tushanshu_logs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Characters: Hayley & OPEN
Date: June 25th (or the next couple days)
Location: Hayley's sweet new digs or outside in the Metal Sector
Situation: Roommate shenanigans, Hayley coming out of hiding to be social again, whatever..
Warnings/Rating: None yet.

Hayley had done her best to avoid people for the last few weeks, trying to regain a more objective view of the situation and of her relationships. These friendships were getting harder to avoid and while part of her wanted to accept them, there remained a voice in the back of her mind warning her of the dangers of embracing these people. Moving had been a very unwelcome break in the monotony, but a joyous excuse for helping her in hiding away in a nice place and pretending she didn't exist. She kept contact, of course; it was the bare minimum required to keep anyone from thinking she had disappeared from the turtle.

Now, finally, boredom has overcome her and so instead of taking her food to her room and leaving for work at odd hours, Hayley was returning to a more standard routine. It meant she was more likely to run into people and to have to be friends again. She knew that and was slightly apprehensive about it, but the part of her that wanted those kinds of connections had inevitably won out and she found herself missing Bart and Kon and the others after enough time.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Coming back to the turtle in such a different state both mentally and physically had been draining and strange in a lot of ways. He remembered people here, spoke to Bart, hung out with him in the suite and around the city. He'd met Kal and explained why he had done what he had done. He'd spoken to knew people that he didn't remember. Kon hadn't seen or spoken to Hayley in a long time and he'd been worried. Even before he had been sent back home.

So after a few weeks of nothing, he made the decision to go and see her after he found out where she had been moved to. Kon was aware that she probably saw him on the network, saw what he now looked like. Who he looked like and heck he even used his name. Well, a name. He knew that Hayley would probably be wary of such a big change, but he didn't want to lose a friendship like hers. Even if it meant freaking her out a little by showing up and giving her little choice to talk to him.

It didn't take him long before he arrived at the suite and knocked on the door. Hoping it wasn't any of her suite mates that answered it 'hello can Hayley come out to play?'

Hayley wasn't keen on answering the door in the best of circumstances and this was hardly the best, but she saw no one else around and didn't like the idea of someone knocking incessantly or trying to call out. She wasn't expecting anyone, so it was likely someone she would need to shoo away anyway and she was okay with that. It was with this mindset that she pulled the door halfway open with a casual smile.

Then she froze.

Her eyes widened a noticeable degree and it took effort to swallow. She had to focus on breathing after the split second passed, her hand tightening around the door itself. Hayley directed her gaze up to the guy who she was no longer comfortable around.

She had seen him on the network, had heard he was back. But Kon was different now. Older, so much more like Clark. He carried himself with the kind of authority that made her inherently uncomfortable from someone she liked, especially now that he was, more than she would care to admit, noticeably attractive.

Hayley buried all of her surprise and discomfort as fast as possible, donning a smile she knew he would recognize as fake because it was all she could do. "Hey."

Kon wasn't sure if the feeling that he was experiencing was hurt or not. The situation was just so complicated that it wasn't something he could easily make sense of. But he instantly thought that maybe he should have waited for her to come to him, and then instantly forgot that thought because if he had, she may never have come.

He would have argued that he was still the same person she knew, that he was just older and much more confident in himself. That he had experienced the same things as when she knew him, and a lot more. A heck of a lot more.

It was hurt, because he found that he had to put on a smile himself after he watched her smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and looked tight in the cheeks.

"Hi."

Kon slipped his hands in his pockets and moved a foot as if he was grinding something on the ground.

"I thought. I thought maybe I should come over and say 'hi'. I hadn't seen you in a while and I was worried..." He trailed off and his smile was gone, replaced by a slight frown as he took a hand out of one of his pockets and rubbed at the back of his neck.

"I'm still the same guy and I hope that things between us are still cool." He's quiet a moment and his brow creases a little deeper. "Maybe stupidly. I mean obviously it's stupid but...I don't want to lose you as a friend."

Hayley's expression contorted into a brief grimace before she exhaled a melodramatic sigh. Her gaze slipped past him, out onto the streets before she stepped aside, giving him plenty of room to enter.

"It's not stupid," she replied carefully. Once he was inside, she would close and lock the door behind him like usual. With the new housing arrangements, however, she hesitated. The girl valued privacy among most things, which meant talking in her room, but taking the older, hotter, and likely way more powerful Kon into her room with her wasn't exactly ideal.

She scratched at her brow, then tugged at her hair before finally turning to lead him up the stairs toward her room, not saying another word until they arrived there. Then she opened the door and gestured for him to enter, lingering behind him near the exit.

He might notice that the glasses he had given her as a present sat as the sole item atop her dresser; he might also notice that Jor-El's cape was sprawled across one side of her bed like a blanket. Everything else was plain, with most other items hidden away in the closet or drawers.

Hayley watched him closely, tension apparent both in her posture and heartbeat. "How old are you?"

With the door opened in invitation, he visibly relaxed and let out a sigh as he stepped in. Careful to give her room as he passed, he could remember what she was like. Especially when they were first getting to know each other. He was also grateful that she didn't think it was stupid, even if she was only just saying it, it was something he would take.

The open area was the same as his with maybe a few differences from the other occupants. He was both surprised and not at the fact she took him up to her room, Kon knew Hayley was a private person, that she liked her privacy and that it must have been hard to move in to shared accommodation with only a room to yourself. He followed he and when he stepped in to her room he looked around, a slight smile as he saw the glasses, something he hadn't seen in so long back home. The cape hit him hard, he had forgotten everyone here, even Jor-El but back here, he remembers how close he had been to the man and their relationship. How the man he had called Gramps was gone.

Kon turned to look at her, a few feet into her room and brought a shoulder up.

"18." That was the easy answer. Even if he ignored the clone thing, that was still the easy one.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have."

"You look.." Like him. Stronger. Unfamiliar. "..older."

Hayley lifted both hands to rest on the back of her neck, tight, elbows nearly meeting in front of her. She knew that Kon, of all people, was very aware what the pose meant and the fear and anxiety it represented. If he remembered, of course. Even if he remembered her well enough to worry now, that didn't mean he would remember everything. It was impossible to know really, not without asking. It was too soon to ask.

"We're not like, dating or BFFs or whatever? So you really don't owe me anything." The reply was intentionally flippant and she donned a light smile to match, one simultaneously sincere and an act - a defense mechanism. "You left, lived a few years back home, and then came back, right? Forgot about us. Made better friends. Got stronger. And now the prodigal son returns."

She couldn't help the edge of hurt in her voice. As much as Hayley liked to pretend she was above friendship and all of those petty attachments, it still got to her. It still hurt when the guy who had been something like her best friend here suddenly disappeared and came back as someone else.

"That's not fair Hayley."

They were both hurt and Kon was so cautious around her right now. So careful not to say the wrong thing and break what ever fragile relationship there was that still existed. Kon didn't remember everything, it was impossible to remember every conversation he'd had with people here when to him it had been years. But he remembered a lot. Remembered what people were like and remembered the important conversations, the important events.

"I did owe you. To me? You were my best friend along with Bart. I...I knew I'd look like this and I should have told you because I know it isn't easy for you."

He didn't expect that what she had said would have hurt him so much but then he had done the same to her by leaving.

"Look, when I was here before, I didn't want to become this," he gestures to himself, "I saw it as being someone else because everyone called me Conner and I was on a different team. But I'm still him, I'm still Kon-El, I've lived the same stuff I've just got more baggage and experience that's all. I didn't do this so I'd experience everything, I literally did it so I could help more, so that I could deal the same hurt that they give to us. I knew I'd forget everything here because it happened before, I knew what made me me here? I knew I'd forget back home and I just hoped I'd remember coming back, like last time. I didn't go back so I could see my team mates and make 'better' friends like you put it.

I did so our team could dish out a little more here in this place."

He wasn't angry and his voice was even like he was having a normal conversation with her. He couldn't get angry at her because he still understood so much about her and about what made her tick. Maybe more than he had before.

She flinched at his initial response. It was the same thing Clark had told her once, or possibly more than once. The girl couldn't help the automatic gesture, body withdrawing for a split-second as if he had physically threatened to attack her. Of course she reclaimed her posture as quickly as possible, trying to hide the response and knowing it was too late, that he would have seen.

"Because we're not good enough how we are. Normal people aren't good enough." Where Kon - she refused to call him Conner - managed some level of calm and patience, Hayley snapped her reply. She was looking for a fight. She knew it and didn't care; a fight would be good for them, a chance to get it out and be angry and keep going without having to hold back. It was the only way she was comfortable expressing just how hurt she was. "We need more powers and superheros?"

She closed the door behind her, leaning back against it and frowning at him. It was a subtle sign that she wasn't trying to get rid of him. Not yet, at least.

Edited (addendum) 2014-06-29 22:19 (UTC)

Somehow he knew that's how she was going to take it. Right back there in his mind he knew but he had stupidly come here thinking that they could get back to how they were before. There wasn't any point in getting angry but he didn't have the patience of a saint. And he wasn't going to stand there and take her snapping at him for wanting to help. For offering his help in the hopes that the clashes they have are a little more in their favour.

"I never said that and you know it! You know I'd never say anything like that." Not when he's recently seen his best friend back home who's so much like her in a lot of ways. He wouldn't say anything like that, because that would mean saying Tim isn't good enough. She might notice that his right hand clenches a little and for a second as he tries not to raise his voice.

"I've told you why I did it and if you want to pick and choose words to put in my mouth, don't bother. If you're going to make up some kind of assumptions then I'd rather you base them on how you know me because I haven't changed that much since I was here last. I just got older and yeah, I got stronger and no, I'm not going to apologise for wanting to help people out and stop the bad guys from hurting innocent people, kedan or us. No I'm not doing it to protect you cause I meant it when I said you don't need it."

It was strange how getting the fight she was looking for was a little less fulfilling than she had hoped. Maybe it was his new found maturity or how she knew she didn't really have an argument other than the ones she wasn't sure she wanted to make, or maybe it was just that it hurt more than she had realized. Whatever the case, she frowned at him and was silent for a moment after he had finished, as if she might not reply at all.

"You said you'd never leave," she responded finally, quietly. Hayley dropped her gaze for a moment, then looked up at him again. "Then you left. You didn't say anything. You just disappeared and now you're.."

She gestured at him in a vague way, her expression becoming more and more neutral as she continued, her tone more apathetic. "You look like Clark." A beat. "I don't even care about that, but you look.."

Hayley shook her head in order to prevent her feelings from leaking through again. "We're still friends, okay? I'm not your best friend anymore, but.. we can hang out and go on missions and whatever you want. Just don't expect me to come to you for advice or to be braiding each other's hair at a sleepover."

And that there is what had Kon's body just sag. Hurting her had been the last thing on his mind and while on the shell it had only been a day...he'd still left. He'd still been gone for years and he'd still broken his word and for that he felt like the biggest douche in the world. Kon wanted to go to her, wanted to say he was sorry for breaking it, but not for the result. He'd thought of this as a big deal before he'd left, said to Bart it was almost a self sacrifice. That was hard to explain to people. Hard to word what he'd meant by that.

"I'm not him. I'm me." He'd had a notebook not long after he went back to living with Ma Kent, listing things he did and who they lined up with more, Lex or Superman. He burned it because he didn't need it to tell him who he was. He knew. And he just hoped that Hayley could look past that similarity. Eventually.

The fact that they were friends was a relief and yet at the same time it was like a stab to the heart as he knew they wouldn't be as close as they had been. Chances were those bonds wouldn't ever be mended no matter how hard he tried to. There would always be that thing between then, he'd lied to her and come back looking close to the man she was uncomfortable with.

He offered a smile and nodded, accepting the fact they were still friends.

"I'll take it. Just...it's a two way street, okay? It's not just about what I want. If you want space and for me to leave you alone, I will. Just...not for months on end."

Her offer to be friends was almost entirely to placate him and his smile at her dismissal irritated Hayley all the more. Maybe she was imagining it, but she felt like Kon should have known her better than to let it go at that, than to accept that she was actually being honest.

"I want you to be who you were before, but I guess that's not really an option," she replied before she could even think about stopping herself or reconsidering her words to choose them more carefully. She didn't regret it.

Kon's clarification that he was his own person wasn't really needed. She knew that he wasn't Clark, although his spouting the same lines the hero had didn't help, and she wasn't too concerned about that. The girl was more concerned with how much he reminded her of someone else, and of how much he had clearly changed in general.

"You're not you anymore," she sighed. "Kon was my best friend, but now?"

And to think the whole point of avoiding everyone was to gain some objectivity and distance. Hayley was already disappointed with herself and how quickly she caved into attachment again. "I mean, sure, you have some of the memories and you kind of like me, but.. how much is that worth, really? Because right now you're just a stranger who looks like a guy that made my life a living hell for years on end."

It was more than she had ever admitted to Clark about his own appearance. Kon had earned that much at least, for his honesty.

Edited 2014-06-29 23:28 (UTC)

Kon wasn't an idiot and wasn't doing this to irritate her either. He took the friends part because it was there, because to him it was something. A way to get back in. Not force himself on her, that was something he would never do. But he wasn't about to start rising to take the bait either. There had to have been something genuine about it if she had closed the door. If she'd let him in to begin with.

Kon would always marvel at Hayley's ability to actually deal a blow with her words. Because right now he was starting to feel a bit like a punching bag and it hurt more than some of the fights he'd gotten in to. To be told she wanted him as he was, that he wasn't him, that was hard to hear. He'd matured a lot, he'd accepted things and he'd moved on from a lot of the anger he had held on to. A lot of his cocky attitude had gone after Lex had taken control of him. He still had it there, but it was subdued. However, he had learned to cherish things a lot more, especially after he had died, wanting to hold on to them more. Hayley was no different. To him it was worth everything because he knew it could be taken away from you in the blink of an eye.

But then Kon was confused and the frown that followed was easy to read. Hayley had lost him with the comment about living hell and years. Hayley hadn't told him anything about what her life was like back home. A hint or something about family but not much. He had been thinking of saying something along the lines of 'hopefully one day you can let yourself get to know me again' but right now he was just, trying to understand what she meant.

"Huh?"

Very eloquent, but he couldn't think of anything else to say that didn't sound just as dumb.

Hayley couldn't blame him for not understanding her. Bart was the only one she had really told anything about her dad to, at least of the people still here, and she hadn't even told him everything. Not directly, at least. Instead, she had allowed him to reach his own conclusions and simply hoped for the best. Kon, on the other hand, knew pretty much nothing about where she had come from or what it was like.

She made a show of rolling her eyes. His confusion was a reminder of the Kon she knew and a nice differentiation from the man he mimicked, one she appreciated but would not admit to. "Forget it."

Hayley wrapped a hand around the back of her neck again. She missed the Kon she had hugged, the one whose shoulder she could bury her face into as she made him promise not to leave again. This Kon she felt awkward even being in the same space with, let alone touching.

"Let's just say we both hate where we came from. Why were you worried about me if you think I don't need protecting?" A super smooth distraction away from the subject of her father.

He wasn't exactly in the right situation to press the matter any further unless he wanted to push her away. Which he didn't want to do. Though he could take a guess at what she'd meant, though not exactly right, he knew it had to do with family and someone in that family she was reminded of when she saw him now. That's all he got from this for now but he wouldn't forget it. He'd remember and he'd possibly ask at a later date. When there wasn't the risk of never seeing her again.

Kon had to admit that he missed the comfortable feeling that had been between them instead of this cold awkwardness. So he'd let the distraction work, though it wasn't really one if he made a note to talk to her later about it.

"You can be worried about someone even if they don't need protecting. We were close, I hadn't heard from you since I..." When? "Since I gave you those." And he points back with his thumb at the glasses. "Even if I didn't go home, that's still a long time not to see someone you care about."

Care. Not cared. It isn't past tense because even if she doesn't, Kon still does.

Someone you care about.

Hayley felt sick, excited, anxious, afraid, and weary all at once. Maybe even relieved too, if she was being honest with herself. It made her angry again to see him standing there. If he looked like his old self, she would have already forgiven him and wrapped her arms around his neck, even knowing there were aspects and traits of his that she would have to relearn. But now he had authority and charisma, attractive while unintentionally threatening. His mere presence made her nervous, the same as it had when Clark was younger - and as it still did as an adult to a lesser extent.

"I was avoiding everyone," she admitted carefully, "not just you. I wanted to think about things and.. you don't make it easy, you know? The whole being friends thing. I'm probably like, world record breakingly bad at it? But I'm not the one trying to be friends all the time. I don't even care if I have friends, but then you and Bart and Mark make it impossible to just be left alone and it's not like I can treat you like some random guy when I attacked your Original and you told me about being a clone and-"

She cut off and dragged a hand down her face, her tone somewhere between humor and sincerity. "If I told you to just like, leave me alone forever and never bother me again, would you actually listen?"

He made it difficult? Kon had set out to never like this girl. Had said straight off the bat that he'd avoid her, never forgive her. Well, he'd said this to Kal. And he'd said it before he'd even spoken to her, spoken and not argued. And then somehow, they'd become friends. But in saying it wasn't just him, it did give him some relief. Although he would have preferred for her not to have holed up, he was selfishly glad that other people had been cut off as well. The Original comment still stung, but that was just her, she'd used it before and technically it was true to some extent.

"What do you think?"

Because if she thought that there was no way he'd listen to that, then she was right. He asked her with a hint of a smile, amused by the question.

"I don't think I could. You might see me differently now and I'm gonna admit that it seriously sucks, but you're still Hayley to me and nothing's changed for me. I'd give you space, but not for forever I couldn't do it forever. That'd make things too easy, huh?"

Hayley knew what it had taken for them to become friends, even if she didn't entirely understand how it had happened. She knew neither of them had wanted it to begin with and that now, both of them wanted it. At least Kon admitted it. She preferred to play it off, to act like they were as cold as she wished that could have been before he went and ruined that distance forever.

She gave a frown in response to his smile, though there was some amusement behind it. Kon didn't have it in him to give up on someone, just like Bart, and that was both an enormous source of stress and relief for her.

"How long were you gone?" She asked instead, frown and humor both fading away from her features.

That hint of a smile was gone at her question as he took in a deep breath before he went on.

"Three years roughly. But it feels like so much longer."

He wanted to tell her everything. About what he had gone through, what he had done, the things he had seen. But it felt like a lot of it would be far too much, especially if they weren't as close any more.

"Last thing I remember is feeling like shit after breaking up with Cassie."

He doubted the name meant anything to her. He'd broken up with his long term girlfriend but to him it had been mutual. To him it felt like the right thing to do.

Hayley hesitated before tucking her hands behind her, leaning back on them against the door. She continued to watch him closely, but it was another small gesture of trust. As long as he stayed over there, she could deal with being closed in a room with him. She trusted him not to use his powers here, not without asking her first or a damn good reason. Even though he looked different, she trusted that much.

Of course, some part of her knew that it didn't really matter. If Kon decided to kill her, or worse, she would be entirely unable to defend herself. No Kryptonite, no codewords. She doubted her magic could hold him for long and she wasn't wearing the plasma rifle right now. That was a different kind of trust, believing that he wouldn't do those things regardless of where he was.

"Who's Cassie?" She asked softly. Lucky for Kon, Hayley wanted to know everything. That curiosity never waned. The fact that he was different meant learning again who and how he was and it would be a lot easier to do if she knew everything about him first. "I hope you're going to tell me more about what happened than just breaking up with your girlfriend."

Kon would never dream of hurting Hayley and the thought of using his powers never came to mind either. Not unless she had said it was okay, like using his x-ray vision to check something. He would never forgive himself if he had done something to hurt Hayley, intentional or not.

There was a fond smile that was quick to disappear.

"Cassie was Wonder Girl, a team mate from Young Justice to the Titans."

It was always his favourite thing when people were so curious, he loved it. Really. Well okay, with Hayley it was okay because he found it so easy to talk to her about things. Kon took a breath and let it out in a heavy sigh as he reached up to rub his neck.

"Well that's the freshest thing. Remember I told you about the trigger code? Well, it's more horrible going through it than watching it happen."

He then goes quiet for a moment.

"I met someone called Superboy Prime who had it in for me. I...I was dead as well."

The fact that it had happened was still something that had him reeling when he thought about it. He'd died from someone who had the same powers as him. Someone who had Superman's powers.

"How did you die?"

There was a coldness in her bland delivery of the question, not considerate of his feelings or what might hurt him. Kon hurt her by leaving. Now she was trying to find a way to make it more okay and if he wasn't willing to deal with her questions, then it was only a matter of time until the friendship as a whole fell apart.

"How long were you with Cassie?" A beat, then in the same half-joking, half-serious tone as earlier, she added, "I hope you don't have some like, secret crush on me that compels you to tell me about being single."

There may have been a flash of anger at the way she had asked that question. He didn't appreciate it, he may have left her and come back changed, but it didn't mean she had to be a bitch about it. Not about something like death.

"Horribly." He was short, and the anger that had come to his expression was low in his voice. He didn't feel like right now, there was no need for her to actually know how it happened. Maybe if she approached it different, after all he hadn't been a dick to her about it even though she'd attacked Kal.

But he was fine with moving on and leaving it, focussing on other emotions right now. Leaving that discussion for another time potentially.

"We were together for two years I guess and you got me. Damn."

"Then you know how it feels." She didn't blame him for being angry, regardless of the reason. Kon had understood Hayley better than anyone else left on this stupid turtle and she had understood him better than most, at the least. She wasn't sure if that was still possible with him being so much older and wiser now, cheating time in a strange way. Dying a horrible death certainly helped. It was something she never would have wished upon him but which she selfishly appreciated in that passive reach for empathy.

"I'm sorry." Not for what she said, but for his death. "You didn't deserve that, even if you're an asshole sometimes."

It was said without humor, but Hayley forced a small smile after to suggest that it was meant as a friend. His willingness to banter with her suggested it might be possible to get along again. Even though he looked like that.

"Anything cool happen while you were gone? Met your childhood hero, developed a new power, lost your virginity? It couldn't have all been bad."

And yet somehow he didn't feel great at the fact it was something they shared. He hadn't doubted that dying would be a horrible experience. Before he left, he'd already been told he was going to die and come back. But it's different knowing it and forgetting it when it actually matters. His death hadn't been quick. It had been long and brutal, painful to the point he was so broken he couldn't hold on any more.

"No one deserves it." No one good any way. No one decent. Even his enemies, they didn't deserve it because what they did, death was far too good for them. Death was the cheats way out for them. He didn't take it as a dig, it was true sometimes after all.

"Two out of three. Never had a childhood to have a hero so..."