tushanshu_logs | there will be time to murder and create; closed

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there will be time to murder and create; closed

Characters: Gene Khan, Tony Stark; Milyn, possibly, later.
Date: February 4th
Location: Midnight Hotel; later, Milyn's clinic
Situation: Time to return home and face FULL-LIFE CONSEQUENCES. But first...
Warnings/Rating: Talk of long-since-committed murder. Definite sappy gay bullshit. Probably boys yelling. I don't know?

And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

When Tony returns to their shared room, he will find all of Gene's meager belongings carefully packed into a bag - as though he's preparing to leave, or is ready for being told to leave - and Gene himself sitting at the table, the rings on their string sitting before him, his head bowed in an attitude of contemplation.

"I need to talk to you," he says, looking up when Tony enters, his voice slightly hoarse, his face carefully blank.

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Tony nods silently at Gene's request, but inwardly, he cringes. This is going to be a doozy, isn't it?

By the time Gene makes it to the crux of the issue, Tony's head is in his hands. He doesn't say anything while Gene's talking, and even after he's finished, it's a while before Tony speaks.

All he says is, "Dammit, Gene."

Hurt and anger and disappointment are roiling in his stomach, hot and fierce. He can't believe that Gene kept this from him for so long; that he did it in the first place, after all his talk of having changed—! Malicant was right, he'll never change, a small, hateful part of him thinks. Gene's betrayed him, again, and Tony comes to the bitter realization that he's not even surprised.

And yet, at the same time, he has to concede that all of this had happened before he arrived and Gene had really started turning himself around. There's also the fact that Bakura's doing pretty well, for a dead guy.

Strangely, the extenuating circumstances almost make Tony angrier. What does murder mean if it's not permanent and everyone knows it? Is it fair to condemn Gene for a crime he committed before he'd reformed, when the admission itself is proof that he's changed for the better? Does Tony have the right to make any judgements when the victim himself has already absolved Gene?

What does any of this mean? What is he supposed to do with Gene's confession?

He's not even sure if he's angry at Gene, or at the circumstances, for muddling everything up, for putting everything in a context he doesn't know how to parse, for smearing the familiar contrast of black and white into a million different shades of gray.

He's angry, but it's a formless, directionless anger. He's not sure he should take it out on Gene. He's not sure he wants to take it out on Gene. It burns like acid inside him, and only burns all the more for having no outlet, but he clamps down on it. Tony's trying to be better, too: he's trying not to lash out in thoughtless anger anymore. So, for now, he just stays silent.

It is perhaps proof of Tony's naivete that he still thinks the world can fall neatly into categories of good and bad, black and white. Gene has spent enough time alive both on Konryu and on Earth to know that's not the case and never has been.

"I meant to tell you, in the Dreaming," he says, trying to keep his tone as measured as it had been, though the hoarseness is beginning to creep back into his voice. "I didn't. I was selfish." I was hurting, hurting too much, worried that if I mentioned it you'd revoke your absolution and leave me alone with the photograph and the sword again.

He hasn't asked for Tony's forgiveness - nor would he dare.

Restless nerves are burning down his bones, and he stands, the chair scraping against the floor sounding eerily loud in the utter silence. He picks up the bag he's packed, and leaves the rings on the table. It's like ripping a part of his soul out, to turn his back on what he'd fought for all his life, but he knows it must be done. He doesn't know what he'll do without them, but he survived Zhang with no rings, only his wits. He has to believe he can survive Keeliai that way, too.

"I will leave, if you want me to," he says again, quietly.

Gene stands and picks up his bag, getting ready to leave. Tony notices with a jolt that he's left the rings sitting on the table.

"No— Don't... don't go." He's angry, but if Gene walks out now Tony's afraid it'll be for good, and... he doesn't think that's what he wants. He just needs some time to sort his thoughts out.

But that will have to wait. There's still one more piece of unfinished business to take care of.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about, too."

At the words he didn't think he'd hear, don't go, Gene stops, and puts down the bag. Tony hasn't otherwise said a word about his confession, and he's not quite sure what to make of it.

"What is it?" he asks, genuinely curious, but there's a bit of hesitance around it, like he's uncertain where he now stands with Tony. And speaking of standing, he has not yet sat back down. He's practically on his tiptoes, waiting for Tony to change his mind, to turn on him and spit get out, and he's not quite sure what to do here.

The uncertainty is the worst part, even worse than the confession. Either absolve or abjure him, but don't leave him agonizing over how the chips will fall.

"Maybe it's not the best time..." Tony laughs humorlessly. This is actually the worst time, but he'd already made his decision earlier today, and he still wants to go through with it. He needs to go through with it.

"You heard about what Milyn can do, right? She says she can show us our futures. What happens back home. Not send us back all the way, like they did before, but just our minds, I guess. Through the Dreaming."

He takes another deep, steadying breath and looks up at Gene. "I want to do it. I want to know what happens after the ship. I just... want to get it over with."

If anything, Gene's confession has only made him more determined. This has been hanging over his head for months, probably like this secret has been for Gene, and Tony's tired of it. All of it. If that was really Gene's "last secret," then this is Tony's last... well, he doesn't know what to call it. But he doesn't want it lying unresolved between them anymore.

Wherever they go from here, Tony wants all the cards on the table.

An expression of mild shock passes across Gene's face before the wall comes down behind his eyes again. Out of everything he'd expected Tony to bring up, this hadn't been on the list.

And he's not sure how he's going to deal with it. Tony has that stubborn set to his jaw that means that he's not going to budge on this issue.

That begs the question, of course, of what in the hell he wants Gene to do or say about it. His fate back home hasn't been weighing on his mind overmuch because he'd outright refused to think about it, aside from their year trapped in the Dreaming. The prospects for his future are few and dim, and he's happier here in Keeliai.

But...

"Then I'll do it too," he says, surprising even himself. "Then one way or the other, we'll know for sure what becomes of us." And what might become of us, he thinks. "I faced my punishment here; I'll face it there, too."

He wants to prove he's changed, he wants to prove he's trying. And facing the music is the only way he can think of that might serve.

Now it's Tony's turn to be startled.

"You don't have to. You don't have to... do it for me. I don't..." He frowns. He hadn't meant for this to be a punishment for Gene, though... now that Gene's said it, he can see why he'd feel that way.

He sighs. "I've wanted to to this for a while. I was coming to talk to you about it anyway. It doesn't have anything to do with... Bakura." His frown deepens. "But I need to do it. Before I can..." Figure out what to do. Figure out what this means for us. He shakes his head. "I want to know."

"I know it doesn't have anything to do with Bakura. But...being here, staying here..." Gene frowns, trying to think of how to explain it. "I'm avoiding the inevitable. As if by keeping myself here, what happens there doesn't ever happen at all. And that's...cowardly of me." He shakes his head. "I don't want to be a coward anymore. Whatever happens...I'll face it. If that means I die, or am kept a prisoner like you saw in the Dreaming...then that's what happens."

He is perhaps a bit more adamant about this now than he would normally be, but he wants to prove to Tony that he has changed, that he's different now. That he's better. And facing the responsibility he's been ducking is one surefire way to prove it.

Tony looks away again. His expression is still troubled and uncertain.

"...Okay. If you're sure."

He doesn't think he's opposed to Gene doing this too, but it's not making it any easier for Tony to figure out how he feels about Gene's confession. Is this penance he can accept? Is this the apology he's looking for?

He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, and quietly adds, "It would... be nice not to do it alone." That much is true, at least. He's not scared, exactly - the possibilities have been festering in the back of his mind for too long for any of them to be frightening anymore - but he is jittery and a little anxious. Even if he's not sure how he feels about Gene right now, he doesn't want to be alone.

"If you want me to be there, I'll be there," Gene says simply. Tony's troubled demeanor isn't unexpected, but it is causing him a bit of anxiety of his own. It's the uncertainty, the chaos, that he's never been able to live with. And even more infuriating, he knows that pushing Tony about it one way or the other will make him come down, hard, on the verdict he doesn't want.

He is, briefly, annoyed with himself for caring so much about what Stark, of all people, thinks, but that pattern of thought is unsustainable and collapses in on itself. He's not who he was two years ago or ten months ago or even the same person he was in July. Too much had happened with him and Kalliel and Tony and Malicant in the interval.

He just has to trust that Tony knows he's not who he used to be.

"I can speak to Anton and get moved into one of the dormitories for a day or two," he says. "If you need the space." If you decide you don't want to see me again after all.

Tony doesn't say anything to Gene's first offer, but he nods, after only a slight hesitation.

To the second one, he replies, "...No. No, it's okay. I'll... Let's see what happens, first."

He's stalling, and he knows it. But his mind and his emotions are in turmoil, and he knows that if he tries to make any decisions now, he'll regret it later. Maybe things will be clearer once he's seen his future at home.

"You want to go now?" Not like Gene's particularly opposed to it, but it all seems...rather abrupt.

Then again, so must his confession have seemed, too.

"Okay," he says, making no move to pick up the rings, his stomach still twisted with anxiety. "Then let's go, and get it over with."

"Yeah. I'd like to do it now." It may seem abrupt to Gene, but Tony's been sitting on this for so long, it feels way overdue. And now that he's finally decided to do it, he doesn't want to delay. He's brooded way too much over it already.

He nods, and stands. "I'm ready if you are." As ready as he's ever going to be, anyway.

"I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be," Gene says, a bit dryly. There's nothing left for him back there, but...it would be good, to get the closure. And the blame, if the Makluans actually did kill them all.

He hopes that they won't see something that makes Tony hate him forever. He's not sure what he would do if that's how things turned out. He's bared his soul, and exposed his heart, and for a sword to spear it now would be just too much for him to bear.

He would probably do what he'd nearly done upon awakening - disappear into the hinterlands of the shell, and live or die as he would.

"Thanks," Tony says quietly. He doesn't imagine this is going to be fun for either of them - especially not for Gene. But Gene is willing to go through it with him anyway, which is... comforting? A mark in Gene's favor?

...He'll think about it on the walk there.

---

The walk to Milyn's clinic does not produce any insights or moments of clarity.

Tony is mostly silent for the duration, lost in his thoughts. Though he doesn't shy away or try to keep his distance from Gene, he doesn't reach out for him, either.

When they reach the clinic, he comes back to himself a little, and before opening he door, he turns a questioning gaze on Gene. He doesn't want to force him to do this: if Gene's changed his mind, this is a chance to back out.

The long, painfully silent walk to Milyn's clinic has done nothing to change Gene's mind. He'd have offered to teleport them, but didn't, because that is both a terrible idea, given the circumstances, and because he'd left the rings back at the hotel.

Every step had hurt him, every few feet he was seized with the urge to run back and jam them on his fingers, but...no. He'd managed to stave most of the anxiety off by saying it's something he needs to do, and that's the end of it.

He opens the door.

The bell above the door jingles with too cheerful a sound for the mood between the two visitors, but Milyn looks up from her ledger at the counter with a polite smile anyway, ready to greet. When she sees it's not kedanese clients but the two Foreigners, the smile of a proprietor evolves into one much wider. She hasn't had much call to cross paths with the Foreigners, especially since the public forum, nor they with her.

"Hello!" she greets them. "Come in, come in. How have you been? Why such the long faces, dears? Oh, but you look like you could do with some cheering up. Would you like something to drink? I have a very excellent tamal root infusion that should pick you right up."

Tony looks slightly disconcerted by Milyn's greeting. "Hi. Um. Okay, I guess."

Tony hasn't had many opportunities to interact with the kedan healer; her cheerfulness is a little overwhelming, especially right now.

"I'm... No thanks, I'm okay." He clears his throat. "...We want to see what happens to us at home."

Wow. Okay. Milyn's always been cheerful, but this is jarringly so, given their circumstances. Still - it is nice to see her.

"Though we might need that infusion later," Gene says wryly, trying to keep the atmosphere light. "Depending on how things go."

You're not funny, Gene.

As per usual, Milyn seems completely oblivious to how hypercheerful she is, or how it isn't quite meshing with the other two. But at Tony's words, she puts the pen she's holding down and comes out from behind the counter, gesturing to the corner of the shop where there's a small patio table and some chairs for them all to sit.

"You understand I cannot give you that for free," she said, her voice quieting a little.

"I know. I brought some money, I don't know if it's enough..." Tony reaches into his pocket as he walks towards the table, and pulls out a small bag of juulan. He holds it out to Milyn. "It's all my extra money. I can work the rest off, if you need help with anything at the clinic. I don't know anything about healing, but I can fix stuff, or build things for you, or clean..."

"And I can volunteer my time at the clinic, since I have some first-aid training from the hospital. And if this involves Gha'nal venom, I've been a guinea pig for almost every iteration of the serum, if my experience would help any." He's trying to avoid spending his juulan wherever possible, since neither he nor Tony are technically employed right now.

"We'll do what we have to do, to make this work."

Milyn looks distressed when Tony holds out the bag towards her and says the juulan is all he has, and she shakes her head, thinking about it for a moment without taking the money.

"I don't have anything here that needs construction," she says. "But Raine Sage, she might. I gave her the Healer's Guild, and it's in a sorry state if I do say so myself! Of course I can't help but feel just a tiny bit selfishly pleased about, they may have taught me but they were just so backward, those healers. I'm sure Raine will make it a much better place, what a nice girl that she is. Would you like to go help her, Tony? I'm certain she could put your talents to use over there."

And then to Gene, she nods. "It is Gha'nal venom," she answered. "I've been able to fully synthesize it, so the genetic version is no longer required. Honestly, those things were just awfully ill-tempered, right from the first day, and even when I tried to make them as comfortable as I did. If you wouldn't mind, there are some longer term effects I wouldn't mind having on record, I promise it won't take but a few hours, but I could really learn so much!"

It's not all his juulan, Milyn, stop looking at him like that! It's only all his disposable income. He still has enough for food!

Tony lowers his hand a little when Milyn doesn't take the bag, but doesn't put it away. He feels weird not paying anything, and he's not sure if she's refusing the cash payment outright, or just the quantity. Her request is easy enough, though. "Okay. Sure, I can help Raine out."

Gene's offer startles him and worries him just a little bit. But Gene knows what he's getting himself into, and Milyn knows what she's doing, so he doesn't say anything.

Well...the other two Foreigners who tested the Gha'nal serum's first iteration both disappeared shortly after the tests, but that's just got to be one of those wacky coincidences...

"That sounds like more than a fair trade to me," Gene says. He knows his experience is valuable, and he likes Milyn and wants to help her out.

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this icon is seeing a lot of use lately and i love it

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