Keeliai.

The first thing he notices is that he's lying next to Gene - not on separate beds, like before, but in the same bed, tucked under the same blanket. What...?

He blinks to focus his vision and looks around the room for Milyn, but doesn't try to get up. With Gene still unconscious beside him, he's afraid to move. He doesn't know if disturbing him will disrupt the venom-induced trance and hurt Gene. And he doesn't want to hurt Gene.

He doesn't, right?

With Gene's betrayal so suddenly, painfully fresh in his mind again, he's not completely sure.

There is no ticker-tape parade for Gene, no cheers, no accolades - and no tribunal.

He'd disappeared, and erased all record of himself, already making plans to lie low and live off the grid entirely. And he could do that now, with the power, the power, the power, the cursed power that rested on his fingers and thrummed in his veins.

But even that wasn't enough for him to undo what he'd done. He tried, over and over he tried, he tried until his head was full of piercing pain and his eyes stung and his bones hurt, the power crackling through him like a live wire.

He'd hidden himself, hidden the house that used to be his mother's, hidden it all and sat there with the enormity of what he'd done and the knowledge that if he returned to acknowledge his fault he'd be locked up for the rest of his life. Locked up, again, after such precious little time free. He'd rather die. He'd rather die.

He is the loneliest and emptiest he's ever been, and he knows he can never go back.

Earth could be his charge, but it could no longer be his home. Not again. Never again.

He lies down hopelessly, ten rings on his fingers, his head heavy and his heart aching and his eyes red and raw from his bitter weeping. He'd lost so much, caused so much pain and strife solely by existing. He wishes he'd never been born, never had those visions, never mentioned them, kept his mouth shut and kept the world safe from the Makluans. Safe from him.

It wasn't worth it.

It wasn't worth it.

It wasn't worth it.

----

Gene awakens suddenly, his breath catching, and he lies very still. He'd been moved while he was asleep, and now he's sharing a bed and a blanket with someone. With Tony.

The thought is like a knife in his heart; his head's swimming, and he stops breathing for a moment, trying to remain as still as possible. It had been a terrible outcome - the best possible for everyone else, but still terrible for him.

How could Tony do anything but hate him now? He'd lost the one good thing he had going for him through his own madness and stupidity, and there's no turning back.

His eyes are closed, but he can feel tears welling up in them. He'll never be able to atone for his sins. He knows that. And Tony's well within his rights to hate and abjure him and cast him away.

While Tony's still getting his bearings, beside him, Gene stiffens and his breath catches. Is he awake now too? The tension in his body implies that he is, but his eyes are still closed. Maybe he's not moving for the same reason Tony isn't. Or maybe he doesn't want Tony to know he's awake. Maybe he doesn't want to face him, after what they've seen. Tony doesn't blame him. Not for that, anyway.

But what's done is done. There was no avoiding it, and now that it's over, they'll have to deal with the fallout.

Slowly, Tony pushes himself up on his elbows, and whispers, "Gene? Are you awake?"

For a moment - for half a moment - Gene is honestly tempted to mutter 'no'.

By way of responding, he says quietly, hoarsely, "Well, at least you survived. Small favors." And he tries so hard not to make it sound bitter. He might even be succeeding. His eyes are still closed, and he's remaining immobile, because he doesn't want to see Tony looking at him with the expression of distaste he fears. Maybe if he holds still and quiet enough he'll slip back into the space between Keeliai and his world and disappear into the void entirely.

That'd be nice, he thinks.

"Congratulations on cleaning up my mess." The words are without inflection - a simple statement of fact, without judgment. Tony had cleaned up the mess Gene had made.

There comes a gentle knock at the door, and Milyn gives them a full fifteen seconds following that before she pushes it open. "Welcome back," she says warmly.

Tony's silent. He doesn't know what to say to that. But after a long hesitation, he reaches out and takes Gene's hand.

The knock on the door makes him jump, and he looks up.

"Umm... Come in...?"

Edited 2015-03-04 02:04 (UTC)

The resulting silence almost kills Gene, and he mentally prepares himself for a long future of it.

When Tony takes his hand, he cringes away, turning his face to the wall, but he doesn't remove his hand from Tony's. He nearly starts to weep in earnest but for Milyn's arrival. Thanks for saving us all from this loser's bitter tears, Milyn.

Milyn came over to the bed, bearing two folded sets of clothes; kedanese clothes, true, but the sizing was right for both of them, and it would let them change out of the clothes they'd been in for a while now.

"How are you both feeling?"

Gene turns away from him, and Tony doesn't know what to make of that. He doesn't know what to say, what to do, how to react to the sudden change in the nature of their relationship. On some level, he'd always known that things would have to fall out this way, but now that they've actually gone through with it, he finds himself unprepared for the emotional backlash.

At least it's better than finding out he's dead.

"Fine," Tony answers Milyn, a little too quickly and a little too sharply. "How long were we out?"

Don't look at me, Gene wants to snap, but bites down on the words. Even if this whole exercise hadn't been intended as punishment, punishment is what it's become.

He keeps trying to be good and do the right thing. But it doesn't matter. It never will. He's doomed to failure, to ruin, the eternal scapegoat for having tried.

He wants to dig his nails into his scalp, his skin, tear himself to pieces for his hubris. But he doesn't. At least, not yet. When Milyn asks, he says, "A little nauseous, actually," his voice still hoarse. But he's not sure if that's from the serum or his guilt.

It's hard not to miss the awkwardness broadcasting off these two like radiation, but Milyn does her best to keep things light. She tells Tony how long they were out, and hands Gene a cup of green-tinted water that smells like eucalyptus. "Here, this will settle your stomach."

As Milyn hands Gene the tea, Tony swings his legs out of the bed and takes the fresh clothes.

"Thanks. Is there anything... post-procedure that you need to do?" For now, it's easier to just focus on the practicalities. He and Gene need to talk, but not with Milyn around.

Gene accepts the tea with a murmur of gratitude and takes a sip. It's nice. Nothing he'd go out of his way to consume, but for a medicinal brew it's pretty good. He doesn't really trust himself to talk yet, so he keeps sipping the tea and hoping that settles his stomach.

If his nausea is based in guilt, he has a feeling that it won't.

(Milyn might have added a dollop of whatever passes for kedan honey in the cup, just so it didn't taste as bad as it could have.)

At Tony's question, she nodded and retrieved a small sample kit, pulling out two swabs. "Just a quick donation," she laughed lightly, gesturing for them to open their mouths. "For testing the serum saturation," she added, just in case they were wondering what she wanted with them.

"And if you could stop by again a week from now, I'll take a second swap, and then you're all done! You'll be helping me out very much."

"Right. Sure." He dutifully opens his mouth for the swab. He's been in hospitals enough that he doesn't think anything of being poked and prodded and sampled.

Once that's done, he stands, clothes in arm, and looks uncertainly between Gene and Milyn. "I guess... I'll go change? Where's, uh, the bathroom?"

Mechanically, Gene places the cup aside and opens his mouth to allow Milyn to swab. He feels empty. He feels dead. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows it's probably psychological shock. He'd known things would be bad. He just hadn't quite expected that they'd be this bad.

He doesn't pick up the mug again until Tony's no longer looking at him. He doesn't want Tony to see his hands shake.

"Down the hall on the left," Milyn answered, tucking away both swabs into sanitary holders. "If you don't need me for anything else, dears, I'll be up front. Don't think I'm throwing you out though, you can stay as long as you need."

Which meant, since the boys were not looking like they wanted to be in proximity to each other at the moment, she was perfectly fine letting one of them linger as needed to ensure their going of separate ways.

"Thanks."

Tony slips out of the room to go change, and by the time he returns, Milyn has left. Now he's alone with Gene.

He closes the door behind him and stands awkwardly by the wall, hands in pockets. "How are you doing?" he asks quietly, after several long, painful seconds of silence.

While Tony is gone, Gene changes into his own new clothes, but the act of doing so doesn't make him feel any better. He stil feels like someone reached inside him with a melon baller and scooped out his soul by teaspoons.

The door shutting after Tony comes back souds awfully final, and Gene lets the silence linger just a bit after the question.

"I've had better days," he says in a low tone, a sort of grim not-really humor suffusing his words. "You?"

Tony shrugs. "I guess it was about what I was expecting."

More accurately, it's what he could have reasonably expected, if he hadn't been mostly trying not to think about it. But, either way... he hadn't been prepared for the reality of it. For experiencing it.

And it's hard to look at the boy he's been dating, sleeping with, living with, and think, he did all that. And then he came here and did it again, and he never told you. All those promises to try harder, to get better, and the whole time he was keeping that a secret. It hurts. It feels like another betrayal, and living through the fallout of the first betrayal is only throwing this new one into starker relief.

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/slams face into IHOP while tagging

omg I want ihop hdu

it was free pancake day

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