tushanshu_logs | there will be time to murder and create; closed

Oh, no. Not again.

Tony approaches the table slowly, his expression wary. What could Gene possibly be wanting to talk about? Last time he'd wanted to "talk," it had been to ask Tony to kill him if Malicant ever took control of him. Somehow Tony doesn't think that this talk is going to be about planning a date for Valentine's day.

He sees Gene's packed bag and his heart skips a beat. He'd thought things had been going so well...

"Okay." He hesitates, and then reluctantly asks, "What do you want to talk about?"

"I have a confession to make," he says. "About something that happened before you came. Something you should know about.

"Before I start - before I start - I want you to know that this is an explanation of my behavior, not an excuse for it. And know that if you want me to go, when all is said and done, I will go." He won't be happy about it. But this has been gnawing at him since the Dreaming, and he needs it to come out now, before this lasts any longer.

"I don't want you to go," Tony blurts, and his heart starts to beat faster.

Gene, what did you do?

Tony hopes it's nothing. He hopes it's something insignificant that Gene's just gotten himself worked up over - he does that, sometimes, making a big deal out of things that Tony really doesn't mind. Tony just has to talk him down, and reassure him that he's not mad, or hurt. Maybe that's all this is, too. Maybe.

Gene laughs, once. It's a bitter chuckle, born of desperation and sadness. "You might."

He's aware that he does that, but this - this would be a more bitter pill for Tony to swallow. This is no minor transgression. This is a serious issue.

But he'd promised, he'd promised, he'd promised Tony, he'd said he was trying to be better. And this had happened before Tony had even come, before Gene had even gone back the first time, and he had been younger, so much younger than he was now, and so angry, and so scared.

He had been the boy Tony hated, and had good reason to hate.

Tony's brows furrow. He pulls out the other chair at the table and sits, still looking extremely uneasy. With a deep breath and a slow exhale, he braces himself for whatever Gene's about to say.

"What is it?"

Gene takes a deep breath. "Please, don't say anything until I'm done speaking. If I stop talking now I may lose my nerve." He takes another breath, and begins.

"Shortly after I first arrived, I met a woman named Bianca Reyes. She was a nurse, and ended up working at the new hospital when it was finally built. She had...taken me in, sort of. Not officially. But she made sure I was looked after. I was very protective of her for the favor." Not just for the favor - because she'd been a mother when he had none, when he had nobody, and been a better mother than his own, in truth, had ever been.

"She was...accosted by Bakura one evening, and brought it up on the network to warn the rest of us. Not too long after, the city was attacked by the cultists for the first time. None of us knew it then, of course. We didn't know what was happening. There was just chaos. Bombs were going off in the streets, in the cafes. At the hospital."

He swallows. "When I got up from being caught in one of the blasts, I wanted to be sure she was all right. So I put on the armor and went to the hospital, and I helped with the recovery efforts. But she wasn't there. I asked the crimson ring, and it gave me a message I didn't quite understand. It meant that she had disappeared, like people do here. I thought it meant she was dead. And I did exactly what you might think I did. I jumped to conclusions, and in my anger, in my grief, in my conviction that he was responsible, I took revenge on Bakura for a crime he didn't commit."

He would have thought that he wouldn't be able to keep meeting Tony's eyes, but here he is, his voice still calm and measured, his story clearly rehearsed over and over to do this right. "I killed him. In my blind rage, I killed him. I was soon found out to be the culprit by Skulduggery, who confronted me with Amelia. I did not deny what I had done. I confessed. They engineered a public apology, a chance for me to atone and for Bakura to demand what he would as payment. I offered my life; he seemed to think that was a little too transactional. It was resolved, and shortly afterwards, I went to see my future."

He takes another deep breath. He usually doesn't talk this much all in one burst, and it's oddly draining. "When I saw the consequences of what I had done back home, I realized better the wrong I had done here. I contacted Bakura, and apologized properly. Privately. We are...I wouldn't say 'even', but we seem to have come to an understanding. And Skul...he and I have a deal as well." A deal Gene had alluded to, back when they'd spoken about the possibility of needing to kill him; a deal where the detective would not hesitate to do what needed to be done if Gene ever misused the rings again.

"That's what I had to tell you. That's my last secret. I understand if you need to take some time to process what I just told you." He takes another breath, this one to steady himself. Then: "If you would prefer that I leave, temporarily or otherwise, I will do so."

Edited 2015-02-05 04:58 (UTC)

Tony nods silently at Gene's request, but inwardly, he cringes. This is going to be a doozy, isn't it?

By the time Gene makes it to the crux of the issue, Tony's head is in his hands. He doesn't say anything while Gene's talking, and even after he's finished, it's a while before Tony speaks.

All he says is, "Dammit, Gene."

Hurt and anger and disappointment are roiling in his stomach, hot and fierce. He can't believe that Gene kept this from him for so long; that he did it in the first place, after all his talk of having changed—! Malicant was right, he'll never change, a small, hateful part of him thinks. Gene's betrayed him, again, and Tony comes to the bitter realization that he's not even surprised.

And yet, at the same time, he has to concede that all of this had happened before he arrived and Gene had really started turning himself around. There's also the fact that Bakura's doing pretty well, for a dead guy.

Strangely, the extenuating circumstances almost make Tony angrier. What does murder mean if it's not permanent and everyone knows it? Is it fair to condemn Gene for a crime he committed before he'd reformed, when the admission itself is proof that he's changed for the better? Does Tony have the right to make any judgements when the victim himself has already absolved Gene?

What does any of this mean? What is he supposed to do with Gene's confession?

He's not even sure if he's angry at Gene, or at the circumstances, for muddling everything up, for putting everything in a context he doesn't know how to parse, for smearing the familiar contrast of black and white into a million different shades of gray.

He's angry, but it's a formless, directionless anger. He's not sure he should take it out on Gene. He's not sure he wants to take it out on Gene. It burns like acid inside him, and only burns all the more for having no outlet, but he clamps down on it. Tony's trying to be better, too: he's trying not to lash out in thoughtless anger anymore. So, for now, he just stays silent.

It is perhaps proof of Tony's naivete that he still thinks the world can fall neatly into categories of good and bad, black and white. Gene has spent enough time alive both on Konryu and on Earth to know that's not the case and never has been.

"I meant to tell you, in the Dreaming," he says, trying to keep his tone as measured as it had been, though the hoarseness is beginning to creep back into his voice. "I didn't. I was selfish." I was hurting, hurting too much, worried that if I mentioned it you'd revoke your absolution and leave me alone with the photograph and the sword again.

He hasn't asked for Tony's forgiveness - nor would he dare.

Restless nerves are burning down his bones, and he stands, the chair scraping against the floor sounding eerily loud in the utter silence. He picks up the bag he's packed, and leaves the rings on the table. It's like ripping a part of his soul out, to turn his back on what he'd fought for all his life, but he knows it must be done. He doesn't know what he'll do without them, but he survived Zhang with no rings, only his wits. He has to believe he can survive Keeliai that way, too.

"I will leave, if you want me to," he says again, quietly.

Gene stands and picks up his bag, getting ready to leave. Tony notices with a jolt that he's left the rings sitting on the table.

"No— Don't... don't go." He's angry, but if Gene walks out now Tony's afraid it'll be for good, and... he doesn't think that's what he wants. He just needs some time to sort his thoughts out.

But that will have to wait. There's still one more piece of unfinished business to take care of.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about, too."

At the words he didn't think he'd hear, don't go, Gene stops, and puts down the bag. Tony hasn't otherwise said a word about his confession, and he's not quite sure what to make of it.

"What is it?" he asks, genuinely curious, but there's a bit of hesitance around it, like he's uncertain where he now stands with Tony. And speaking of standing, he has not yet sat back down. He's practically on his tiptoes, waiting for Tony to change his mind, to turn on him and spit get out, and he's not quite sure what to do here.

The uncertainty is the worst part, even worse than the confession. Either absolve or abjure him, but don't leave him agonizing over how the chips will fall.

"Maybe it's not the best time..." Tony laughs humorlessly. This is actually the worst time, but he'd already made his decision earlier today, and he still wants to go through with it. He needs to go through with it.

"You heard about what Milyn can do, right? She says she can show us our futures. What happens back home. Not send us back all the way, like they did before, but just our minds, I guess. Through the Dreaming."

He takes another deep, steadying breath and looks up at Gene. "I want to do it. I want to know what happens after the ship. I just... want to get it over with."

If anything, Gene's confession has only made him more determined. This has been hanging over his head for months, probably like this secret has been for Gene, and Tony's tired of it. All of it. If that was really Gene's "last secret," then this is Tony's last... well, he doesn't know what to call it. But he doesn't want it lying unresolved between them anymore.

Wherever they go from here, Tony wants all the cards on the table.

An expression of mild shock passes across Gene's face before the wall comes down behind his eyes again. Out of everything he'd expected Tony to bring up, this hadn't been on the list.

And he's not sure how he's going to deal with it. Tony has that stubborn set to his jaw that means that he's not going to budge on this issue.

That begs the question, of course, of what in the hell he wants Gene to do or say about it. His fate back home hasn't been weighing on his mind overmuch because he'd outright refused to think about it, aside from their year trapped in the Dreaming. The prospects for his future are few and dim, and he's happier here in Keeliai.

But...

"Then I'll do it too," he says, surprising even himself. "Then one way or the other, we'll know for sure what becomes of us." And what might become of us, he thinks. "I faced my punishment here; I'll face it there, too."

He wants to prove he's changed, he wants to prove he's trying. And facing the music is the only way he can think of that might serve.

Now it's Tony's turn to be startled.

"You don't have to. You don't have to... do it for me. I don't..." He frowns. He hadn't meant for this to be a punishment for Gene, though... now that Gene's said it, he can see why he'd feel that way.

He sighs. "I've wanted to to this for a while. I was coming to talk to you about it anyway. It doesn't have anything to do with... Bakura." His frown deepens. "But I need to do it. Before I can..." Figure out what to do. Figure out what this means for us. He shakes his head. "I want to know."

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February 7, evening

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